Does this pass the smell test?

RedFridged · 2024-10-16T05:48:25+00:00

Law and Firm. Law firm.

GalamineGary · 2024-10-15T22:27:14+00:00

The long alimony payment is real and it sucks.

Do not give her the house and pay for it.

Lawyer. I was in the same boat. He did make a difference.

I was out 1.7M total. Which is a lot for a white trash kid.

comandeer_conflict · 2024-10-15T21:03:28+00:00

Talk to an attorney. Sounds like a deal though. 2036 is only 12 years away. She will be 58 and you won't have to pay anymore alimony after paying off the mortgage? And child support will be long past. So you will be off the hook in 12 years? That sounds pretty sweet to me.

xjeeperx · 2024-10-15T20:43:24+00:00

Thanks for the reminder to never get married again!

BahamaDon · 2024-10-15T18:05:12+00:00

If you are giving up that much, the delay game, as u/techrmd3 mentioned, is in my opinion, your best bet, at least until you get an attorney involved. SOmeone's circumstances could change between now and finalization, and it could only perhaps serve to take money from you for no reason. Her circumstances could change that she is no longer even alive in a few months through accident or illness, or some other tragedy. If that happens, then you saved a ton of money.

ARocHT11 · 2024-10-15T15:20:08+00:00

Talk to an attorney. Don't agree to anything. You said it yourself. You are not in the right mental state to negotiate this. Not saying you don't go to mediation, but you should consult with an attorney

techrmd3 · 2024-10-15T14:46:22+00:00

I think you are giving away too much myself.

You have a great deal of assets and money. I would probably play the delay game if I was you. You can be amicable "now" and play act and just chip away at the months you will be paying Child support. once kid is 18 you will be in a MUCH better divorce situation than with a kid around.

I would wait until kid is 17+ one month. THEN YOU file for divorce.

key points to consider:

ONCE kid is 18 you get out of the default "protect the kids, bend over the Dad to get Money Money to make Mom Kid comfortable"

another 10-12 months of Mom working and actually earning income IS A GREAT thing for the family court to see, - She can earn her own money! so stunning and brave! = less you have to pay in spousal support!

Processing a divorce will take at least 9 months (and if you go contested it will take at least 1.5-2 years). Having the kid age out of being minor is GREAT FOR YOU! I would basically run out the clock to make sure this happens.

You don't want to "pay for house" or other stupid thing. What you want to do is to provide her with Spousal support and SHE pays for the house. (believe me mom will have a new man around and you don't want to pay for house that Mom and Boyfriend are frolicking in... on your dime while you have to struggle in a 1 bedroom)

BTW - Divorcing women monitor these forums - STOP being so specific about your situation - might want to delete this post after you get advice

Additional Advice:

Get a Great Attorney (Great attorneys in your area probably command north of 700-800 an hour and are well worth it) and task them with preservation of capital, minimization of Spousal support and making sure that the house is not in your name on mortgage and deed (which means you will have to sell it btw - test for good attorney is if they suggest sale of the home!). That way Mom gets a lump of cash and can find a house for herself with a loan or no loan she herself is responsible for.

Just talk with GREAT attorney right now... vet your thinking about "non-contested" "amicable" and talk with him about how much money you retain if you Dad does not go "amicable" when the figures go into the 100s of thousands you know it's a good time to get a filing together.

oh and remember! 401k/IRA is tax DEFERRED not Tax exempt like Roth. So a tax deferred should NEVER EVER be traded 1 for 1 with cash. Calculating the discount on expected future taxes is a big area of debate but I would at least think in your area it would be 0.9 IRA to 1 cash if not closer to 0.8 to 1 cash depending on income you will have during retirement.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-10-15T14:34:41+00:00

Before I even start: you're still in the shock phase of things. You are thinking with your MARRIED BRAIN making HUSBAND financial decisions. You are at least correct that your emotional state is ABSOLULTY clouding your judgement making. All a mediator wants to do is get you both to agree. They DO NOT have your long term well being in mind, or hers, they just want this DONE.

You need to talk with a lawyer - She does not need to know.

With over 2.5m in assets this is beyond DIY.

Also you're handing over a home you're going to keep paying on (more money in) AND it could continue to be worth more.

her income won't enable her to get her own mortgage

With out all the context of your life: sell the house. Her inability to get a mortgage is NOT your issue. Split the proceeds (or just give her more of the cash). If SHE is ending this why provide her a free house for the next near decade. Keep in mind if you're paying on it, its on YOUR credit. Its a financial anchor around your neck you dont even benefit from.

AT THE VERY LEAST you need something establishing a baseline value for the home that wont change - i.e. in 2036 if its worth 2.5m she gets the equity of 1.1m and then you both split the 1.4m growth. How are you gonna feel in 2036 when you've dumped in another 165k in payments and its worth way more than 1.1.

EDIT: DO NOT MOVE OUT UNTIL THINGS ARE SORTED FINANCIALLY OR SHE WILL HAVE NO REASON TO MOVE THE PROCESS ALONG

potatotornado44 · 2024-10-15T14:34:21+00:00

Bring a lawyer to mediation, or you’ll be paying one later. This was my mistake.

azwildcat74 · 2024-10-15T14:28:26+00:00

I think you should take that deal and run with it. 19 years married you are flirting with long and harsh alimony terms if you pressed the issue, depending on your state of residence. I would hash out details on if/when she tries to sell the house before 2036 what happens so that's done on the front end to try and minimize potential conflict later. I would want some type of assurances on you staying on title until a specified date as well so you have some legal standing for financial claim should the shit hit the fan.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2024-10-15T13:20:50+00:00

So, if I'm reading this right,

Out of the current marital estate, she gets $1.3M and you get $1.4M. Additionally, you get the RSU grant vesting over 5 years of $0.3M assuming you stay at the company for 5 years. The RSUs may be worth more of less over that time but their current value is $0.
However, you have to pay her SS of $110k and mortgage of $200k. I'm not going to apply a discount rate to the SS but the $200k discounted by inflation over 12 years is probably more like $175k in current value. This is obviously coming out of future earnings.
Child Support is probably mandated in your state so I wouldn't count that in any way but looks like you are paying 6% of your gross in CS or around 9% of net (again depending on your state). Sounds reasonable.

So, net of it is that you are really ending up with around $1.1M and she is getting $1.6M over time. Divorce is expensive but not $500k expensive (mostly). I would ask if she is willing to let you still receive the $0.2M in IRA funds and the rest of the deal stays the same. If that works, then you are probably in the right ballpark.

Also consider having her refinance the house and you pay her the current mortgage as spousal support till 2036. You don't want that sticking on your credit for that long.

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-10-15T13:00:31+00:00

Why is she getting the house outright.

I assume you don’t want your kids to have to move.

Sorry kids. Divorce sucks.

Reflog1791 · 2024-10-15T06:45:56+00:00

You have too much on the line to not at least consult a lawyer about your plan. They can do this for a couple thousand bucks where you still go to mediation without them. I would bounce this plan off like 6 attorneys to get better ideas and fill in the blind spots. Don’t tell your ex.

When push comes to shove I think she’s gonna have a lawyer fucking up this whole deal on site. You still might get something similar in the long run. Consulting a bunch of lawyers to know your case very well is a good policy no matter what your ex does.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-10-15T06:25:47+00:00

Is the SS non-modifiable and temporary?

I wouldn't pay the mortgage on her house, I would just fix the amount and call it a step down in SS. Plus get the option to buy her out of SS at any time.

her current income won't enable her to get her own mortgage

But really tough to incentivize her to be ambitious by stopping mortgage payments when/if she can qualify.

I can't really visualize it in a spreadsheet, but how close is it to 50/50 in terms of asset division?

You're making 5.x times her a year.

Is your child support below guideline? if so, check to see if that's a problem - in some states, there needs to be a reason to go below guideline and the judge may not sign off.

Leaving the RSUs alone may have some benefits, but does she understand what they are? This is one of those things and situations where she can say you misled her and she didn't have adequate representation in the divorce. She may get greedy so make sure all the doors are closed or you're already rolling the dice.

What about the tax deduction? Custody split? Etc.

RespectInevitable479 · 2024-10-15T06:13:54+00:00

Should be good but once her lawyer gets involved I doubt It will go as smooth as this. Be prepared!

Title	Does this pass the smell test?
Author	gorillafeet43
Upvotes	8
Comments	22
Date	October 15, 2024 6:04 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1g413p2/does_this_pass_the_smell_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-this-pass-the-smell-test.1532879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532879

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