We often discuss and share what I would call External Red Flags: behaviours observed in the potential suitor. For example: they don't respond quickly enough, their messages are short, they rarely initiate, they left you on read, they were online but didn't respond, they fall off the radar during the weekends, etc.
I would like to provide you with some Internal Red Flags in regards to texting. These urges stem from insecurity, and when acted upon, will render you in PickMe territory.
If you notice these Internal Red Flags, do not merely suppress the urge to behave in these ways. Ditch the person who triggered you to feel this insecure. Acting like you're cool and aloof, is playing into their mind games. Acting like you're happy and content while you are not, is self-betrayal.
If these tendencies recur with multiple suitors, Level Up before stepping back into the dating pool. Read up on attachment theory: you may be Anxious-Preoccupied. This makes you a target for abuse.
Internal Red Flags
🚩 You are consciously timing your texts back so you don't seem too clingy.
🚩 You are preoccupied by the text conversation, ruminating and reading too much into things.
🚩 You are compulsively checking your phone for a response, or waiting by your phone.
🚩 You are compulsively checking their online or last-seen status, or checking for read-receipts.
🚩 You drop everything to engage with them during the slithers of time they are available.
🚩 You are blaming yourself, questioning what you did wrong to have 'caused' such distant treatment from their side.
🚩 You suppress communicating your needs and worries regarding your texting related anxiety, in fear of being judged, ignored, or rejected.
🚩 You are jumping through hoops in hopes of getting their attention: sending songs and links and memes and pics and vids and...
🚩 You occasionally try to overcome your anxiety by acting distant yourself: sending late/short replies on purpose, only to become angry when this does not coax a reaction from your partner.
🚩 You feel relief when you finally get a response.
(Expanded from my comment originally made on the post "I just fell asleep" Men that won't say goodnight or just dip from convos". u/barbedwiredaisycrown requested them to be made into a post. Shout-out to her for being kindly supportive of my contributions!)
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Dealing with this for the first time now, and I would love your advice on how to proceed with this behavior.
Was talking to a guy who’s text habits were spotty even before meeting, but he was eager to meet and planned an awesome date for us.
We had a lot of fun but I admit I stayed too long. He texted me the next morning but left me on read all a day after I replied. Hadnt heard from him since which I’m admittedly a little bummed about, more for my ego than anything else because it was the most fun on a date I had in a while.
Anyway, he sent me a weak “Hey!! How have you been” text this morning 🙄 aka chucked a breadcrumb my way days later. Whats the best way to proceed? Should I ghost? Send a simple “thanks for your time but we’re not a match” text?
Normally I would slow fade but after such a fun date I kinda want to make it clear we’re done, but I don’t want to make it seem like I care that much. Idk. I’m the avoidant attached one so I’m not used to this.
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Needed this. Ugh. Thank you
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