"Don't hate me" opener

Admittedly_Ignorant · 2019-10-28T21:23:05+00:00

This is an underrated post. It’s easy to come on too strong or appear that way. Saying don’t hate me first kinda shows a meta understanding of social skills. Yeah I know guys don’t usually just walk up to girls and call them pretty, but Im still doing it because you really are...instead of coming off like you say that to every pretty girl you can

Alchemist_XP · 2019-10-28T19:14:07+00:00

I did something similar to this to an Asian girl once. But I instead opened with, “excuse me, but I had to come over here and ask you what your name was? tells me her name “you’re a very attractive girl insert name

She seemed flattered but i left it at that since I wasn’t from the area. I’m sure that aspect gave me a confident boost since I don’t really day game.

eddyboixx · 2019-10-29T00:36:24+00:00

Why that works - you’re acknowledging that what you’re doing (pick up/compliments) is out of the norm. However, “don’t hate me” has a negative conotation to it, and you’re already placing yourself coming from a needy place, as the undertone is that of a “approval-seeking” mentality, instead of being confident and high value.

There are alternative ways of opening in that manner while acknowledging you’re behaving out of the norm. For example: “excuse me, this is kind of random and I don’t usually do this.. but..” or anything along those lines.

MidwestDaygame · 2019-10-28T23:08:18+00:00

I like the fact that you're experimenting, but unless you do say 100 approaches with the old way and 100 approaches with the "don't hate me" opener and you can show one is consistently better than the other, this one approach doesn't mean anything. Maybe the girl was into you and anything would have led to the insta date. Keep approaching and go get them!

gbnz87 · 2019-10-29T00:56:20+00:00

I should point out that this probably only works on certain personality types. I assume more bold, extroverted women will be turned off by the non-alphaness of the opener.

Each person is different and you cant be perfect for everybody, you can only control so much. I dont feel its beta at all, I usually say "this is may be really forward" or "I know this is out of the ordinary" or something along those lines before giving them a compliment.

tilleuno · 2019-10-29T01:33:26+00:00

People trying to relay info from books like Models or trying to associate this with anything beta/negative are missing one glowing point here:

Whatever tools get the job done.

In my experience shy asian women aren't used to bold direct approaches in broad daylight. If you can go in with a modification to soften the blow/arouse some comfort and interest to make for an overall better interaction then by all means.. modify. They come from a culture where our western world definition of an alpha man varies from theirs, and in many cases being LESS alpha with these women can even lead to greater possibilities of sex.

perfekt_disguize · 2019-10-29T01:18:40+00:00

The fucking state of this board.

PM_Me_OK · 2019-10-29T00:23:42+00:00

Saying you think shes beautiful right away comes across as putting her on a pedestol..which no woman is.

PopeyeNugget · 2019-10-29T03:04:25+00:00

hey man, you might get messages from people saying how this showcases lower value and shit. In my opinion, you have solved the fucken riddle for yourself. keep doing this and your game will improve.

2019-10-29T01:14:49+00:00

will try this next time

thabakersman · 2019-10-29T02:06:34+00:00

Recent effective intro for me has been...Hey, you like chubby dudes?" It tends to get a good laugh at the least, and I find myself much more body confident after, even if nothing comes of it.

gameandrsd · 2019-10-29T02:55:15+00:00

"I hate to interrupt" is also key

Radicalmattitude1 · 2019-10-29T04:37:50+00:00

This is a great post! The problem with saying the same thing to every girl is that you start to sound robotic on your approach. I’ve had success with using the “ I think you’re beautiful and had to come meet you” line, except I try to change it up in the moment. I just let the words come to me which I think makes it sound more authentic and I get better responses.

olpdragon · 2019-10-29T04:57:48+00:00

Also how one delivers a type of line along with body language is a factor to keep in mind. Your initial line may work for other types of people if you came off a bit more shy but still confident. Eitherway, the slightly altered opener, especially hooking her by getting her involved with the opener is great and interesting to think about on a social psychological level, for lack of better words.

FairAnalyst · 2019-10-29T08:46:33+00:00

Interesting target...shy asian girls.

The ones that blow me out the hardest are fobs on the street - just rolling up and saying 'hi' would lead to being ignored. So I wouldn't have a chance to even say anything else afterwards.

I can only think of the asian girls that are on college campuses that look like super good girls. I used to get blown out because I used strong direct words such as 'beautiful' 'cute' and 'adorable'. But since I switched to 'looking good' it lands better and they don't freak out but having similar effect as direct. It also works on regular women.

sukul123 · 2019-10-29T08:59:58+00:00

what about, "hey youre pretty "

she: looks away

you: i know you hate me (giving her a chance to say a flirty "No")

Siyuen_Tea · 2019-10-29T18:08:54+00:00

Thats called a statement of empathy.

Another one that's popular is " I know this is kinda weird but".

With indirect, people also use a time constraint. Because when people don't know you they may wonder how long your going to hold them up for. You can use it in direct too but I would say only in those times where you're walking with them instead of stopping them. Or if you want to lead it into a stop. Direct is more about fast sorting so despite it's usefulness , I wouldn't recommend a time constraint. I'm sure there's circumstances I haven't thought of but you can always experiment in field.

RaptorMan333 · 2019-10-29T03:21:43+00:00

You took a pretty bad opener and made it worse. You're complimenting her appearance and you're also apologizing for it in the same opening. And just because you saw a result from it once (did you even kiss or fuck her?), you're using that to justify it.

And "don't hate me" could be used in so many better ways once she responds.

ntipz011 · 2019-10-29T02:05:29+00:00

That's called statement of empathy, or basically acknowledging that this might be a frightening situation by lowering the social pressure on the girl.

Must do during day game, most coaches advise it anyways.

sunsetsafety · 2019-10-29T12:34:21+00:00

As a girl if a guy walked up to me and the first thing he said is 'don't hate me' I'd already be tensed up. I don't see this as a positive thing. You're implying that you're about to give me a reason to hate you?!

And even if you continue with a compliment it makes you seem insecure because before you started the compliment you already said that I might not like you making a move on me.

Also the 'came to say hi' isn't the best opener because I'd just say thank you and then not now what to say so you need a follow-up right away without getting any input first.

I think it's better to start the conversation with a question about something around you and then later when there's already a conversation you can say 'I actually already knew the answer but I thought you're really beautiful and I needed an excuse to talk to you.'

This makes it flattering in a comfortable way.

This is only how I see it, I'm also not asian so might be a cultural difference.

scorpio-mood · 2019-10-29T14:35:35+00:00

I’m a girl and personally I would prefer your original tactic. You shouldn’t have to apologise for having the confidence to go up to a woman and tell her that she’s beautiful. By opening with an apology it suggests that you‘re insecure. If a woman can’t accept a compliment with class, that’s her fault, not yours.

Colencence · 2019-10-29T00:36:10+00:00

I will definitely try this thanks,

chewbubbIegumkickass · 2019-10-29T03:08:08+00:00

I'm not a bold, extroverted woman at all, and I would cringe into oblivion at an opener like this. I don't need a "strong alpha male" but I also REALLY don't need whimpering pansy who assumes women hate him just for saying hello. I'm glad it worked for you that one time, but I don't recommend this, at ALL.

dewabarrelrole · 2019-10-29T04:16:06+00:00

I actually think this is incredibly cringey and kind of douchey.

Title	"Don't hate me" opener
Author	ChrisDarmount
Upvotes	336
Comments	63
Date	October 28, 2019 7:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dodj14/dont_hate_me_opener/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-hate-me-opener.1482384 https://theredarchive.com/post/1482384

Comments