FBI-Tested Tactics For Quickly Building Rapport With Anyone

perezidentt · 2013-11-06T02:50:42+00:00

5) Suspend Your Ego Avoid correcting people or anything that could be interpreted as one-upmanship.

Do yourself and everyone around you a favor and avoid one-upmanship at all times in your life.

omega_mail · 2013-11-06T01:35:27+00:00

I was at the mall approaching girls for an hour yesterday, and I wondered why I had such a low rate of successful conversations. After reading this, I'm pretty sure that the killer was the lack of a time constraint.

I think after opening with an innocent question (prompting her to help me a little) I'll pause and say "I need to be on my way in a bit here, but I want to talk to you for a second first." or some such thing. I'm gonna say this so god damn slowly.

And a final thought: this is all about building rapport/comfort. Do any of these tips relate to building attraction?

chainlinks · 2013-11-06T02:14:14+00:00

"Speak Slowly"

...damnit.

sedditdee · 2013-11-06T05:17:05+00:00

"FBI Tested". Really? More like "Dale Carnegie meets Samuel Smiles".

1) Establish artificial time constraints

Neil Strauss lists this as one of the basics in any opener:

Root your opener -- meaning, give a reason for asking your question or speaking to the other person;
Give a false time constraint -- meaning, tell them that you have to get back to your friends, you've got to go do [x], etc.

2) Make Sure Your Body Language is In Sync

They already cited Dale Carnegie. Smiling at people has nothing to do with the FBI.

3) Speak Slowly

This is actually not true. It's more useful to mirror the other person, i.e. if they speak quickly, match their speech pattern. If you're a slow-talker speaking with a fast-talker, they might get bored and tune you out. If you're a fast-talker speaking to a slow listener, they might become overwhelmed and stop listening. Match the person you're speaking with -- or intentionally mismatch to see if they follow your lead.

4) Ask For Help

This only works if you have some value in the situation. If you seem to be asking for an unearned favor from someone who has no reason to care (i.e. an attractive woman being approached by a random guy), the opposite effect is more likely.

5) Suspend Your Ego

"Listening without judgment" is only useful after you've established rapport. Being "egoless" before the other person has a sense of your place in the scene (i.e. the social hierarchy) is a great way to end up being her next male girlfriend.

Instead, tell your story (DHV) and make it worth hearing.

6) Validate Others

Also known as "simply listening". Also a great way to become her next BFF/co-psychoanalyst/Nice Guy Friend/etc.

Learn to listen, when to interject, when to cut a conversation thread, and when to start one of your own. This is complex because conversations are complex. Listening is only a very small part of the overall puzzle. Sometimes people are trapped in their own rumination and have grown accustomed to spreading their "story" to everyone who will listen; in those cases (approximately 99% of women, especially chatty, attractive-looking ones who expect to run the conversation), it's better to deal with managing their emotions rather than "hearing their story".

7) Ask: How? When? Why?

"Ask open-ended questions."

This one is useful and self-explanatory.

There's a better link embedded in all the fluff, though (click here).

8) Quid Pro Quo

or, "selective self-disclosure".

Also known as, if the conversation starts to die, stop "listening" and say something about yourself that the other person can latch onto and respond in kind. Prety obvious for anyone who's ever had a conversation before; not exactly "FBI"-grade...

9) Give A Gift

See answer to point number four. Giving an unearned gift (attention, compliments, food, entertainment, etc.) is a great way to invite someone to take advantage of your "generosity". Women often try to force the "gift-giving" frame onto guys from the beginning by calling it "acting like a gentleman". Now you know better than to fall for it, unless you want her to initiate another charming little game called "sexual keepaway".

10) Managing Your Own Expectations

"Play it cool. Focus on the other person’s needs and don’t let your expectations rise."

Meet the other person where they are, not where you expect them to be. More importantly, know your expectations going into the conversation, and use real influence techniques to bring the other person into awareness that they are operating by your rules. Or if the other person resists too much, walk. The knowledge that you do have expectations, yet you don't need the other person to fulfill them is often enough to encourage compliance. Anything more active than that enters an ethical grey area.

11) The Right Attitude

"Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you."

Update: Make sure the other person walks away feeling better for having met you.

The whole purpose of negotiation is to win. As far as it relates to picking up women, that's a question of your own perspective and goals in the interaction. But I suppose the touchy-feely, feel-good, "positive", happy ending was necessary for a Business Insider article. I highly doubt that anyone from your average cop on the street (who is authorized to lie to you using tactics like "good cop/bad cop" and the "Prisoner's Dilemma") to your skilled FBI interrogator (who can and will murder you while claiming "self-defence" if there are no witnesses) actually abides by the silly "win-win" approach to negotiating. Your motives will determine the approach that you take, and the results you can expect.

Torpedoe · 2013-11-06T03:55:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Bar_le_Douche · 2013-11-06T10:45:56+00:00

I'd just like to add a few points that I feel are missing:

Physical contact

I don't think i have to go much into detail for this one but physical contact is crucial for making connections with people. Just a light touch on the upper arm can do wonders. What I see people doing wrong sometimes though is that they LOOK at the person's upper arm while making the move towards touching it. This is pretty awkward because the other person will know it's forced and will now also focus his attention on where you're looking at and be concious about you touching him. DON'T DO THAT :)))

Emotions, motivations and character traits

The article suggested using Why, How and When? as questions to keep the conversation going. This is more or less interview mode which is definitely not bad, but certainly not optimal for a good conversation. People want to feel understood, they want to feel like you know what they're like and why they do certain things. The best way to do this is by making predictions about them. Don't predict stupid stuff like "you look like a dancer", because you have 1/100 chance of making the right prediction. What you can however predict quite easily is their emotions, motivations and character traits. For example: someone tells you they're moving to a city in a different country. What predictions can you make about their emotions motivations or character traits? "Oh that must be pretty exciting" (emotion) "You must be quite the adventurous type then"(character trait) "I bet you enjoy discovering new cultures huh?" (motivation). Even though you might not be right 100% of the time, you do have a lot higher chance of making the right prediction, and they're free to say whatever they feel like after you make your statement unlike with questions.

Vulnerability reciprocicates vunerability

It's been mentioned in the article a little but I feel it could use a bit more emphasis. The best way to make connections with people is sharing personal information. The best way to make people comfortable doing this is by being vulnerable and sharing something personal about yourself first. Vulnerability reciprocicates vunerability so they'll be more inclined and comfortable to share something personal afterwards.

barrettcuda · 2013-11-06T02:30:57+00:00

Just said page not found, anyone else have an issue accessing the article?

CJ090 · 2013-11-06T16:37:35+00:00

You know you've played to much gta v when you read FBI as FIB

AdVictoremSpolias · 2013-11-06T02:30:16+00:00

"Want a piece of gum? Go on... take one... I insist."

AussieEquiv · 2013-11-06T01:29:25+00:00

Yeah I cant get that link to work...

Michael_Cassio · 2013-11-06T14:10:43+00:00

The seduction community has died a quiet death if the false time constraint is news to anyone...

cyber_rigger · 2013-11-06T14:05:28+00:00

How to plug a book.

gentled · 2013-11-06T12:41:36+00:00

Give a gift - "Great rapport builders and conversationalists use this desire proactively during every conversation"

Does anyone have an example of what is meant by 'giving a gift' during conversation?

joshsway · 2013-11-06T14:42:25+00:00

The advice is in general ok, but yea, pretty basic stuff.

bartoon · 2013-11-06T16:55:59+00:00

For rapport yes, I agree. But be careful with some steps, as you can come off as to needy and the girl can quickly lose attraction. Be also sure to lead the conversation. One step that bothers me the especially is step 9) Giving A Gift...Now some people may argue on this one, but generally if I don't know you (talking about cold approach pickup) and offer you a gift and you expect something in return that is just screaming Neeeeedineess! because you leech off that person. A simple example: guys inviting, buying girls drinks in the first minutes of the interraction

RobBobGlove · 2013-11-12T14:15:01+00:00

good

TheBaconBurpeeBeast · 2013-11-06T01:36:05+00:00

This is something new I haven't read yet. Thanks for supplying us with that link.

fuck_your_diploma · 2013-11-06T18:09:40+00:00

Crazy people speak quickly; self-assured people speak slowly.

WTF? The crazy person can be the calm and moderate pace speaker next to you. This just keeps the stereotype of 60's "crazy" people.

If you're talking like speedy gonzales, fine, you're kinda nuts, but to let people speak the way they want to is just fine for me and should be for everyone else. No judging.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2013-11-06T22:21:48+00:00

So in other words, read the Carnegie book.

distrctyourself · 2013-11-06T05:37:07+00:00

ummm i dunno if its happening to anyone else but the link is broken and Business Insider have this as the broken link page background

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/putersmash.gif

2013-11-06T01:42:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

pardax · 2013-11-06T02:58:08+00:00

What's up with that "Via XXX" crap? So annoying!

Title	FBI-Tested Tactics For Quickly Building Rapport With Anyone
Author	zoomsixx
Upvotes	815
Comments	71
Date	November 5, 2013 10:38 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pze1f/fbitested_tactics_for_quickly_building_rapport/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fbi-tested-tactics-for-quickly-building-rapport.1361062 https://theredarchive.com/post/1361062

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