How to know if you're "delusional" or if you just have high standards?

slazengerx · 2023-06-18T20:04:54+00:00

What are some tips on how to help people discern whether they are being unrealistic and delusional or that they have realistic but high standards?

If you're able to date the types of people you want to date, your standards are reasonable; if you're not, they're not. That's the only tip required. It's absolutely that simple.

wtknight · 2023-06-18T20:03:18+00:00

Like with anything, one should measure themselves based upon small successes. With small successes, people know that they are on the right track. With no success at all, people know that they have to change something.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-06-18T21:56:21+00:00

I would encourage people to determine what is absolutely non-negotiable in a partner (could be things like not abusive, treats you well, similar core values, a baseline of physical attraction, employed, no known history of cheating, etc.), and then put less essential preferences into a second category (could include things like certain physical or personal traits, or shared hobbies and interests).

Do not compromise on the first category, or it will not end well. But allow yourself flexibility on the second, because you may find that your best match is not exactly what you pictured in your head. I don’t think it’s fair to either person if you feel like you’re “settling.” But I would caution against building a very specific picture of what you want, because that may not be feasible or the closest fit to that image may not actually be the person you fall for or are most compatible with.

eefr · 2023-06-18T22:23:37+00:00

Remember, people only need uplifting slogans and affirmations if they don't feel good about themselves. People who are already comfortable with themselves and confident in their own skin don't really care about motivational content very much.

We can all point to crazy entitled people on the internet who have insane standards and a grossly inflated sense of self-worth. But in the real world, I more often encounter people whose standards are not high enough and who thus date people who are all wrong for them.

I don't think I know anyone whose standards I would call delusional. We look at the (apparently) perfect lives of influencers curating their content on the internet, but I don't think many of us think we can actually match their (apparently) perfect lives. I know I don't.

northernmovie · 2023-06-19T00:57:37+00:00

You’re probably delusional if you ask yourself this question

10throwawayantsy · 2023-06-18T19:45:48+00:00

You can tell if your standards are realistic based on whether or not people like you lol

Dunkman83 · 2023-06-19T01:00:48+00:00

your standard is the last 5 people that took u on an ACTUAL date, the guys that creep up to your bedroom at midnight dont count.

SpiritualBlob · 2023-06-18T22:32:44+00:00

Delusional: you are a woman who believes there are no decent guys around.

High standards: you believe you can lower your standards if you are really lonely and accept your loneliness is the consequence of a personal choice.

Most women fall in category 1, most men fall in category 2.

AutoModerator · 2023-06-18T19:42:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-06-18T22:33:54+00:00

I dont know. The people I like usually like me. I don't really have standards per se. Other than "I like this person", usually the people I develop an uncontrolled attraction to have similar characteristics. Most importantly they also like me. But I have to like them. I'm very much still a teenager in this regard. If someone doesn't give me the butterflies or whatever it won't work lol.

Makuta_Servaela · 2023-06-19T03:43:01+00:00

It goes past "reasonable" and moves to "delusional" if your standards require the other person to be inhuman (not having their own wants, never disagreeing/always obeying you, etc) or involve them not being able to have standards for you. Other than that, your standards are free to be whatever you want. This is a major person in your life, after all, and it's fine to have that spot reserved for what would make you happy.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-06-19T04:35:25+00:00

Well delusions and high standards are different.

Women do not entirely control their attraction thresholds; socialization plays a big roll. It is very possible that many women who are deluded about their chances of getting what they want will simply choose singlehood when they are disabused of their delusions. If you cannot be attracted to what you can actually land, then it can be a bad idea to pair up with one of those options.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-06-19T07:43:09+00:00

Are your achievements and accomplishments in life at least equal to (or preferably slightly higher) than the person you want to date?

Educational_Ad4410 · 2023-06-19T12:28:20+00:00

If you can attract that type of person for a relationship (not a one night stand, hook up, situationship, the person doesn’t view the relationship the same way you do etc etc) then your standards aren’t delusional (unless of course you got lucky or you have “fell off” so you can’t attract those type of people anymore).

KnightsWhoPlayWii · 2023-06-19T14:33:24+00:00

(Edit: OP DID clarify that they meant “people in general.”)

Now, this particular OP didn’t specify “women,” so maybe they DID actually just mean “people in general…” but I’m increasingly irked by this insistence that for women, being able to share pics with them with a hot guy is among the top things that they look for in a relationship. And sure - for some people (especially people who make their livings using social media) that might be true. But all you need to do is walk around just about ANYWHERE to see couples at all levels of attractiveness (some “matched sets,” some with people “out of their league”). I know I’m screaming into the void here…but most women are interested in long term relationships with people with personalities and lifestyles that are similar to their own. Most women date and marry within their own socioeconomic class. Do heavy social media users have a bad habit of only sharing their most flattering photos, their most exciting vacations, etc? Of course. That’s just human nature. But this idea that most women evaluate each potential partner by thinking “but is he good for insta?” is nuts.

And again - I apologize if OP genuinely DID mean “people” and not “women.” But I have seen the allegation specifically leveled against women too often not to have my mind immediately jump there.

Rach1943 · 2023-06-19T16:08:34+00:00

Ask a close friend(s) you know WILL NOT BULLSHIT or sugar coat you for honest advice. you need to remove biases from your perception of your value.

but also keep in mind that people do have different preferences. I've thought some women were "way of my league" and had friends comment that they were absolulely NOT. I've also NOT been attracted to women that were objectively out of my league as well.

Also keep in mind that what you reasonable should be with based on what you have to offer differs from the supply and demand dynamics of the dating world.

Example: I'm a fit personal trainer that makes a good amount of money / good social circle / interesting hobbies. I'd prefer a women who is also fit, is indepedent/has interesting hobbies and experiences. however that women likely commands a much higher value than I would, even though we share similar traits, so although she is NOT out of my league, she may shoot above what I am because she is in so high demand.

now, if she gets to know me and we have a connection/chemistry - she might choose me. but in order to get there I have to battle the 100s of men vying for her attention, a lot of whom are much "shinier" than me.

bluestjuice · 2023-06-19T22:56:47+00:00

This video is manifestation affirmations; it’s a mental exercise, that’s all.

Workaholiconew · 2023-06-20T00:46:21+00:00

Reasonability.

It is not unreasonable that an award winning beautiful and youthful multimillionaire actress to want a 6ft tall multimillionaire guy with a 6in dick.

It is very unreasonable for a fat accountant who barely can keep her job and whose closest looking relative is a pig to want a 6ft tall millionaire guy with 6in dick.

Safinated · 2023-06-19T06:37:38+00:00

You are what you can get. It really is that simple in a free society

Title	How to know if you're "delusional" or if you just have high standards?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	18
Comments	71
Date	June 18, 2023 7:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14ct4bh/how_to_know_if_youre_delusional_or_if_you_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-to-know-if-youre-delusional-or-if-you-just.1222834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222834

Comments