Dating isn't worth it

redguy_zed · 2023-08-27T14:23:56+00:00

Gotta go for coffee dates then mate. Cheap and best. If she refuses and acts weird, that’s a red flag because she doesn’t value your time.

OkTumbleweed1705 · 2023-08-27T10:02:46+00:00

Meh. She was using you for free food. Thankfully she decided to not take her parasitic behavior any further and you got out relatively unscathed. Most of them are like this though. Do what makes you happy and let the parasites starve.

ERiC_693 · 2023-08-27T09:29:33+00:00

Good news is she was honest.

ThreeLeggedTranny · 2023-08-27T13:20:29+00:00

You aren’t going to marry every girl you date. This just sounds like a perfectly normal dating experience, to me. I’m really not sure what you were expecting.

PheonixDragon200 · 2023-08-27T09:04:29+00:00

Yeah allergies suck.

This was the most useless comment I’ve ever made.

TheAndredal · 2023-08-27T10:19:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Dunkman83 · 2023-08-27T10:20:07+00:00

its not worth it, people have this perfect picture of a relationship in their head, and soon as u dont fit that picture, they pass.....people think there is a never ending conveyor belt of options that will never end, so why would they gasp settle for you.

TheAndredal · 2023-08-27T19:39:25+00:00

I'm sorry, bro, but this seems like a normal dating experience. You shouldn't give up just because some girls don't have chemistry with you.

Connect_Yoghurt_4764 · 2023-08-27T10:32:29+00:00

Women have the upper hand in the dating market: https://cupidmanual.com/dating-as-an-average-or-ugly-guy-why-is-it-so-hard/

Rionat · 2023-08-28T03:38:30+00:00

Homie never do dinner dates. Vibe check at the park or a simple coffee. No girl deserves free dinner. Put the least amount of effort cuz this is the state of modern dating. Dinner dates are only reserved for a committed gf.

1st date = park or cafe

2nd date = park or cafe which ever she didn’t choose on first date

3rd date = Netflix and chill

4th date = movies

By then you’ll know if she’s worth it or not or get into a real relationship. From this point onwards you can consider dinner dates. Anything outside of this is a waste of money

If any girl gets mad about no dinner dates then she was playing you as a foodie call from the first interaction. Ignore and block

MaximumCashout · 2023-08-28T03:59:32+00:00

Give the OP a hug guys. Dating is absolutely brutal. He did a very sweet gesture (cooking allergy specific dinner) and got rejected. This was 3 dates in. He got played, very likely. Happens a lot. Even if she had pure intentions, still sucks I know.

kit-kat315 · 2023-08-27T11:18:36+00:00

Is there something in your place that would be a common red flag? My first thought is that she saw something there that prompted the "different places in life" comment.

Exact_Chip_3890 · 2023-08-27T18:12:31+00:00

I had a date where she wouldn't stop telling me what a girl boss she was and how she's from a long line of strong women. Then she asked me my salary and rtype of car and I roared with laughter. And i insisted we split the bill when it came, i just told them I was paying half on my card without warning Wasn't wasting anymore time on that one

AdAny7443 · 2023-08-27T14:35:50+00:00

They call this a "foody call". Basically woman will go on a date with a man to get a free meal, free drinks.

I know a few men in your situation who have simply given up on dating because so many times now they've just been ghosted after paying for the date, which conveniently happened more often after everything got more expensive. Unless these woman are willing to split the bill, most of the guys I know won't even go ahead with the date. A woman expecting you to pay just screams "I'm going to get a free meal out of you and never talk to you again after"

I've seen woman try to use the excuse of "well gentleman always pay" but it's not how it works anymore. Woman keep telling us how strong and independent they are, so they should be paying for their half, especially on a first date. I can understand if a guy asked you out, sure, he should pay since he invited the woman out, but most people meet on dating apps these days so the bill should always be split, woman who are unwilling to pay their half or just expect you to pay should be avoided imo. They aren't looking for a relationship, they're looking to get a free meal.

Final_Acanthisitta_7 · 2023-08-27T18:03:09+00:00

Never, ever lower your standards, whatever they are. Not only is it bad for you, it’s manipulating the other person.

Alternative_Poem445 · 2023-08-27T19:33:43+00:00

an absolute fuck ton of men and women are deciding unanimously that dating isnt worth it.

had a similar experience last christmas was approached by a girl and we went on a couple dates, she was way below my standards but i had just gotten out of a relationship with someone above my batting avg and they had taken advantage of me, so someone “easier” felt like it was worth it especially if it was just a fling.

thats when she started hitting me with the “i love being single” and “i dont need a man” female dating strategy type bullshit. huge huge turnoff.

Bulky_Cloud_3712 · 2023-08-27T11:07:26+00:00

Nice guys finish last bro. Women don't want a gentleman.

hero_killer · 2023-08-28T00:36:21+00:00

You shouldn´t have done that.

I mean, lowered your standards and cook her something.

Do the minimal work and get exceptionally better results.

Pitiful_Row_8253 · 2023-08-28T04:00:55+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it OP, it's just normal dating, it happens.

Sexybaconandeggs · 2023-08-28T16:51:48+00:00

She found what she thought was a better deal somewhere else and used you for free food. If she wasn’t into you, she should’ve told you before you a while back instead she let you spend time making her an allergy-free meal. Smart move on the block. Good riddance.

No-Recognition-4033 · 2023-08-27T13:53:25+00:00

That's what dating is for, just because you had a decent time, doesn't mean they feel the wish to continue.

The proper handling of this is to spend a day or two in grief, say, "okay," and move on.

Women don't just go out to a man's apartment these days, she wasn't pulling your leg.

She probably ended it for the exact reason she gave, or because the chemistry wasn't there for you two.

Sufficient-Row674 · 2023-08-27T15:04:29+00:00

Perhaps she was just being honest and saved you and herself some misery in the future. And don’t pay yourself on the back too much for respecting a persons allergies. What ? Is she supposed to thank you for not trying to kill her? Not trying to be harsh but stop whining about this one person and move on. I think movies and tv have poisoned both men and womens minds to think we’re all supposed to fall in love magically without actually putting in real effort. Also with 8 billion people on the planet what are the odds that your “magic” person can be found in a relatively short period of time, located near you. Also you said you lowered your standards - why should you do that. Seems like she did you a favor all around, but you should also cool it with patting yourself on the back and having unreal expectations.

0rphu · 2023-08-27T16:10:31+00:00

So what does this have to do with men's rights?

I fear the degeneration of this community into complaining about anything women-related is going to result in even fewer people taking the movement seriously. We can be better than twoxchromosomes.

Practical-Weather939 · 2023-08-27T12:24:35+00:00

Her leaving might have been due to fear: going to someone else's home alone feels risky - imagine yourself going to a much stronger person's home alone. Still nothing against you - that's her own thoughts, and could have nothing to do with what you did.

I actually think that your conclusion is a healthy one - once you don't care so much for dating you won't put as much effort into it, so failures won't matter.

corporate_robot_dude · 2023-08-28T13:20:12+00:00

It could have been just one wrong thing that you said, did, or body language that made her change her mind. That's just how it is. IMO if you made it to 3 dates you've already done better than most dates in the modern dating landscape.

Women expect to "feel a connection" which is subject to so many things. Connection is built through time and going through difficult times together. Now they just expect it to happen right away, but deep inside they already have a set of metrics and and expect a guy to check off all the boxes to "feel" this connection.

In this day and age, it's better to just do coffee/walking dates for the first date. There's no point in an expensive dinner date because you've already been judged within the first 5 mins just like you have to her. Putting in significantly more effort/cost adds little value beyond that. Women hardly have to put in any effort in dating these days as they are merely just sitting back and grading the applications. They might complain about guys asking to split the bill or not taking them out for dinners like a traditional date, but what they're really complaining about is not getting validation. Women will accept validation from everyone, even guys she never has any interest in.

crodr014 · 2023-08-28T17:11:37+00:00

This sounds like a super normal experience. Not everyone will like you. Sometimes, on a date, you can instantly feel no attraction, and that's normal. Atleast she was honest.

To quit dating over this says more about you than anything.

randomdude98 · 2023-08-27T15:48:14+00:00

Either you're not giving enough info about what happened or you're butthurt over the rejection. Looks like she wasn't into you - you gotta move on

Nixthebitx · 2023-08-27T18:06:46+00:00

Don't give up on meeting someone because the process itself blows. There's comfort in the familiar but discomfort is where growth lies. Maybe sounding like a shitty Yoda here, but ultimately what I mean is do what's best for you, your happiness in the moment and aim for what you want.

We always push ourselves to keep moving forward, keep giving it our 'all' in other aspects of life: hobbies, work/career, school, goals etc...but when it comes to finding the kind of love WE want, we are either told 'just keep going, I know it sucks though!' or we are told 'throw in the towel; the right one will come along'

Emotional involvement and investment always feels like the heavier toll when it's happening. I'm NOT downplaying how you currently feel - which all aspects are absolutely valid and 100% understandable & relatable - I only mean to make the notes difference in aspects of our lives that we push for and others we throw in the towel over. Again, summarizing here, not accusing.

If, at the end of the day, none of this applies or works, I had a favorite go-to line years ago I repeated constantly: at least they only cost me $XX on date money and X-many hours of my time wasted versus dragging my shit down for years

And then I'd put on Nine Inch Nails "Only" and have a glass of wine. Lol

Best of luck, darlin. You'll get what you want in a partner; you've got the smarts to take no shit.

Shubes09 · 2023-08-28T01:49:37+00:00

So she is honest with you and tells you that she's not interested and that's what upsets you? Would you have rather she ghosted you? I don't really see the issue here. Women aren't always going to be interested. That's just how it goes

Minimum_Direction_43 · 2023-08-27T22:05:28+00:00

From my experience women whom are vegan, vegitarian or have "food allergies" are not worth my time usually crazy AF

aigars2 · 2023-08-27T11:13:16+00:00

Wild.

11SIERRA11 · 2023-08-27T10:05:54+00:00

Well it sucks for sure. But maybe you did something that she really disliked? How is your home, for example?

lifeiscooliguess · 2023-08-27T14:43:14+00:00

Can't really feel sorry for you when you say she was way below your league, which means you didn't even like her to begin with. You want me to feel bad cause what you thought was easy pussy got away? Sorry man you sound like an asshole

Big-Business1921 · 2023-08-27T12:45:18+00:00

She should have been cooking for you if anything. Not coming down on you because I have made the same mistake. Hear me out.

A women has to be able to “look up to a man”. In her mind, and most women’s minds, cooking for her is showing that she is higher value than you. All throughout history, cooking has been seen as more a woman’s thing if you will. Think of her inviting you to her place and she offers to change your oil on the 3rd date. You would be like wtf?

With all of that being said, you did nothing “wrong”. But the days of being a gentleman are over. If she becomes your girl, it’s okay to cook for her. But before that, you just can’t do it. Go out for drinks. Or got out and do some sort of activity. But only take her back to your place for sexual escalation. Unfortunately, women do not like nice guys even though they will tell you that they do.

MrSaturn33 · 2023-08-27T15:21:22+00:00

That’s tough. I don’t do online dating. I did it once and the guy and me seemed to really get along then he ghosted me. Never EVER lower your standards, I did that too. It’s not a good thing, there is a reason why they are standards.

sixtysixpixistix · 2023-08-27T18:12:12+00:00

Did you check to see if the stars were properly aligned? How were your humors? Maybe sacrifice a fatted calf before the moon waxes and burn sage.

EarnMeowShower · 2023-08-27T17:39:50+00:00

Agree. Also, I interact with western women as LITTLE as possible now.

Embarrassed-Flan-907 · 2023-08-28T05:14:42+00:00

I gave this girl a chance,

So does every single person who goes on a date. She gave you a chance too.

I lowered my standards significantly

You think that adhering to someone's food allergies, which can cause severe reactions, is "extra care" and not just basic fucking manners and respect sooooo yeah.

she just leaves and then gives me a text to say we are at different places in life

Yeah fuck that bitch for being an adult and sending you a text to let you know she doesn't want to continue the relationship. You're right, she shoulda just ghosted.

If she left in 30 minutes, something definitely happened which you're conveniently leaving out.

doubt I will go on a new date anytime soon.

Me too buddy, if you keep up this mindset.

Do you think every person you date will work out? It was three date, which is barely anything, she was honest and sent you a text afterwards, what the fuck more did you want? I genuinely don't understand what you're complaining about here.

ETA: Looking through the comments, I see so much incel behavior. Some of y'all need therapy bad.

Entire_Spend6 · 2023-08-28T03:18:39+00:00

Not gonna lie, making dinner is kinda strange and odd, if that’s not it she probably wanted to bang and you made her dinner instead. Imo

spinachforeva · 2023-08-27T14:13:03+00:00

You should unblock her OP.

She went on three dates with you, so she definitely was interested.

But leaving after 30 mins is weird.

You should unblock her OP

Unblock her and nicely ask her, that you would like to know what happened, and that if you did something wrong, you would like to apologise.

But you have to be clear, when you say that you are not looking for a 2nd chance.

By doing that, you wont get another date, but you will know what to do, or not in the future.

And dont give up on dating dude, you will find somebody, for sure!

EvidencePlz · 2023-08-27T16:20:53+00:00

Give her a break. She was probably poor and hungry lol

thekurgan79 · 2023-08-27T12:42:04+00:00

What is your house like? Probably wasn't nice enough for her.

Ed_Radley · 2023-08-27T23:16:06+00:00

Do what any sane person today is doing and find yourself a trad wife. If you can't find one in the US, there's plenty of women abroad with those values who I'm sure would jump at the chance of a green card marriage.

thegoodearthquake · 2023-08-28T04:59:13+00:00

Maybe the home. These girls want a fancy place and all that shit to move into

2023-08-28T05:28:54+00:00

It's just so goddamn humiliating honestly. Especially when you get to see how your women friends approach tinder. Seeing them get straight up offended that guys like me match with them is something you never forget

GT121950 · 2023-08-28T06:48:45+00:00

this isnt mens rights this was a failed first date. you gave in to somebody who wasnt worth it. its not a social issue its just the girl being a bitch

bananadude19 · 2023-08-28T06:56:58+00:00

I just started dating again, just because it’s been a while. Fucking exhausting dealing with all these people who make demands of what they’re looking for, but have nothing to say when you ask them what they actually offer.

AdventurousCut3685 · 2023-08-28T09:21:28+00:00

so did you even make a move?

cladvirus · 2023-08-28T12:28:33+00:00

Get a hooker. Focus on yourself

Relativity_Star10538 · 2023-08-28T15:30:26+00:00

She got her free meal. That's what she was after. At least she didn't start digging through your stuff and hitting you with a premature "what's this?" interrogation.

whathappened2cod · 2023-08-28T16:30:51+00:00

I hope you didn't pay for the first two dates... if you did she likely what many women seem to be doing these days, use guys for a free meal and ditch.

youaretherevolution · 2023-08-28T16:38:19+00:00

Lowered your standards? Are you sure you even met her standards?

Alicia_theComedian · 2023-08-28T22:57:16+00:00

Solution: just be gay

MOFASX2 · 2023-08-29T01:16:13+00:00

First mistake: " I lowered my standards significantly"??? Please clarify!

Title	Dating isn't worth it
Author	TheAndredal
Upvotes	431
Comments	217
Date	August 27, 2023 8:43 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/162kzzu/dating_isnt_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/dating-isnt-worth-it.1230476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230476

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