A note on desires before a relationship

-Starship · 2022-11-12T04:31:55+00:00

I find that if you center your life on the pursuit of money and status, you'll never be satisfied. However, if you want a partner that makes/will make $500K a year, that's your prerogative.

WeebyBearhino · 2022-11-12T04:49:39+00:00

It comes down to a difference in desire for outcomes. I’ve often found many people create their desires for outcomes after they’ve been with someone. My desires already exist before anyone has come along. I want a particular house in a particular area and I want to work certain jobs and so forth. The way I want to raise my children and the relationship I want with my partner… these things all existed before I was with someone.

I think both extremes are bad.

Marrying the first suitable candidate and then later realizing that you have desires that they are absolutely incompatible with is obviously not good.

But basically planning your whole life and then trying to find the perfect partner that is the "missing piece" to your plans seems wrong, too. Not only will such a partner be hard to find, but even if you find them, have you considered that the whole concept may be off-putting for them? The setup seems to be awfully constraining and basically neglecting the fact that your partner is an individual with their own desires (which may change over time).

Slipthe · 2022-11-12T04:12:42+00:00

Lol I guess people are skeptical that you'd have more than one woman to choose from.

Upstairs-Rip-604 · 2022-11-12T04:21:59+00:00

I’ve never dated anyone yet. I’m a 20 year old virgin.

I want to be a Renaissance man. I’m continuing my studies in math and physics. I fish, forage, and garden (I will have a proper garden when I have a house of my own). I write songs. I make polymer clay charms. I want to learn how to sew to utilize some of my art as fabric patterns. I want to create clothing prints inspired by my math (theorems, graphs) and physics (pretty graphs) classes. I swim and snorkel (I used to be a competitive swimmer and lifeguard). I want to read more fictional novels, especially classics. I want to write a novel of my own. I draw anime. I may want to give painting a proper try. I like going on adventures and exploring with friends and family. I like enjoying simple things like making a snow angel or biking through a puddle. I like watching movies and TV shows.

I want to save money, live below my means, and retire young so I can fish all the time. I’ll only get married if I meet the right person. My soulmate. My ultimate best friend. Perhaps I’ll adopt a kid someday.

Anyway, I’m content as I am. I don’t need a significant other. I’m happy with my current family and my hobbies.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-11-12T04:28:59+00:00

I don't have much thoughts. Do whatever you want baby, you only live once and if you're a man that time is probably half of that. My daddy barely made it to 60 before kicking the bucket.

LeeroyX · 2022-11-12T06:08:53+00:00

I’m not sure of the issues you are talking about? Seems fine to me, lots of people have goals prior to searching for a life partner and work hard to confirm that their goals and values mesh nicely.

As for the high income, I guess it’s more than realistic if you move in the right social circles.

rsvpxo · 2022-11-12T04:25:35+00:00

Id also be willing to bet that a lot of the grief you get is from 2 groups of people, men who don't make as much, but more so women who don't earn as much or don't want to work.

You are the 0.1% or possibly even the 0.01% when it comes to income. Tons of women have the 6 figure rule in place but tbh you are looking at a lot of them in the rearview. This will upset the type of woman who wants to be taken care of, think stereotypical pro-athlete wives or real house wife type chick.

I thought I had it rough because I won't date a woman seriously unless she has a professional career but my range is way more in the realm of expected incomes.

I'm not saying don't find what works for you, but so few women actually break 6 figures, you may have an easier time and end up happier if you expand your range to include all those above 6 figures and not the absolute highest percentile.

I'm not saying that to diminish your accomplishments or goals, I actually quite respect them, but the reality is the amount of women who actually make that much money is so miniscule I feel like you will be in for a rough as hell search.

szclimber · 2022-11-12T17:08:27+00:00

No normal house costs 3m/year

EBZ1722 · 2022-11-12T10:31:28+00:00

The problem you inevitably run into is literally nothing great about women comes from how much money they make, nothing. So you're looking for a woman using one of the most worthless metrics imaginable.

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CimZim · 2022-11-12T10:24:02+00:00

It seems a lot of other people create their desires after they meet someone. So they often breakup and then hold no desires on their own.

I've seen mostly the opposite. Majority of men and women are finally figuring out what they want out of their lives rather than just doing what their parents or general society says, and then seeking it out. Whether they find it is a different story.

Do you know all the things you want(ed) before you were with your current or future partner?

Yes. I've known since I was 15 that I never wanted to have children, since 18 that I didn't want to be married, and since 21 that I wanted to just have a nice casual relationship instead of casual sex. My current lover has fulfilled these few requirements for over a decade, so I'm very content.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-11-13T19:33:32+00:00

I find it more useful to think in terms of shared values than specific metrics. If I shared your goals, for example, my interest would be less in the exact amount of money my partner would make, and more in their habits of spending and saving. A partner who makes plenty of money but treats it casually would be less valuable than someone who makes less, but is careful and thoughtful with their investments and expenditures.

Repulsive-Cupcake505 · 2022-11-14T08:14:27+00:00

I’ve been getting critiqued a lot in my personal life for having an interest in only dating women who make (or will make) $500k/yr. A lot of people tend to really narrow in on that and I’ve been trying to analyze why people really don’t get it.

I think the issue is you are looking primarily at income from a partner, which is well, odd. Most people have some set qualities they look for in a partner, which of course some are concrete ones like looks, education, profession, etc. Money tends to largely fall as a surplus or absence in other categories.

Title	A note on desires before a relationship
Author	xzpw
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	November 12, 2022 4:07 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ysw27m/a_note_on_desires_before_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-note-on-desires-before-a-relationship.1138929 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138929

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