Is there a disconnect between political beliefs and dating behaviors

chalkandapples · 2023-05-10T20:32:37+00:00

There's no way you can fit all political ideals to just 2 parties. Most people are somewhere in the middle, or liberal one way and conservative another.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-10T20:34:39+00:00

I would hope so. People who make their politics their entire personality are not very enjoyable to be around.

Smoogs2 · 2023-05-10T20:02:10+00:00

There is a pretty large disconnect. Gender roles and the attitudes towards them are one example. I think certain people will claim that gender roles are bad, but...all that people really think about "gender roles" is "women = kitchen." Ask a trans person about gender roles and what acts they have to perform in order to present and pass as the opposite gender and you will recognize that gender roles are ever-present. Think of yourself now. Now think of yourself playing a role in a movie where you pass as the opposite gender. The amount of changes in body and performance that you would have to undergo to even pass as the opposite gender for that role is almost insurmountable and many trans people find that it actually is.

Oddly enough, I've found that LGBT people are more open and honest about gender roles maybe because how strongly their identity is tied to them i.e. gay twink bottoms presenting feminine. The other day, this woman said she feels taken care of around her masc partner because she doesn't have to think or plan. Think about the gendered implications of that sentence. You could write an entire book on the gender roles implied by that one single sentence. Anyway, without getting too much into the weeds I think liberal woman openly vocally reject "gender roles" without doing much introspection into what they are and how much we actually demand and crave them from our partners. There is a disconnect in their outward facing politically correct statements and their actual actions, but, again, I think this is more due to a lack of introspection and not necessarily malice.

Bikerbats · 2023-05-10T20:13:33+00:00

On the fringes sure, but it's no secret that the majority are centrists no matter which party they identify with, and centrists will always get along politically with other centrists.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-10T20:55:25+00:00

It's not a disconnect. Most political beliefs have no to very few prescriptions for what you do in your personal dating life. You can date how and who you want no matter what you think the role of government should be or what your taxes should be used for. People tend to socialise and date in groups with similar political beliefs, but like, you don't have to.

stasiafox · 2023-05-10T22:19:18+00:00

I am a little confused because I don’t see the “disconnect” between liberal men wanting traditional marriages. Like, liberal politics aren’t against marriage. If anything, a lot of liberals/leftists want more socialist programs and things like UBI or a higher minimum wage, that would make single-income families a thing again, making a traditional marriage with a stay at home parent possible. And I’ve never met a feminist that liked dating bootstrap conservatives. In another comment you mentioned they like “traditional gym bros” but honestly there is nothing about being a gym bro that requires you to be a conservative. Tooonnnns of fit guys in my gym are lefties. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your post, but to me it seems like you’re confusing politics with cultural attitudes, and while there may be some differences across party lines, most often people are dating people with similar attitudes.

the_calibre_cat · 2023-05-10T20:33:46+00:00

I mean, I'd describe myself as a cisgender, mostly heterosexual (it's on a spectrum) Libertarian Socialist. I want to be married, with a wife, and it's not even fucking close. I don't want a same-sex partner, I'd struggle personally accepting a trans woman as a partner, and I don't even want to think of my early death at the ripe old of of 47 if I tried to dip my toe into the stresspool of polyamorous dynamics. I'm pretty boring.

But, I have no desire to see people who identify as transgender, or who are in same-sex couples, or who are in polyamorous relationships have the state wielded against them to prevent them from loving who they love or identifying as they identify. It's just not my style, I guess.

That said, I'm also not some Steven Crowder fucking weirdo dipshit - I'd want to contribute an equal share of domestic labor (with the caveat that the house doesn't have to be fucking spotless all of the time - there's no fucking need to create extra work for no reason), have fun doing sin and debauchery with the wife, and generally plot the end of capitalism in the wee hours of the night before waking up to the drudgery that will almost certainly accompany us for the rest of our natural lives.

but i'd have someone with which to commiserate with through that drudgery, and dare i say it (as a leftist), even (gasp) enjoy some of it :P

If something that I can put my finger on until recently but it's so true. Whenever I have encountered the girls with the most damage not only to themselves but psychologically they're always the feminist types and yet their own behaviors are a near opposite of what they say they believe in.

BRUH

notseizingtheday · 2023-05-10T21:06:37+00:00

I also find men who are loud about being conservative to be actually the least conservative and engage in more hedonistic debauchery than liberal men to. Conservative men also seem to act without conscience when it comes to sex. All of this is a huge turn off for all women.

MoldovaImComing · 2023-05-10T22:49:15+00:00

Feminism for most women is a mask. It’s an act of passive aggressive narcissism. Most of the time they’re literally daring men to treat them like vile patriarchs they pretend to despise because it turns them on.

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tofuwings · 2023-05-10T20:26:52+00:00

Are the liberal men who want traditional relationships also damaged?

eefr · 2023-05-10T20:54:51+00:00

I think this is why you still see men who are liberal still want traditional relationships and this is why you see very open-minded feminist women into bootstraps conservatives when talking about men

Interesting. I can't really say I've seen much of this. Perhaps the people you know are more centrist than my crowd.

Fwiw, I would never, ever date a bootstraps conservative.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-05-10T22:06:43+00:00

Yes, to a degree.

I think this is why you still see men who are liberal still want traditional relationships and this is why you see very open-minded feminist women into bootstraps conservatives when talking about men

I don't hear a lot of liberal women say out loud that they want something traditional, but in my experience when you get in a relationship with them they still may have expectations of a man to act in certain gendered ways that match tradition. Initial stages of dating are an obvious example. It gets a bit more subtle and equal as it turns into a real relationship, but these expectations still remain to some degree. YMMV and all that.

A woman may also feel like a "bad feminist" if she is vocal that she prefers some aspects of a relationship having a traditional dynamic, or at least a traditional tinge. To me it is not incongruent, for example, that a woman may want strict equality in the workplace and most areas of life but something gendered in her relationships. But not everybody wants to hear that kind of nuance so it can be more trouble than it's worth to express it.

As for myself, I'm mostly liberal these days. I don't desire a traditional relationship in that I want a woman who is my intellectual equal, a professional, independent, able to challenge me, etc. I do feel like relationships will always have a gendered aspect to them, though. So maybe you could call that a disconnect within myself.

I also think that mainstream, liberal-ish advice for men regarding romance is deeply flawed (hence my self-identification as Purple Pill).

I've learned that it just isn't worth it to discuss any of this stuff unless I agree 100% with the prevailing narrative. Some people are willing to actually listen to me and accept the nuance, but I usually just get into trouble. No thanks.

So I just post my thoughts on here, anonymously, instead. I don't think I (usually 😅) post flaming hot takes. I try to dig the nuance out of things with my thoughts and post them in a place where people are, supposedly, open to accepting them.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-05-11T00:59:13+00:00

I’m Canadian, so I don’t really concern myself with American politics

KristenJimmyStewart · 2023-05-11T01:06:34+00:00

There is a huge disconnect when it comes to be progressive when it privileges you

webernicke · 2023-05-11T01:57:44+00:00

There is no "disconnect," not a real one anyway. It's about your relationship to power.

In power or identify with the powerful? Conservative, bootstraps, just-world.

Feel powerless, disenfranchised or identifying with those who are? Liberal, radical, transformative.

The issue with dating is that it's very clear what the power balance between the genders is, and it happens to be opposite to how most of society wants to describe that power balance otherwise.

justforlulz12345 · 2023-05-11T03:06:06+00:00

We're all being controlled

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-05-11T14:54:05+00:00

You can be a feminist and still value traditional relationships. Feminism is the belief other women can do what they want while you do what you want. For instance, many of my SAHM friends think women should be able to work like men, but they personally didnt want to work with little kids.

You also dont know the REASONING behind some relationship choices. A lot of feminist and traditional relationships dissected on here are actually set up for practical reasons in everyday life and arent due to "values". The number one I see, that makes me scratch my head and know y'all dont have kids, is that women dont work with little kids due to traditional values. No...its because childcare is the cost of a mortgage and many people barely make extra money at their job to justify childcare. And since the woman usually has the slightly lower paying job, she volunteers to take off (I have met several couples where the MALE does this because THEY are the one with a slightly lower paying job)

I have always liked dating moderate men or slightly more liberal men (similar to me)

Also, what people say and do are two different things. Thats why I dont judge people anymore by their political affiliation. I find some conservative people absolutely do NOT follow their parties values and statements on behavior when these things happen to them IRL.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-05-11T15:25:23+00:00

Political affiliation and sexuality do not correlate, and the world would be a much worse place if they did.

pajliada · 2023-05-11T21:08:56+00:00

what

Title	Is there a disconnect between political beliefs and dating behaviors
Author	Bittersteel1818
Upvotes	13
Comments	69
Date	May 10, 2023 6:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13dyfjp/is_there_a_disconnect_between_political_beliefs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-a-disconnect-between-political-beliefs.1218914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218914

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