Divorce pending

playerknowmore · 2022-01-08T17:51:54+00:00

You know that there's another man in the equation. No woman leaves without an exact plan on how to come out of divorce with their reputation and financial stability in tact. Stop doing the pick me dance; you don't have time for that. Sounds like she has a lawyer and is following a playbook. Odds are their is a new credit card in her name. For legal expenses without you knowing. As long as you do this I love you; she'll continue the friendship bullshit, but be under any allusion you are being replaced.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-01-08T14:47:00+00:00

You're at the bargaining stage of your grieving process.

When I was going through the shit, it was sadness, disbelief, bargaining, disbelief, resolve.

Then I made the mistake of thinking she changed.

Then it was: disbelief, bargaining, sadness, frustration, anger. Then resolve.

It took a lot of work and a lot of therapy hours but I got through it. What helped was focusing on my happiness and really evaluating how much she contributed to me being happy. And when I did that I realized I was contributing 90% and she was doing 10% mixed in with 70% of the negativity in my life.

The rest was fighting the urge to live the life I thought I had.

My advice is to stop treating her like your wife because she isn't that anymore. She's just an adult woman who lives with you. She's treating you that way, right? As a regular guy who just lives where she lives but she's actually getting you to do work for her. You're being a chump and she's leveraging your pain to do it. (see how I started getting frustrated and angry during my process?)

Just stop doing for her and put that energy into doing for yourself. You'll be surprised at how quickly she turns off the act and treats you how she really feels.

Last thing: get out of the house. Go to coffee shops, buy books and read them there. Go on walks after work. Just start doing things away from home so you can have a clear space to think. It helps tremendously.

Good luck man. Its hard but the only way is to do the actions first. Your mind will catch up to your actions later. But you can't think or feel your way out of it. Do the actions and put effort into you

skaelee · 2022-01-08T19:48:01+00:00

When a women starts talking about “spiritual” always translate that too “I have found out I’m bored of this relationship and it’s time I free myself from this relationship too be a hoe”

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-01-08T16:47:30+00:00

Friendship = you keep doing shit for her while she fucks other guys.

Fin4llyBre4thing · 2022-01-08T15:29:12+00:00

I was at this place 5.5 years ago with my ex. Shocked at how things fell apart. Wanting to make it work. Mourning the loss. Wondering if she had someone else. It was a long first year but there is relief and a future for you. I rebuilt my friend network sharing with them my day to day vents and losses. I joined a divorcecare group that really helped me to start understanding my situation. They're a christian divorce group. You meet weekly and work through a workbook and videos to start sorting out what you are going through. Message me if you want more details or look at my history

Brit_100 · 2022-01-08T19:48:09+00:00

She wants to be friends so she doesn’t have to confront the truth about herself; that she has let you down and failed to meet expectations in the most horrendous way.

“I can’t have been so bad to him, we’re still friends after all”

13owner · 2022-01-08T15:08:40+00:00

You should make your continued friendship with her contingent on a clean financial break with no alimony and 50/50 custody if you have kids.

ATLien66 · 2022-01-08T19:27:22+00:00

You’re getting punked. Lawyer up and put the garbage out by the curb. She doesn’t love you if she’s treating you this way.

sicrm · 2022-01-08T15:03:14+00:00

if you can, pick a place you either haven’t been to in a while or always wanted to visit and go for a few days to clear your head. if you can’t do that then take a walk or drive for a few hours.

lean into her finding her spiritual self while you focus/write out how you want the rest of your life to go.

look at her as a roommate and stick to grey rocking her.

Ridethelightning1987 · 2022-01-08T19:34:33+00:00

Make no mistake. You ain’t friends. She’ll find someone else and try to “be friends” and tell you bout all about it. Be amicable but don’t be her friend and make that clear

emo-loser · 2022-01-08T16:36:11+00:00

I know you’re feeling rejected, but just stop being “nice” while expecting sex in return. It sounds like it’s just not gonna happen, and you might have to accept you need to cut your losses and move on from this woman.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-01-09T02:02:17+00:00

Buddy, you need to be VERY careful. I was in the same exact situation like you. Then she walked into the police station and claimed I raped her "a while back". No proof but I still got criminally charged, kicked out of my house and my children's lives and ended up spending $200k in legal fees.

You're VERY naive if you think you're on safe ground. Audio Record EVERYTHING 24/7 on a secret audio recorder.

Jonger1150 · 2022-01-09T01:23:53+00:00

So she found a guy on a voice only social media app.

TxsMatch · 2022-01-09T01:08:43+00:00

I am no expert in these situation. I can understand how hard it is for you because I am in a similar situation at the moment. I want to bring it up to you that you still have time to turn the situation around. Think it through and ask yourself the hard questions; Do you really love your wife ? Do you want to save your relationship?

There is always hope. Everything starts from you. You need to change your behaviour in order to get a second chance. I am not saying you need to take the blame for what’s going wrong in your marriage but you need to take responsibility for your own actions. Don’t over think the situation. You have lived together 17 years. What she is telling you is that she is not happy about the current situation. She still cares about you. That’s very good. You have a very difficult path to take if you want to change the save your marriage or you can quit which is easy. If you know that your relationship doesn’t worth the efforts thats fine leave your relationship otherwise prepare to fight for it.

Title	Divorce pending
Author	AppalachianMan79
Upvotes	12
Comments	23
Date	January 8, 2022 2:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rz14nh/divorce_pending/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-pending.1093997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1093997

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