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[–]RedErin 39 points40 points41 points 15 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
If you not laughing, you're not having fun.
[–][deleted] 33 points34 points35 points 15 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
True, but I think what the OP is talking about a specific kind of laughter. People will often laugh in new situations where they feel out of their comfort zones, as a means of diffusing tension. Holding back your laughter is a great way show that you don't give a shit about the perceived tension and, when coupled with good eye contact and a cocky smile, is a really powerful way of appearing more dominant.
[–]plopliar 8 points9 points10 points 15 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
If you are truly laughing, you are having fun. If you are faking laughter, you are faking fun.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 15 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Sure, ok I get what you're saying. But I think the matter is more nuanced than that. Have you ever been in a social setting with new people and made a joke and then someone makes a witty reply and you laugh a little to quickly and loudly, ending up feeling like a bit of a dork in the process?
You may be more of a natural than I am, but for me, the challenge is to instill a bit of value into my laughter by only using it in times of generally having fun and not to break tension or gain group acceptance.
It's actually a lot of fun to experiment with this by trying not to be the first to laugh, just building on a funny interaction until someone else cracks.
[–][deleted] 15 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]chalengr 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
shit test passed. ;)
[–][deleted] 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]frogma 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I think some people are misunderstanding the point of your post. You're not talking about nervous laughter or anything like that, right? You're talking about guys who laugh too much at their own jokes (or even other people's jokes) in general. And you're exactly right.
I think it comes down to the fact that guys who are legitimately humorous have done it so many times, they're not automatically gonna find something funny unless it's truly funny (in which case it's ok to laugh a bit at your own joke, if you simply can't hold it in). 9 times out of 10, the guy who laughs at his own jokes is the guy who probably shouldn't be making jokes in the first place. It's also approval-seeking in many situations- he laughs because he expects others to laugh with him. If you've ever been around a guy like that, what'll often happen is he might even say something legitimately funny, but people won't laugh with him purely because he's already laughing at his own joke.
It's definitely situational though- I could throw in a quick laugh while I'm teasing someone and make it much more effective than I would've with just a smile or a straight face (depending on the tease).
Edit: Or let's say a girl says something that isn't meant to be funny. Then you can definitely laugh at her, depending on the situation. But then if she says something she hopes will be funny, it's usually better to be a bit cocky about it instead of just laughing- and definitely never fake it if you don't actually think it's funny.
[–]plopliar 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah I definately know what that is like.
Actually one of my main problems is when I react too quickly to situations. I actively try to stop my self from answering questions too quickly or laughing at my own jokes. If you watch comedians deliver jokes, they rarely, if ever, laugh at their own. It sort of gives a sense of dominance (couldn't think of a better word) when they do that.
Similarly, I also make sure that, if I am unsure of something to say right away during a conversation, I don't say things like ummm or uhhhhh. That makes you seem unsure. I make sure to just pause for a second or two, think what I want to say, then deliver it.
Its very subtle, but it really gives the impression that you are under your own control and that you are a stable and grounded person. Girls seem to like that.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen brotha.
[–]sockthepuppetry 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the challenge is to instill a bit of value into my laughter by only using it in times of generally having fun and not to break tension or gain group acceptance.
Don't use laughter for anything. If you're honest about it, it will come out when it's needed.
[–]Vurv12 points 15 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I think the whole not laughing/not smiling thing really depends on your personality and persona you want to portray. Remember, not all girls are the same and they like different things.
Yes, not smiling or laughing tends to portray a more traditional Man archetype (think James Bond). This is what a lot of women like. But you should honestly just do what feels right to you. If you're laughing and giggling at everything though, you should probably try to reign it in a bit.
[–]AcidRain734 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Very true. Me not laughing in any situation is extremely out of character. Attempting to put myself out of character for something like that would probably just lead to awkwardness. Definitely does depend on your original personality.
[–]side21 point 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
James bond smiles though. Yet I don't think laughs. Hm... In any case guess what... I enjoy doing both or whatever I want. I feel that is what should be going on is be happy with doing what you wanna do with the confidence that you know you got your shit in control just like you want it.
[–]subheight640 13 points14 points15 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I read from a book about body language is that laughter can be a form of submission and nervousness.
For example, in the movies, when some white collar straight is about to get killed by the mobsters, he's always nervously laughing.
We laugh when we are confused. We laugh when we don't know what to do. We laugh when we are not in control
Obviously this is not the only reason people laugh, but it's one you should be aware of.
[–]jakedebest 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yep, nervous laughter is a typical trait in classrooms. my psychology teacher taught me that, and when somebody is being interrogated and is in trouble, if they laugh the teacher should not say "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?" because usually it's nervous laughter.
[–]Seductking 8 points9 points10 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Don't laugh in order to make her laugh.
Don't laugh unconsciously, or consciously, to break tension. If you tell a joke and it falls flat, don't start to laugh in an attempt to get her to laugh. Although laughter is "contagious", it will just make you look weak and insecure.
[–]ilurkokcupid 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Then what do you do if you tell a joke and it falls flat?
[–]Dorman010 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'd say you just move on and keep your composure.
[–]Seductking 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just move on. Laughing at your own jokes is approval-seeking behavior,
I mean, it's alright if you're telling a story and you can't get it out because the thought of it is just so funny that you laugh out loud. But saying "funny" and then looking to your friends or the girl for approval is saying, "that was funny... right guys?"
Just move on, continue the conversation.
[–]ehbeeseedee1 point 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
On the other hand, if you laugh at your own jokes, it shows that you're happy with yourself and you're not looking for other's approval for your jokes. Not only that but if people see you laughing at your jokes, they're more likely to laugh. It's very situational though.
[–]cbraga 7 points8 points9 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
David Deangelo says exactly that. And that making other people laugh while not laughing yourself is an extremely dominant behaviour.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
always smile though :)
[–]RcskaSedd 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think their are appropriate times to laugh. I didn't explain this on my previous comment about how laughing makes you more attractive. I tried doing poker faces to women (usually because i forget to smile.) they don't really give me IOIs. maybe not laughing when HB is trying to be funny you should go poker face on her. (I'm going to test this) Usually i laugh at my own jokes, I've notice women stair me down like they want a piece of me. If you check my comments from a previous thread, i talked about how laughing helps you. so you should check that out.
Another thing if you make a girl laugh (don't entertain her, entertain yourself) a lot on the first date, she is most likely to go on a second date with you.
edit, I totally agree with Vurv. It also depends on your personality and the HB.
[–]DesignMyself 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know I laugh a lil' too much. I think having a big free laugh at truly funny things is great. Laughing at her is good too. Small nervous laughs in reaction to almost everything doesn't seem to help.
[–]vylasaven 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think the key here is that if one person is making other people laugh, that person has power, is at the center of attention, and is essentially playing the people around him like an instrument. And that kind of social status is pretty damned powerful, particularly when that person appears to be in complete control of the situation without even trying.
[–]HyeR 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea I think OP is right on one level. I was with this girl the other day and I said something sarcastic or made some joke and immediately after I laughed to make sure she knew it was a joke, she scrunched her face up and seemed to not like it.
Laughter at someone else's joke when it's not that funny = LIKE ME LIKE ME LIKE ME.
I used to be the biggest submissive laugher. Now, I let be.
[–]FLPUA 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can't help it. I'm just too fucking funny.
[–]Dojavido -1 points0 points1 point 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks, I like this and have thought about it before; I think it makes women think you're immature if you laugh too much.
Makes her think you're trying too hard to get her to like you if you're laughing to get her to like you.
[–]seydar -1 points0 points1 point 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A guy who is funny is making the jokes. If he laughs then he is laughing at his own joke.
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[–]RedErin 39 points40 points41 points (12 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Vurv12 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
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