Ladies, most of you know I'm a retired English teacher. I just had a major epiphany: if a man doesn't respect your body of knowledge and your experience/years in your job, he's not the one.

Examples:

-- "Oh, I bet the students all just loved you!" This emphasizes I was nothing more than a glorified babysitter (puke), and students' feelings mattered more than what they accomplished, and/or my leadership.

-- pushing back against being an authority in the classroom, particularly evident with blue-collar men

-- pushing back that I actually know my own subject

-- doing the anti-fangirl thing, forcing me to "prove" I know my subject, nothing doing, I have nothing to prove, you either take me at my word or you leave. This has included, in the past, asking if I've ever read x book, and when I haven't, oh well, you don't know your subject, you're not well-read. Total power dick move.

-- doing the creepy-ass roleplay thing and pretending to be a student (almost type "stupid" there as a Freudian slip, so you know how I really feel about that!)

-- doing the weak little boy thing, talking about how they gave their (always female) teachers hell; this comes from a place of disempowerment. It is absolutely power-seeking over others, with no concern whatsoever for the existing power structure, their place in it, or the feelings of the adult in charge.

-- assuming I have "so much" to teach them... on my own free time, free of charge? yeah right, buddy, as if

-- acting taken aback that I've had a multi-decade career. Acting surprised that I've been out in the working world my entire adult life. Super common with traditional, religious, conservative types who clearly see women as wives and mothers first, and just don't SEE career women even though it's the 21st century.

Any career in the helping field is particularly prone to these attitudes, but I'm sure other careers like those in STEM bring their own sets of challenges. Can't wait to hear from you all about how men view you as a working person, and your career!

Predictably, Peter was meh and looked askance at teaching, because he didn't know what it involved, yet like many, he would not have dared substitute or become a teacher, and yet, it was as if I didn't actually do much all day, so I should have had PLENTY of energy to start the second shift when I got home. Brick #1,592,492 as to why I quit cleaning and cooking for him, and shifted only for myself. Jack, on the other hand, as an English professor, had never taught in school, but had known teachers, and also simply had an imagination and empathy. He knew how hard I worked; he listened to me, and understood when I vented. He encouraged me to go off and explore Europe every single summer we were together, and he encouraged me to go home and see family four times a year. The right kind of support makes ALL the difference.