I am feeling conflicted about opting to be a housewife or stay-at-home mom instead of pursuing a conventional job.

tambourine_goddess · 2023-05-01T23:27:48+00:00

Not sure which country you're in. Here in America, there are many 2 year degrees (our normal degree is a bachelor's at 4 years). The 2 year degree is absolutely recognized as a legitimate path, but it's moreso for jobs that don't need extended training (sonography and dental hygienist are 2 2 year degree options). I would recommend looking I to something like that, so that you DO have a path to gainful employment, should you need it. There's no guarantee that you'll get wiped up next week, and a 2 year degree is half the time of a normal degree, buy offers peace of mind. Best thing is that you have a relatively cheap degree that you don't need.

simmingslytherin · 2023-05-01T23:11:57+00:00

i don't know your situation but i assume that at 19 you'd have a couple years before getting married and having kids. you could use this time to get an education or some work experience so you wouldn't have to start form nothing if in the future you needed to work to support yourself or help support your family.

jenna_grows · 2023-05-02T10:47:34+00:00

The first thing you have to take into account is that we are in a global recession and, unless your husband is wealthy, it may be difficult to live off his income only - especially when kids are in the mix.

The second thing you want to think about is that, depending on the circles you run in, having formal tertiary education may be an entry requirement for certain men.

I know a career isn’t what impresses a man, but sometimes a complete of career / tertiary qualification may put certain men off. My ex, who was investment banker and trust fund baby, whose mum with a SAHM, explained that it was because he needed to know the person raising his kids was going to be able to herself successfully empower them.

His words were frivolous and blasé but something like “a waitress isn’t going to be able to teach my child about economics and politics, which my child needs to know”. I think, though he didn’t say it, given the circles he was in, he wasn’t ever going to date someone with impressive qualifications because he was competing with people all the time and competition included how successful / smart your wife was.

One thing I always keep in mind is unforeseen tragedy, especially as I plan on having kids. Life isn’t predictable so having a back up plan is important to me (ie having enough skills and education to put food on the table if I’m forced to).

PsychoticNurse · 2023-05-02T13:34:52+00:00

My daughter also is wanting to be a SAHM. What I tell her is this--still go and get your education/degree, and work a bit in your desired field before becoming a SAHM. Any decent man will want an educated woman to be running the home and raising the children. And, if for some reason you need to get a job (he gets laid off, gets sick, ya'll have money problems), at least you'll have a degree and some experience in the workforce. You can even continue to work part time or less than part time to have extra money for the household.

There's also a possibility of choosing the wrong man, one who thinks a SAHM is his personal servant, or that since he works it's "his" money and not marital money. The only thing I can tell you is to vet carefully before marrying and dedicating your life to being SAHM. Talk to him about what his expectations are for his wife, how he feels about the marital money. If there are any women in his family that work inside the home, see how the men in his family treat them. Most of these horror stories you read online are from women who didn't vet correctly and chose one of these new age men that don't respect or appreciate women. Find yourself a decent, semi old fashioned man who values a wife who works inside the home. There are plenty out there.

Don't worry about societal norms. In the US, feminists have destroyed the idea of the family unit, and will insult any woman that wants to take care of her family and home. Unfortunately, I must work fulltime due to finances, but I wish I could stay home and I applaud you for wanting to do this.

titlejunk · 2023-05-01T23:25:53+00:00

There are a few things to consider:

Being a SAHW is a lot of work. I’m not sure how clear you are on that fact at 19. There are days (like today) that I get up at 8:30am and - other than driving - I don’t sit down until after dinner is served. Then I get right back up to clean dishes and the kitchen. It’s not all fun and games. It’s mentally exhausting as well. Add kids to that and you might honestly end up hating it. Point is: You don’t know yet. You haven’t done it.

You are correct that it’s hugely important to have a fall-back plan. This will not only benefit you if you choose your spouse poorly, but it will help alleviate the pressure to choose quickly. You can wait and vet until you find the right man as long as you don’t immediately need someone to support you. There are men who will absolutely take advantage of your desire not to work. Be aware and alert to manipulative/abusive behavior of you go this route.

You don’t have to go to university to have a career. There are decently lucrative careers in real estate, mortgages, insurance, executive administration, personal assistant, etc that don’t require a degree. You aren’t going to be making 6 figures, but you can be self-sufficient.

Noodlekiddo · 2023-05-02T08:37:43+00:00

Please please please don't let babysitting be your only work experience. If something happens and you have to become independent, the experience is going to be a million times more stressful/difficult if you're 40 and have never been in a work environment before.

Boolzay · 2023-05-02T03:59:03+00:00

You're 19, get a job, having disposable income significantly improves your life, becoming a housewife comes later.

AlohaBandit · 2023-05-02T05:25:22+00:00

Might be worth having a Plan A, Plan B, C…

You could go to a College/Uni for a 1-2 year course to, at the very least, have some type of backup plan just incase Mr. Perfect doesn’t show up on time. I don’t know you or what type of relationships you have going on, so the above is assuming worst case scenario. Who knows, you could be one of those stories where they meet their spouse at college. Just some Game Theory.

I applaud you for being so vocal and set on the Traditional path, God knows we could use more of that in the Western world… we need mothers raising children, not the Internet, schools or government.

Godspeed! 🙏

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-05-02T04:08:59+00:00

What's your family situation like? Even if you don't particularly care for your parents, knowing that you'd have a place to stay until you got back on your feet after a bad divorce is great peace of mind. If you do end up as a SAHM, ensure an adequate portion of your husband's income into savings. Look into life insurance and disability insurance for him. These actions will manage a lot of the risk, but there will always be downsides to any lifestyle.

You have two things to focus on balancing the two most important factors: finding the guy and setting up your finances.

College is a great place to network, but taking on debt greatly reduces the chance you'll be able to stay home.

Can you mitigate the former by asking friends and family to set you up? Can you research dating apps and join the ones that are most known for setting up serious relationships? Do you have friends in college you can visit and attend social events with?

If not, are there two year degrees that lead to decent jobs? Can you work during college or in the summers to help play for it? Can you apply for scholarships or financial aid?

Make the most of this gap year to save as much of your income as you can and regularly socialize and meet new people. At the end of this year, you should gain a lot of insight into the best steps to take to achieve your goal.

I had similar goals as you. I went to a reasonably priced online university, stayed at home, and worked part time. I hit up this amazing guy I had first met in high school and we started dating. I pushed to finish a four year degree in three years. When I got married at 21, I had a net worth of roughly 10k.

I was/am incredibly fortunate to have the family and spouse that I do. I tried to think really hard about what would help me best achieve the life I wanted and help my loved ones.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-05-02T04:12:09+00:00

I'm a software developer who works at home. I chose when I work mostly and there are part time options

Im not only the breadwinner but I'm also able to manage work life balance way easier

Square_Resist_4459 · 2023-05-02T13:13:56+00:00

I had kind of a rocky life. However for the last 2 years I have been a full time SAHM. I have 3 step kids that live with us full time, and a bio son that I share 50/50 custody. It's tough sometimes. But it's by far the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I was like you, I never had passion for any type of career. Ive always wanted to be a SAHM. And now that I am, I know why I've always wanted it. It fits me and I feel in my heart this is what I am meant to do. My situation as to how I got here isn't all that traditional. But I Love my life right now. It's a ton of work, but it's so worth it. No days off and you'll always be under appreciated. But also gives you freedom to shape your life and family especially if you want kids. I wouldn't trade this position for anything.

cohost3 · 2023-05-02T14:03:29+00:00

Being a single income household is not an easy task now a days. Unless you are from a wealthy background, it’s unlikely you will marry wealthy. Not impossible to be a middle class family on one income, it just means that sacrifices will have to be made.

It might be worth it to find some sort of job that will fit with your desired lifestyle. I have always wanted to have a family, so I became a teacher. Lots of time of, and you the exact same hours as your kids.

Ruffleafewfeathers · 2023-05-02T17:59:05+00:00

So much has been mentioned about the benefit of a backup plan, so I’m going to skip over that reason, but there are a few other things to consider.

University is a great way to make connections with people going places (even if you are just in the college town going to a community college so you don’t go into debt)—you very likely might meet your future spouse or someone who would introduce you to a HVM later on. I met my husband in college.

Secondly, you could use your education to potentially benefit your future children (child development is a great major, or psychology if you wanted a broader degree).

A couple things to remember, do your best to get into as little debt as possible. Apply to every scholarship available—that will reduce the burden on your future husband if he’s going to be the main breadwinner. Again, consider going to a community college in a college town with a prestigious university, that way you’ll be in next to no debt, but still get to meet the HVM.

Also, go in with the mindset that you’re looking for a future partner and don’t let the community convince you to debauch too much and up your body count—women want men with a future, men want women with no past. Don’t fall into the “everyone is doing it” trap, you don’t want to be everyone, you want to stand out as a woman who a man would want raising his kids.

Best of luck! I know I met my HVM in college and am now a happy SAHM to a beautiful 6 month old daughter. My husband told me he really values that I stuck to my principles and chose him as my only sexual partner because I was looking for a committed relationship and wouldn’t settle for anything less.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-05-02T19:12:13+00:00

If you enjoy being a nanny and your ultimate goal is to be a stay-at-home mom, I don't see why you need to change anything. If you'd like to get an education, take some child development courses. Consider getting an associates degree if you really want the security. Plenty of successful people don't have degrees at all. Nannies can make great money. This is not an all or nothing deal. My number one piece of advice, though, is not to take out any debt for something you don't event want. I have a master's degree, so this is not some defensive cope.

charlieshap · 2023-05-02T21:34:59+00:00

No. This is not how it's done.

The reason women rebelled and asked to work was because when they found their husbands to be POSs, they had no way out. They were trapped. They depended on them entirely.

Get your education and go live a traditional lifestyle. You could even meet someone in college.

You need that degree as a backup. Once you get it, do what you want. If shit hits the fan, you can walk out anytime and support yourself.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2023-05-01T23:36:42+00:00

Definitely don’t go to college if you aren’t planning on a career! I wouldn’t recommend college to anyone unless A) you or your family are independently wealthy or B) you are planning on going into a career that requires a degree and will allow you to pay off any loans relatively quickly.

That being said, unless you’re planning on going the SW route and being a sugar baby, you will need some way to support yourself for the following reasons: - you will need money to maintain your looks, pursue hobbies, and go places where you can meet guys. - what if your husband gets sick or injured, and you temporarily or permanently need to work to support your family? - having some income will let you give him gifts, occasionally pick up the check, etc. when you are dating.

So what can you do? - receptionist or customer service job - childcare, nannying, elder care, animal care - if you are crafty/artistic, start an online business selling things you make - if you like to garden, work at a plant nursery or garden center

These are just some ideas but I’d suggest going into a job that you can quit once you’re married/pregnant, that doesn’t require a degree, and that allows you to tune into your nurturing feminine side and/or meet people. Look for a job that develops skills you’d use as a housewife/mom, but won’t take up too much of your time and energy. This way, you have a way of making money that will give you some security and as a backup plan, but you can still pursue being a SAHM.

anonymous375555 · 2023-05-02T08:18:00+00:00

This the first post I read on this sub and it kinda confirms my believe that this sub will be filled with 19 years olds

Puzzleheaded-Lab7741 · 2023-05-03T00:48:26+00:00

Do what’s best for you don’t let anyone make you second guess what you want to do. Tune them out.

AutoModerator · 2023-05-01T22:58:20+00:00

Title: I am feeling conflicted about opting to be a housewife or stay-at-home mom instead of pursuing a conventional job.

Full text: As a 19-year-old, I have come to the realisation that I do not have any inclination towards pursuing a conventional job. Instead, my aspirations are centered around becoming a housewife and eventually a stay-at-home mom.

This is the reason why I opted to take a gap year instead of enrolling in a university. However, I cannot help but feel apprehensive about pursuing this traditional lifestyle, given that it lacks the professional/financial backing that a job provides. I guess I’m afraid of what might happen if I choose the wrong guy. Hearing horror stories online doesn’t help 🤣.

The societal norms of the country I live in do not place much value on this choice, which adds to my concerns. At this point, I am at a loss on what to do.

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I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

brushshstrokes · 2023-05-01T23:09:52+00:00

When you say professional/financial backing, what do you mean?

aussiedollface2 · 2023-05-02T21:19:31+00:00

Use this time to do one of those degrees, immerse yourself in University life and clubs and it’s the perfect place to meet a husband! good luck x

new_moon_solstice · 2023-05-03T02:49:57+00:00

First, it's good to hedge your bets. Both of these career choices are stable and pay reasonably, so it's best to have a plan B.

Secondly, successful men who want a stay at home wife generally want a well educated wife. They want a woman they can talk to and relate to, that they can bring around their friends and not be embarassed.

If you're intelligent enough to, get an education. You might find you want a career. And if not, at least you'll have a back up plan.

Title	I am feeling conflicted about opting to be a housewife or stay-at-home mom instead of pursuing a conventional job.
Author	buttercupfield_
Upvotes	36
Comments	54
Date	May 1, 2023 10:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13543zp/i_am_feeling_conflicted_about_opting_to_be_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-am-feeling-conflicted-about-opting-to-be-a.1217656 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217656

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