Pro-tip: If it has been 2 years and he still hasn't proposed , it's probably a sign that he's not that into you

MsSmiley1230 · 2023-07-05T15:56:37+00:00

I believe that men know pretty quickly if they want to be with you long term or not. My husband has told me that he knew within the first week that he was interested in being with me long term. He was talking about marrying me a few months into it.

Also I wouldn’t want to be with a man I had to beg for commitment from. I would forever be anxious about his feelings. It’s really nice to be with a man who was decisive about wanting you. It makes me feel safe, secure, and beautiful.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2023-07-05T19:05:29+00:00

I actually agree with this as someone whose now husband and I were together for 5 years before we got married. We met when we were 23 and 26 respectively. We fell in love, he promised to propose, and then didn’t so we broke up at the 2 year mark. We got back together nearly a year later and didn’t get engaged for another year and a half. I’m a rare situation and I know it. Similar as many other situations, my husband and I moved cities within 6 months of dating for his PhD program.

Do NOT date men at the start of med school, phd, etc I do not know of a single man who has been in one of those programs who didn’t exit it single, and is only married if it was before or after, never ever during the program. It’s high stress and takes as much time as two full time jobs even and pretty much halts your adulthood by sticking you back in school in the middle of your 20s, it’s no wonder men get an existential crisis and either break up with long term girlfriends or string others along for years only to immediately marry someone else once they get a job. They can’t picture marrying you when they’re not themselves a provider yet and have years and years till they will be.

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-05T19:08:56+00:00

Just sharing for discussion Laura Doyle's advice from "Surrendered Single" - Chapter 27 "Honor Your Desire to be Married but Never Make Ultimatums." If he hasn't proposed by 6 months, let him know you want to be married and if he does not, you will move along. The point isn't that he agrees to marry you immediately, it is instead that he agrees he will marry you at some point and the two of you come up with an agreed upon timeframe. Her argument is this is not an ultimatum (marry me or else!) but rather stating what you need in your life and honoring your desires.

I was really surprised when I read this and felt like that was WAY too quick. I do think age plays a big factor here - this is unlikely to work at 20 but seems more fair at 30 plus. What I do agree with is making your intent known from the very beginning and watching for steps that indicate the relationship is moving forward - meeting friends and family, making long-term plans, essentially anything more than verbal promises.

LocalCap5093 · 2023-07-05T16:26:22+00:00

The only other person that isn’t my husband but I’d see myself marrying we basically broke up because of this. I was 25 and he was 27 starting med school.

Promising future and all but…. I just didn’t want to bet on the whole process and not breaking up? Plus it’s a long long time…obviously in the end he wasn’t the one because I’m happily married now lol but it’s my one what if.

I met my husband 7 months later and he proposed within… 3 months! My ex reached out after saying how lucky he had been etc 🙃 but yeah I’m a believer I’m ‘if he wanted to he would’

2023-07-05T15:09:02+00:00

I agree with this. My husband and I met very young, but got engaged within 2 years and married within 5. He wanted to make sure he was financially secure before marriage and I wanted to know he was serious about us having a future together. So we compromised by having a longer engagement until he felt more financially secure and could properly provide for our family.

Twisting_Me · 2023-07-05T14:08:50+00:00

My point is that if a man is really into you he will try to lock you down pretty quickly. Waiting is usually a waste of your time.

This

SeminoleDollxx · 2023-07-06T03:11:19+00:00

Absofreakinglutely.

This is 100% facts.

My husband met me and proposed in 3 months . We've been married for 12 years now.

I do not understand all the hemming and hawing about simply signing the marriage certificate. People will play house for YEARS. Like what is the difference??!!! Your doing EVERYTHING but signing the doc !

Engagement shouldn't last more than a year. And honestly a relationship shouldnt last more than 1-2 years without a proposal.

Otherwise it's just placeholder status.

And you don't have to give an ultimatum....just state explicitly from the get go that you are seeking a husband to be a wife for.

So when that 2 year mark comes....and you gently let them know that you would like to end the relationship due to it not leading to marriage....they will already understand the pretense.

CreatingLov3 · 2023-07-05T18:12:32+00:00

I am Muslim so we approach things from a different perspective. In my opinion one month is plenty of time to decide if a relationship is long term or not, and a year for the marriage to happen. Just tell men your expectations from the beginning and if they waffle cut them loose. If people ask the hard questions from the beginning and leave the fun for later, relationships would have a solid foundation. It’s not good to discuss major topics like children, timelines and marriage months into a relationship. As a woman, you have to know what you want and be willing to walk away if you don’t get it. You will never get a guys love or respect if you are afraid of losing him.

countrylemon · 2023-07-05T14:50:36+00:00

Maybe but my partner waited a long time before proposing because like most men he wanted to be financially stable. We’ve been together 11 years.

I’d rather never be married and be with what I consider the best man on the entire planet than be married to anyone else.

I think while this is a good general rule of thumb, commitment is more than just a ring on your finger and legally binding documents, and if within 2 years you’ve not developed a depthy and deep relationship, why propose? because of a timeline? That’s actually insane to me.

AmilliBee · 2023-07-05T20:30:43+00:00

I don't completely agree with this. My boyfriend and I discussed our timelines. He believes 3 years is the proper waiting period (all of his previous relationships cheated on him by that time period, so I think he's cautious). However, that doesn't mean he isn't into me. We talk about marriage. He's planning the music set he wants to do at our wedding. Asks me about if his sister will be in my wedding party. He's asked me about what I prefer for proposals and such. He talks about our future together (when we're married and when we have kids). When he talks about being older and a grandparent, it's always with me as his wife and mother of his children. I think as long as there is communication about expectations, living by an internet strangers timeline is a disservice to your actual relationship. Every relationship is different because every person is different.

EstablishmentDry1988 · 2023-07-07T05:04:09+00:00

What are folks thoughts on a man wanting to be more financially established? He’s got a job now and is currently in school for a trade to start his own business.

I’m 24 and he’s 28. We have been together for 2 years, lived together for 1. We’ve talked about marriage and we both want more stability, especially since we don’t want to settle down/buy our first home in the state we live in.

Any advice or thoughts? I have been having this gut feeling that maybe he isn’t the one because I see on the web and in other media men being so head over heels for their lady. He loves me and he’s supportive, but I always feel anxiety that I’m a placeholder. Idk if it’s a gut feeling or insecurity anxieties.

BottomOfTheValley · 2023-07-21T23:51:41+00:00

I met my partner in college when I was 20 and he was 22. Now I am 25 and he is 27. He says he does not want to be married until he is 30. He said that about a year in as well. I wish he didn’t have this arbitrary number. I do get anxious about it sometimes. I never wanted to wait so long.

2024-05-29T00:05:42+00:00

I agree with this. The man I dated from month 1 he would know in a few months if he wanted to marry me or not and if he did not, we would break up, and I loved that he said this because I thought, good! So many others would start out with all these "i love yous' and "i think you are the one' and couldn't last 3-4 months

We started dating mid-December. Mid march, went ring shopping, early June--engaged, 1 year later, 2 weeks away from marriage.

Plastic-Emergency-32 · 2024-09-06T21:54:41+00:00

I would disagree with this. My best friend was with her partner 6 years before they gotengaged. Later, they had beautiful twin boys together and three years after that they finally did the marriage ceremony.

Key-Custard-8991 · 2025-02-06T17:59:41+00:00

Yes. This.

Key_Barracuda_3994 · 2025-02-17T02:59:35+00:00

What if you’re still in school? I’m 25 and my partner is 28. He’s in his last year of medical school and we’ve been together for 3 years. I’m still in school as well.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-05T13:59:10+00:00

Title: Pro-tip: If it has been 2 years and he still hasn't proposed , it's probably a sign that he's not that into you

Full text: (This advice is for people over 23. If you're very young then I guess it makes sense to wait a few years to become more established....)

Example 1: Friend always wanted to be a young mom, that was her dream. Also, she has some kind of fertility issue and is afraid that if she starts trying too late, she might not be able to conceive. She has been with this guys for almost 8 years now. She's 28, he's 30. They're both financially stable and it's unlikely that their situation will get any better in the future. He said he wanted to wait until 30 to marry/have kids. He's 30 now and still finds excuses to delay it... Also, he publicly humiliates/insults my friend and uses "it's just a joke" as an excuse. For example, she posts a picture on fb and he leaves a comment "jokingly" making fun of her appearance. I personally think it's awful behavior but my friend tolerates it. She slowly starts becoming resentful of him for making her wait so long though. Even if they do get married, I can't see them lasting long.

Example 2: She was 25, he was 29 when they met. It was obvious from the start that she was into him more than he was into her. He made her wait over 8 years, using every excuse imaginable to delay it. She had to practically beg him to commit. Finally they had a kid when she was 34. Guess what , they're divorcing now and I'm not surprised.

My point is that if a man is really into you he will try to lock you down pretty quickly. Waiting is usually a waste of your time.

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TheBunk_TB · 2023-07-05T15:58:22+00:00

Pop smoke

ghostlymeanders · 2023-07-06T09:55:20+00:00

I cannot figure out a way to communicate the fact that I want to be married because I want it to be his idea. We’ve been together over 4 years now and we are finally getting to be financially settled and comfortable. (Each us lost and gained jobs in this time). I’m just afraid if I ask about it, I will never know if that is what he really wants, but if he surprises me, I will know. It’s not that I have doubts, this subject just cripples me. He does know that I hate weddings and would never have one, and I worry he will think I don’t want to get married, but the line has always been “I support marriage but weddings are a waste of money and time for what amounts to a party”. Anyone have tips?

Title	Pro-tip: If it has been 2 years and he still hasn't proposed , it's probably a sign that he's not that into you
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	150
Comments	80
Date	July 5, 2023 1:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14rbgr0/protip_if_it_has_been_2_years_and_he_still_hasnt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/pro-tip-if-it-has-been-2-years-and-he-still-hasnt.1224358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224358

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