Do women rationalize romantic feelings differently than men do?

Unhappy-Ad6494 · 2022-07-17T18:33:26+00:00

I wondered that myself until I had a dates with a girl that was really open about talking her view.

After about the 5th date she ended the dating and friendzoned me and explained why: She was physically attracted to me and I was genuinely nice BUT I lack enough self esteem to take things to the next level.
Though in my defense she had some issues herself that she told me about (not just men but in life) but in hindsight she was right. I was too nice and not dominant / self confident enough. The nice and attractive part carried the first 2-3 dates because you can excuse a visible lack of being confident because you get nervous and may be a bit shy at first...but if it stays that way she will lose interest. (one reason why I decided to improve my own confidence).

So think about your situation. Did you lead the women? Are you confident? Do you let them do the talking? etc.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-07-17T19:44:57+00:00

Because woman’s attraction is based on their emotional state. No spark means lack of sexual tension. Sexual tension is the emotional mood women experience when they are attracted to a guy.

So when they say there is no chemistry, not feeling it… etc It basically means that your vibe between you and her was mostly platonic. No different than the vibe you would have with your sister.

You are a man and are used to be logical rather than emotional, women do not like focusing so much on logic, and prefer instead to feel.

Your logical reasons are just as valid as the emotional ones. You wish women were more logical, and women wished men were more emotional.

Both things would take each sex out of their masculine and feminine essence, which neither of you will feel comfortable with. So it’s the way it is.

Women and men are not the same, and there is no need for them to be the same. They just complement each other.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-07-17T19:10:40+00:00

I’ve asked a couple women that over the years and they really don’t know. We men do things that kill their attraction and they don’t know what happened so they try and try but they don’t know where it went

GlitteringPause8 · 2022-07-17T23:59:37+00:00

Women go off of intuition, and gut feeling a lot. Sparks, chemistry, etc do play a role in that. There are times when a specific thing a guy does or says is a dealbreaker but the emotional part of it is always there too. Sometimes there’s no reason besides, “it just felt platonic” or “I don’t want to have sex with him”

AloofusMaximus · 2022-07-17T19:00:34+00:00

It's really not any different than your reasons, women just tend to talk about it differently.

No chemistry is the most generic one, and they say that because most are being polite. People (not just guys) hate being rejected, and a lot lash out. I've had women act every bit as badly as I've heard women say men act. So I started rejecting the situation instead of her directly.

In truth it could be a million different things. You could have said something she found offensive, could have talked to much,.

sussykeke · 2022-07-17T18:41:06+00:00

They just don't feel the attraction and so they don't wanna pursue it. But because they feel the need to give a reason (or rather, the guy or the outside world in general always asks for a reason) they try to rationalize it. That comes second though, first is feelings, thoughts come after as an excuse.

Which is exactly why you see girls reject one guy saying they don't date guys that are XYZ and then go and date a guy that's XYZ. Why my girlfriend broke up with her ex because he wouldn't wear a condom and then we fucked raw.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-17T23:07:49+00:00

Women rationalize not being turned on by a guy, saying such things as "he had a goatee, eww, OR his shoes and his belt didn't match, ewww, OR he talked about this little brother a bit too much, ewww". Like these are things that can't be quickly changed. But they are not the reason. The reason is the woman did not feel turned on and aroused by the man eve if he was "attractive" to her. Chemistry means just that. Being turned on by a guy. Having emotional tension with him and a connection.

SalamanderNo3872 · 2022-07-17T20:07:17+00:00

Of course they do men and women think very differently. Spend any amount of time with them and you will understand that they see the world in multicolors with most men see it black and white.

garnageman · 2022-07-17T18:34:34+00:00

the reasons the women gave all seem valid, it just seems like you can't wrap your head around WHY that is a reason to no longer date someone. their reasons might seem a bit more intuitive (e. no chemistry, no spark) but they are valid reasons. those are things you FEEL rather than think about and rationalize.

Classic_Vlasic_ · 2022-07-17T18:50:09+00:00

“Live, laugh, love” this is the trifecta that women go by. They are guided by their emotions in every moment. Yes, they do rationalize feelings differently than men. Their emotions are unpredictable to us. It’s best to observe her actions rather than her words.

Men will never comprehend the emotional flow of a woman but we can capitalize on it. Invest in companies that target the insecurities of woman (make-up, travel and clubs). Once you understand the habits of a modern human, their thoughts become predictable.

P7o7s7t7a7l · 2022-07-17T19:39:11+00:00

Read this, dude.

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vz2utw/how_to_calibrate_properly/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

You could shut down r/seduction and just have this be all that people need to know.

Neo-Rio · 2022-07-18T01:24:57+00:00

You have to use your conversational skills to lead them into feeling the things that they want to feel when they know that they are with a guy that they really want to have sex with.

That's it in a nutshell.

If you don't structure your conversation to do these things, and get wildly off-track talking about factual things and other BS that doesn't lead in that direction - she will get bored.

You basically need to use your time together to go on a mental exploration around her feelings and emotions that let her know when she's feeling attraction, lust, etc. and what does it for her. While you're asking her to remember those experiences - she will revivify them in her head, and you'll just be sitting next to her for her to release that built-up tension upon.

lluviazul · 2022-07-17T19:45:38+00:00

I’ve had girl friends that are very emotional based and will say exactly what you said we said. I think women overall is more intuitive?? so maybe those words are the only ones we can use to explain what we’re feeling.I know, not always exactly but mostly, why I don’t wanna see anyone anymore though. There are guys that I liked but I could tell I won’t like myself for liking them, so I stopped before I’m in too deep. And maybe girls just don’t wanna tell you in detail or have to explain themselves.

Twobithatter · 2022-07-17T20:24:54+00:00

I think its because as guys we’re more direct with our thoughts. Im not physically attracted to her, simple. Saying you expected a different energy is just a nice way of saying you didnt like their personality/thought their personality was different. Not feeling it/too nerdy is just nice way of saying not physically attracted to them. Its their way of giving a nice reaction without coming off as a bad person.

UrFavPlayerIsBack · 2022-07-18T03:23:09+00:00

They dont wanna hurt ur poor feelings (nah, they just dont want stalkers and weird reactions)

Thats why they always capping

But its not about “they dont like u”. Its about “they dont want u”

m_haematocephalus · 2022-07-18T04:09:58+00:00

No spark isn’t vague. It means they felt no connection, no chemistry. Work on being a genuine and good person.

incognito3107 · 2022-07-18T06:03:48+00:00

I feel that women struggle with being both polite and sincere. Their emotions frequently alternate their statements. They don't need to translate their feelings accurately, they can just wait for the next guy to do what they want by chance.

runaround_fruitcop · 2022-07-18T07:13:21+00:00

We do, but it's super uncomfortable to tell men for fear of retaliation if we are honest. We grin and pretend to be happy even when we aren't to stop escalation.

If a guy asks why I don't want to see him, through awful past experiences, it makes my fight or flight instincts mildly kick in. I'll be as vague as possible so I don't insult and anger the man. Who, for all I know, could overreact in a dangerous way

EthicalSeduction · 2022-07-18T12:00:52+00:00

The difference is between using Direct Language and Indirect Language. While you are being precise with your statement, the other examples are literally more vague. There are reasons and times to use both, and all people use both, but culture and our upbringing can influence our style.

From my experience, you can ask someone to give you a more detailed answer, but when they come to the "I don't know" point, you likely won't get much more info out of them and are usually best to drop it and move on.

Here is a link for a lot more detail on direct and indirect communication. It's worth understanding: https://www.eurocentres.com/blog/direct-and-indirect-speech-whats-the-difference

Dramatic-Ad7687 · 2022-07-18T14:50:35+00:00

You’re smart. I LTR’d someone I don’t like because it was easy, and dating felt so exhausting. I should’ve waited a couple more years and explored different cultures, gained more wisdom and figured out exactly what types of women are out there, there are many different types

MistyMaisel · 2022-07-18T15:29:45+00:00

So first, just because you're a friend, doesn't mean she'd tell you. Especially if the reason is something that could be applied to you as well, why tell you. Like, if you're a nerd, she's not going to say, "he was a fuckin nerd and I can't date that shit, yuck".

This also isn't something that is stagnant. Sometimes I know exactly why and I'm not saying it. Sometimes I know exactly why and I will say it if I feel comfortable or ready for the fight. Sometimes, I don't know why, I just know the answer is no. I always know the answer is no. About 80% of the time, I know why. 20%, I'm flying on that gut instinct and women's intuition.

I also think men and women tend to communicate differently often. Men say concrete things thinking their audiences will pick up the nuance of the less concrete abstractions . Women say less concrete abstractions thinking their audience will pick up the nuance of the more concrete.

Per example, I tend to start out broad: no chemistry, and if you let me or get me to keep talking, it isn't long before you're going to watch me zero in on exactly what I disliked.

elizabethmar · 2022-07-18T23:50:47+00:00

the vague statements are for ego protection, softens the blow bc men can get defensive, aggressive, and volatile. don’t worry, all our friends will know exactly why it didn’t work out.

Title	Do women rationalize romantic feelings differently than men do?
Author	Everlast23
Upvotes	22
Comments	49
Date	July 17, 2022 6:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w1dsxb/do_women_rationalize_romantic_feelings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-women-rationalize-romantic-feelings-differently.1254244 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254244

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