ELI5: Kissing

ThePeculiarPenguin · 2015-03-09T16:09:32+00:00

Brother, Here's what you need to do, seeing as how you've never kissed a girl.

Chew some minty gum. You'll want this in your mouth when you go for your first kiss.
Get this girl alone, away from other people. You don't want eyes on you.
Get a good conversation going. Talk about something you know you're both intensely interested in. It will distract her, and hopefully will help you calm down.
Assume that she LIKES YOU. This should lower any fear of rejection you have. Remind yourself that this girl clearly likes you. And if she doesn't it's no big deal.
Get her talking on something intensely, and suddenly without warning go in for a kiss. There is a technique to doing this, and doing it well.

It's all about calm and gentle movement. And don't close your eyes until you're so close to her lips that you can basically feel them. Go in quickly, but slow down as you get close. When you're a few inches away, go VERY slowly.

Use your thumb and index finger to hold her chin, very gently (thumb on top, index finger below. Basically, make a fist and put her chin between your thumb and index finger). Gently though. And calmly.

Then, very subtly pull her chin the last inch between your lips and hers. Slow and gentle. Also, you should be the one to tilt your head (somebody has to). You want to tilt in the direction of the hand you're using to hold her chin.

Don't pucker up. Don't do any kind of weird sucking stuff. Don't open your mouth. Don't open your teeth. You are literally just going to touch lips. After a couple of seconds, very slowly and gently pull her chin a little bit closer, and very slightly open and close your lips. Do this a couple of times and you're golden.

After 10 seconds or so, you'll want to let go of her chin and lean back a foot or two. This gives her some time to react and catch up to what just happened. She will surely react outwardly. A lot of the time she'll say something like "Wow" and behave like she's embarrassed.

She may react negatively and push you back or say something like "What was that?" or "What are you doing"? Pay less attention to the words and more attention to the body language. If she doesn't want you to do anything like that, she'll stop you quickly and firmly.

Be playful. This is not the time for seriousness. This is time for FUN. Enjoy it. Make it enjoyable. It's not stressful either, despite what you will be feeling.

After her initial reaction, you gotta go back for more. If she asks you a question like "What was that?", you can answer it as you lean in for round two. Don't wait too long, otherwise the moment will kind of fizzle. Same thing as before. Start it the exact same way, but now instead of separating after some time, you're going to push onward into some different stuff. This time, try pulling her a little bit more toward you while you lean back a little. Eventually, assuming she has kissed a guy before, she's going to expect tongues to get involved. This is generally where inexperience rears it's head the most in first time kissers.

Here are my pointers for doing this:

Just like the lip kiss, you're not doing anything funny with your face, and you're not doing any kind of weird sucking or anything. Your face is relaxed.
Teeth. If your teeth touch hers, you're pushing too hard. Be gentle. Be intimate, not aggressive. Not only is that an unpleasant feeling when teeth tap each other, but it's a sign that you're pushing too hard and thus coming off as aggressive (and inexperienced).
Wetness. Yes, two mouths are coming together and swapping saliva. It can get leaky. Limit this. I know this sounds gross, but swallow your spit man. It sounds strange, yes. But it's kind of gross to have someone else's saliva running down your chin like drool.
Tongue. When tongues get introduced, the general technique is that you're going in and playing a little game of footsie with hers. Don't move too fast with it. Don't go in and out like a panting dog. This is a weird thing to try and explain, but you're basically just touching tongues and doing a little dance. Nothing complex, no weird tricks, no tying knots on cherry stems. A lot of this is about feeling the other person out (quite literally) and taking turns following each other's lead.
Bodies. The more intense this gets, the more you want to get bodies involved. Pull more on her chin. Make her lean her body toward you. Slide your hand from her chin to her jawbone under her ear. Slide your other hand up her side, above her shirt to start. Don't be a schoolboy and grab at her breast. Same thing with her lady parts. You have to earn access to these places. All of your movement needs to be gentle and intimate as a general rule.
Some things I like to do that seems to work: In between "sessions" you'll pull away a couple inches and just kind.. catch your breath/look at each other. It's generally a few seconds, but it feels natural. When you go back in, instead of immediately kissing her, get in real close. She'll be expecting you to make contact, but don't. Pull back slightly. Make her come to you. Then pull back again. And again. She'll hopefully laugh or lean real hard into it so you can't tease her anymore. Don't over use this though.

Bite her lower lip. Not too hard, but enough that it's slightly painful. Pull a little bit. Some girls will start melting when you do this. I've never done this and gotten a negative response.

When touching her body, slide your hand over her sides and back. Slide your hand just a bit up her shirt and rub the skin briefly, then pull your hand back out. Again, you're working toward more intimate stuff. You're earning it. Just because she's kissing you doesn't mean she's opened up all the bases of the game.

Your hands and body are just as important as your mouth in this game. As with everything else, slow and gentle is the key. As you slowly get closer to more intimate parts of her body, tease her. Use your thumb to push in on her inner hip a little bit. Slide your thumb just under her pants line as you brush by it.

Get her on top of you. This is getting advanced, but I'm on a roll so let's just keep going. Take your free hand and pull her on top of you, so she's straddling you. Mind your gentleman down south. You might want to "lock him up" somehow for now. She's probably not ready for it to be poking her in the butt yet.

Move from the lips. A soft kiss on the jawbone below the corner of the mouth. Then slightly on her neck, no sucking, just a kiss. Then a little lower on the neck. Pull her shirt down slightly and kiss right where her shirt was. Then back to her mouth. Again, you're doing this progressively.

Teasing is some powerful shit. Soft kisses in certain spots, or slight pressure (especially on the border of her thigh and groin) will often cause some deep breathing and a moan. IF ever you get this reaction, you're doing it right. Now you know a vulnerable spot, and you can occasionally return to give her more of that. But don't overuse it.

Find the things she enjoys. You can gauge her reaction to certain things you try, and use the things she seems to like. IF she likes it when you bite her lip, do it. Do it a little harder, a little longer. Then the next time pretend you're going to do it, and wait a couple seconds. Let her anticipate it.

TL;DR: Kissing is a simple operation, don't overdo it. Keep your technique relaxed, calm and gentle. Mind the spit when tongues get involved. Involve your hands and body, but don't make a B-Line for her lady parts. Teasing is a tool, use it. Make her WANT you to touch her, don't just work for approval. Most importantly, go with the flow. Things will happen naturally, how else do people learn? :D There is no such thing as the perfect time, it will not happen if neither of you take the initiative. Good luck brother!

source: http://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1bymdq/never_datedbeen_in_a_relationship_i_m21_want_to/c9bu81j

worldclassmathlete · 2015-03-09T13:51:24+00:00

To quote Dr. Who, "Try to be near nervous and sweaty, and a bit rubbish at it... You'll be that anyway, so just make it part of the plan."

Tbrahn · 2015-03-09T14:02:55+00:00

When I saw this I was hoping it would be an ELI5 about why people kiss.

Venenarium · 2015-03-09T14:44:43+00:00

Great question OP, I used to have similar stresses. The cure is simple: You'll eventually have to man up and just go for it. It's like trying to kino for the first time - once you do it, you realize that this thing is actually pretty simple, there was actually nothing real to worry about in the first place and that girls don't bite. Your insecurities will dissappear instantly in that moment, but you'll have to get over that first step.

Some technique just to make this post complete (but which is not really that important): don't try to swallow her whole face at once, keep your mouth open just a bit, don't stretch your jaw. Also don't use too much tongue at first, just a little bit to tease her.

prose-for-the-hoes · 2015-03-09T16:16:32+00:00

The fastest way to gross out a girl is to ram your tongue down the back of her throat and play tongue-wrestling. Go slow and add a bit of tongue if things get passionate. Just play around. In my experience, a lot of girls can't kiss for shit either so don't worry about it.

As far as going in for the kill... think of it as a triangle, get close to her and look from one eye to the next, and then her lips. Keep doing that and it usually just happens.

Maybe gently touch her face or waist... keep your hands off her ass unless you know she's cool with it. Don't just leave your hands dangling at your sides like you're having a stroke or something.

2015-03-09T11:53:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

LeGrandeCoque · 2015-03-09T15:39:42+00:00

From the top posts... https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1f9f8e/hitting_it_off_with_a_girl_feeling_you_could_kiss/

stonedshrimp · 2015-03-09T14:18:03+00:00

Shit, I don't know the answer to that and I've been through a lot of weird and good kissing. I guess there is no ELI5, to each their own.

goodboy · 2015-03-10T01:21:55+00:00

If you're thinking while kissing, then you're doing it wrong.

gemini88mill · 2015-03-09T18:56:34+00:00

From my experience this is some tell tale signs that she wants the kiss:

She looks at your mouth

If you have a soda/beer in your hand and she drinks YOUR soda/beer.

She bites her lower lip

She is cold and she gets closer to you even though its 90 (I live in Florida)

These are all signs that she is ready. How to get her to do those things is up to you :)

Last thing that my mom told me once. Women will only do stuff with you unless they are comfortable. Meaning if they feel safe. Strangely put, she will only kiss you if she is interested in you if you show that you can protect her. Be it financially, physically, emotionally, whatever.

My preferred method is to make a funny joke both of us laughing and then stop talking. Then you 90-10 that bitch. Straight out of a romcom she will remember that

1dayHappy_1daySad · 2015-03-09T14:03:11+00:00

I will give you the first answer of the kind you are looking for. Don't stress over it, you can let the girl "lead you" for a bit while kissing, you will get the rythm quickly, nothing difficult about it.

raimondi1337 · 2015-03-09T14:08:27+00:00

Start with lips only, sneak a little bit of tongue in, go back to just lips, more tongue later.

Keep things playful and interesting.

lofiharvest · 2015-03-09T14:49:00+00:00

After you land your first kiss and the two of you are making out, be the first to pull away. This sub-communicates that you aren't needy. Desperate guys tend to get really clingy once they start kissing. Almost like a baby wanting their bottle back.

Protteus · 2015-03-09T15:05:53+00:00

Have no fear and just do it is the best way. Trust me I understand that saying it is a whole lot easier than doing it, especially your first time.

Just know this, there is no wrong way to kiss unless your trying to or being too shy. If you're not too comfortable and the other person is, just follow their lead, sort of mimic their actions.

Kissing is a natural instinctive thing that makes you both feel good. Everyone is different and will like different things, at different times. There is no "one weird trick" to being a good kisser.

raimondi1337 · 2015-03-09T16:38:17+00:00

Don't forget about your hands when you're kissing her. If you can't tell if she's into it or not, but she hasn't pulled away yet, pull her against yourself and inhale (through your noise you dingus) loud enough for her to think you're having a moment of wild passion.

Often times it will get them going.

Constructed · 2015-03-09T16:44:36+00:00

Kiss mostly with your emotion for her in mind, with a touch of the sexual attraction. Too much sex and you end up being too messy. Sometimes going more sexual is good but I prefer to do that with my hands.

nowthengoodbad · 2015-03-09T17:38:01+00:00

Never failed me:

Once your lips have touched hers, flow HER lead at first.

There are a hand full of what I call "standard ways to kiss" And you don't want to freak a chick out. Once you've mirrored her style and you two have gotten comfortable kissing you can either take the lead or stick with what you're doing (both work fine)

NADER_THE_GATOR · 2015-03-09T23:18:16+00:00

There's all these multistep complicated ass guides, I'll give you a simple but effective one. I'm sure you've kissed something in your life, maybe your mom or your dog, basically just do that, kiss, but aim for the upper lip, basically imagine the upper lip is someone's cheek or somethig, for making out, just let your instincts take over

Horehey34 · 2015-03-11T21:29:44+00:00

Mate, its not as big a deal as you think. I have been told I was a good kisser by someone who knew this girl I slept with.

But I don't even know what the fuck I am doing half the time.

davevd · 2015-03-09T13:38:25+00:00

How old are you and the girls you're trying to hook up with? Assuming young... I'd say Keep it simple, if I were to give you one word to learn and understand to help get to first base it would be 'Kino' followed closely by confidence. Actually they go hand in hand. And if you're not confident, fake it til you make it.

livingtribunal99 · 2015-03-10T00:56:13+00:00

Honestly, peculiar penguin made a thorough, detailed reply. But honestly, it's not really necessary and I think so much information just gives you too much to think about. You won't even remember any of it when it happens anyways. And if you try to employ some advanced kissing strats ur gonna just come off weird.

Best thing to do is realize u just gotta go for it and have faith in yourself. Just go for it man, it's in your blood. Confidence is key to everything, including kissing. If you are confused, trying to THINK of crazy kissing techniques, she will notice some weird thinking going on.

Some things here are just over analyzing.

seductive_seagull · 2015-03-09T17:25:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	ELI5: Kissing
Author	seductive_seagull
Upvotes	438
Comments	88
Date	March 9, 2015 10:57 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2yfi39/eli5_kissing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/eli5-kissing.1385065 https://theredarchive.com/post/1385065

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