Dating (for sex) while separation

Gattsama · 2023-03-20T23:26:20+00:00

There are a handful of states where it can come into play for alimony or a one year waiting period. So what state are you in? But real world, no it doesn't matter. Essentially, it's all no fault divorce. She could being having orgies nightly, cucked you so your child isn't actually yours and then file for divorce. And it would make zero difference in most states.

vector5633 · 2023-03-21T00:15:15+00:00

Don't care for her anymore. She belongs to the streets now.

Remember, she was never yours it was just your turn. Now she's someone else's turn. Move on, focus on yourself and kid.

Lesson learned: Don't marry again, don't trust women, she's never really yours, it's just your turn.

ranger69danger · 2023-03-20T23:52:32+00:00

No: you should emphatically NOT CARE

It often takes longer for dudes to get back into “playing the field [of genitalia]”.

Don’t feel too bad about it: would you really trade sleeping in the wetspot to have meaningless sex to help clear this divorce off your mind?

I would get a paternity test just to be sure.

You will find the right time and way to move on. Cialis or similar can really help fellas get over the first time butterflies with a new partner.

You are proofing one sterling truth as applies to all of us in this thread: “women pick when we get to have sex, but men get to pick when we marry.”

I’m too much of a romantic to take my own advice. Two months after I filed I had impregnated my dear old HS sweetheart. I will wife the fuck outta her soon. Old dogs and new tricks I guess.

sea_change_2023 · 2023-03-20T23:31:21+00:00

No, you should not.

Internal_Reveal · 2023-03-21T11:59:18+00:00

OP. And every man on this thread find your Frame it really has made a world of difference, kinda of like learning how to restart and get it better this time before you got snooped into marriage. This should be HS learning prerequisite for young males before being allowed to date, guess I'm aging myself.

Malaine1 · 2023-03-21T14:59:41+00:00

Try to focus on other things, no sense in worrying about it. Easier said than done, but with time everything will heal. I don’t have children, but try to focus on your kids and yourself. Make sure you’re taking care of you so you can show up fur the kids.

As far as what she’s doing- does it matter?

One thing I will say with 100% certainty.. workout, read, go to therapy, get good sleep, and engage in a judgement-free hobby. Mine is gaming. I also lift weights, run, and go to therapy. You need structure right now since your world has changed a lot and structure will carry you through the more difficult parts. Be social with other men too!!! I can’t emphasize this enough, you need men in your life! Even if it’s just drinks, golf, poker, whatever,

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2023-03-21T01:30:57+00:00

What helped me somewhat is a post that said,' It's her body, she can let anyone who she wants touch it. So I accept that now.

mowakil · 2023-03-21T09:02:42+00:00

focus on yourself and start rebuilding your life. don't even bother!

occoptionplaya · 2023-03-21T10:32:06+00:00

It will take time, but you will realize it doesn't matter. I can't wait for my STBXW to start dating because that woman needs a life. Likely they will stop bothering you once they have a new partner, so that's fun too.

Ambitious-Cheetah-36 · 2023-03-21T12:02:31+00:00

I guess it could matter. But many states from my understanding dont care about who stepped out etc. Just the numbers game. But if she is done, then finalize the process and get on with moving forward.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-21T12:02:56+00:00

Stop caring what she's doing. Divorce is a full-time job. Spend your limited time and attention on things that have an ROI.

> We have a nesting arrangement (50/50) with the kids.

Nesting is not a long-term strategy. It is feeding the monster that the children cannot tolerate going from one parents home to the other. Kids are more resilient than you think.

How does that work? Who buys soap? TP? Chooses the new couch? Picks out wall art? Mows the lawn? Paints? Replaces the broken washer? Pays for a plumber or electrician? Who is listed on the insurance? If your home burns down post-divorce, does the insurance company replace everyone's stuff, because mine would not.

What part of nesting do you like best? Sleeping on some dude's spooge stains from the last night your ex slept in your bed? Do you have your things locked up so she can't rifle thru them on her time? After her week you come home to dirty dishes, unmowed lawn and other assorted things. After your week you don't put down all the toilet seats, don't vacuum the cat hair, etc. It sounds like a logistical nightmare. Basically joint custody without the divorce. Its the crap of living together without seeing the person - that's all.

The logic is seriously flawed. If the parents had that high a level of co-parenting functioning they would probably have not divorced. Call it what it is: procrastination. There is a reason that courts don't order nesting -- it's a fantasy and does not work in reality. The level of cooperation required to nest is greater than a marriage, and you see where that's ended up.

derelictherds · 2023-03-21T17:19:19+00:00

Depends where you live. I divorced in a state that requires an 18 month separation for a no-fault divorce unless either party is "at fault" (i.e. cheated, etc). Still you'd have to be able to prove she's cheating unless she's willing to go on record admitting she did it.

007--Chill · 2023-03-21T22:11:00+00:00

Who cares if you are divorcing her? You are not going back to it. Do care about your ex-girlfriend? You have a new chapter in your life.

Glittering-Coat3141 · 2023-03-25T05:09:01+00:00

Dude, going through the exact same thing right now. It's been 7 days since she told me we're separating and probably divorcing at some time. (Trying to coexist in the house because of kids and work schedule). You make it what you want it to, I have come to terms with my life, and where the marriage is going. Logically, I don't care, that's on her and she isn't going to heal herself with foolish actions. My emotions tell me to go find the fuck and hit him with a baseball bat. But that won't solve anything, think with your head on your shoulders. Always remember I'm just some dude in reddit, trying to help though.

Title	Dating (for sex) while separation
Author	alteregolife
Upvotes	10
Comments	22
Date	March 20, 2023 11:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11wzqsv/dating_for_sex_while_separation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating-for-sex-while-separation.1186889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1186889

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