Why am I getting ghosted so often? I've been out of the game for 7 years and holy crap is this a huge problem!

electrisio · 2022-04-10T15:18:47+00:00

A lot of it reflects a change in society, not so much with you. Part of the modern day game unfortunately.

stephanienyc108 · 2022-04-10T16:19:19+00:00

I’m a girl. And yes to all this 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 It’s not you. Dating really sucks nowadays. People got a lot more choices and just became the worst version of themselves. Wish there was an app for mature people who don’t want to waste time and go through people in volume. Good luck 🍀

changthaiman · 2022-04-10T18:25:55+00:00

Ya bro that’s dating 2022. And then you find one that doesn’t ghosts and she’s probably fucking 4-5 other dudes behind your back lol. Welcome to the new age.

skinisblackmetallic · 2022-04-10T15:21:58+00:00

I think the ideas about talking on the phone, FaceTime & texting are bad, with regards to OLD. Restrict communication to setting up dates only. Move forward with other types of communication only if you’ve met in person.

AngeloMacon · 2022-04-10T18:34:07+00:00

It's gotten worse, at least online dating. I wouldn't bother with calls or long text conversations, because half the time they will just ghost you. Making a connection after meeting face to face is the only chance you have with online dating.

That being said, I wouldn't focus on online dating. Try to meet women in real life. It's alot of effort for the constant ghosting and flaking outs. And personally, I think the quality of women tends to be a lot lower.

skinisblackmetallic · 2022-04-10T15:25:49+00:00

Also the idea about not meeting in less than a week is bad.

Measuring commitment is ridiculous unless you’ve been on multiple dates.

4 hours away is too much.

It’s not ghosting if you’ve never met. It’s a flake. It is not an issue. It happens. Don’t waste time trying to have relationships over tech.

Exmerus · 2022-04-10T15:58:18+00:00

Welcome back. My last 2 dates have ghosted me after successful dates. One after the first one (kiss closed) and the other after the 4th (kissed closed on the 2nd, didn’t have the proper chances/environment to escalate to sex). Both of them looked really into me, but never messaged me back.

The issues I see with ghosting/flaking is that you usually don’t know what went wrong, and can’t learn from that experience. My friends get ghosted very often too.

Sandvicheater · 2022-04-10T19:15:32+00:00

First dates are called interview dates for a reason. Your resume might've gotten you in the door but the HR manager (girl) didnt like what you were offering so like most businesses the girl will just ghost you. Move on and apply for other girls.

Btw 4 hour distance is a major fucking issue. She's not gonna wait around all day for your ass to take her to dinner or fuck her.

Ineedanswers6789 · 2022-04-10T17:22:20+00:00

Women these days have wayyyyyy too many options, if they for even one second they think they can do better they will ghost you,

2022-04-10T21:27:55+00:00

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shaggy2gay · 2022-04-11T00:50:25+00:00

Maybe someone has already said this, sorry if redundant. There's probably something subtle going on that's a "tell" to these women. I am guessing that you're a little too solicitous, a little too available. The whole "be an aloof bad boy" thing is not great advice but "don't come across as not valuing your time / overvaluing her company" is.

The fact that you're willing to drive four hours to meet this woman is an automatic red flag for her. I don't see a scenario in which you could do that and not come across as desperate to her. It would have to be framed as you being in the area anyway because of some other unrelated thing. Seems like you reached a similar conclusion.

I mean this only to be helpful, but there's probably some truth in that judgment. I have done a lot for pussy but I would be hard pressed to drive four hours just on a chance of getting laid. If you're in that place, you are telegraphing it in lots of subtle ways you can't control but that women will easily pick up on.

My suggestion to you is to start doing daygame approaches close to where you live. There's really no more reliable way to meet women. The flaking will still be there but will be significantly lower than online or bar/club exchanges. You also have the unique option of taking the women on "instant dates," inviting them to have a coffee or a drink on the spot. This is, to me, the ideal situation.

Hope it helps, good luck.

IronCapable · 2022-04-10T16:04:59+00:00

Maybe the "I'm going to be there for 3 days camping" sounded a bit overwhelming.

Instead just ask them for boba / coffee. That's easy in and out.

atomant88 · 2022-04-10T16:32:11+00:00

ive been doing OLD pretty steadily since our lockdown lifted in january, havent had ghosting issues, been getting lots of dates.

ive been gaming for like 12 years, off and on, and havent personally noticed much change really.

can you define 'ghosting'? to me ghosting is when they drop off after making a connection. not just dropping off in the very early stages of scheduling a first date

and can you define your approach? why and how do you use phone calls? i dont generally phone before the first date unless i cant schedule the date within a week

Glapierre · 2022-04-10T19:36:40+00:00

Check out my profile. I have some videos and courses for you to watch so you can improve your game. I have a video that tackles your problem

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-04-10T16:27:48+00:00

You didn’t do anything wrong. she just has other options bruh

Neo-Rio · 2022-04-11T02:13:34+00:00

If you're working online game, whatever you do, you can't risk upsetting the site's AI. If the site's AI gets upset with you, your profile gets hidden.

That means, good natural light professional photo with you smiling, good written profile, daily use of the site, not swiping on everyone, etc.

Ghosting is happening probably because you're failing to engage the women's imaginations that you are managing to meet. Also:

You need to set up a meet very quickly. Let it drag on too long and she will just forget about you and move onto the next profile. Attention spans are short.
Yes... get commitment by getting her to meet you at some place not too far from the place you intend for sex to happen. Don't let her drag you around someplace or let her set the agenda to suit herself. You "don't have a lot of time" because you are "busy" and if she can't meet with you at the time and place you suggest, then tell her "no, sorry". It's all a test.
Respect your own time. It's important.

incognito3107 · 2022-04-11T06:05:32+00:00

I guess it has more to do with change in social interactions in modern times. You can connect to anyone and find new people just everywhere. You should embrace it and focus on real emotions.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-04-11T12:01:40+00:00

While ghosting is normal these days, the rate you're experiencing is higher than normal so something is up with you. I went through a similar situation a while ago so I can definitely relate and some of your proposed solutions are good, but others aren't.

Going to up my photo game and get more photos of me that are higher quality. Need some more in a suit, more with friends, etc. This way she's more motivated to meet me because my photos have social proof and I look more fun and interesting.

This is a given. You need the best possible profile to attract and maintain attraction with as many girls as possible. Check out my last post on this subreddit for tips on how to build a killer profile.

I think I need to talk on the phone, over multiple days. Not just one day.

Not actually necessary. I almost never talk on the phone with girls.

Facetime. I think I need to Facetime. My theory is that if she can't be bothered Facetime / video chat then she's not going to put in the effort to meet me. Maybe just punt on the phone call and go right to video chat?

It's a good theory and a great way to filter out those who aren't serious, but it's also even less necessary than a phone call. I tried this exact method for a few weeks, but gave up on it when I had to keep explaining it to girls who thought it was weird and regardless, I realized it's too much anyway.

I think I need to do something to measure HER commitment. For example, instead of driving to meet her, she has to at least meet me half way. This isn't fool proof though because the last girl actually texted me and said she was leaving and STILL flaked.

My question is, why are you trying to meet with girls who live that far away? I never meet anyone who is more than a 30 min drive away at absolute most. You're investing too much into girls who are way too far away.

NEVER meet a girl in less than a week. Keep talking to her because if she can't talk to me over a week then she's not serious.

I would actually say the opposite. You need to meet a girl in less than a week or else the interest will disappear. I think your main problem is you're trying to get girls who live in different cities instead of focusing on those that live in yours.

Robofrogg1 · 2022-04-11T13:55:25+00:00

Stop talking/texting so much. The phone is for setting dates only. You’re removing all mystery about you. If a woman already knows everything there is to know about you, why even bother going on a date?

And also, dropping everything to drive 4 hours to see her probably is a little unsettling to her. Definite stalker vibes. Why are you even talking to someone so far away? Find people closer, or move somewhere with a bigger population.

Title	Why am I getting ghosted so often? I've been out of the game for 7 years and holy crap is this a huge problem!
Author	dangercat415
Upvotes	23
Comments	52
Date	April 10, 2022 3:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u0jgse/why_am_i_getting_ghosted_so_often_ive_been_out_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-am-i-getting-ghosted-so-often-ive-been-out-of.1262433 https://theredarchive.com/post/1262433

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