Will I be judged differently by women?

RunawayGrain · 2022-09-15T12:30:54+00:00

If you're in the states, all she has to do is claim you are the father with CPS or the local equivalent, and they will come after you 'on the childs behalf.' Their modus operandi is primarily to make sure there a male to pay, and secondarily to let the courts sort it all out. At that point you have a limited window to prove you aren't the dad, and the court can order a paternity test. Often the process servers for this aren't super concerned about actually tracking you down to properly serve and notify you.

The jist of this is: get a lawyer familiar with family court ASAP.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2022-09-15T12:46:01+00:00

Make sure you keep documentation that she refused the paternity test for when she eventually tries to sneak you into paying for the baby.

KazukiYahashi · 2022-09-15T13:15:57+00:00

It’s still wild to me that paternity tests are not done by default.

sharksville · 2022-09-15T12:56:12+00:00

If that’s your child then what’s wrong? Why is she refusing a DNA test? In that case you should stay cautious. Don’t pay a single penny for someone else’s child.

arrouk · 2022-09-15T14:14:09+00:00

You openly tell any one and everyone you would love to have a child in your life as soon as she does the dna test.

The fact she's refusing tell me she already knows it isn't yours

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2022-09-15T14:37:32+00:00

Doesn't matter. Stick to your guns. Don't believe a word without the test. You're looking at major life changes and responsibilities if it's actually your child.

ketsa3 · 2022-09-15T12:01:55+00:00

Paternity tests should be automatic at birth.

ImmatureMeteor7 · 2022-09-15T17:08:59+00:00

Stand your ground, you're well within your rights to want a test. Her reaction speaks volumes.

SnooLemons5609 · 2022-09-15T11:21:32+00:00

Depending on where you live, you should be eligible for a civil law suit.

https://dnatesting.com/legal-refuse-paternity-test/

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-15T14:30:30+00:00

Lawyer! Now!

3G6A5W338E · 2022-09-15T15:20:24+00:00

Get a lawyer's advice as soon as possible, and absolutely before getting anywhere close to the birth.

And, of course, absolutely do not accept fatherhood without the test.

WelshWizard82 · 2022-09-15T15:58:03+00:00

Doesn’t matter how you’re “viewed”.

She is in the wrong, you have no duty to care for someone else’s kid because you had sex with her one time. You will only get exploited here if you opt in.

If she isn’t going to let you confirm whether the child is yours or not, I would assume it isn’t yours and she knows that.

Her options are to get the test to figure out who the father is, or raise the child without one. Anything else is unreasonable.

guachumalakegua · 2022-09-15T16:34:08+00:00

Why do you care how you will be viewed?

You very future is on the line here and you’re worried about some cunts opinion because you don’t want to be seen as the bad guy?

Get that P.T. NOW!

EviessVeralan · 2022-09-15T17:02:18+00:00

Unless you get a paternity test proving otherwise, then you're not a father and won't be judged by most people. Although the fact that she refuses a paternity test is shady. It's possible she had multiple partners and youre the best potential dad out of them.

Ren_Yi · 2022-09-15T18:32:35+00:00

Will I be judged differently by women?

No, if they know there is a child and the mother is refusing a DNA test they won't judge you differently.

Every woman I know acknowledge that when women refuses a test then she is probably lying about you being the dad due to the fact there is no other reason for her to refuse.

As you have said you are in the UK then she can't really stop you demanding a DNA test. The courts and Child Maintenance Service will all want a test before she can force you to pay child support.

You can buy a test in Boots and it costs £120 all in. Its normal now to do paternity tests in the UK.

Offer to pay for it yourself and if she still refuses then she is lying. Make sure you tell your friends that she is refusing a DNA test. Everyone will know she is lying because she is refusing. You don't want her saying you're a deadbeat dad when she is the problem.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-09-15T18:54:12+00:00

It's not yours. But yeah, some women will judge you. You don't want those anyways

Codename-18 · 2022-09-15T22:47:06+00:00

Disengage. Never contact her again unless she proves the baby is yours. Never send them any money. Never be in involved in the kid's life. Never behave "like the father".

All these things will be used against you if you stay. And you run the risk of raising someone else's child. Change State.

Your intentions are noble, you want to be a father PROVIDED you are his father. There's nothing you can do to force her, so think of protecting yourself. If she doesn't want a DNA test odds are you're not the father.

CordisMagnus · 2022-09-15T20:50:24+00:00

If the paternity test happens now, the results are known now. And the results of that knowledge are set.

If she gets you on the hook for CS now, and 5-10 years down the road she decides that some other guy is a better catch, she can drop you like a hot potato, and run off, claiming that the other guy is the father.

And your financial and emotional investment in that child is entirely discounted and lost.

GET A LAWYER. Go to the Mattresses!

ThrowAway640KB · 2022-09-15T18:46:29+00:00

I've said I will be involved if paternity test proves I am the father

Good. Never get involved without proof of paternity.

The woman is refusing any sort of paternity test either now or in future and says that's "not fair" giving her am ultimatum as the baby is mine.

Due to her reaction and flat out refusal for DNA test I have huge doubts now it's mine.

Any refusal is a huuuuuge red flag. You can essentially “take it to the bank” that the child is not likely to be yours.

she said she will respect my decision and leave me be saying "you don't want involvement because I won't accept paternity test"

She is just trying to shame you into compliance. You need to answer all such challenges with “show me the money” - a paternity test.

How do you think I will be viewed here?

To any and all women, you will always be the villain. Many men who are “allies” just to s!mp their way into women’s beds will similarly try to brow-beat you into compliance.

You will be the villain because of how men are treated by women: as absolutely useless unless they are providing something of value.

So unless you are providing something of value, you are the enemy.

Cnnlgns · 2022-09-15T19:34:38+00:00

If she knows that you are not the father then what she is doing is paternity fraud. You could mention to her that you can get a DNA test done her permission with 'your' child.

"You certainly can take a home paternity test without the mother's DNA. Even though the standard home paternity test kit includes DNA swabs for the mother, father, and the child, it is not required to have the mother's DNA."

Keep in mind that some states, like Michigan, have laws in place that it doesn't matter if you prove that you aren't the father... you will still need to pay child support.

traveller1976 · 2022-09-16T04:28:41+00:00

Fuck man you should have used a condom and disposed of it. The fact she's refusing paternity is suspect. As many have rightly said, get a lawyer to force the test. You don't want to pay for Chad's kid for the rest of your life. And for fucks sake be careful going forward.

Adventurous-Peace691 · 2022-09-15T11:14:38+00:00

Who cares it's on her

BoTheJoV3 · 2022-09-15T19:45:56+00:00

ONS= one night stand?

Zebrig · 2022-09-15T20:04:24+00:00

Consult a lawyer, but don't sign or agree to anything without a paternity test Confirming you are the father.

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-09-15T15:44:06+00:00

Who cares how you are viewed?

The only women who would judge you harshly are the kind of cunts who would baby trap a dude themselves - who gives a shit what they think?

Depending on where this is happening, she may be stalling on the paternity test because she knows that if she lets it lie, all she has to do is put your name on the birth certificate and the state will begin to force you to pay. It will be up to YOU to prove you ARE NOT the father, NOT up to the state or this woman to prove you are, and she and the state can - AND WILL - drag that out for YEARS while you are still paying (money that you will never recoup if it is eventually proven you aren't the father).

Get a lawyer and get on this shit ASAP. This bitch is going to take you for a ride if she can - BET ON IT.

Lastly - if she is so certain you're the father, why won't she allow a paternity test? Seriously - she is the one leveling the accusation at you (and who will ultimately come after you, backed by the state, for money), she needs to provide her evidence.

excess_inquisitivity · 2022-09-15T18:32:37+00:00

1) do not accept any version of "I think you'll be okay" from any member of this or any other subreddit, or from your friends, or from your family, or from anyone other than a lawyer that you have paid to represent you.

2) hire a lawyer.

slothyellie · 2022-09-15T22:10:42+00:00

As a woman, I believe what you've asked for is hundred percent fair.

Why would anyone refuse to get a test done if they're telling the truth? No sane human being, man or woman, can view this differently imo.

If a man claims something and they're asked to prove it by a standard scientific test and they refuse it, I'd think they're being devious just like in this case.

Wrong-Art5272 · 2022-09-16T06:47:50+00:00

I wouldn’t worry, if she goes to the CSA trying to get money out of you and you refuse on the grounds that you don’t believe you are the father then they will order a paternity test.

As for the woman, most believe paternity fraud is evil. If your willing to be a father if the test proves it’s yours then you would have everyone’s respect for stepping up.

Pooper69Scooper · 2022-09-15T11:33:13+00:00

If she doesn’t know your real name just change your phone number and whatever else you can to be untraceable

One night stands, back when I had them, I made so that they wouldn’t be able to find me, they thought I had a different name, wouldn’t show them where I lived, usually used snap chat or tinder for communication

cmicatfish · 2022-09-15T15:46:56+00:00

I believe you are doing the right thing. It's your right under the circumstances and her refusal says more than enough.

Mechanik_J · 2022-09-15T16:25:36+00:00

Don't sign the birth certificate.

biff64gc · 2022-09-15T16:48:27+00:00

This isn't like a regular relationship where trust has been established and requesting a paternity test erodes that trust. You literally have no reason to assume she's telling the truth and have a lot of reasons to assume she's lying.

It's not fair to request a paternity test? It's not fair to request you raise a child on blind faith over a ONS.

Also I wouldn't trust her to "respect your decision." I'd talk to a lawyer and ensure you're covered.

Apart_Jellyfish_8593 · 2022-09-15T22:36:24+00:00

Who cares how women view you. This isn’t something small. This is huge! I say get advice from a lawyer. Even just trying a lawyer subreddit

MaxTheCatigator · 2022-09-16T02:11:00+00:00

Lawyer up, make sure you know the legal situation to the T.

Your nick indicates that you're British. No idea about the legal situation, but make sure she can't simply name you, without you becoming aware but still on the hook legally.

Ftpiercecracker1 · 2022-09-16T02:15:27+00:00

You should be doing everything in your power to get a pat test.

Leaving her to her own devices will almost certainly result in you being declared by the courts you are responsible even if you aren't the father.

No way in hell she is just going to let you walk away from this. The no pat test is just a shit test to see if your "man enough" to "step up". Fuck. That. Shit.

Get that goddamn P-test, your life literally depends on it.

ScaryHitchhikerStory · 2022-09-16T04:59:53+00:00

Different jurisdictions may be different, but I think paternity tests have mostly become the law of the land. My daughter is going through child custody wrangling with the father of her children. She told me that *either party* could demand paternity testing as part of the proceedings -- and that person has to pay for said testing. He chose to order testing. (What an asshole -- he is the father and he's just trying to delay things.

2022-09-16T05:29:42+00:00

Who cares how you're viewed?

The more important thing is not getting trapped in child support bullshit.

Given the way she's acting I think she knows it isn't yours or doubts it.

SnooChipmunks3163 · 2022-09-16T12:15:22+00:00

I am from Germany you have to sign a certificate that you are the father if the mother isn’t married. If you don’t then you don’t have rights and responsibility over that child

Title	Will I be judged differently by women?
Author	WelshWizard82
Upvotes	268
Comments	153
Date	September 15, 2022 10:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xetras/will_i_be_judged_differently_by_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/will-i-be-judged-differently-by-women.1132929 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132929

Comments

Get that P.T. NOW!