This one’s for my fellow ladies that love video games. Obviously, if you have no interest in gaming, it’s totally valid to not date self-proclaimed gamers.

But some of us enjoy the hobby and would like to share it with a partner. For context, I’m an avid gamer and so is my husband. In a HV relationship, gaming can be a fun way to build teamwork, communication, and intimacy.

I’ve never come across any vetting strategies besides ‘don’t date them’. However, I think paying attention to a man’s gaming habits is an incredibly underrated way to vet them, so I’m here to give some tips.

  1. Does he have a life outside of gaming? He should have a variety of hobbies and interests, not make gaming his whole personality. He shouldn’t be calling out of work or avoiding a social life to feed his game time.

  2. Does his gaming get in the way of spending time with you? He should know when to put the controller down. He should be dating you in other ways, taking you out, finding other means of entertainment, etc. Even when you’re playing together, he should have no problem giving it a rest if you’re getting bored.

  3. Does he play well with others? This one is super telling. If he gets overly competitive, rages at a difficult boss, or spews obscenities at the screen or other players, this is not how a HV man acts, even in a game. This is one of the easiest ways to spot anger issues.

  4. Does he make the experience easy for you? If he enjoys playing with you, he should have no problem taking care of the logistics, from setting up your console for you, to troubleshooting issues, to installing games so you don’t have to.

  5. Is playing with him enjoyable to you? Pay attention to how he treats you in games. He should be willing to start over a game he’s mastered to play at your level, explain mechanics to you without negging or condescension, let you experience it at your pace, and never give you shit about your abilities or lack-thereof.

  6. Does he take your interests into account? He should know you well enough to recommend games you may enjoy, even on your own time without him, as well as looking for co-op or multiplayer games you can enjoy together. He should also be understanding when you don’t enjoy a game and have no interest in playing it.

  7. What type of games does he play? This one may not be as concrete, but still something to keep in mind. Games like League of Legends or Call of Duty have notoriously nasty communities, so watch out for his participation in that. If he only plays GTA or Cyberpunk to enjoy the raunchy aspects, or only plays FPS games because he likes dominating a battlefield, these could be red flags.

  8. How does he act when playing without you? He should be considerate of your preferences when gaming while in your presence. He shouldn’t be keeping you up at night yelling into his headset or have an issue playing offline if you’d prefer peace and quiet. He should also never react with irritation if you grab his attention, or have an issue hopping off the game at your request.

  9. Is he financially responsible about the hobby? He shouldn’t be buying every console as soon as it’s released, or without budgeting to afford it. He shouldn’t have a pile of unplayed games because he can’t help but buy them all. And he shouldn’t be sinking money into micro transactions for skins or other frivolous things.

  10. Does he dream of making it as a streamer? If he has any serious inclination of streaming for a living, he better already have a sizable following or be that good at a game (most of them aren’t). This is the gamer equivalent of someone who’s never studied finances trying their hand at trading stocks. This is a massive red flag that they’re irresponsible in their careers or trying to find a lazy way to make money.

I hope some of these have been helpful for you ladies!