First date: Do you pay?

Just_Like_You · 2012-04-29T23:08:11+00:00

I never pay for first dates. Ever.

It's easier than you think. Go do something free. I avoid places where even I have to pay for myself. Take a walk, meet at a park, it doesn't even matter.

You're interested, she's interested, and it's much, much easier to escalate kino and develop a connection than something lame like dinner or a movie, unless that movie is free at her place or yours. A couch is better than a theater. ;)

My basic ideology is this: I'm not blowing ANY money on/getting to know a woman unless I already know I like her.

2012-04-30T03:30:19+00:00

Holy hell. How many times does shit like this need to be covered? First of all the game is entertainment not a dating textbook. Those were the same guys who wore boas, black nail polish and fuzzy hats to meet women.

I almost always pay for first dates. The top rated comment poster says he never does which is cool two. He has a standard of not paying for girls he doesn't know. I usually at least like girls I go on dates with and have previous meeting with and I like treating people. It's giving value. I frequently pick up the cheque for friends. Important: I don't buy drinks for my friends because I'm needy and want to buy their respect and friendship. I do it because I enjoy their company and it's better to give than receive.

To repeat: it doesn't matter if you pay for the first date or go Dutch. If you pay she wont lose respect for you, she'll lose respect for you if you feel the need to pay for a date because you think your inadequate or she'll lose respect for you if you don't pay for her because you need to establish some arbitrary rule or prove to her that your not pussy whipped. NONE of this stuff matters. What matters is your internals

gprime · 2012-04-29T23:49:52+00:00

I don't, chiefly because I think the first date can and often does set the tone for those that follow. So I think establishing a pattern wherein you constantly pay the entire cost of the date is something to avoid. If you've dated for a while and want to treat her on occasion, that's one thing. But if this is a girl you don't know all that well, it seems a bit foolish for you to incur the entire cost of you two becoming better acquainted.

Dubstep_Duck · 2012-04-30T02:18:27+00:00

If you don't pay, how do you guys handle the situation? What do you do/say? I always find this part of dates awkward so I just pay, rather than deal with having the "So how are we doing this?" conversation.

truth_hertz · 2012-04-30T03:41:56+00:00

The only way I won't at least offer to pay my own way on a hypothetical first date is if I've been told where we're going.

If a guy asks me out and says, "Let's go to Chez Bigbux, eight o'clock" or "We're going to go see the Professional Sports Team on Saturday" then I assume he's paying. It would be awfully presumptuous of someone to say, "We're going to venue of my choosing, and by the way, you get to pay an amount of money that I decide is appropriate." If a guy wants me to fork over an amount of money toward our date, then I should get a say in where we go so that I can keep a handle on my budget.

Same thing would be if I wanted to go to a particular place, I would plan on paying for the entire thing.

SegaTakai · 2012-04-30T04:29:33+00:00

I've never paid for a girl's dinner outside an LTR. In my head at least, if I'm buying her dinner, she's not a date, she's a hooker. Some kind of will-fuck-for-food monstrosity.

That said, I secretly love making people happy, so I usually buy dessert. I imagine it's different because dessert is usually faux-spontaneous and somewhere of my choosing.

junkeee999 · 2012-04-29T23:43:55+00:00

I always offer to, and am fairly assertive about it, but not inflexible if she objects.

There are of course lots of logical reasons why I shouldn't be expected to, blah, blah, blah, but bottom line, money is not an issue for me, and I just want to do it.

sadsackosaurus · 2012-04-30T04:08:57+00:00

I'm not going to lie, I love when a guy pays on the first date. I dunno, it just makes me feel he likes me and doesn't mind spending his money on me, y'know? I'm usually very adamant about splitting things, or occasionally maybe he buys a dinner then I buy one (I always try to buy the second one), but ... the first date, I guess I just like it when he pays. Perhaps it's not a terribly popular opinion, but it does make me feel good.

I_F-close_OKC · 2012-04-29T23:29:37+00:00

If it comes to that moment, I always say "I'm hitting on you, not paying for you."

Oh wow. Reading that here makes it sound really bad. I guess it's all about delivery. In any case, that's worked well for me, repeatedly.

Leelluu · 2012-04-29T23:14:33+00:00

I'm a girl, and unless it's just about sex, I don't respect a guy who wants me to sleep with him if he hasn't paid for anything.

And yes, I will take my turn and pay for things, too, but nothing says, "I just want to be friends," like a guy repeatedly wanting to go dutch in the beginning. Also, I don't mean that in a, "I'm not sleeping with him unless he dishes out the dough," way. I mean it in a, "Oh, I thought he was interested in me, but his actions indicate otherwise. I'd better not get my hopes up," way.

NewToTheInternet777 · 2012-04-30T00:51:41+00:00

Spend no more than $40, ideally $0.

jacies · 2012-04-30T02:18:06+00:00

Paying the first day is a bad idea it feels. One of her reasons to go to for a second dinner could be because she thinks its free.

The only time I ever pay for anything is drinks when it's already (close to) guaranteed in with a chick at a club/bar, and that's just because I want a drink.

justthrowmeout · 2012-04-30T04:24:06+00:00

The first date should just be like coffee. Don't invest a nice dinner on someone that you don't even know yet. She's not worth it. You can pay for a coffee or tea. But if they offer let them. Hard line between being a sucker and a cheap ass.

Senor_Porfirio · 2012-04-30T05:11:47+00:00

Got this one from someone else: "I'll get the first round [implying she gets the second one]."

But generally speaking, I do whatever's smoothest. When the waiter comes at the end, I throw my card in. If she does too, we split, if she doesn't, I pay it all. I do go to this bar without wait service, and I have just told the girl to go get something from the bar for both of us, for a second round.

An FYI: some hot chicks have had everything paid for them their entire lives, and will not respond well if you refuse to pay. I'm talking 8s and 9s. That's why I think it's good to be fluid about this - if she seems like that type, don't get into a fight over paying and go home empty.

iznou · 2012-04-30T07:13:42+00:00

No, never. Well, sometimes a token drink or something else small like that. But certainly not dinner.

2012-04-30T20:23:39+00:00

I've dated 5 women recently and all have expected to pay for their own portion of the date. I never propose anything pricey as a first date and they never complain about paying. From the vibe I got when the check did come, I think i'd have been thought less of if I'd have paid. It's kind of possessive. And if a girl doesn't like be because i won't pay, then she can find someone else.

jk147 · 2012-04-30T20:33:05+00:00

It goes both ways, usually if a girl lets you pay she is interested, if she insists on paying or split usually that is that. If you want to cheap out just don't do dinner dates. You could force the issue is splitting, unless the girl is already interested it will be harder to game her. I am older so it is usually even more set in this way.

Shohn64 · 2012-04-30T03:06:29+00:00

I live in Georgia; 40% of women expect to have to pay nothing on a date, and this is the highest rate in the entire United States.

That said; I read this statistic in Glamour magazine, and I'll actual use it during the date ("So, I was reading Glamour magazine, and it said that 40% of women in Georgia expect to have to pay nothing on a date, highest rate in the entire US! What do you think about that?) to feel her out.

[You can probably do this for any state, just substitute Georgia for your state and hope she didn't read that issue of Glamour.]

Buddhafish · 2012-04-30T07:08:41+00:00

Woman here. I prefer a man to pay for the first two dates. 1) It shows me that I am more than just a friend. 2) Shows that he is generous and kind. 3) He has a source of income and is not looking for a sugar momma. Sex just depends on the vibe of the evening and how we click. Conversely, If I insist on paying my way, that means I am not interested in anything more than friendship with you. I see money as power. If I am willing to put myself in a submissive position and allowing a man to pay my way, it means I like you a lot. However, money is not required for a date. If I go on a cash free date, I will look for other signs of generosity and kindness in other ways. The way a man gets respect from me is pushing back on my opinions and not "yes dear" ing me to death.

Title	First date: Do you pay?
Author	myaccount42day
Upvotes	16
Comments	67
Date	April 29, 2012 10:52 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/sysf1/first_date_do_you_pay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-date-do-you-pay.1331932 https://theredarchive.com/post/1331932

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