So it's been well over two years since I've done anything sexual with a female or anything sexual at all for that matter. Mid-40's (M) and reached the lowest point of my life when my wife of 20+ years hit me with a request for divorce, because she hadn't loved me for some time. We have 3 kids together, and after moving out of the house, that following year was the absolute worst form of hell imaginable. Everything that was my entire life had crumbled right before my eyes, and I was powerless to stop it. It was absolutely the low point of my life.

Fast forward to today, and I finally started to get back on my feet a little by going out and doing things again. I wound up talking with this girl and we absolutely hit it off, I mean we just clicked. We've been having so much fun talking and going out and doing things. It's been the most fun I've had in years. We've had a bunch of make-out/feel sessions which we both really enjoyed.

But now comes the embarrassing part, a couple of times it escalated to sex and both times immediately before penetration, this wave of anxiety or something comes over me and I've gone completely limp and just completely lost the mood. This has never happened to me in my entire life, and I mean never! All I can gather is that this absolute hell I've been living in the past few years really messed me up bad (or a lot more than I thought it did). Maybe not doing anything sexual in so long has left me numb to the entire experience? Perhaps it's a feeling of guilt, which makes no logical sense, as I don't feel anything for my ex anymore. Or is it my mind's way of attempting to safeguard against getting brutally hurt by a girl again? At any rate, it was the most embarrassing thing ever, to have this happen in front of a girl you really like, especially when this has never been an issue before.

Rightfully so, she was a bit confused and upset about it, and even asked, "what the heck is going on". I tried to give some lame explanation about these past couple of years really taking a toll on me, but I get the sense I really messed things up between us. She's been much quieter the days following.

Now I have no clue what to do. I am freaked out that I ruined something good, with a girl I really liked. And obviously now the performance anxiety has skyrocketed that this is going to happen again if the opportunity presents itself.

Is this a real thing for guys who have been in a very long-term relationship that suddenly crumbled apart? Did it improve, get better in time, do I need the blue-pill to get me over the hump and save face until I get my mojo back? Man, I never thought I would be in this situation. Please tell me I'm not the only one this has happened to.