One of the most sexist lists I've ever seen-How to be a modern gentleman

Dawgz83948 · 2011-01-19T15:20:27+00:00

All the perks of being equal but none of the responsibility. Shocking!

Crioca · 2011-01-19T17:28:02+00:00

I guess this stuff is sexist, but that's from one point of view. I do just about all of this on a date and it's not because I'm some subserviant fuck, it's because when you do it right, with the right confidence, you come off like a fucking boss. This is all conditional on the type of person you are and the type of person you're dating of course, but it applies to enough girls to be relevant.

So I don't know how this is going to go over here, but as a man in his mid 20's here's my take on this list. I'm going to speaking in generalities here, so you preface just about everything I say with "Generally speaking..." if you like.

Good manners - (generally speaking) "Good manners" means behaviour that's defined as socially deseriable, it's all relative of course, but if you can convey the impression of good manners you're conveying the idea that you have a desireable social status. If she's unused to this, it will (generally speaking) indicate that your social skills are superior to hers.
Be on time - I'm always on time. Always. If we're meeting for a drink I'll arrive 10 minutes early and have one at a bar across the way so I can show up at bang on time or a couple of minutes past. If I'm picking her up I'll show up early and sit in my car a few blocks away so I can rock up on time. This is about control, most of the girls I've dated haven't been super organized. If you arrive and they're not quite ready, or they arrive and you're already there waiting, it puts them on the back foot, it means you're the one whose got his shit together, the one whose organized, it also means they start out with something to make up to you if they're late at all. (They usually are) If I'm going to be late, I call, cancel and reschedule, saying something urgent's come up.
Compliment your date - Complete no brainer, the trick is to find something which they particularly like about themselves and draw attention to it. You need to do it without being obvious about it however, or else the effect is ruined. If they're feeling happy, relaxed, they'll be more open to suggestion. A well aimed compliment is worth as much as a couple of strong cocktails.
Open doors for your date - This one I fucking love to do. Opening the door communicates that you're in charge, that you're making the decisions, that you're deciding where you go as a couple. It firmly plants you in a leadership role, but you have to do it right: open the door like it's nothing, it's something you didn't even think about, and as she walks past you get eye contact and give her a warm smile.
Pulling out the chair - Depends on the context, I don't do this often but if: It's someplace nice, We're dressed up, The opportunity is there, Then yeah I'll go for it, but it has to be a confident action, if you're not in a posistion to pull it easily and with nonchalance, it's not worth it. Again this goes back to the first point about manners and communicating superior social ability. It also depends on the girl, if you don't think she's going to appreciate it, or take it the wrong way, don't go for it. Common sense is the rule.
Ask questions about your date - Again, same as compliments; notice things she's going to want to talk about and ask about those things. If it's a good date, you should be ACTUALLY interested in what she has to say, so there'll be thing you want to find out about her.
Paying for her meal - I'll always make an attempt to pay for the whole check, I'd say add "unless the date has been terrible" but I've never had a date end that badly. The reality is though, if she lets me pay for her meal, it's going to make me think long and hard about asking her out again.
Offer your arm when walking with your date - Difficult to do well, but if it's there and available, she might take hold of it, it can be a great way to break the touch barrier, but actually offering my arm is not something I've ever done.

Anyway, hopefully this has informed some people on why you might actually want to act like a gentleman. If you're going to be gentlemanly and chivalrous, do it because you want to communicate your confidence and your control of the situation, not because you feel the need to place women on a pedestal.

EDIT: Obviously if you're going out with some shrill, domineering, feminist type all this shit is going to backfire. Don't date shrill feminist types.

EDIT #2: Dude in the video is BETA AS FUCK.

skintension · 2011-01-19T18:12:05+00:00

This list is a lot of fun if you pretend it is advice for women to follow.

ForMensRights · 2011-01-19T19:32:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2011-01-19T19:48:06+00:00

Of course it is sexist.

Dating is ridiculously sexist with absolutely different expectations and requirements on both sides.

philosarapter · 2011-01-19T14:55:54+00:00

More than sexist, these tips are just bad for attracting a woman. It sounds like it was written by someone who has learned everything they know about love from romantic comedies.

This will be sure to end in a boring socially awkward date that will only end in her getting a free meal and you going home empty handed.

keepinithamsta · 2011-01-19T16:42:28+00:00

"Apologize if you err, such as bumping into her. Be polite and say 'excuse me', or 'I beg your pardon' by way of beginning or settling an apology."
"If dining with others, stand whenever a lady enters the room."

Modern gentleman? Are these dating tips from the medieval period?

Buckwyld · 2011-01-19T20:43:11+00:00

The list I want to see: How to be a Modern Lady.

2011-01-19T21:20:14+00:00

Ah, i see being a gentleman still involves paying for everying, cherrio!

Also, where is the part about being a fine gentlewoman and putting out after the 3rd date or cutting off the relationship to not lead someone on to take advantage of free take out & catering?

koonat · 2011-01-19T22:09:18+00:00

There is no equality here.

2011-01-20T01:03:53+00:00

How to not get laid

3dpornAdPlacement · 2011-01-19T17:21:59+00:00

at what point does a gentleman ask about anal?

rantgrrl · 2011-01-19T18:46:31+00:00

Do you know how I separate the wheat from the chaff as a woman?

I watch how a man treats other men.

FreddyDeus · 2011-01-19T18:27:12+00:00

There's nothing modern about this list. This is what women have always expected. While behaving with courtesy and consideration is obviously a reasonable expectation (for both parties), this is one of the myriad examples of how women want to pick and choose between 'equality' and 'tradition', depending on which is most advantageous to them.

I agree that people should be on time. People, not men. But most women seem to think that being 'fashionably late' is still their privilege.

I agree that the guy should pay for the meal; IF he specifically asked her out. She should pay for the meal if she invited him. And it's about time the ladies dropped that rather wonderful skill many of them have in getting a guy to 'ask' her out when she in fact contacted him to make arrangements, meaning that she can expect him to pick up the tab. It is an exceptional skill but one that hasn't gone unnoticed by a lot of guys and one many of us are pretty fucking sick of these days. Equality means that generally, women pay their way.

PhysicsPhil · 2011-01-19T17:13:06+00:00

Do none of you guys still believe in chivalry? I'll gladly do these things for a woman (especially a date). Oh well, call me old fashioned.

Sarthax · 2011-01-19T22:14:04+00:00

RE: Opening doors.

The people who routinely slam doors in your face or fail to hold them open with no regard for who's behind them? Women.

I swear to god a disproportionate amount of women just let a door slam in your face in my office building. They don't give a shit. I on the other hand will hold a door open so long as you're within distance of the door and it would remain in a semi-open state if I let it go. It's common freaking courtesy.

Some people also take offense to having a door opened for them. I was raised "gentlemanly" by my grandfather and I would open and hold doors for anyone. One striking instance comes to mind when I opened a door about 2 seconds ahead of a group of girls when I was a teenager. I stepped aside and held the door open and let them pass as one would normally do. Oh man I got lambasted by them for being "a pervert" since the girls must have figured I wanted to look at their asses or something.

Sadly, chivalry and courtesy are dying out and have little place in a dog eat dog world.

ConfirmedCynic · 2011-01-19T22:48:40+00:00

This whole thing is a beta mating ritual, for when she's finally looking for someone who will support her children rather than for someone who makes her hormones dance.

It all gets chucked out the window when an alpha comes along and "sweeps her away".

2011-01-20T17:24:02+00:00

Meh I don't think this is that sexist. I think this is more of a very neutral point of view as to what actually works in dating.

Fatalistic · 2011-01-19T14:13:00+00:00

As it is with most things that tell men how to act, what to think and do.

the_assman · 2011-01-19T18:39:32+00:00

There's an edit button. I just removed the "you must pay for your date" bullshit.

Quazz · 2011-01-19T14:13:24+00:00

Did anyone else get the vague impression that this just had to be written down by a woman?

edit: If anyone opens the link now and gets confused then it's because I altered it a bit.

Darnit, it restored itself already :<

BlazerMorte · 2011-01-19T17:16:17+00:00

I know you ladies find this list to be fairly negative, but I thought ya'll might find it interesting to know that the things on this list actually work a large amount of the time.

wrongontheinternet · 2011-01-19T16:22:14+00:00

This entire list needs to be renamed "How to be a Modern Major General" and edited appropriately.

NiceGuysSTFU · 2011-01-19T15:48:13+00:00

So basically, don't be a PUA, pay for stuff, hold the door open. Ehhh...

thedude213 · 2011-01-19T17:47:56+00:00

This list was totally written by a chronic lifetime dater. I wouldn't read to much into this, this woman is Forever Alone. Once again women demand respect and equality but design it a one way street.

liebermannn · 2011-01-19T18:08:38+00:00

This works for entitled bitches. And there are many of them.

cynwrig · 2011-01-19T16:00:22+00:00

I find nothing modern or manly about this list.

immarked · 2011-01-19T19:18:44+00:00

Can I shamelessly plug?

I'm in a band called Modern Gentlemen the singer saw this and some youtube video about being a Gentlemen and well we thought it was perfect for a name. Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUC7gj-w9Pw&feature=related Practice http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwprFwGsa0k

ForMensRights · 2011-01-19T19:48:26+00:00

If you have any self-esteem at all you might want to do a cost benefit analysis on being a gentleman. All of this requires a lot of effort, time and money (for the "quality" clothes. Before spending time, effort and money on a woman, a man should be asking himself if this women is worth all of this? You can bet the woman is asking herself the same thing about the man.

Some people will feel it is selfish or self centered for men to even ask what's in it for the man. But it could be argued that if a man does not consider a woman's worth to him he is not aware of her potential value to him as a human being. And if she has no value to him, beyond a sexual fling, Wouldn't he be better spending his time, effort and money some place else?

Women do want all of these things, but they typically don't respect men who give it to them and marry the "drill sergeant". Don't take my word for it, look around for yourself.

Is there a companion article on what kinds of helpful things, similar to opening doors etc., that women should do for men? Such a link would improve this article.

This article could also address what men should do when women explode when men try to be "gentlemen". Many women resent this kind of attention as demeaning. This article could also be improved with hints on how to identify such women before there is trouble.

There is a school thought that chivalry is not dead, yet, but we should be trying to kill it. Addressing this point of view would also be useful.

From one of the commenters on the article, ElDiggs. Emphasis mine.

BPhair · 2011-01-20T02:29:59+00:00

Some of that stuff was pretty bad, most of it was things I do for everyone.

mongoOnlyPawn · 2011-01-20T03:40:32+00:00

Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present. -- George Washington --

These actions are done as a sign of respect to the lady you are accompanying. They are not sexist or demeaning, but simply a way of showing her your respect her.

BinaryShadow · 2011-01-20T07:49:55+00:00

I opened the door for my first date with my ex a long time ago. You know what she did? She opened the next door for me. It was surprisingly awesome.

bugatu · 2011-01-19T18:00:02+00:00

wikihow? more like a cosmo article...

Title	One of the most sexist lists I've ever seen-How to be a modern gentleman
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	27
Comments	165
Date	January 19, 2011 2:08 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/f53sq/one_of_the_most_sexist_lists_ive_ever_seenhow_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/one-of-the-most-sexist-lists-ive-ever-seen-how-to.1044183 https://theredarchive.com/post/1044183

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