Prefacing this with; I love the overall sentiment of the book. It unlocked a shit load of new perspectives for me when I read it a few years back (read it for the first time in 2017).

It spoke to me because I started getting really caught up in 'what's the best line?' for example, when it came to apps. Not so much IRL. But IRL, I would not express myself as fluidly to girls I fancied (for example). This book started to oil those vulnerability gears and I can safely say I had some really good years a few years back where I was more untethered to perfectionism and more authentically me.

I'm re-reading the book and I do share those same sentiments, but I do find that there are huge flaws with the whole vulnerability concept. I'm writing this post mainly to see what all of your views are on this and mainly to debate and be proven wrong with alternative/better thinking.

I feel all-in vulnerability can get you into so much trouble (and for me it has). MM preaches that if you're not expressing your emotions, you're needy and therefore inauthentic and that this is unattractive.

However, what happens, when your boss says/does something you don't agree with. You can't just tell them your raw thoughts (i.e. 'you're an idiot dave, that makes no sense').

Equally, there's a family-friend of mine I told to 'fuck off' when he was boasting about how much money he was making at a family dinner when I wasn't doing so well financially. Needless to say I ruffled a lot of feathers and some of my family relationships haven't been the same since. I.e. maybe it was better to look at the bigger-picture and not be vulnerable in that instance.

Finally, when you're in a relationship, but you still really fancy other women (who doesn't), his concept/teaching would imply that you should tell them so (because you fancy them). However, you're then clearly jeopardising your relationship (again, something I did).

Tl;dr To a degree all-out vulnerability is borderline autistic. You don't see a fat person and say 'my lord you're fat as fuck'

But then how do you toe the line and activate vulnerability when you need to? I find I can only either do one or the other and find it hard to strike a balance.