First time dating in the US, but a second date never happens. What am I doing wrong?

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-05-04T03:48:19+00:00

Your post is really vague about what you're doing on the date, so nobody could reasonably answer your question from that.

Where are you going on the date? What are you talking about? What do you say? Do you touch your date or keep her at a distance?

DaygameCode · 2024-05-04T12:41:58+00:00

You are not escalating sexually. You are playing it safe on a bar when drinks are involved. It doesn’t get easier than that to kiss them in those type of dates and yet you don’t even attempt to kiss them.

You are not supposed to wait for a good opportunity to go for a kiss, you are supposed to be sexual, lead towards a kiss by expressing your desires and let her stop you when you do your attempt to kiss her, if she isn’t into it.

A hug is for friends so don’t hug women on dates. If you are not going for kisses in first dates, consider the date bad. It doesn’t matter if she says “i don’t usually kiss guys on first dates” the point is that you have to express desire and make it clear that this wasn’t a friends hangout.

A hand on their back isn’t considered touch or kino. It doesn’t get processed as a physical escalation by women.

Touch is supposed to be intimate and deliberately romantic, not just an indirect touch to assist her.

Touching for real would be caressing her hands while you tell her you love how soft her skin feels, while you also bite your bottom lip smiling looking at her lips with desire in super obvious way. That’s making things sexual and avoiding the platonic vibe.

NoMoassNeverWas · 2024-05-04T08:36:11+00:00

You're not escalating enough. 7 dates is good amount, so you're doing early steps right.

End with a kiss. Those type of dates the girl comes home and immediately starts texting you how she wants your lips on her neck again.

iiiamsco · 2024-05-04T07:08:01+00:00

Where are you meeting these women and why haven’t you been able to escalate?

notaproblem333 · 2024-05-04T08:18:22+00:00

You probably have to diversify your dating pool. If all these girls are coming from the same place then they must be similar to each other and reject you for similar reasons.

However if you’re already getting girls from multiple social environments ( dating apps, college, hobbies, and so on ) and you’re still failing every time, then there’s probably something wrong with you. A dating coach would be able to easily tell you, but from your post it seems it could be lack of escalation.

TonyGTO · 2024-05-04T21:29:24+00:00

American women usually needs to feel amazed by you in the first date or you are ghosted. You either show an amazing game in your first date or bye. A lot if immigrants are used to dating for weeks or even months before escalating but that is not the case in America, she needs to feel you are the one right from the first date.

Read about escalation and scale as much as possible in your first date and you will be fine.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-05-04T12:09:45+00:00

"dating" in the US is a dumpster fire.

The guys that women go on dates with are not the same guys that they sleep with.

They sleep with the guy that never even had to take them on a date in the first place.

When women ghost after the first date, that just means they got their dose of free dinner and free attention from a decent guy that wants to get to know them, so now they can resume sleeping with a preselected, indifferent man that doesn't try to know them outside the bedroom.

Most women are going to do and want what that majority of other women do and want in any region or society. This is the norm here. Men have rewarded thot behavior too much for too long now, neither gender has any moral compass left when it comes to dating.

You may be doing nothing wrong if u were in your home country. Here you can't spend any money or give any validation until after sex is had. If you want someone to go on dates with and keep seeing you, it's best to meet some other foreigners.

Conjoined_Triangles · 2024-05-04T15:37:23+00:00

The problem is escalation. If you're not seated closely, flirting, touching, having good eye contact, getting her to ignore everything around her and focus on the conversation, you're going to be less likely to have a second date. It's hard to escalate because you don't know what level of comfort the girl you're dating is at, so what you need to do is be able to identify the signals that she's ok with what you're doing.

Red/Yellow/Green light is a mental model you can use for this. Start off with smaller escalations like flirtation or touching in areas that aren't too big of a deal. Three things could happen: She could back up, do nothing, or encourage it. If you notice at any point she's responding to it negatively, just back up. If it's neutral proceed with caution. If she's encouraging then keep escalating as the convo goes. I usually make out with a girl within the date and pulling afterwards is not much of an issue. If she's not up for doing anything first date that is also fine, the things mentioned above should have her more invested in another date.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-04T11:02:48+00:00

What is your desired outcome on these dates? What are you hoping is going to happen?

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2024-05-07T07:28:20+00:00

Your post is not vague just from the title I can tell you it’s because you didn’t escalate you came off as just a friend, you didn’t have the courage to go for escalation and close with the kiss, you have to kiss during the date otherwise the chance kiss at the end without escalation with almost fail, she is getting turn off almost 99% of the time this happens, check out Anthonylifestyle on YouTube, it’s the most solid dating on YouTube from what I have seen and then replay those dates in your mind lol

throwawayPzaFm · 2024-05-04T08:55:57+00:00

Hugs are the level you should start at, right off the bat. If you end without a kiss you get marked "no chemistry" and ghosted.

And that's assuming that you're not just getting used for dinner.

cemj86 · 2024-05-04T12:43:34+00:00

Get your numbers up for starters. You'll learn with experience.

SaaSWriters · 2024-05-04T17:55:00+00:00

Most likely they were never interested in you as a man. They wanted the attention, entertainment, food and other staff that comes with a date. But they didn’t want you.

SaaSWriters · 2024-05-04T17:56:32+00:00

Casual conversations about likings and hobbies don’t get you in the romance zone.

ImpeccablyIconic · 2024-05-04T08:37:51+00:00

Shubham bhai koshish karte raho

Muted_Preparation_13 · 2024-05-04T03:07:42+00:00

US women are the worst in the world

enjoy

GroundbreakingAd8077 · 2024-05-04T11:48:44+00:00

Well I don't know where you are from, but maybe the women there are easier to date, plus unless you are English, being a Foreigner makes you less desirable

mysteryplays · 2024-05-04T18:15:48+00:00

No car? No ass.

blusio · 2024-05-04T09:38:12+00:00

All men are FUCKING DOGS, when you go to the pound, do you want the perfect dog? Or do you get the one that touches your heart? MEN CALL GIRLS THAT FUCK ON THE FIRST DATE HOES, why the fuck would she do anything with you if she isn't worth the wait? You expecting pussy every time you put milk out? Cats don't just cum when you pour your milk into their bowl. THEY WANT TO FUCK JUST AS BAD AS YOU, but they don't want to feel used and abused, they expect love, while men expect pussy. Be a dog, but a well-behaved dog, don't be looking around, protect her when she is in danger, or try to at least, but don't be an obedient dog all the time, give her challenges Pavlov the fucker back.

Title	First time dating in the US, but a second date never happens. What am I doing wrong?
Author	shu3ham96
Upvotes	43
Comments	71
Date	May 4, 2024 2:52 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cjq8iy/first_time_dating_in_the_us_but_a_second_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-time-dating-in-the-us-but-a-second-date.1517361 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517361

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