Do secure men feel attraction to anyone?

achyshaky · 2022-07-19T12:34:58+00:00

Yes. Healthy attraction isn’t a need for validation, it’s a desire to be with someone else because you like them in particular - not just their sex in general.

Speculation time, but I’m willing to bet a majority or at least a significant minority of the manosphere are aromantic, if not also asexual, but they simply refuse to explore that possibility. Rather, they’ve imbibed heteronormativity and forgotten that non-straight, non-sex-filled relationships exist and can be more fulfilling than what they’re forcing themselves to do.

And they are forcing themselves, I think. Seriously, the amount of PUAs and gurus who treat sex like an inherently disgusting concept despite basing their entire lives around the pursuit of sex is mind boggling.

SweelFor- · 2022-07-19T13:10:01+00:00

Yes. How did you come up with that hypothesis?

Outrageous_House2317 · 2022-07-19T14:35:18+00:00

Go touch some grass bro

vcreativ · 2022-07-19T13:51:28+00:00

Yes.

Attraction will stay, but the what, the who, and the why change as you grow.

But don't assume that just because a man is confident, that it means he has grown. In that way whether or not he is secure in himself is basically meaningless.

What matters is how open he is too his self, and if he's aware and has integrated his emotions and vulnerability.

And yes, such a person will pick very different partners, because they no longer project their own deficiencies out into the world.

But they will still find people attractive, on a personal as well as on a physical level.

jackedsoon · 2022-07-19T13:55:01+00:00

attraction has nothing to do with how secure you feel.

sparklingwinepapi92 · 2022-07-19T16:20:25+00:00

"How do humans work?"

azucarleta · 2022-07-19T16:20:45+00:00

I think I'm pretty secure.

The #1 most attractive thing about another person is that they are attracted to me. So that would seem to contribute to your theory about validation and maybe seem to undercut my claim to being secure. Maybe I'm in denial.

But honestly I think I am that way just because enough people are attracted to me I don't sense any purpose in chasing after people who are not, and thus have not developed the skill. I've never learned how to try to hit on anyone who is reluctant to talk to me because I always let the other person do that and if anyone is reluctant about letting the interaction continue it is me. I'm the flower, not the bee.

And when no one comes over to me or chats me, I don't feel low self-esteem, I just usually feel bored, and I don't blame myself or my looks or whatever, I blame the platform/venue. Because if I'm at a club/bar or on an app, I'm there for a purpose (hooking up and making fbs/fwbs), and when I can't get that purpose fulfilled, I'm just annoyed that I'm wasting my time. But it doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I haven't really felt bad about myself since I was young.

So, do I feel attraction to people? Absolutely. Usually the ones I just had powerfully amazing sex with. Because I want to try to recreate that. I mean, that's not so rocket science or Freudian.

xvszero · 2022-07-19T17:49:59+00:00

What? Of course we do.

softnmushy · 2022-07-19T15:08:39+00:00

Yes. Definitely.

However, who you find attractive will probably be different once you are secure in yourself. You will be less influenced by social expectations and the media you consume.

neoexileee · 2022-07-19T12:20:34+00:00

What do you think?

Inareskai · 2022-07-19T16:48:04+00:00

Yes, because there can be a lot of attraction, fun and affection in finding someone who you view as your equal and who views you as theirs.

LearningInternet · 2022-07-19T14:03:25+00:00

I've never heard a RedPiller saying that attraction in men is rooted in the need for validation, I've heard RedPillers saying this about women. I even heard some people associating this idea to the fact that women - unlike men - predominantly have a responsive desire as opposed to a sponteneous one.

Naus1987 · 2022-07-19T19:32:55+00:00

I feel like you can compare it to business. As a secure and successful business person — I’m not attracted to failures.

But the other people who are high energy, and have lots of drive. It’s magnetic. I think successful people are drawn to other successful people. And secure people are magnetized towards other secure people.

Positive emotions attract other positive emotions.

XihuanNi-6784 · 2022-07-19T23:38:19+00:00

I would say yes, although you'd need to also define secure. Since both of these attributes, attraction and security, are on a sliding scale it might be difficult to really prove one way or the other.

unlivedbread · 2022-07-20T00:59:01+00:00

xWarui · 2022-07-30T21:48:25+00:00

Ohhhhh wow. I never thought to connect attraction to validation, but that makes a lot of sense. I'm naturally a pretty secure and self confident person and I've always had a difficult time finding attraction in others. I chalked it up to being asexual. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex - if I can find a compatible partner (sexually compatible) - I'm active. But it also takes a lot for me to find compatibility so my escapades are few and far between.

Title	Do secure men feel attraction to anyone?
Author	PutsWomenOnPedestal
Upvotes	13
Comments	36
Date	July 19, 2022 12:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/w2r6lc/do_secure_men_feel_attraction_to_anyone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/do-secure-men-feel-attraction-to-anyone.1123867 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123867

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