After I posted on r/tinder a few weeks ago I got about a dozen messages asking me to tell them what I was doing with online dating. So here it is. Disclaimer : May be mixed results This profile was created 4 months ago and I am currently in a college town with approximately 90,000 people total.

FIRST THINGS FIRST : Know thine enemy

In this case, figurative enemies are two things : Tinder algorithms and subconscious dislike of you from people. To disarm the algorithm, only swipe right on people who you think swiped right on you. When I swipe right, 80% of the time it is a match. This is not due to me being extremely attractive, simply know the type I tend to attract and therefore swipe right on the individuals I think I will match with. This tells the algorithm that you are picky and it will show you to more people. Do not swipe right more than 1 out of 4. If it comes up with 4 people in a row who you would like to swipe right on, close the app and reopen, this will cause the order to shuffle.

The next part of Know Thine Enemy is to identify what will attract the desired demographic. Take pictures accordingly and put things in your profile that fit this demographic. For example, the demographic I desire is thus : college student women who are typically bisexual, ex-mormon or partially christian, indie type that thrifts and hikes and does artsy things. Therefore I take photos that would appeal to the majority of these women. I will post an imgur link below with my photos (censored) as examples. These are not all current ones, but photos I have used in the past with great success. In your bio/profile, do not write more than a couple sentences, keep it lighthearted and play to your strengths. For example : I as a person am not very humorous or funny, so I do not put any kind of jokes or humor in my bio. Instead I state what I am looking for in a lighthearted manner and talk about a few things I am interested in. Screenshots of this here

PHOTOS : Capture and select the right ones

Use no less than 3 photos, and no more than 6. There are a million and one guides to taking and choosing high quality photos so I will skip all of that jazz and instead focus on what to be in the photos. Your first photo is ideally from shoulders up to over your head. Smiling, good lighting, clear face (no masks) and straight on angle. No messy rooms, no bathroom selfies. Ideal first photos here Second photo should be a body shot in a setting that fits your theme. For me, this is wearing a daisy chain crown here with my scarf in motion. After those 2 main ones, do photos in different outfits, different setting, preferably ones that showcase yourself doing the things you talk about and (presumably) engage in.

NEXT THING : Play to your strengths

If you are a software developer, know that the types of people you attract will likely be one or more of several types : They are interested in your intelligence and intellectual skills, or your (perceived anyway) money and the stability it provides. These are not an end all be all but it should give you an idea.

Using me as an example again, I play to my strengths of artistic talent : I create pottery, I sing, and I did competitive ballroom dance. I mention these in my bio (not all of them, you need some mystery remaining so they can "discover" and feel enthralled) and usually get messages about these. If you are an avid mountain biker, then people that are into you will (likely) be athletic as well, probably in a different way but still in a relatively similar mindset. Take these people mountain biking on easy trails, compliment their quick learning, and get something to drink after. I personally like to take a girl swing dancing to a club in my city, whirl her around for a few hours, then grab ice cream next door while she is breathless and gushing about your twirling abilities.

TEXTING : Strategies

This is the main thing I lack. I absolutely abhor texting, especially people I am not intellectually close to, and therefore am not proficient at starting conversations in an intriguing way. Hopefully someone else can give you better direction on this than I. What usually ends up happening is I say one of 2 things : If she looks like she is the type I want I say "what is up pretty bitch I like your style", and I say it exactly like that, no punctuation or capitalization. This is to align with how they will likely text. Again, this is part of Know Thine Enemy. The other thing I say, which I use if they don't look like they would be receptive to the other is this : "Hey you're real pretty, but you would be even prettier with clay on your hands. Come make pottery with me ?" The best way is if they text you first. This has a much higher success rate.

Ask them about the things they love, but do not say "what do you like" if you can help it. Instead, try to extrapolate what they like from what is in their pictures and profile. Regardless, people like to talk about their passions. Be a good listener by asking follow up questions, offer opinions but not as often as you would like to. If they ask you a question, be sure to respond with an open ended answer. Don't be afraid to offer a differing option from them, as is shows confidence in yourself. I always state it like so : Honestly I'm not really into [activity or musical artist or whatever it is] but it [they/he/she] seems pretty cool. What would you say if you were to try to convert me ?

When you compliment a person, make sure to do it by : 1. Make the compliment about something they choose or choose to accentuate (example : a girl with dyed hair or a nose ring, or overalls) and 2. Make it in a lighthearted manner, as being too serious will subconsciously turn them off.

Last thing on texting is this : if you text too much before the first date it takes away from the all important mystery and discovery. You need them to "uncover" things about you and be excited about it.

IN PERSON DATES

Hygiene is something I won't go into, as this topic has been exhausted as well. Read somewhere else for this.

Personally I will never go on a date with a person who I don't immediately click with in the first 6-10 messages. I also refuse to do anything for a date that is passive. Instead of going out to get food I suggest we go grocery shopping to buy ingredients then cook it ourselves and eat. Instead of going to a movie I offer an informal pottery or dancing lesson. Physical movement releases endorphins and will create an overall more positive experience for your date, and will consciously or subconsciously associate you with those feelings. If you have a picnic basket or blanket, go shopping and buy artisan bread, spreadable cheese, fruit, chocolate or a dessert of choice, and wine (or substitute). Go somewhere shady and free of bugs, arrange things neatly and spread the cheese for them and offer first. Pour the drinks for them.

Preferable first date ideas : Dance club, lessons are good Cooking together (don't forget the taylor swift) Painting together outdoors or in a university or somewhere similar Picnic outdoors

Basically it doesn't matter as long as the emotions felt are both lingering and positive.

Break the touch barrier (easy if dancing) as soon as you can, but absolutely no kissing in the 2 hours unless it fits the situation incredibly well, such as a perfect spin into dip while dancing. Take her hand and guide the brush if painting, take her hand and help her down a ledge if hiking, take her hands and shape them correctly while holding a chef knife.

Like with the texting, ask them about the things, people, and places they love. Talk about it with them, and talk some about the things you love as well. Do not interrupt for anything, and be diplomatic with your words.

I think that's everything, been typing this for a good hour and a half so if I'm missing anything let me know, or if you have questions feel free to ask them The only proof I have that this works and is from me : click

TLDR : the steps 1. KNOW THINE ENEMY 2. TAKE AND CHOOSE THEMATIC PHOTOS 3. PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS 4. TEXT ENGAGINGLY BUT MINIMALLY 5. SPEND TIME PHYSICALLY MOVING TOGETHER AND OPTIMALLY CREATING SOMETHING 6. Above all, be communicative and open, be bold, confident, be receptive, diplomatic, and charismatic.

Again, questions are welcome.

Edit : wow this formatting is really awful, it was fine in my notes I swear. Edit 2 : Use photofeeler.com (free) to test how smart, trustworthy, and attractive your photos make you look