She shit talks about me to the kids

jgoodstein · 2022-04-27T15:15:21+00:00

It’s called parental alienation and it takes many forms. It’s very hard to prove, but one option you may want to pursue is to confront her. If she doesn’t stop immediately tell her you will pursue legal action. Step one is to get the kids to therapy, step 2 is to file a complaint with child services for mental anguish and abuse, step 3 is to file a cease and desist, step 4 is to get her back to family court.

Reformedahole · 2022-04-27T15:21:51+00:00

Get the kids therapy. Yes it will help them but the therapist will also document the toxic behavior should you need to go back to court someday.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-04-27T15:25:44+00:00

My only advice is to be the best dad you can be. My stbx does the same thing and all it does is make the kids like her less.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2022-04-27T15:56:51+00:00

Please!! The courts are biased to me mommy. No recourse my brother. My kids won’t even hardly speak to me.

RxRobb · 2022-04-27T15:38:00+00:00

All this stopped with me once I found a more attractive , younger woman, and I got in the best shape of my life. That’s how I defeated her bullshit mental games

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-04-27T17:23:06+00:00

Yes, you have a way forward

When your child makes a statement like “mommy says you’re a xxx”

You take the high road. You don’t rebut it, you don’t argue it, you simply respond with a question

“Do you think I am an xxx?”

And you engage your child via questions, and questions only. Eventually the child will start discarding what mom says.

AdultishRaktajino · 2022-04-27T17:38:35+00:00

Be a good dad and be consistent, and let them make their own decisions. I've told my kids basically the following in response to something that my ex said.

"That is not true. I won't go into details about why because it's adult stuff and your job is to be a kid.

You can talk to me about anything on your mind, anything that's bothering you, or if you have questions. However, don't feel like you need to tell me everything she says about me.

I'm not going ask either. I can't control what your mom says or does, but I can control what I say and do. I promise to never say anything bad about her to you guys.

It's not nice to talk about people behind their back, right? Because they're not there to defend themselves. If I ever do say something you don't like, I want you to tell me."

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-28T02:38:16+00:00

Do you know exactly what she's saying? Like do you have recordings? How do you interact with your kids about it? I've seen cases where kids and dads actually begin to bond over the bad shit mom says so the kids will feed into it. If you're not going to try anything at court, then it's just about how you deal with it practically. Demonstrate through action that its not true. Don't retaliate. Long-term she's fucking their relationship with them. But that's not much solace now, I know.

lordgoofus1 · 2022-04-28T01:48:06+00:00

Mine has started to do that with our little one. I can't control what she says, and it's nigh on impossible to prove what she's doing to the courts. So all I can do is try to be the best dad I possibly can, and trust that the kid will be smart enough to one day wake up and realise all the things mum says are simply untrue.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2022-04-27T15:19:00+00:00

Check out the /ParentalAlienation sub.

nothingbutalamp · 2022-04-27T18:53:06+00:00

Lead by example and don't say shit back. Keep being positive with your kids.

Knave7575 · 2022-04-27T20:04:36+00:00

It depends:

A) You have 50% parenting time

Just ignore it and be an awesome parent. The kids will see that you are awesome and in the end she will just be hurting herself. My ex talks shit about me all the time and it brings me closer to the kids.

B) You have less than 50% parenting time

You are probably fucked. That clause is almost completely unenforceable because you cannot possibly show in court that it was violated. Even if you do get an adult who is willing ot be a witness against your ex, the penalty will be extremely low (probably a warning to stop it). Try to be awesome, but since you are not the real parent, you might find yourself squeezed out over the years. It kinda sucks.

So... either way, the only thing to do is to ignore it and be awesome.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-27T22:09:04+00:00

She has to make you look bad, so when she moves AP in she won't look as shitty as she actually is. Kids are not stupid; she can lie for a little while, but eventually they will start calling her out on her shit.

I wish you could say "Your Mother is just Dick drunk."

JonathanApple · 2022-04-27T22:35:17+00:00

Same here and I just failed at getting it addressed. As a man it is a very uphill battle.

GoofBallz913 · 2022-04-28T15:23:18+00:00

I'm experiencing this frequently, too. It's tricky because it's not always a smoking gun, but rather "death by a thousand cuts." Little, cutting comments about me that add up to what I can perceive as a certain attitude my daughter holds towards me.

I would add-- document everything you can. I have online notes full of "<Daughter's name" told me 'Mom said you only like <GF name> because she's a contortionist.'" Many of these "mom said" moments tell the story, if I ever need to tell it.

edr5619 · 2022-04-27T18:10:20+00:00

The book “Divorce Poison” is a must read for anyone experiencing this.

While the standard advice is to take the high road and not respond, the author takes issue with this advice in some cases and lays out a number of strategies for dealing with this. Worth the read.

johnnybozzz · 2022-04-28T12:10:49+00:00

Counter with positive and direct communication with your kids. Sit them down and say, “it’s ok to feel uncomfortable when mom talks bad about dad.” One day when you are older you will have to make decide for yourself if the things mommy and daddy say are true and why. Until then just know that dad will always love you and never talk poorly about your mother. I may not love or want to live with her, but she still deserves to be respected as the mother of my wonderful children.

High road, power of positivity. Sounds like bullshit but remember one day, they will mature and realize who the supportive parent was and who the destructive one is. When grandkids start to pop out, who do you think they will want to share them with. It’s a long game and you will only lose if you fight. Make her uncomfortable being the negative one… and she’ll stop.

-your dad is an asshole. - your mother is upset and that is why she is calling names, I’m sure she doesn’t mean it.

-your dad is trying to convince you that I’m a bad person. -I’m sorry she feels this way, it’s not how I feel about her.

It’ll take faster than you think!

Title	She shit talks about me to the kids
Author	WartimeDad
Upvotes	20
Comments	33
Date	April 27, 2022 3:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ud5ui3/she_shit_talks_about_me_to_the_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-shit-talks-about-me-to-the-kids.1113197 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113197

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