I've talked to women that openly admitted they enjoyed going into a relationship having the intention of trying to fix their partner. Men also do this but I postulate it happens more often with women at least from my own experience hence reason to say "women" and not "people" in the title even though this argument applies to both genders.

I have heard different reasonings from women. Some do it for the sake of fun and spice in the relationship. For others it is the mere fact that being with someone over a prolonged period of time will illuminate new aspects of their partner's personality one might not like. I suppose this reasoning is a sort of longing to go back to the early "honeymoon" days of the relationship when everyday problems had not yet interferred as much.

It is important to note that I'm not talking about extreme occasions such as the partner becoming violent, manipulative, obsessed with playing video games 14 hours a day, or otherwise plain nasty. You need to set clear boundaries in a relationship and in those cases it is obviously sensible to give your partner an ultimatum ("fix this shit or I'm leaving you").

The selflove "fixing" I'm talking about refers moreso to the more subtle cases that happen far more frequently such as a woman trying to fix his man's hobbies, taste, social groups etc. There's a Danish film titled A Horrible Woman (2017) that encapsulates this stereotypical "fixer" quite well. Here's the trailer with English subtitles.

My argument is that when you try to fix your partner your action is not rooted in love for your partner but rather in self-love. You're trying to change the person to be more akin to yourself instead of accepting the fundamental flaws and strengths of your partner and loving them holistically. Every adult human being should know that humans are flawed by nature.

By only accepting their strengths you refuse to acknowledge their humanity. You're basically saying "be more like me" but without recognizing your own humanity that includes flaws. Although being in a relationship means bettering each other you still must respect your partner's individuality. People change and sometimes relationships are not meant to be so I understand the motivation that drives the action but the motivation doesn't refute the argument.

Most of the time what's best for yourself isn't what's best for the relationship and that is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship. Even if you sincerely believed the fixing to be rooted in your partner's best interest you must trust that your partner knows what's best for themselves.

In clear cases of cognitive dissonance you should ask yourself whether your partner's refusal to recognize the dissonance illuminates an aspect of your partner's personality deviating so much from the person you fell in love with that you feel the necessity to give an ultimatum or to accept it as a basic human flaw.

I am aware that the semantics of love might complicate the discussion. Perhaps love is just a social construct with a fluid definition working as an euphemism for an evolutionary trait otherwise regarded as animalistic. No matter if some transcendental true love exists or not it seems most of our current definitions of love weights heavily on empathy and devotion which corresponds well with my argument in my opinion.