Is it okay to cry?

2016-11-11T10:46:24+00:00

Yes. Cry. On your own. In your room. When it's just you and your thoughts. Think of everything you need to think. Analyze what you need to analyze. Learn the lessons you need to learn. And cry. Let it out. Then sleep. Store all that thinking. Store all that analyzing. Store all of those lessons. And then wake up, get out of bed, get up, dress up, show up. Walk with your head high, and keep trucking on. Emotions are meant to be expressed. If you don't express them, they'll drag you down in your daily life. But if you express them and let them go at appropriate times, you'll have control of your daily life. We all hit dark spots. But life is all about ups and downs. And when you hit the down, you know there's a crazy up just waiting to happen.

P.S. This is the book for you man: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vBLjaN9NDMQ

ozzagahwihung · 2016-11-11T12:51:30+00:00

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Snazzy_Serval · 2016-11-11T13:45:00+00:00

It's an absolutely horrible feeling when you are struggling with women and nothing you do seems to change that.

As a (straight) man we are taught that all of our value comes from having a woman in our lives. A man who is alone is a failure. Nobody wants to be the weird uncle who never got married.

I'm 35 and have only had one girlfriend, and that relationship lasted six months. To say that I'm angry about life is a gross understatement.

I wish I had some advice to give, and to tell you that it will work out. Unfortunately I can't.

needoptionsnow · 2016-11-11T13:48:26+00:00

I think seeing my dad cry after my grandfather passed away was one of the most alpha things that he has done. My sister, my mother, my father and I all stood in our kitchen holding onto eachother. We all just sort of cried. Hearing the deep genuine crying of my dad as he internalized that his own father had just died hit me in the deepest parts of my soul.

Mitogi · 2016-11-11T15:33:32+00:00

Dude, self improvement isn't about being "happy". self improvement is about getting to know the real you, being honest with your emotions, and learning about how YOU tick.

getting to know yourself is also knowing where your weaknesses lay, and accepting them. happiness isn't smiling and laughing all the time, it is about satisfaction, about knowing where your limits are and being fine with that.

just enjoy life one time a day without butchering your inner self for all that went wrong, your life is not over yet, much still has to come and you are crossing your own borders.

THAT ON IT'S OWN IS AN AMAZING ACHIEVEMENT.

allowing yourself to cry is honesty towards your own emotions, which is so much better then to just hide it in a dark place.

two steps forward, one step back, is still one step forward. so stop worrying, and be okay with you being you, also with other people around.

Mitogi · 2016-11-11T21:42:41+00:00

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agentphunk · 2016-11-11T12:13:04+00:00

There's a great book called "The Charisma Myth" that I think you (and everyone actually) should read. The myth part is that you can only be born with charisma, and it can't be learned. Well, it can, and this book teaches you simple things to out you in a positive frame of mind, to be confident, to re-write those negative emotions that are dogging you, and more. Here's a summary but you should really read the whole book (which is quick and easy). I think maybe you just need to implement some of the tips here and everything might start falling in place for you. Good luck!

DUDETUDE101 · 2016-11-11T15:38:59+00:00

Don't let the insecurity of self-improvement hinder your self-improvement.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2016-11-11T10:48:02+00:00

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depredador93 · 2016-11-11T17:15:46+00:00

Meditate dude.

pacollegENT · 2016-11-11T18:14:58+00:00

No external situations besides your core needs like shelter food and safety will lead to your happiness. Check out maslows heirarchy of needs.

In addition to that point I think it is important to anaylze WHY you want to cry. Crying is natural. It is okay.

Now, having said that, you should still try your best to understand why you feel this way.

To me it seems like you are trying to change yourself externally, and internally, to achieve something outside of yourself. While this is good, you need to understand that a sense of self worth and peace do not come from just changing your clothes, making new friends, and getting that perfect lay.

No one knows the key to "happiness" and the way I deal with that is little "experiements".

Every day I try to change a little bit of what I do, or what I am planning to do etc..by looking at what others do any how my life has gone.

If you have gotten to this point and done a lot, look back at what you did that helped and what you did that hurt. Anaylze the changes you made. This is science!

Anaylze your situation and continually try to improve. Do not be a robot and relax though and have fun, let loose!

And lastly, if you are really really feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness or depression etc.. despite trying to better yourself, keep speaking with a therapist or trying routes like that.

At the end of the day everyone is different and what works for you may not work for someone else and vice versa.

Figuring out what makes you happy and fulfilled is the journey of life! There are no right answers, just suggestions and past advice from people who have tried.

sharp_as_stars · 2016-11-11T18:42:32+00:00

First of: I salute you for doing the work. It takes balls to actually DO something about your life rather than stick with theories and wishful thinking.

When I got dumped by the end of last year I used to cry for hours in my apartment. Like literally hours. This lasted for three months. [later on I become aware that it was about something far more important than just a break up] Just when I thought it got better I began to cry while listening to random songs, watching touching videos on YT or just without a reason. Crying is the best way to process your emotions. I would say it's the most manly thing a man can do - fully process his pain.

I don't know how far are you within your process but please be patient and know that this takes more than few months to get solved. It's f*cking november and I just had few days off a random cry 'attacks' which lasted for three weeks.

I would say that the work you are doing actually works - you begin to dig and reach the really deep and dark stuff. Don't let it scare you away. Keep diging. Keep doing the therapy, keep taking care of yourself and keep faith.

Remember that you are not alone. Anyone who goes on the inner game journey faces this. You'll manage.

mcmackie · 2016-11-12T02:12:22+00:00

Man fuck life

helpmeiamblind · 2016-11-12T12:08:29+00:00

Thank you everyone for the nice words. I really needed that. And full disclosure: I read your comments and I cried. I actually cried a lot last night. I cried in my room for hours until sleep took over. And to be honest, even when I woke up today, I still cried. It took me like three hours to get out of bed. But here I am, still alive, still standing, still wanting to improve myself. I might not be back on my feet fully yet and I know I probably won't be for another few days, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror again and be proud of what I managed to achieve, as little as it may be.

It's just that after all that hard work, all those years of pain and suffering and gritting my teeth to go just one more step, to crawl just one more inch out of my comfort zone... all I want is someone to notice. Someone to give me a pat on the shoulder and a "Well done, man. Well done." I know this is all about inner game and I shouldn't look for validation from others. I know. And I understand. But I just can't help myself sometimes.

Where_is_dutchland · 2016-11-11T11:55:45+00:00

Of course it's okay to cry. Crying is an emotion, and you'd be lying to yourself if you wouldn't accept that emotion.

Look at it positively: you're already so far that you actually see what's going on. You see that you're making the same mistakes, and are going back the same old results. But there's no harm in that man. Just make sure you're not loosing who you want to be in the process.

Working on yourself is hard indeed, and a process you probably never truly finish. Look at it as a climb to the top, with scenic views on the way up. Every top you achieve gives you a new scenic view, and a new top to aim at. But the road to that top sometimes mean going down first.

It's okay to fail sometimes, especially when you take note of that failure and make sure you learn something from it. But don't wear yourself out in the process, there still needs to be something left to enjoy ;)

JesterMaster · 2016-11-11T16:48:44+00:00

It's OK to cry by yourself in your room. Everything you said you changed is great but you're missing one crucial piece - lifting. You have to lift. People that haven't experienced this will tell you it's bullshit but those that lift know the truth. As a man you have to have strenuous activity. This stimulated production of testosterone. And testosterone is magic for a man. It changes your perspective. A good lift session makes you feel like superman. So go lift and see how you feel in 6 months. If it doesn't do anything, then stop and call me a bullshitter. But if your mindset changes, pass this advice along. We need more strong men in this world.

2016-11-11T17:54:15+00:00

I've been going through similar times, and a recent loss of a family member really put me over. I had a meltdown at work and had to leave early. Nothing in my life really seemed to be working, and I cried for the first time in years. My outer shell of masculinity cracked, and I was sobbing like a little girl. I know a lot of people on this sub read about being "alpha" or acting confident to find success, but a huge aspect is learning about yourself. The greatest moments of clarity come from low points. I always tell myself at the end of the day, "it gets better."

cena7577 · 2016-11-11T18:03:15+00:00

Embrace all your feelings and let them out! It's okey to cry. You're a human being. And don't judge yourself for it.

schulmanskybowman · 2016-11-11T22:11:49+00:00

take lexapro

2016-11-11T18:56:24+00:00

Fuck yeah its okay. Men need to be more vulnerable with themselves and others. Doesn't mean being a sap, it means talking about yourself not on a superficial level. Be real.

Unless you only care about ONS and shit, you need to be real with people. Both you and your girl will feel more comfortable.

Feel the pain, accept it for what it is, and try to IMPROVE yourself, not change it.

Twobeersonepint · 2016-11-11T13:31:28+00:00

Emotions are never wrong. They just are. Denying them doesn't help. Having said that, I feel that he worst thing you can do is give up. Maybe the way you do things now doesn't work for you. If so, change your game plan. You didn't fail, you just found a number of ways that don't work for you. Now that you know that, you can try something else. Strive for progress, not perfection! I know it sounds cheesy, but this approach helped me a lot.

HotpotatotomatoStew · 2016-11-11T13:48:34+00:00

It's absolutely okay to cry, but it's not attractive according to women. What I do when the pressures of the world are too much is hop in the shower for a while with some music on. My SO can't hear or see me cry and when I hop out of the shower, it just looks like soap got on my eyes.

That being said, when I was quitting drinking (massive alcohol, sober for nearly a year now) I cried in front of her once. She was completely understanding and there for me. In fact, she told me my vulnerability was attractive because it made me more... Human. So I guess there are specific cases for everything.

I was in a similar boat as you for a long time. It took years of development and feeling the crushing weight of the world before I finally started to understand the art of seduction.

The reason that I'm telling you all of this is because I'm always here to listen. I know we don't know eachother but if you just need a release, I will always empathize. Life's tough and it's impossible to go it alone and still be happy. Send me a PM if you need an ear.

FistyMcBeefPunchy · 2016-11-11T15:43:03+00:00

Hey man, real men cry sometimes. Ain't no reason to be ashamed of that. I know it's frustrating, I've been there too. Fortify, brother.

tramplemestilsken · 2016-11-11T16:28:13+00:00

Everyone feels like that sometimes. It's like losing in the playoffs and looking back thinking it's all for nothing. But in life, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. Learn to love the journey, and what you learn about the world and yourself along the way. The destination is the same for all of us, so don't set yourself up for failure with some silly idea that having or being x will make you happy. Learn to the love improving, solving your problems, and continuing to think about what you want in the next version of yourself. You, today, I'm sure is way better than version 1.1 you were working with before. Keep your head up man. We all have gone through that down swing. It will pass.

I_Main_TwistedFate · 2016-11-11T17:16:53+00:00

I will be honest with you, I cry to thinking about all my failures but very slowly i know that i am improving somewhere in my life.

External12 · 2016-11-11T17:25:23+00:00

Crying is okay but like other said to not make things harder for yourself make sure you do it in private or when talking with someone very very close to you. But crying is okay because I see it as mentally getting over something or accepting it even though I don't like it. And then after that it seems to get easier or I may even forget about it or care less, but that could also just be me getting older too.

shinslap · 2016-11-11T17:43:20+00:00

You need to stop trying and caring so hard and let happiness come to you

2016-11-11T19:15:24+00:00

Just don't let your emotions get the better of you. That's all they are, emotions, nothing more. They do not define you.

jeteraway2345 · 2016-11-11T19:19:34+00:00

I am jealous :) It's hard for me to cry physically due to past conditioning so the feeling sucks for much longer. Maybe it's like barfing, might not like it but you'd feel great afterwards. Keeping it in feels worse. So let'rrip.

DyeKnowMight · 2016-11-11T20:03:15+00:00

Some days I feel the same way, and those days will reoccur from time to time. Just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes you're in a curve and can't see it, but if you keep moving forward, it'll reappear brighter than before.

hostergaard · 2016-11-11T21:29:23+00:00

Keep at it, it gets better. Its hard work and takes a long time, but sooner or latter you will look back and be amazed at all the change that happened.

I was a virgin til 25, today I have been with more girls than I can remember. It took years of hard work, but you will get there.

2016-11-11T21:32:42+00:00

A junkie on the streets of Amsterdam once told me "Life is hard, mannnn". I didn't realise at the time how fucking right he was. Have a cry from time to time. Hell I watch videos from time to time with the sole purpose of letting some emotions out of the cage. (Soldiers coming home to their kids, if you must know). Your stuck in your own head, I'm going to preach what RSD Max does. Self amuse, that way if your still bombing at least your having fun while doing it.

Noosterdam · 2016-11-11T21:44:41+00:00

If you actually changed all that are getting the same results, it can only be because you're overthinking it.

Time to stop thinking, stop trying to "do pickup." Just go out and enjoy yourself, be social, no thoughts. In a few weeks you might be ready to accidentally fall into some approaches that you didn't notice you were even doing. Then you're ready. Pickup shouldn't feel like pickup.

Either that or you need serious inner game work. Of course you can cry (not in front of chicks though). Learn to enjoy just being alive before you try to get enjoyment from women; otherwise you will always come off as needy no matter what you do. Seeing that you moved to another country for this shows how much it means to you. Nothing wrong with that, but do it from a place of improving your life, not merely trying to feel happy with life itself - that should be a given :)

2016-11-11T22:29:42+00:00

Hey man don't get down. Getting girls is not the ultimate goal. You shouldn't have to change who you are or act fake to impress girls. Soon there will be a girl that will come along and like you for you. Going out and sleeping with multiple women isn't for everyone and it definitely isn't better than having 1 special girl either.

PRSouthern · 2016-11-11T22:56:42+00:00

"If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special." Jim Valvano, Head Coach of NC State Basketball, 1983 NCAA Basketball Champions

2016-11-11T23:17:37+00:00

Read A New Earth by Eckart Tolle.

2016-11-12T00:49:08+00:00

Ive been at it for 2 months. Its very hard. Ive made very little progress. Keep at it, especially if you're naturally introverted.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2016-11-12T01:03:48+00:00

I'm with most of the advice here. Would like to add. Yes, it won't help you in the long run to cry to a bunch of women, but don't be afraid to answer honestly to your bros when they ask you how you are doing. If you have valid concerns, be honest about them. There is a time and a place for crying of course, but keeping your emotions in the dark is trouble and really unhealthy. This is why being open and honest and crying in therapy is a good thing. When I realize I'm in an unreasonably bad mood or being kind of bitch I'll often just throw on some metal and start screaming. I'll work myself up and rage a bit and see what comes out. Sometimes it's nothing and I have no problem admitting that sometimes I cry. A good cry is cathartic and healthy.

Kvmabis · 2016-11-12T01:35:44+00:00

Yeah, cry. Just try again the next day.

bones_and_love · 2016-11-12T03:10:26+00:00

Maybe some advice from the godfather can help you out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idP5-vtkhBE

fps_trucka · 2016-11-12T07:32:18+00:00

Something I learned way too late is you gotta find happiness by yourself before you can find an SO.

Quipp_ · 2016-11-12T07:37:24+00:00

Why did you start to change? What was the pain that you could note take anymore? Because this list is pretty impressive my friend. You can be proud of yourself. By doing all this you learned so much about yourself. The second question what is your (unconscious) believe story you tell yourself? Let me know the answer.

mindmonkey00 · 2016-11-12T17:18:49+00:00

Your real problem is that you're trying too hard. You want it way too badly. The real approach is to stop being outcome dependant and just be yourself. Don't feel like every interaction is a challenge that needs to lead to something more. Just enjoy the time as it is and chemistry will begin developing in the natural way. Let yourself fail and let yourself fail hard. Learn to take it in stride and densensitise yourself from it. Once you learn all of this it's only going to keep getting better.

msmiitz · 2016-11-11T11:56:37+00:00

Have some patience. And stop trying to improve your experience.

Imjustkidding · 2016-11-11T17:49:18+00:00

It sounds like you've been doing all of your self improvement for the wrong person.

Listen, if you put your happiness onto anything other than yourself you're going to always lose. These woman you're trying to impress will never make you happy. Don't get me wrong, socialising and crushing it with woman can be very liberating. But the most important thing is how you feel and by the sounds of it... It could use some improvement.

Go ahead and cry friend, but understand that to live is to suffer. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, but only as much as you need. Treat your mistakes with the same tenderness that you'd treat a child with. Like I said you are all you've got for the rest of your life, so be nice.

My suggestion to you:

Don't even think about woman, if a conversation presents itself then don't go out of your way to avoid it, but put them on the back burner.

Put just a fraction of the time and energy that you've dedicated to seduction towards mindfulness.

Check out /r/Buddhism /r/meditation /r/theredpill

praisebetothedeepone · 2016-11-11T20:13:03+00:00

When you play a video game what difficulty setting do you play?

archangelone · 2016-11-11T20:24:25+00:00

I'm late to the party, but, live your life for you, not a woman (or women).

grass_cutter · 2016-11-11T20:22:17+00:00

First, watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b7bgtu2O4E

Next. Realize that the universe is an absurdity. One giant absurdity. It's a miracle us space monkeys on a rock are alive at all. The universe doesn't owe you jack shit. Period. It won't bend to your will, but you can stand up and make shit happen yourself.

Keep going. You thought you made the necessary changes to get the dating lifestyle you wanted. You either didn't or your concept or what works is off. Re-assess.

Realize that your method of improvement may not be working. Is reading more books always the best way of improving? Is being an approach machine always the best way of improving? Are there better ways?

Get some feedback from cool guys and girls - not Reddit - on your fashion, sense of dress, what image they see in you, out the gate.

Consider hitting the gym hard. Consider taking up BJJ or a martial art for confidence.

Consider moving to a country where your nationality/ race is an advantage with women, if you're really that mobile. Then, play the field, and play it hard. If it's not working, actively assess. Don't think that merely getting "1000 reps" will somehow change you, if you're doing the same shit over and over again.

Feel free to take a day to mope and lament the absurdity of the universe and how it isn't just a string of easy orgasms. Then dust yourself off and get back to work.

Mitogi · 2016-11-11T12:30:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Is it okay to cry?
Author	helpmeiamblind
Upvotes	229
Comments	68
Date	November 11, 2016 10:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5cdv1x/is_it_okay_to_cry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-okay-to-cry.1286732 https://theredarchive.com/post/1286732

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