“The Rise of Single, Lonely Men”- thoughts on this?

Stargazer1919 · 2022-08-17T20:24:19+00:00

I find it sad that a lot of guys can't figure out for themselves what they want to do with their lives. Add in the lack of good role models (both male and female) and a lot of these guys think that a relationship will solve all their issues and fulfill the emptiness inside.

JLCpbfspbfspbfs · 2022-08-17T15:05:11+00:00

I like that the article brings this up the need for a more healthy dating culture and it's something that I think it's super necessary but not discussed nearly enough.

Because I'm not thrilled with the way the conversation is currently going.

It feels like the rise of awful ideologies like the red pill, black pill and exploitative industries like pick up artistry have very loudly exposed the fact a lot of us (especially us in the USA) that we aren't doing much of anything to promote a healthy dating culture.

That's gotta change!

ShittyHuman1999 · 2022-08-17T14:05:16+00:00

Men were single and lonely back then as well. Don't know why people think that everything was good in past.

uniquename1992 · 2022-08-17T15:38:43+00:00

does lonely mean not happily single only in this context or just single? being single doesn't have the negative connotation as "lonely" does

AntiVictimhood · 2022-08-17T15:46:30+00:00

My firs thought, where is the evidence? He's making assertions but failing to support the bulk of his claims.

This guy has a TikTok live show where women vent about their dating challenges. Is that his data set? I'm confused where he's pulling this data from.

His first link to the Pew Research states that "The growth in the single population is driven mainly by the decline in marriage among adults who are at prime working age."

So it's not that men have shitty mental health, it's that people aren't getting married as early or as often. "While the unpartnered population includes some adults who were previously married (those who are separated, divorced or widowed), all of the growth in the unpartnered population since 1990 has come from a rise in the number who have never been married."- Pew study.

Secondly, 50% of the population is female, 50% is male- and we live in a monogamous society (you can't marry multiple people where I'm from), and being poly is still a tiny community of people. So if there is this rise of single hetero lonely men, aren't there a commensurate number of single hetero women? This is a point that always confuses me.

Third, the author completely failed to mention the social context which plays a big role in explaining modern dating. Which is that people are getting married later, women can be economically independent and no longer require a pair-bond to be financially stable so they can choose a partner who is a good fit not just a provider. Women are becoming more educated than men and it's well documented that the majority of women would prefer a partner with a similar education/income level. Given the economy, most families are dual-income so women need to prioritize their career as well and may have less interest in casual dating when there are competing priorities.

The Pew study that he cites says "Unpartnered adults have lower earnings, on average, than partnered adults and are less likely to be employed or economically independent. They also have lower educational attainment and are more likely to live with their parents"

Okay so it's not men's bad communication skills and mental health, it's that they're broke, uneducated, and living at home. Yeah, not a very appealing romantic prospect to anyone... Why does the author keep coming back to mental health and poor communication skills when that point isn't supported in any of the primary research?

Pew study again saying, "In a 2017 Pew Research Center survey, 71% of U.S. adults said being able to support a family financially is very important for a man to be a good spouse or partner. Similar shares of men and women said this."

So it's finances..... Not communication skills based on the primary research this author cited.... So why is he making the case that men just need therapy instead of better paying jobs? Why is that his conclusion? Hmm I wonder.

"How can men reap the benefit of the algorithms? Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap."

Oh wow. Who would have guessed? A therapist saying that the secret to getting into a loving relationship is simply therapy. I have encountered way too many bullshit therapists to be persuaded by this point. It also 100% fails to address the very real qualities that make it harder for people to get dates. And "reap the benefits of the algorithm"? I find it interesting that a therapist is encouraging dudes to game the algorithm rather than get out into the world, move off of online dating (if he's saying that men have few chances anyways), and develop communication and charisma to connect with women irl.

I don't like that dismissive attitude that asserts if you just "work on yourself and love yourself" that your issues will be resolved. That fails to consider the broader factors of why people have challenges with dating.

Additionally, the economically marginalized dudes who are struggling the most to get into relationships because they lack any form of financial stability which is often a requisite to attract partners (and no, you don't need to earn 6 figures but being gainfully employed and having a disposal income to actually go on dates and go out is usually required for dating) romantic prospect are probably not going to have an easy time accessing therapy! An average therapist in my city is 180$/hour. Why is there no discussion of how inaccessible that solution is? And what a slap in the face to the people who are stable and well adjusted but just broke, ugly, and awkward?

A blanket fix to a diverse problem is frankly stupid imo. And this article lacks the kind of empirical support I'd need to see to be persuaded by a lot of his claims.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-08-17T19:44:02+00:00

I think it's a culture shift in some regards. Maybe the female version of MGTOW. Since a lot of men do not have basic life skills and emotional maturity. Sure you can work a decent job but can you communicate to someone your intentions instead of being sleazy and leading on people. Or do housework because you both live in the same house. Or go do that thing your partner wanted to do because it means a lot to them even though you don't want to.

But in all honesty men do need to change and work and develop emotional maturity. Since just providing and protecting isn't just the role in a relationship. There are so many things and labor that goes into a healthy partnership. There is compromise, communication, sometimes healthy criticism, valuing your partner on both sides. A lot of men take their connections for granted or don't continuously contribute to the relationship. Instead of neglecting it.

I think because women do not "need" a man. We want a man. But the issue is men aren't being partners women want. Go to Therapy to work on self confidence and healthy communication developing life skills and learning what women want from someone.

TheVillagePriestess · 2022-08-17T14:02:49+00:00

As a woman, this stuck out to me, "How can men reap the benefit of the algorithms? Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort. Open communication is so fucking sexy. It helps me not to work so hard to get shit outta you when we know you have things to say, it helps me get to know you better, helps us not waste your time, and so much more. I loooooove men that are good at communicating and who are honest.

Slap-it-on-a-biscuit · 2022-08-18T06:22:47+00:00

More boys are born than girls, there's gonna be single guys
Single doesn't mean lonely, doesn't mean it wasn't by choice.
Being on such an app doesn't mean they aren't in a relationship, or that relationship is what they are after.
That there are not as many women on there doesn't mean they don't have difficulty finding someone. Putting out a profile may be a scary thing for a woman. (An online stalker once found a woman through images reflected in her eye, then raped her.)
Most couples find each other through friends<work<club/pub----<dating apps is low on the list.

That's about it for my thoughts.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-08-18T11:06:23+00:00

This article assumes that everyone is "forced" to be alone. Instead of admitting that there are those who choose to be by themselves.

Being on your own doesn't mean you're lonely. Alone is not the same as lonely.

Not to mention the erroneous, outdated and absolutely disproven claim that single men and women are sadder.

Flawed article cannot be used for any reference. This seems more like a personal opinion.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-08-17T16:09:59+00:00

As /u/AntiVictimhood pointed out, if the number of single men rising then isn't the number of single women rising also? Why is the article using this patronizing tone towards men only?

If men are more desperate, as the rise of manosphere implies, doesn't that also mean that women don't desire men as much. Why not just admit that and call it a day.

JonF1 · 2022-08-17T22:07:12+00:00

Dating apps: Not to go full tin follow hat but they make money keeping chasing after whatever you're seeking. Honestly for me a lot of the time when I was using them it wasn't even necessarily tog et a date, it to feel that I am attractive and just be able to talk about random bullshit with girls.

Tinder and its affiliated apps (everything except Bumble, which still works basically in the same way) literally give you an ELO rank and along with other info it gathered about you, uses it against you to make you match less, or when you even do match the chances of anything happening lower. Dating apps are quite literally designed to keep you dating but always single because that's what the best for add CTR and selling tinder gold/premium/boosts or whatever.

Relationship standards: Yeah, social media is a hot mess for this.

It is often said that women want men, per the article are, emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values. Do i believe them? Yep, but I just don't think a lot of people, importunately young women in particular know what this means.

For example, emotional vulnerability. Often this plays out to mean that women want the vulnerability that makes her feel specials but not the ones that make her feel burdened or unforgettable such as ugly crying, anxiety about money/work, or "lebensmüde".

Good communication... I feel this is misnomer for mutual understanding of communication preferences and style. Stereotypical men are seen are more blunt and crass and women as more indirect and gentle. Which one is better? Neither, people just need to be more patience with tachometer.

RatDontPanic · 2022-08-18T04:01:55+00:00

It's driven by the huge disparity between the number of men and women on dating apps.

The article's idea that men aren't meeting women's expectations is a grossly insufficient explanation. The reality is women are encountering environments (dating apps) where they are greatly outnumbered, and the men that are on there are hyper aggressive with their right swipes. This is a double-whammy. The supply of male attention is trebly higher than what the women want. Male importance in dating is suffering from hyperinflation - far too much male attention seeking too few women.

Hyperinflation is the problem here, not the quality of men. In this environment, the better the average man is, the higher women will set their standards. It's a death spiral.

The same would be true of men if we were drowning in female attention. You should all go back and read about the plight of women in England after the 1st and 2nd World War when men were in short supply, it was brutal for those women. After World War II the average height of a married man in the UK shrank by several centimeters!

zapadz · 2022-08-17T15:14:53+00:00

A larger portion of men are not pursuing relationships or not pursuing long term relationships. That combined with online dating algorithms results in many men dating more than one woman, and a lot of men not engaging in relationships. One reason is because single women now outearn single men, but on average want a partner who is in a similar or higher economic bracket as them.

Women still report more feelings of loneliness then men, and there are also more single women than in the past. The main issue is probably just a atomizing society. This has been happening for a while, see “bowling alone”. It’s actually a major issue, as lonely societies are more prone to totalitarianism.

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HybridSexual415 · 2022-08-18T07:20:21+00:00

I still know alot of women who own cats vs men who have dogs

Yog-Sothoth2183 · 2023-05-26T14:54:43+00:00

Poorly written

Poorly researched.

Accusatory. One sided.

More provocative than analytical.

My only thought is that they must have paid Greg Matos enough to retire in order for him to write an article that badly researched and written.

Title	“The Rise of Single, Lonely Men”- thoughts on this?
Author	datinginour30s
Upvotes	22
Comments	102
Date	August 17, 2022 1:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/wqpkdv/the_rise_of_single_lonely_men_thoughts_on_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/the-rise-of-single-lonely-men-thoughts-on-this.1128105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128105

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