[FR] State your fucking intentions.

itsmevichet · 2012-09-06T18:07:34+00:00

Remember grasshoppers - people who are outcome independent can be up front and honest.

Good one, OP.

Vallombrosa · 2012-09-06T19:31:54+00:00

Clear, concise and with a valuable lesson. I love some of the stuff you said as well. "You're a hard one to pin down HB7" is just the right amount of playful without losing the message.

Great Fr!

MrChunkz · 2012-09-06T18:03:51+00:00

Man, if that's an unabridged chatlog, that's about as distilled as it gets. Thanks for posting this, I need help remembering that women don't always want to be heading straight to Relationship Land like I've learned from TV. Seddit always says this, but it's good to see that reinforced.

Oh and this:

...If you're down with that, great. If not, that's ok too.

I read this in Peter Gibbons voice. Made me smile.

SlayerXZero · 2012-09-07T02:06:54+00:00

This is so true. My story is a bit different from the OP but I think it is worth telling.

A few years ago I was at a house party. I didn't know very many people outside of my wingman I came with (we essentially crashed the party). We were making the rounds chatting up people and essentially being the life of the party.

I begin to chat with this really attractive girl 7.5/8. Very fit body and glasses which are huge turn on for me. While we are flirting with each other, she straight up asks me "What are you intentions?"

Being young, and green I say something to the effect of "I just want to get to know you better and hang out"

She asks me again more forcefully, with a pointed look "Yeah, but what are your INTENTIONS"

I was at a loss, did she really want me to say that I found her attractive and wanted to be with her? NO WAY could I say that... right? So instead I said something about hanging out again and enjoying the evening.

This chick looks me straight in the eyes and says "Well, OK. You were definite sex potential but I don't want to play games or bullshit"

So yeah, I fucked up. I fucked up big. Of course women want to know what you're after. I hear guys complain all the time about "Not knowing if she's into me". I pretty much did the whole bit in reverse. Instead of clearly answering a clear question I answered with bullshit. Because of that I missed out of being with someone I WANTED to be with.

After that I did two things:
1) I immediately told my wingman about the opportunity with her and what to do if she asked (he ended up hooking up with her)
2) I have always clearly read the situation and been very clear about what my intentions are

Acidblack24 · 2012-09-06T18:42:47+00:00

Like a Fucking G.

KeystrokeCowboy · 2012-09-06T20:18:58+00:00

Ok. But having "fun" can mean many things to many different girls that, the outcome of this could backfire as has happened to me on several occasions. Shouldn't saying you want to have fun be more specific or include hints if your trying to state your intentions? I still see friendzone written on the wall here.

adoran2 · 2012-09-06T17:47:16+00:00

I didn't expect that turnaround. Good lesson.

chilldude44 · 2012-09-06T19:52:42+00:00

How would you state your intentions without sounding too upfront?

EntityMike · 2012-09-06T20:24:21+00:00

If I read this right, it looks like she wasn't going to hang out with OP until OP said he "wasn't looking for anything serious". I'm a little confused by this. Could someone please explain why that might be?

AmboC · 2012-09-07T00:06:16+00:00

I can't tell if the title is an intended pun or not.

Barackattack · 2012-09-06T19:52:57+00:00

lets be more specific, shouldn't this be more about stating that you DON'T have any intentions, early on. I mean no guy should ever tell a girl he just met that he is pursuing a serious committed long term relationship with her, unless he really wants to scare her off. So as a rule, a guy should state that early on, he's not pushing towards relationship land.

XtheXlanternX · 2012-09-06T21:37:39+00:00

This seems like the perfect place to ask something I've been wondering. I've been out with this girl 4 or 5 times -- we have been semi-friends (we run in the same circles) for a couple of years now. The first time we "went out" together, I was pretty much like, "look, I think you're awesome, and pretty, and we share the same values and are interested in the same things. I think we could have a lot of fun together, and I just wanted to put that out in the open. You can take it or leave it, and I'm mature enough to handle it either way. Regardless, I'm cool with just being friends." That is not a word-for-word quote, but its more-or-less the gist of it.

Since then, we have been out numerous times, but I still feel like I'm getting super mixed signals. On one hand, I was upfront with her and she kept coming out with me (she actually invited me out at least one of those times as well). On the other hand, we haven't moved any further than conversation, and its not for a lack of trying. It isn't like I've gone in for a kiss and been rebuffed, more like when we go out, there just isn't a good opportunity for anything other than conversation/fun.

Do you think I was sufficiently clear w/ my intentions (I'm not really interested in just sex... if that was all I wanted I could find a girl much easier)? Is it possible she is lukewarm re: me and is just seeing how things go? Am I being unknowingly friendzoned to level 99?

At this point, I am pretty much ready to give up because it is becoming too much work/too stressful for me.

Long post sorry.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2012-09-06T19:54:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

maverickaz · 2012-09-06T23:05:43+00:00

This is one of the better advice points that are overlooked. Too many PUA's are all about the same day F-close rather than actually getting a woman to hang out with, use as a pivot or just see where things go. Great Job on the advice AND being persistent

AmboC · 2012-09-07T00:05:31+00:00

I can't tell if the title is an intended pun or not.

NaturalNewbie · 2012-09-07T04:27:00+00:00

Was this over text chat or phone call? I'm wondering how you guys remember the conversation so exactly.

skyshock · 2012-09-07T04:49:12+00:00

just wanted to say thank you.

i read your post a couple hours ago, and thought about how closely it applied to me, specifically with a girl ive been talking to. at first i just thought she was playing hard to get, but as time went on i started having more and more suspicions. i, of course, had not stated my intentions. when i first met her she had a boyfriend, so i was a little wary, but of course there was still heavy flirting going on. from me and her. eventually i found out she had broken up with her boyfriend. great.

now, i do like this chick, and i would definitely date her, but im also nowhere near one-itis. ive still been going out, talking to other girls, etc etc. basically keeping my options open because i wasnt sure exactly what was going on with this girl.

tonight i texted her something similar to the OP's story. told her i liked her but wasnt ready for anything serious, etc etc. lo and behold, she was on the same page. i had a feeling, but it was so relieving actually seeing her say it. we talked a bit more, and im sure shes happy to know exactly what my intentions are. i sure know i feel a lot better about it.

so once again, thank you OP. you just saved me a lot of trouble and certainly helped me realize exactly how easy it is to be open and honest with girls. i already was with everything else, i dont know why i didnt think to apply it to this and just come out and say it.

TL;DR: used OPs advice, it worked. feelsgoodman.jpg

barrowrolld · 2012-09-07T15:53:44+00:00

This, 1000 times. Understand the power that is, "Hey, I'm not looking for anything, just a good time." And I promise you, good times will ensue.

NaturalNewbie · 2012-09-06T23:26:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

oreopimp · 2012-09-07T10:42:37+00:00

Ah, good ole outcome independence. It's one of the best friends you can make these days.

reminds me of a text convo from earlier tonight: a girl I met, she texts me, then asks if Im going to sleep a few times as I told her earlier it was an early night for me.

Me: what sort of womanly sorcery are you trying to finagle me into

her: Umm none really, Im just the attention, cuddle type :)

Me: shiiiit. you have enough cuddle buddies woman

her: fuck that, I have two crazy people you're all thats left.

Me: ha. I only cuddle sometimes and the sometimes I do I charge for it

her: fine, how much then

me: you know what the bedroom rules are

her: whats that?

me: whatever is in my bed is mine

her: fine, whatever

her: and the verdict is... Im waiting.

Then I passed out. ha. Woke up she had sent some texts about trading her clothes to stay in my bed. Then angry texts. So I sent her a text saying next time be quicker and she'll have to make it up to me another day.

Because in the end, you should have fun with life

helalo · 2012-09-07T00:56:40+00:00

im afraid i cannot share my intentions mr.naturalnewbie; or shouldnt.

sososomean · 2012-09-07T02:12:28+00:00

State your intentions to fuck.

ERockEfreedom · 2012-09-07T04:30:35+00:00

How early? Like right away?

wtk · 2012-09-07T09:33:41+00:00

Very useful. Why don't we collect yet another list of such convictions, to not forget about it. The other helpful one for me is "If you think you know everything, think again" — helpful when you put negative thinking examples where actually question marks are, in relation with new woman. Ask instead of pretending to know it.

highideas · 2012-09-07T10:17:11+00:00

You did something that was highly valuable and that most men won't do. You let her go. It is called a "take away" sale in sales in marketing. You took something that she had attachment to and told her "No, it is all good you can't have it now". The psychological response it creates is that makes her want it more. Great follow up. Be careful however because when a woman starts talking old relationship and blah blah it means she is eyeing you for more than a FWB.

Bunabayashi · 2012-09-07T17:21:54+00:00

She has some issues from previous relationships that prevent that from happening with some dude she just met<<

e.g., a scorching case of herpes

IrishThunder23 · 2012-09-08T03:34:18+00:00

How did you befriend the bartender and bouncer?

_GameOn_ · 2012-09-23T21:45:03+00:00

Bit late to the party, but yeah, stating your intentions can be a significant form of damage limitation.

A lot of times, I had what can best be described as escalation anxiety at times where I absolutely should have escalated. Of course to her, it made no sense, she no doubt started asking herself "why didn't he escalate?", and ultimately meant a dent in her pride.

I was once asked to go back to HB's flat but declined because I was in a long term relationship. Shortly after declining, I explained to her why I couldn't go - meaning that she understood, and her pride was not dented and I didn't alienate her in that way. (Speaking with pick-up artistry in mind, everything points to it being guys who should risk their pride for women, not the other way round.)

Fast-forward a few months, and I'm single and gaming her - and she has the security of knowing that I'm not going to make her feel stupid for an unexplained reason.

fartuckyfartbandit · 2012-09-07T08:45:19+00:00

Am I the only one who doesn't see where this girl wanted a serious relationship like op is insinuating with this whole premise? I'm sorry but there is waaaaay to much reading between the lines here. Stop trying to decipher every little thing women do. This reminds me of when guys count hairflips and shit to determine attraction. It's fucking bonkers. Her telling you she can't give you her full attention might just mean she's on her fucking period, stressed out, a family member died--you don't fucking know, so stop coming up with answers.

Also, and the hive mind is going to fight me on this, OH NO WHAT THE OP IS SAYING IS GOSPEL, fuck the op; indirect game is a powerful weapon, and utilizing direct and indirect game in combination is even more powerful. Most women don't want to be told you want to fuck them, because that's what all the fucking retarded guys tell them every fucking day, they want to be seduced, they want to be excited, and they want to be the ones that come to that conclusion that they will be fucking you. Direct game is perfectly fine, I do like it but please, please, please, stop showcasing only one side of the coin. There are people here who are taking the shit they read form here as gospel, and fucking up. Gentlemen, there's more than one way to fuck a girl. Direct (stating your intentions right away) game is a great strategy, but it's not the only one. Try it out, if it works for you great, if it doesn't come back to me and I'll give you a few pointers on Indirect/Direct game.

boswroth_killington · 2012-09-07T05:24:50+00:00

How do you restate (as youve done here) your intentions in a longer time frame? I mean, it's kind of easy to go back and reclarify within one conversation, but I was seeing a girl that I got into basically the same situation with. We had a talk about where our thing was going, and I she misunderstood that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. It wasn't until a couple days later that I realized this, and then I knew exactly what I should have said. I basically let her go, and its been a few weeks.

DickKiller · 2012-09-06T23:08:46+00:00

Jesus, this topic just made me realize exactly where I went wrong with a girl.

Me: Good seeing you

Girl: WHOA WAY TO PULL THAT CARD

Any way to recover from that?

photospheric · 2012-09-07T03:23:10+00:00

Eh, I feel like if sex is the goal, don't tell them shit and just endlessly fuck with them. Am I scumbag steve?

redditsbitard · 2012-09-07T08:47:54+00:00

<Met this HB7 at the bar last week. Chatted her up, got her number. We hang out again one night, dance a little bit, kiss a lotta bit.

First mistake: Kissing a lot is not masculine. Alphas brush away any attempts from the lady friends - or at least bear it in small doses. Anything else and you're indicating that you're craving female affection. You will eventually naturally feel distaste for female affection - but you need to train yourself to get use to this state of mind first.

< This isn't a FR about that, this is a FR about making sure you state your intentions and the lesson I learned because I didn't. We were supposed to hang out last night, but I flaked on her to hang out with a FWB I knew was going to be a sure thing. She flaked on me earlier in the week so I knew this was a last ditch effort to turn this into something more. < She probably flaked on you because you've already destroyed your chances by making the wrong moves earlier I would suggest. <I hit her up today to see if she wants to hang out tonight.> Alphas don't see if their lady friend wants to hang out. They tell her she IS hanging out with them tonight.

< This my friends, is why you don't text a bunch of random shit and you should state your intentions EARLY. I had this girl thinking I wanted a relationship because I wasn't clear on what I wanted from the get go.> you don't need to state intentions. Infact, you must not. This is the very game of chase that women love to play: does he like me? does he love me? will he keep me? will he not? omg I want him etc etc.

<Me: Sorry about flaking last night. Had a long day at work, blah blah blah blah blah. Let's do something tonight, what time are you off?> Second mistake: Alphas never apologise. Charlie Sheen. Apologising. Find it. You can't. He never has. He know's that it would be beneath him. You don't apologise for flaking after she did also - that's very beta.

<HB7: It's ok, I was tired. You should go out and have fun cause I never know when I get off work and if I will be tired. Don't want you waiting around for me.> She's letting you know that you're doing it wrong. You've overstated your intentions. You need to keep that internal hamster spinning. Does he like me, does he not? This is the essence of vagina wetness.

<At this point I'm writing her off...I didn't quite realize why she was flaking again because she seemed plenty into me the night we were dancing.> Exactly. You over delivered and left nothing to her imagination. Next time, one kiss and get distracted. Walk away without saying a thing. Come back some time later with no explaination. Talk to some other girls on the way back so she sees you. She's watching ever move you make. She wants to see that you're of high value - which means that you're not giving her all the attention in the world. it's called hypergamy - you must be superior to her in all ways. Otherwise you're worthless to her. <Me: You're a hard one to pin down HB7. I'll just leave this be. Hope to see you out some time.> Don't admit that. Don't write it off. Don't hope. Be aloof. Two or three words that have nothing to do with anything - 3 hours later - or better 3 days. Don't address her directly. She'll get the impression that you're not thinking about her. That is what you want.

<HB7: :( sorry I don't mean to...Just getting over stuff. I hope you have a good day.> Ok so you've absolutely clammed up this ladies vagina at this point. <Me: No worries, I wasn't looking for anything serious. Just wanted to have some fun. Good luck with everything. :)> And you've just nailed it shut. No smiles ever. You need to text less than hers every time. <HB7: I feel bad cause I don't feel I can give you my full attention right now and you deserve that. Hanging out I can do if you want. If not then I understand...> No she's just being nice in telling you that her vagina is a desert for you and that you're a nice guy. She's clearly not the highest self esteem girl - as otherwise she should have given up talking to you at the first text. <Holy fuck...at this point I realized this girl thinks I'm trying to take her to relationship land.> And you are. You're treating her like a princess. She wants to be treated like a pet. She wants you to not care about her and use her body for your gratification. She wants you to not respect her. <Me: Truth is I'm not looking for a relationship right now, just someone to have a good time with. If you're down with that, great. If not, that's ok too. > you're adding more nails. <HB7: :) sounds good...If you want to do a movie tonight I won't be off until 8 or 9.> you've officially entered the friend zone. <Me: Alright, see ya then. :) HB7: Ok...I'll text you when I am on my way over. :) Aaaaand it's done. Lesson learned, never be afraid to state your intentions and move away from those that don't share the same view.> No dude. You want a relationship - keep it to yourself until you've fucked her at least 10 times, and she mentions it first. < At the start of the text convo I thought she was just brushing me off, I didn't even realize what had happened and what view she had of me. Since I've started Pickup, I've never had a problem being forward about what my intentions were with someone. But for whatever reason, I got complacent with this one and she almost slipped away. tl:dr STATE YOUR INTENTIONS AND DO IT EARLY>

You need to be way more aloof. That is all. Stop making out with chicks in public places. Keep the fire going. Push and pull. etc

Title	[FR] State your fucking intentions.
Author	NaturalNewbie
Upvotes	264
Comments	72
Date	September 6, 2012 5:03 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/zggwf/fr_state_your_fucking_intentions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-state-your-fucking-intentions.1338748 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338748

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