I feel basically all success can be defined under neediness vs non-neediness.

unagisauce · 2019-07-28T13:44:39+00:00

A woman or a man, is a “want” and not a “need”. Yes, I do want to date a woman. But I do not need her to fulfill my own happiness. I am happy with or without. The mindset - I want a woman so I can increase my happiness is completely okay. But the mindset - I need a woman so I can increase my happiness is not okay.

This is the mindset I have realized as the truth. It allows you to win at life.

Your post is good and an easy way for people who are starting seduction to get a grasp of what it means to be needy.

eveleaf · 2019-07-28T21:05:08+00:00

I am a woman who reads here for the entertainment (some posts are, sorry to say, hilariously wrong-headed), but this one is absolutely on point.

When my husband and I were getting to know each other, this was a key thing. He was not good-looking. He was a virgin. I should have held all the cards, right? But I didn't.

He let me know, in little subtle ways, that he was willing to walk away. That he liked me, but didn't need me. That he had his own self-confidence well in hand, and wasn't going to let anyone push him around.

We have been married ten years, and I still think the sun rises and sets on him. He's a great guy (loyal, hard-working, honest), but I'd be lying if I didn't say the non-neediness set the tone for everything that came after. It made me respect him. It cleared the stage for me to fall in love with him.

getyourlifeplease · 2019-07-28T11:59:04+00:00

I've had really good success of late by being willing to walk away. Pretty much the most attractive thing you can do is that. If she walks away or flakes, you say thats ok, move on.

As a girl - Im saying this post is GOLD!!!!!! It seems like a lot of guys (even in this sub) are so AFRAID to walk away from a girl/woman that is not into them, not texting back, not giving IOIs, rejecting them by either ghosting them or flat out saying NO to everydate request he makes, etc. But the guys who do that have unusually low self esteem or lack experience in getting 'new' options. Which is what it comes down to - options. The less opts someone has the tighter they hold onto the little bit they get...and that kind of desperation is not cute.

SundaySermon · 2019-07-28T15:28:37+00:00

I largely agree with this.

However, I do know a guy who is so non-needy to the point that he never really developed conversation skills, charm, etc. It's kind of bizarre actually and it's been hurting his appraoches.

imageall · 2019-07-28T16:15:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Hazeleyedguy14 · 2019-07-28T12:54:02+00:00

Failure can be defined as neediness, success is a bit more than not being needy

PachymuNyet · 2019-07-28T16:19:26+00:00

This is the correct behavior. The strategy, I think, that underlies this is the concept of Leveling, or Value Estimation. Everybody, both men and women, wants to be with somebody of equal or (ideally) greater value than their perceived value of themselves. A 6 wants to be with a 6 or higher, for example.

Men pretty much determine a girl's value by her physical attractiveness. Harsh, but simple.

Women determine a man's value by his.. social status -- a more complicated concept, including everything from his appearance to his his leadership ability to his circle of friends to his passions to his economic success.

It's really friggin hard to figure all this out just by chit-chatting, so they have to rely, in part, on clues dropped by the man's behavior. If she sees herself as an 8, and you're sucking up to her... well you must be a 7 or lower. Pssht.. ghost him girl, not worth your time! If, on the other hand, you're ignoring her, then hey maybe you're a 9 or (OMG) 10! (If you've ever noticed that other women eye-rape you when you're with a 9 or a 10, that's why -- "If he's with a 10, then HE must be a 10!!" Conversely, if you're with a 6, well you must be a 6 too.)

Short Todd V video about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM5JI1CxsPY

I don't like manipulative tactics, tactics used to fake status. This should be more of a self-esteem thing. You deserve to be with a beautiful, amazing, intelligent woman. Be the man she deserves.

Celestial_Europe · 2019-07-28T14:26:01+00:00

What if you're too independent? Like you dont need a girl and dont really go after no girl cause you dont play games? You end put alone mate! Like forever! And you're truly not needy! Logic does not check out!

MrMemper · 2019-07-28T19:56:26+00:00

I make this really simple and it sums up all the good perspectives commented here, including the OP: Treat women like cats (if you like cats that is heh). Be chill, be inviting, be playful. Don’t go after a cat for it’s company bc it will likely run away. Don’t grab a cat and make it sit with you. Just be chill. If the cat wants to sit on your lap it will, and when it wants to leave bc it’s hungry or bored or annoyed, just let it go. It’ll come back around eventually, especially if you have a ball of foil tied to a string. ;)

EarthWarping · 2019-07-28T21:57:44+00:00

Being ok on your own is necessary here.

barrister19 · 2019-07-29T00:55:11+00:00

I also believe that dating more than one woman would rectify these issues as well, because you have more options.

You're not texting her too much because you're doing other things, such as: 1. texting other women, going out with your wingman for a night of Sargeing; 2. You're on other dates with women; and/or; youre texting multiple women so you're not worried about one.
Obviously, if one has many women to date or attempting to date it keeps their mind occupied and will not be worried about losing her.
Point two applies to point three as well

mph99999 · 2019-07-28T12:13:09+00:00

All success is basically defined by how beautiful, rich, famous you are.
Attractive people usually are not needy
Not needy people are not attractive.
If you are unattractive and not needy, you could easily end up as a virgin in your 50s.
Neediness is a consequence.

Also.
Attractive needy people = caring, loving
Unattractive needy people = creepy, stalkeris, "needy".

thoushaltnotkale · 2019-07-28T17:20:33+00:00

For a girl like me who has abandonment issues, neediness in a guy who I've been dating for a while is a turn on. If it's just a guy who's trying to hit on me, or who I'm just starting to date, then it's creepy and depending on the severity, a red flag. But, if it's a more long-term relationship, it makes me content in the relationship because I know the guy I'm with won't just up and leave me the second he sees some other attractive girl .

I have a boyfriend who I've been dating for almost two years, and i love it when he is admant about seeing me. Just depends on the relationship between the guy and the girl. If it's just a 'testing the waters' kinda thing, then neediness is definitely not the way to go. But, if it's a relationship where two people are on the same page about how serious the relationship is and where they want it to go, then neediness can be a good thing- as long as it doesn't turn into being a controlling partner. (By controlling I don't mean telling someone to eat if they haven't eaten all day, or to take their medications and stuff of that nature. I'm refering to when a partner tells the other partner who they can or can't talk to, when they can go out, and who they can hang out with.)

XxPgMkIlLeR123xX · 2019-07-28T17:28:52+00:00

Neediness and non-neediness if only the result of having abundance in your life or not. You can't just not be needy if you have nothing, it may look not natural and people still might feel it. It is not the attempt to not be needy anymore that is going to change something, and what bothers me is that people talk about it like if it was the thing to do that will change your life, while I believe it's the result of a good lifestyle.

VikingWaluigi · 2019-07-28T18:29:21+00:00

To be honest, as a guy who hasn't lost his virginity yet and is in his early 20s it's hard to act like OP says, but I know I should. I'm just so desperate to experience sex that I become so worried in losing a potential girl. Often times, when a girl loses interest I get very frustrated in myself asking myself "when the hell am I going to lose my virginty?" It's like a massive hit of FOMO and anxiety that I'm not getting any younger and still haven't experienced something that's so common in society.

Salkin_the_great · 2019-07-28T19:25:10+00:00

To me success came with emotional maturity.

Insanity_-_Wolf · 2019-07-28T20:40:42+00:00

You literally can not be non-needy in a committed relationship. Doing so would mean that you could walk away with 0 emotional consequence. What you're condoning is to see people as disposable, it's like listening to a psychopaths inner monologue. At the beginning stages you can't be needy, because that'd just be weird since you don't really know each other. However, once you develop an emotional and physical bond, you can't just say, "I'm willing to walk out on that at a drop of a hat". I think the best part of a relationship is when BOTH parties are quite needy (aka in 'love', or in the honeymoon phase), it's literally one of the most beutifal human phenomenon around that's universally celebrated across cultures (even if it crashes and burns at the end). It's something that's totally selfless and completely unconditional.

Idk maybe it's just the whiskey in me talking after a bad breakup, but in my opinion, forming a deep connection REQUIRES both parties to be what this sub calls "needy". If that connection is severed, it's bound to fucking hurt, but if it didn't there wouldn't have been anything there to mourn over in the first place.

If you want to pull a chick at a bar/club for a ONS, disregard what I said.

godofgainz · 2019-07-29T02:53:01+00:00

The willingness to walk away is the secret to success in ALL aspects of life, whether you’re negotiating a salary/raise, sales price on a major purchase, dealing with a spouse/lover, and even deciding what to do on a Friday night with friends. When you know your own value you know how much less you’re willing to accept from other people. High value people walk when the offered price is too low. It’s just how they play the game... by their rules.

ThePepperedSteak · 2019-07-28T15:16:44+00:00

This is somewhat also true applying to women, not just men. Thanks for a well informative, wake up post!

averagentleman · 2019-07-28T17:55:39+00:00

Any thoughts on what a guy can say to make it known he isn't needy?

I have this problem where people think I am needy, but I am not. I just have kind of emotional-looking eyes. This causes others to assume lots of things, like I am looking for something serious and would have issues with rejection. While the truth is that I always stop pursuing someone at the very first sign of disinterest.

What could I say, in person and in dating app profiles, to clear up their 'needy' impression of me? I already say, 'not looking for anything serious', but I'm not sure if being that direct is believable.

hater58 · 2019-07-28T20:30:36+00:00

I agree, but this is also the main idea of Mark Manson’s book.

Braydawg9 · 2019-07-29T00:47:05+00:00

The thing I’ve never understood about this subreddit is how against texting they are. “Only text to arrange a date” bro no, every guy I know who sleeps with tons of hot girls, has fun flirty text conversations with them. It WILL translate into fun flirty conversations in real life, which will translate into sex.

Bukmeikara · 2019-07-30T12:10:10+00:00

A really great post. Recently I found the perfect girl for me and we connected emotionally. During that time she was with a long time boyfriend but I knew he isnt for her. We got close as much as possible with her staying loyal and not having sex. One month ago, she was about to end her relantionship. She had many things on her head and wanted to stay alone and told me "I dont want to be with you, I like you as friend". By that time I was invested for a year trying getting close to her and I didnt liked what I heard. Every action of hers, the way she looked at me, the way she let me close to her knowing all the way that I want to be with her, being flirthy and catchy .. all that suggested that we had potential. I needed to step back and just wait for her to see me with different eyes..... I didnt !!! I lost patience. I got needy, she became angry and one month . 10 PM and 3 calls later, she doesnt want to have anything to do with me, blocked me on Facebook and called my psychopat. All of that because I didnt gave her space to deal with her own things and become needy because of my fear. I didnt want other girls, I wanted her and I wanted it to show her that ....

I got depressed but this is also an experience. Life is about high and lows, both are needed. I hope that it would help me for the future. I would let go the idea of being with her(I could have ended forever in the friendzone). If the Universe wants two people to be together, it would happen. As for now - she hates me and vows to no know me if we ever meet :) Great post, once again. Remember guys, bad experience its the best experience. It helps appreciate the good times more

LbjamesVsMJ · 2019-07-28T22:45:48+00:00

To be honest all this is based on the level of attraction and sexual tension/energy you receive from the women.

If a women sees me as a 7/10 or up to a 8-9/10. Best believe we are exchanging numbers and texting/calling within 24-72 hours because the physical and emotional attraction is very strong, and most likely meeting again within the week or couple days.

However I do agree most women will see you as a 5-6/10 and the non neediness will increase their level of attraction and emotion for you. Not because you are sitting at home jerking off pretending to be non needy but being a man who is on the mission towards his purpose, gym life, social circle, work commitments.

Women are designed to sense every bit about a man in a subconsious level. They know when a man is faking non neediness vs actual non neediness.

Title	I feel basically all success can be defined under neediness vs non-neediness.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	304
Comments	70
Date	July 28, 2019 11:46 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ciuwpi/i_feel_basically_all_success_can_be_defined_under/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-feel-basically-all-success-can-be-defined-under.1474785 https://theredarchive.com/post/1474785

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