The Oneitis Dilemma

RcskaSedd · 2011-11-04T15:29:32+00:00

I'm actually going through the same thing right now, i have an abundance mentality (trusting my skills to pick up more women.) but their is a certain girl i like that isn't giving me the attention that i want, so i obsess about her. I actually made it my goal to lose attachment to her, not completely, i still like her and i would still date her, but i'm not so outcome dependent if she goes out with some one else, or doesn't date me. Going through this is normal, my advise is lose attachment to that person, mingle with other girls, when you get good with every girl, then go back to her and see if she still holds your interest or not. Edit grammar

clutchPUA · 2011-11-04T17:11:57+00:00

We like what is hard to get. The girls that play the game and make you work harder, will make you feel like, once you get her, she is more worth it than say a girl who gives it up on the first date. Its like...you win..now you want to keep your prize.

sillymallard · 2011-11-04T15:53:16+00:00

Unfortunately, it may be more imbedded into us than one would hope. Psychologists have a term for oneitis, called limerence. We discussed it a couple months ago: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/k8q3n/til_oneitus_has_actually_been_researched_and/

asad16 · 2011-11-04T18:20:16+00:00

This may sound a little backwards but I think you need to experience oneitis more than once. I think finding that special girl that you want so bad can be beneficial for you. If you experience this more often, it makes it easier to detach yourself from it.

Everyone has had that one girl you went crazy over and it probably took you forever to get over her, but what if this happens more and more often. I'm a rAFC, but I've experience this so often that I just know when its happening and I'm done with it. Shit it sucks, but it was easier to get over that girl after knowing what is the end result from previous experiences.

I'm not saying you should go find a girl you can have one-itis over, but maybe use your previous experiences as a reason to separate yourself from that girl

puaCurveBall · 2011-11-04T16:31:45+00:00

There are not an abundance of extremely HQ, super rare women out there. That which is abundant does not have much value, by definition.

If you have low standards, then yes there is always enough pussy around to keep your dick wet. When you get bored of that and want an extremely confident, capable, smart woman, then of course you start to latch on when you find one. In fact then the abundance of lower quality only increases the HQ one's value in your eyes.

I think the cure to oneitis is being truly happy with yourself as a single man, and not by amassing abundance of women.

I'll take a single badass of a woman over 20 doe-eyed girls without a backbone who would do whatever I say any day of the week.

reyawaworht · 2011-11-04T16:48:58+00:00

The way to have abundance mentality is to have an abundance. That's really the only way to have it for real.

It's "fake it until you make it". You, right now, are mentally acknowledging that you have oneitis for this girl. You know this is bad. So you do not ACT like you have oneitis for this girl. Then, eventually, by not acting like a person who often gets oneitis, you get more women and eventually become this person.

Same goes for pretty much all of the inner game stuff, like confidence. You can't magically be confident but you can stop making decisions like someone who lacks confidence. You can stop responding to texts immediately because you know that sends the wrong message. You can stop saying things like "You're really pretty and cool" when you first meet a girl. You can stop doing all those things, and then eventually you'll get REAL results which results in objective proof of your awesomeness.

I'm suffering from oneitis right now too - theres one amazingly cute girl who i'm waiting for a text from and it's agonizing, because I sent her a text message that contained a joke that she might have taken seriously. Part of me wants to send her another message, cave, apologize, and "explain" myself, even though I have no idea if she took it seriously. But that's not what a confident person would do, so i'm not going to do that. I still "feel" the oneitis, and it sucks, but at least i'm going to overcome my desires to put her on a pedestal.

PublicStranger · 2011-11-04T17:10:25+00:00

There is a natural human tendency to pair up, and I suspect some people are naturally more inclined that way than others.

Jrix · 2011-11-05T03:02:31+00:00

I have abundance mentality and oneitus over a girl who does return affections.

I've become so full of contradictions since then I don't know wtf is going on inside my head anymore.

JayTS · 2011-11-04T23:34:27+00:00

This is why I suck at relationships. As soon as I'm in a committed relationship, the attraction immediately begins to decline, and after about a month I'm already looking for someone else. Every relationship longer than 4 months for me has been an unofficial one, where we never declared mutual exclusivity.

Krieger9 · 2011-11-04T17:53:03+00:00

It may be a natural tendancy. What is also a natural tendancy is to just accept something as invevitable because it's a natural tendancy.

Just keep working at it, when you catch it, make sure you know what your doing and then stop doing it. Allow your self to fail and then do it all over again.

You can change your thought patterns with effort and tenacity. Everybody can you just have to not give up on yourself and not kid yoruself about your helplessness. Willpower is like a muscle and grows strong with use. Be determined and your mind set will change.

chadeusmaximus · 2011-11-04T18:58:54+00:00

I thought reddit loves girl gamers?

Title	The Oneitis Dilemma
Author	nycprowl
Upvotes	55
Comments	42
Date	November 4, 2011 3:24 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/m0cub/the_oneitis_dilemma/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-oneitis-dilemma.1324605 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324605

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