Truth about cold approaches

Special_Rice9539 · 2026-08-16T20:32:49+00:00

Yes it’s the worst way to meet women, except for all the other ways lol.

If you’re able to sleep with a lot of women through online dating or social circle, more power to you. I have never been able to make online dating work, and the guys I know who actually make social circle work do a ton of cold-approach to keep adding new leads to their social circle

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-08-16T16:53:04+00:00

It’s been talked about a lot. You’re talking about day game. The low rate result has been well known for years if not decades. That’s why some people tried to tweak the methods to see if they could yield high result. To be fair, I’m not a big proponent of a “regular” day game approach.

If you want better results with similar time span and deal with much easier resistance, night game is where it’s at. Bars and clubs are where a lot of women seek to have “fun” and let loose, and they know there’s always a chance they get a hookup. It’s where it’s been the norm/approved by society to go home from night partying with a stranger for a one night stand.

But to be totally fair with all means; you also need to compare it to “social circle” game. Just because she’s in your social circle doesn’t mean it’s significantly easier than day game. How many guys put themselves in friendzone. Or how women just see him “as a friend, nothing more.” This is why there’s also some methods to play the social circle game instead of simply hitting on them. I think the investment both in time and energy between social circle vs cold approach is also equal, if not more. The results? See if you can hit on all hot women in your social circles and how many you lays you get, but before you know it they all tell each other same story about your attempt hitting on them lol.

I always suggest to use all means you have. Cold approaches, dating apps, social circles are not mutually exclusive.

Key-Watercress2283 · 2026-08-16T21:13:56+00:00

Idk it's been pretty cool for me and I just started it.

Pristineonk · 2026-08-16T20:41:40+00:00

It's a numbers game. Accept that you will need too approach a hell of a lot of hot girls to get some action (unless you are a very good looking dude). It can be fun though. Embrace it

Confident_Theme_8791 · 2026-08-16T23:00:11+00:00

The thing is this: Women need to be comfortable with you before letting themselves go. But getting comfortable with a stranger you just met is very hard. If the guy has an especially masculine appearance she might be attracted but she still might reject him because she didnt have the time to get comfortable with him, you can't build comfort approaching a woman on the streets and talking to her for 5 mins, at least it doesn't work for me, unless the woman is used to be in "dangerous" situations, and you don't want those women around.

Relevant_Occasion_33 · 2026-08-16T16:51:30+00:00

For a lot of us, cold approach is more efficient than just expecting women to show up at our male dominated workplace or friend groups.

I honestly think cold approach is ridiculous, if I’d known a few of the women I dated through cold approach better beforehand I wouldn’t have spent my time or energy on them. But honestly, it’s my only chance to interact with or date attractive women.

rocksos · 2026-08-16T17:54:55+00:00

it's a huge huge numbers game, but surely everyone understands that nowadays.

You are trying to find the girls who are single, sociable with strangers AND who think you are hot. Them girls are 'gameable'. The rest aren't

So depeending on where you live and how you look etc, it could take you 1000 approaches or 5 approaches to get lucky

hunterpua · 2026-08-16T17:38:08+00:00

Yeah, here's the thing, and this is coming from a guy who has given thousands of comments worth of advice on cold approach on this subreddit for 9 years now...

The best settings to meet women go in this order:

3 - Dating Apps

2 - Cold Approach

1 - Social Circle

You can be very successful doing cold approach.

I've had meaningful relationships from cold approach.

I've had multiple FWBs who knew I was sleeping with others and still chose to stick around from cold approach.

But I've also had that with Social Circle. And they come exponentially easier.

For example, the way I used my social circle to get me multiple FWBs is just by telling my close male and female friends to be very open about the fact that I'm polyamorous.

So that when we have a get together and someone brings a girl I don't know, she's likely to already know about me being poly, so if we meet and things escalate to sex, she already knows what she's signing up for.

And she's meeting you in an environment that paints you in the best light, because you're surrounded by people that really value you.

But the reason I don't just dismiss cold approach is because not everyone has an awesome social life.

Not everyone is even very well respected by the current people they hang out with.

Some can't even trust their guy friends with a girl they bring over.

And cold approach is essentially the power to acquire relationships on command.

Relationships in general. Even friendships.

A lot of the skills you develop from cold approach are the same skills you use to make new friends.

Cold approach is essentially the skill to build rapport quickly with someone you just met.

And when you're making new friends in a "warmer" environment like a class, or a gym, or a networking event, when you're good at cold approach its like shooting fish in a barrel.

And if you're in a social circle you're not quite happy with, that's how you make them expendable.

That's how I built a social circle that regularly introduced me to new girls, because I was able to choose people and I could afford to cut ties with anyone who got in the way of that.

I talked about that in detail on this subreddit before. Anyone who wants to see that, let me know and I'll send it to you here.

So OP, if you're happy with your dating life and you're happy with your social life, congratulations! That's awesome.

And I absolutely agree that Cold Approach is a lower level to work from.

But not everyone is in a position in their lives where they can start out at a higher level. Some need to start at a lower level and build up from there.

And to all of you who are in that position, where your friends would more likely clown on you when you have a girl around instead of helping you out, yes, Cold Approach, but don't stagnate there, build up to something bigger and better, and replace those losers who hinder you with people that bring real value to your life.

Most-Famous-Wasabi · 2026-08-17T02:28:29+00:00

No woman leaves the house in the morning thinking "gosh, I really don't want to be swept off my feet today".

Also - you have to understand what the *actual purpose* of cold approach is.

Cold approach is training. It is the "gym of seduction".
It helps you to develop your social skills while you condition your nervous system.

When done well and consistently, it erodes the power that fear of rejection has over your body.

The idea isn't to get girlfriends - although that is a highly likely side-effect.

The idea is that when you see the woman of your dreams, you'll be ready to start a conversation with her.

You won't identify with the fear. You'll see your mental excuses for what they are and you'll act anyway. You'll go into a more charismatic state. You won't care about rejection. Your nervous system won't go into freeze/fight/flight modes.

You nervous system will have accrued evidence that there walking up to her is a natural thing, and that you've done this hundreds of time without dying.

StruggleElectronic67 · 2026-08-17T05:02:30+00:00

They hardly ever work success rates extremely low but it’s good to get practice conversing with people

plz_callme_swarley · 2026-08-16T18:23:35+00:00

lol ya, cold approach is honestly so stupid. it's been pushed by different groups for different reasons.

for dudes who get no action on apps they think they'll have better chances IRL but often dont.

for girls who are tired of modern dating and men who want to hookup but not get into a committed relationship they think cold approaches are going to change that but it doesn't.

back in the day no one met via cold approach in the grocery store. they met through friends, work, hobbies, etc. you had lots of small interactions and eventually felt comfortable with someone so you'd go on a date with them.

the PUAs actively took advantage of a brief period of time where women were being more promiscuous, but there wasn't an easy way to actually scratch that urge socially. if you went home with a guy from the bar all your friends saw it. if you met some dude who you chatted with on the sidewalk and went home with him then no one knew.

once apps existed, then that niche was gone. girls that wanna get fucked can pick from 100s and do a decent amount of filtering beforehand.

KirbyTheCat2 · 2026-08-16T19:46:50+00:00

If you don't practice talking to women, don't get over approach anxiety... you end up missing all the opportunities that life serves you! From experience, it is soul crushing!

confused_8357 · 2026-08-16T17:08:45+00:00

Idk ..you get to talk to the hottest and beautiful women..yes first impressions matter and you need a high volume but there are receptive women out there.

I have a friend who got laid like 10 times in 2 months just by normal daygame..yes he is handsome and he gets rejected many times but his investment is like 5 min chit chat.

And even if its inefficient..cold approach will drop your social anxiety , desensitise you to rejection even harsh ones and give you insane confidence and escalate to insta date or lay

Tactical_Testicles01 · 2026-08-17T02:22:12+00:00

Comfortable-Tart-420 · 2026-08-17T04:16:56+00:00

sure but like, depends where u live. also highly disagree with the brad pitt analogy

Big_Nick_1313 · 2026-08-16T19:51:10+00:00

It’s called day game for a reason. Games are fun, and this one is really fun.

Now go play on tinder.

Cavsfan724 · 2026-08-16T17:36:20+00:00

Cold Approach is more for the fact that despite low success rate it gives you the most available women and it's for guys that for various reasons their social connections just don't have much if any women available.

eyewave · 2026-08-16T18:31:13+00:00

French "philosopher" Alain Soral has written a book on the topic in past times before he went full conspiracy nuts.

He basically says cold approach only makes sense when the man who does it is basically stripped apart from any community. So for example guy who's new in town, no friends or family who might know about his reputation or actions (+ side) but also no friends to have his back (- side).

So basically it was theorized that even failed attempts at seduction can, on the good days, minimum lead to getting out of one's comfort zone and meeting people who can become friends.

That was I think in early 2000's and a bit before the rise of "pick-up artists". Then of course, when each lonely man calls himself a pick-up artist and goes trying hard, it will become a bother real quick.

epimpstyle · 2026-08-16T18:46:06+00:00

if you are attractive woman you cannot let every random guy

That’s the trick, you’re not just some random guy off the street. The way you dress shows you're someone who matters. Look at it this way: if a well-dressed, groomed, smiling, and friendly guy approaches you on the street, are you scared of him, or are you curious to see what he wants?

Now, if that guy has an open vibe, is playful, optimistic, full of life, and cool, wouldn't you give him 30 seconds of your time? And you're a guy! If you’d let another man talk to you under those conditions, wouldn't a woman be even more captivated by him?

esy_crux · 2026-08-16T18:53:49+00:00

Cold approach is the least optimised way of meeting woman. But also give you chances to meet ladies you will never met in bar or on dating apps.
Secondly I do believe its the most foundational skill to become a good seducer in general

notsofastmyfriends · 2026-08-16T16:23:55+00:00

Because most of the people that read the slop in the sub have no chance of interacting with girls during the course of their “normal” life outside of asking the girl at the gym who explicitly put earbuds in to avoid these interactions to take them out…

Build a life for yourselves, brothers! Learn how to converse and be fun, funny, witty, charming, and genuine!

Can you hold an interesting conversation with anyone? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Accomplished-End5479 · 2026-08-16T18:29:53+00:00

cold approaching is liberating. its not easy but its the most beautiful if it works. but the fact people find it hard is because they want to get intimate real fast. u be curious about the person and they are curious about u as well it will work if not it will not simple. if u cold approch by seeing james bond movies where you see them in bed in the next scene thats not how it works. it would take months to get to even a kiss forget about bed. but people want things fast.

badabing654 · 2026-08-16T18:44:46+00:00

Cold approach is good in my opinion due to the fact you wouldn’t see that girl in any other setting. You come across a girl who’s just your type in front of you, might as well shoot your shot

erichf3893 · 2026-08-16T17:36:43+00:00

Ya don’t say???

Title	Truth about cold approaches
Author	KINGLIHT999
Upvotes	50
Comments	55
Date	August 16, 2026 4:14 PM UTC (1 day ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1vq15cd/truth_about_cold_approaches/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/truth-about-cold-approaches.1633071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1633071

Comments

3 - Dating Apps

2 - Cold Approach

1 - Social Circle