Being “understanding” will get you NOWHERE with men. They will lie, use, cheat, and abuse you. Save your empathy ONLY for your close family, children, & trusted friends.

Jandi18 · 2021-09-24T20:57:04+00:00

If a guy says you are "very understanding", be very worried!

gigi_chi · 2021-09-24T20:14:18+00:00

Also nurturing is reserved for those dearest to us.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-09-24T21:45:31+00:00

Yup! Ladies, save your empathy (and collagen) for those who deserve it. It's like a dog whistle for them to immediately begin pushing the boundaries

SayNad · 2021-09-25T10:29:30+00:00

If there's one thing to take from FDS, it is that we, as women HAVE to be tough and firm with men.

Doesn't mean we have to be assholes and screaming bloody murder to them - but we have to take the disciplinarian role. No cleaning up after them, no excusing and forgiving bullshit behaviors, no giving them 2nd 3rd 4th chances, no giving them the benefit of the doubt, no coddling them.

Call their spade the damn spade and cut them off immediately at the first sign of bullshittery. Shame them for their trashy behaviors, distance yourself far away when they prove to be absolute trash.

Harsh? Well want do you expect, when society and their momma all treat them like fragile little thing - that's how we get a world entirely full of narcissistic men.

Someone gotta do a tough job and discipline their spoiled ass.

mini_baguette · 2021-09-24T23:50:46+00:00

YOU ARE CORRECT!

Rarely, if ever, help the average man. He will not be grateful, he will resent you. Let him figure it out himself, because he'll do it 'his way' regardless.
Do not listen to him complain about his problems. 99.9% of the time they are imagined, exaggerated, and can easily be solved. They just want to complain and use your emotional support as validation in some sick way.

Every time I tried to help boyfriends or guy 'friends' they barely ever took my advice. To my face in the moment, they'd say 'great, thanks!' but then follow up weeks later with 'so uh, I'm still thinking about what you said and I'm not sure' type thing. You are wasting your breath and energy.

Highly doubtful they would do the same for you.

callmebubbles92 · 2021-09-25T13:12:44+00:00

100%. It's why if you go on other dating subreddits, it's always men who are telling women to ignore that red flag, communicate, "it's not about what he does, but how he reacts when you tell him his behavior is wrong" like you're talking to a 5-year-old crap, etc. They are terrified of women not giving second (or more) chances, and it's why they project with, "That's why people here are single!"

MaleficentSize · 2021-09-25T15:12:11+00:00

I learned this the hard way over the years. The many excuses and chances I given men (“he was brought up in a rough home”, “he’s surrounded by bad influences”, “his previous relationship cheated on him”). In the end, turned out they were cheating or knew certain actions were disrespectful but convinced me that they were too clueless.

Men learn from action not from talking/verbal reactions. Be firm, or get up and leave. Some test your boundaries with what they can get away with, and the more leeway you allow them, the more they don’t respect you.

shutup201 · 2021-09-25T07:55:05+00:00

Damn straight!

It's so messed up that so many women have to l learn this lesson the hard way.

DuchessDurag · 2021-09-25T09:58:27+00:00

Some men will just want to dump Their baggage and blame the world for their problems.

ello-motto · 2021-09-25T15:02:10+00:00

Just a reminder, please vet and be vigilant around the LVM in your family as well. I'm of the philosophy that family only means family when they show loyal, trustworthy, HV traits.

Do not trust toxic family members just because they're close to you. I'd advise saving your empathy in that department too.

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