Something I noticed....

Nat_at_all · 2020-10-20T03:55:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-10-20T05:35:34+00:00

I deal with this all the time. I swear there are men who have given me enough to write their boring biography. And not once asked me a single question.

It’s all about the selfishness. Everything is about them.

Me: I was in a car accident today. Totaled my car. Broke my leg and fractured my skull... Man: Yeah, I nearly ran out of gas today. Just made it to Speedway! Anyways, gotta get something to eat. Talk to you later.

vitryolic · 2020-10-20T04:10:03+00:00

The only way is... shake them off. Unfortunately when we start realising that others aren’t meeting our standards, we can’t unsee their ‘less than’ behaviour. Long term it’ll feel so much better not to have these kind of people in your lives. Save your valuable time and energy for people who consistently show they care about YOU with their words and actions.

Nat_at_all · 2020-10-20T06:16:28+00:00

It happens in movies too. The woman is usually there as a side character that listens to the main character's (man) problems. Even if her situation is worst (I never watched Star Wars; just going off hearsay) like that one princess from Star Wars whose entire galaxy was killed off but she has to comfort the main guy because some dude he only knew for a day died.

2020-10-20T04:18:57+00:00

Why would you shake it off? You're right; they're acting self-absorbed and they're using you for emotional support (or whatever you wanna call it) without providing the same in return. I abandoned a friend over this once. I didn't think much of him to begin with, though.

You can hint that this is inappropriate, but they probably won't get the message. Self-absorbed people aren't so good at picking up on subtle social ques. You can tell them directly, but don't be surprised if that doesn't give you the desired result.

So it's really a choice between getting fed up and abandoning them, or putting up with it.

InevitableHulk · 2020-10-20T06:41:18+00:00

Or when they do ask you questions, they’re self-serving, like they’re assessing you. “ArE yOu 420 FrIeNdLy?” Is my favorite. Man, stfu. Or, like OP pointed out, the questions are just a way for them to talk about themselves more. 🙄

voodo2020 · 2020-10-20T05:27:38+00:00

In my experience, If they have a genuine interest in getting to know you, they will naturally ask so many questions..but if they don’t see you as a potential serious relationship partner, they will just talk about themselves as if you’re their penpal friend..but for me, keep throwing too many questions like a job interview at the beginning of the conversation is also a huge turn off, so idk...you can vet them by listening their story first and then see their actions more!

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-10-20T03:44:31+00:00

They are selfish and probably narcs. Block and delete. That's pretty much the biggest early red flag other than saying weird, violent and misogynistic things.

2020-10-20T04:42:32+00:00

This is your gut instinct giving you a big nudge, don’t shake it off! Shake these self- absorbed losers off.

2020-10-20T09:15:02+00:00

This reminds me of an ex, I knew literally EVERYTHING about him and his life, even what medical conditions his co-workers had. After a year together I was talking about a sibling and he was shocked, he didn’t realise I even had any! I was already exiting that shitshow of a relationship, but I shamed him completely over that.

ThrowRA745318 · 2020-10-20T10:32:53+00:00

Yep. Guy I know saw I'd had a shit day so he tried to call and cheer me up...by telling me all about how difficult his current work project was?

🤷‍♀️

2020-10-20T06:12:30+00:00

Oh all the time. If they keep doing that I ghost them. They obviously don’t care about getting to know me so I’m not wasting my time. Also If they don’t listen and don’t remember what you have said, block them.

Struggleis4real · 2020-10-20T06:20:32+00:00

I hate when random men do this to me on the street. 😒

-badmadAM · 2020-10-20T09:40:59+00:00

Maybe it helps to go gray rock on these kind of people? And nourish your female / high value friendships, get rid of these self- absorbed male "friends" and maybe only deal with them on a superficially friendly level.

You might have to learn to emotionally distance yourself from men also at a more platonic level, when it comes to friendships and acquaintances etc. until they have really proven themselves worthy of your friendship and any emotional investment. Good and healthy HL friendships are at least as important as a good partnership (if not even more important), and vetting whom you let into your inner circle will improve your quality of life.

pangolinplatypus · 2020-10-20T14:14:27+00:00

UGH. This and/or "Ask me what you want to know about me. Ask me any questions you have. I'm an open book." Putting all the work back on the woman to drive the conversations and suss out his details...

Nat_at_all · 2020-10-20T15:52:22+00:00

I find men are often like this. Almost always, now that I think on it. I’ve also dealt with having to let go of a close woman friend because of the same thing.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-10-20T10:53:59+00:00

he definitely has more power than me in this relationship

What relationship? It's been a couple of days. Have you even met him yet?

Block and delete him. Why are you continuing this at all?

redfarmmmmm · 2020-10-20T12:46:51+00:00

If a guy doesn’t ask my day i dont either. But sometimes its better for them- narcs - to talk alot so they spill out their trueselves. Let them talk and boast about themselves and it saves you so much time trying to decipher his true personality.

The more you know more about other perso you can use it against them.

During the date if he only talks about himself, pull your phone out and start using it while he talks. He’ll be offended and you tell him that you’re listening.

seraphinelysion · 2020-10-20T22:39:54+00:00

Lmao. I was just thinking the same thing last week, and I ended up finding this article:

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/the-depressing-phenomenon-of-men-who-ask-their-dates-no-questions

So you're definitely not alone in noticing this! I think men in general just don't know how to connect with other people. Most male friendships are very superficial and never go past the surface level bullshit anyway, so I am not at all surprised when this gets projected onto women as well.

According to this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-urban-scientist/201004/the-one-dating-trait-successful-future-mate

The best trait to look for in a partner is their curiosity in you.

Simmysaleena · 2020-10-20T09:54:12+00:00

Op your post made me scroll through my texts with a guy I'm currently talking to and whelp it's all me asking about him as well. I needed some self realization I guess

Kimpractical · 2020-10-20T14:19:42+00:00

Remember not to take it personally. They are like this with everyone. But yea reminds of the guy that would go on in full on paragraphs about how much he accomplished with his job but wouldn’t ask me a single thing about myself. It’s baffling, really. So self absorbed that he couldn’t even tell that I had lost interest with my one word responses

2020-10-20T21:45:40+00:00

As far as texting about yourself, people just don’t know how to have conversations. I do that and it is just me trying to connect / make convo.

Title	Something I noticed....
Author	Nat_at_all
Upvotes	186
Comments	37
Date	October 20, 2020 3:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jehrsw/something_i_noticed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/something-i-noticed.1194202 https://theredarchive.com/post/1194202

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