Advice please

GrapeCulture69 · 2018-08-18T03:03:03+00:00

Go the r/theredpill and start reading the sidebar. You weren't given great life lessons, so unfortunately a drastic shift in your way of thinking might be necessary. In the meantime, do what Mr Smoogs said, and take women off of the pedestal you are putting them on. They are your equals, not your superiors. Don't worship women, just treat them like normal, everyday people. Our whole society already worships women. Don't add to it.

Also, go develop some hobbies like exercising, sports, lifting, whatever. Get our of the house and interact with people as much as you can. Get used to being social so some of that anxiety can go away on it's own. All while you develop your own skills and interests.

Finally, don't forget to read the rules at subs before posting in them. It's a good life-skill to practice.

Willow-girl · 2018-08-18T05:26:38+00:00

First of all, knock off the drinking! It will work right up to the point where it won't anymore, and then it will begin to destroy your life.

Next, turn off your screens and practice interacting with strangers. Don't start with attractive women necessarily; just random people you meet when you're out and about. Old ladies at the bus stop and whatnot. Learn to be comfortable making small talk, and how to draw people out (hint, if you can get them talking about themselves, they'll rattle on all day). This is great practice for actually approaching women!

GayLubeOil · 2018-08-18T06:28:10+00:00

Here's my Marxist Lacanian Analysis: You fetishized women as a commodity that will somehow improve your life. This dehumanizes women because women are unpredictable human beings not a magic happiness machines.

So fundamentally you know that your fantasy is just that. You like your fantasy which is why you don't actually want to talk to women as that will destroy your fantasy.

Talking about talking to women is the ultimate fulfillment of your fantasy. You don't actually want to talk to women you wanna talk to us.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-08-18T02:51:57+00:00

You have approach anxiety because you’re desperate and think women are above you. Women can only look down on you when you put them on a pedestal. Put them in the basement instead, and to them, it’ll feel egalitarian. You have built them so high up in your head that it’ll feel like treating them poorly, but in reality it will be identical as treating them as an equal.

You think a woman would drop everything she’s doing to make your day better? Probably not. So why are you treating them like that? Stop being sexist in all the wrong ways. Be sexist in the right ways instead.

You’re the prize, my dude. And if you’re not the prize then act like it anyway while you build yourself into the prize. Go to the gym and work on acquiring $.

Here’s a homework assignment for you:

Go to a bar and ask the bartender for a free drink. Likely impossible to actually get one but try to convince him you deserve one anyway until you get kicked out.
Give a man in a suit $5 and tell him he looks like he needs it.

Go piss some people off and stop having feminine fears.

wub1234 · 2018-08-18T07:27:10+00:00

I've got some advice for you. Never apologise for your English in a place populated almost entirely by Americans and British people. You speak at least two languages. Not many of us do.

trail22 · 2018-08-18T07:04:57+00:00

Thats normal. Things will work their ways out as long as you are out in the world meeting people and experiencing life. Assuming of course you are telling the truth about being attractive of course.

YaAmar · 2018-08-18T12:32:15+00:00

Go to a psychologist, tell me of your anxiety disorder, get into therapy, take medication, flirt with the girls who approach you, have fun.

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sadomasochrist · 2018-08-18T06:14:14+00:00

Confidence follows both understanding and success with women.

Take advice from the least beautiful men who are sexually successful which can't be attributed to financial success.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-08-18T09:12:12+00:00

Are you shy in general? Naturally introverted?

cateml · 2018-08-18T09:37:25+00:00

Social anxiety when meeting new people, navigating getting to know someone and receiving compliments in particular, is really common. So know that you're not 'weird' or alone.

Luckily, due to this there are services and resources around for both anxiety and confidence building.

Paying a professional (counsellor or therapist) is great but obviously can be expensive. Alternatively there are a load of self help books - some of them look pretty cheesy at first but can also have a lot of good hints and tricks. Probably best you look at reviews and recommendations yourself since you know specifically what you're struggling with, but anything that has CBT/Behavioural therapy elements is a good idea.

As other people are saying (and you absolutely don't need 'The Red Pill' to embrace) - women are just people, like you. As I said, its very common to have anxiety talking to people you don't know, especially in a situation where you're scared of 'rejection'. But the truth is that.... we don't bite.

The best advice I can give is:
1) Remember that people generally care far less about how we come across to them than we think they do. People are normally pretty wrapped up in their own self-perception/anxieties/lives. Worst case scenario, the women you're talking to thinks you're a bit weird and isn't interested, walks off and has totally forgotten about it soon after. It might seem like a horrible situation to you, but social anxiety is about worrying about what others think of us, and..... remind yourself that the truth is they're generally not thinking about us that much at all. And remember as well that some people just aren't going to be interested in talking/flirting with you, that's not your fault in any way, its just one of those things, you have to shrug and try someone else.
2) Fake it 'till you make it. If you can, 'pretend' to be a confident person for a while when you meet people. Instead of paying attention to the internal thoughts about who you are and what she'll think, concentrate on 'acting' like you want to be. It'll get over the initial hurdle of approaching and starting conversation, and eventually you'll have got used to it and won't need to act anymore, because you'll feel more comfortable.
3) Think of things you might want to say, conversation topics, before you approach and start talking. Not cheesy chat up lines or the too cliche'd 'Do you come here often?'. Notice something in the surroundings and bring it up casually/with a joke. People will know you're making small talk, but thats ok, thats what people do. If the person has a problem with someone making small talk with them in a social place, they're either in a bad mood/dealing with something else at that moment or not someone worth knowing anyway.
4) Be a good listener. Ask questions, and then just listen/ask more questions based on what they say. You don't have to come up with stuff to say, and bonus of the fact that people love it when others show interest in what they have to say.
5) If someone pays you a compliment like telling you you're handsome, don't think/act like its a big deal. Just smile, say thank you, and move on with the conversation. Not knowing how to respond to compliments is again really common.

wtknight · 2018-08-18T13:35:24+00:00

If you meet women online first, then you don't have to cold approach. I have the same problem that you do and this is what I've always done.

blackedoutfast · 2018-08-18T15:34:21+00:00

first of all, you need to realize that alcohol doesn't give you confidence. that confidence you have when you're buzzed is always inside you. alcohol just lowers your inhibitions so you're not afraid of being confident enough to talk to women.

is your approach anxiety just related to women? do you get anxiety when you start chatting up random dudes?

either way, the solution is to get more experience so you realize there's nothing to worry about. you have less approach anxiety when you've been drinking because you're not worrying about possible negative outcomes. when you're sober, your brain is more able to effectively focus on worrying about things like getting rejected or saying/doing something awkward and looking like a weirdo and things like that. the human brain naturally avoids possibly painful or stressful situations as much as possible.

understand that your anxiety is actually coming from your own subconscious, which is trying to discourage you from taking a risk. there's no legit reason to be anxious about talking to a stranger in normal social situations, that's literally the point of being in those social situations. it's just the more instinctive, animalistic part of your brain trying to manipulate you into avoiding what it sees as a potentially risky situation (because that's it's purpose). it's just a stupid leftover reflex from before we developed things like a higher level consciousness and a society with more complex rules about social situations.

you need to simply power through the anxiety and teach your subconscious that this is not really a risky situation. go out and talk to strangers and get rejected and say/do awkward things. it can be embarrassing but there's really no serious consequences. once your subconscious understands that there's nothing to worry about, it will stop trying to discourage you by making you feel anxiety.

Million-Suns · 2018-08-18T15:35:10+00:00

I'll echo other comments:

Interact with women like you do with men. Don't treat them in a different or special way.

WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2018-08-18T16:18:24+00:00

You really just have to do it and not care about sucking shit. I haven't seen much success tbh, but I know that approach anxiety is something that you just have to keep getting rejected or have conversations with hot women that don't necessarily lead anywhere.

passepar2t · 2018-08-18T16:40:32+00:00

How many times have you approached women on your own initiative?

abaxeron · 2018-08-18T16:45:14+00:00

What should I do?

Finish the education if you still haven't. Learn a couple musical instuments if you aren't tone-deaf. Maybe learn to sing. Get into martial arts. Get a good job that won't drain you mentally and physically and would pay well. Invest into reliable long-term assets. Dedicate a certain amount of time a week to doing things that make you happy.

And stop worrying about women for a while. At all. Imagine for a second that women around you are just extremely neotenous men with slightly different set of personality traits from your average bro. If you can't deal with sexual frustration, get a toy.

iLLprincipLeS · 2018-08-18T18:44:34+00:00

Is this where we debate if you should kill yourself or not?

KikiYuyu · 2018-08-18T23:13:40+00:00

I have severe social anxiety as well. I'm 26 and it's still very difficult. Slow and steady practice is the only way I know out of it. Take small steps out of your comfort zone, and don't take long breaks away from doing it or you might regress a little.

A good confidence booster is to make sure you feel like you have something to contribute to conversation. Hobbies and interests are good talking material, and could help you meet people. Learn how to articulate your opinions well.

angels_fan · 2018-08-19T01:01:01+00:00

Stop thinking of every interaction as some kind of pick up. Instead, just strike up a conversation. Pick something in the environment to comment on and comment on it.

If she's interested, she'll reciprocate. If not, she won't.

If she doesn't, leave it alone.

DXBrigade · 2018-08-19T09:00:56+00:00

The only way to get rid of your anxiety is through experience. The more you talk to women, the better it is for your self-confidence.

gasparddelanuit · 2018-08-20T16:05:25+00:00

What should I do?

Realise that women are just human and are as flawed as you think that you are. They are not special beings. Don't see or treat them as special.

Also realise that you are not a bad person because you are a man and have male desires.

Approach unapologetically, in full confidence that women have nothing over you, either morally or tangibly.

Build your confidence by acquiring knowledge and developing your ability in non-trivial areas of interest to you. This will translate into increased confidence when approaching and dealing with women.

AllahHatesFags · 2018-08-20T19:15:42+00:00

Bro, do you even lift?

whitetrashcarl · 2018-08-18T02:56:45+00:00

If you want to get over approach anxiety, then you need to desensitize yourself by doing a bunch of approaches

Tried and true

Title	Advice please
Author	Jokers_Grin
Upvotes	6
Comments	37
Date	August 18, 2018 2:43 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/988dnl/advice_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/advice-please.261119 https://theredarchive.com/post/261119

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