New boyfriend of my ex buys toys for my kids, how am I to react?

in-yellow-wood · 2025-06-06T02:11:34+00:00

It has nothing to do with you. He is trying to build a relationship with your kids. You feel threatened in a way that he probably isn’t aware of or thinks about.

Ok_Addendum1791 · 2025-02-28T09:15:31+00:00

All of you saying this is good are really ignorant of how men act between themselves. This is nothing less than a breach of territory. This guy will look more endearing to your kids and he knows it. To you beta and omega males : this guy is stepping on your yard. Proof : he didn’t ask before doing it. Time to step up, be a man, and tell this guy to get the fuck off your land.

Fearless_Escape8954 · 2024-07-22T03:10:15+00:00

just experienced the same thing today and it really is annoying. The ex comes in the pick up the kids for the her share of custody and that’s the first thing she says to my little one that her boyfriend that is now living with them ordered my youngest 10 year old son a surprise from Amazon and it’s home waiting for him, really trying to ruffle my feathers. I’ll tell you it never ends.

2024-04-16T21:55:24+00:00

Has he met the kids? Giving gifts before meeting or at the initial stages of meeting is not appropriate

CRobinsFly · 2023-10-31T01:43:14+00:00

About all you can do is hope that he legitimately cares about your child. That's free investment in your gene-line that doesn't cost you anything. Embrace it. Let it happen.

Accept that there is nothing you can do, ultimately.

Lastly, and I am sure that some are going to be mad by this: these men are losers! The only reason single mothers get with them is because they (the women) have declined so much in value that only these simps will give them a relationship... they can't get a childless woman of similar caliber looks-wise and so they settle for these single mothers. Me personally: I have never even dated a single mother and I wouldn't accept my ex back for the same reason: "sorry, I don't date single mothers".

Stonewall6789 · 2023-10-30T14:32:19+00:00

Is he good to the kids? If he is, just thank him for being a good person. The kids don’t know anything about adult issues, they’re innocent in all this. For peace of mind, have you looked him up to make sure he’s not a sex offender?

leegiovanni · 2023-10-30T10:22:29+00:00

Dude, get your head out of your posterior. Everyone else here is saying this.

She will date.

Be thankful it is someone being nice to your children rather than someone who isn’t. You shouldn’t hope or make your children suffer more just because you can’t move on mentally.

occoptionplaya · 2023-10-30T10:19:17+00:00

Be happy your kids are getting toys. Stay present for your kids and love them. The boyfriend will never replace you. Just keep showing up.

h0ndalover2009 · 2023-10-30T06:43:53+00:00

Be happy your ex found a nice man cause I don’t wanna buy my SD’s ANYTHING!!!! Christmas is coming up and I am torn between spending about 10$ each on cheap things for them maybe from dollar tree just so I have something to give so it won’t be awkward showing up empty handed and just straight up not giving those little brats anything at all. Really a hard decision to make. But even spending 10$ each makes me upset cause they don’t deserve it. Long backstory lol

Seamonkey_Boxkicker · 2023-10-30T02:19:04+00:00

Once you choose to divorce (or have it force upon you), you no longer have full agency over what your kids are exposed to (not like you ever really did before anyway). This isn’t something you can control during a court-ordered split of custody. You just need to accept it, and spend the time you have with your kids in a valuable way. They need to know that you care about them rather than how much you care about what your ex and her new BF are exposing them to. All of that assuming they aren’t being abused by the ex and new BF of course.

Mynewadventures · 2023-10-30T01:10:18+00:00

OP, I have to congratulate you on all of your responses to the answers to your post. You asked a question and I bet you expected all of us men to rally around you, but instead most of us presented a very different point of view.

And what did you do? You reflected on what was said and continuously said "thank you".

You didn't argue. You didn't double down on your opinion. You asked a question, seriously and thoughtfully accepted the answers, and was grateful.

Honestly, I think that you will be fine! And good luck!

Wassp868 · 2023-10-30T01:02:17+00:00

Ask the guy out-right.

But consider that she may marry that guy and then he'd be a father figure to your kid. If that happens a conversation has to happen and ensure the kid is put first, in aspect of teaching and growing up.

At this point its about the kid, not an ego or overthinking it.

DelightfulEdge · 2023-10-30T00:23:01+00:00

Before asking for my divorce I had a tough time reconciling the idea of another father figure someday being in my child’s life. While talking with a guy friend who’d been divorced he told me his ex-wife had remarried, and he had never met his kids new step-father.

I asked him how he felt about it, thinking out loud- isn’t it hard to see another man in your children’s lives? He responded that he saw any parental figure who loved his kids was simply more love for his kids, and he felt it was a positive thing. He mentioned his new partner, and well she loved his kids, and how positive that was for the kids.

I felt like that was a really healthy attitude, and it helped me find peace with my decision to move forward with my divorce.

More specifically on the challenges of letting go of control, a book I thoroughly enjoyed is the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2023-10-29T16:48:51+00:00

As a son, I know no one will ever compete w my dad… be a good dad and no one will ever come close to you no matter what they do

xjeeperx · 2023-10-29T15:02:05+00:00

Don’t react. You’re a gray rock.

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2023-10-29T14:10:11+00:00

Your emotions are valid. Why? Because your kids may find him endearing since they get new toys out of it. It’s easier for them to accept him. Are you buying your kids toys? Do your kids accept you? Do you feel your doing your share in your kids happiness?

This guy seems great to spend $ on kids that aren’t his. Be grateful for it.

Mynewadventures · 2023-10-29T13:47:08+00:00

Is he good to your kids? If so, thank him.

You'll always be Dad. Not by keeping other men away, but by being there.

Would you really like for your kids to have a shitty stepdad that doesn't treat them well, support and help them, and makes them unhappy just so that you can look good IN COMPARISON?

techrmd3 · 2023-10-29T13:02:47+00:00

It's tough. I would tolerate it and think good thoughts like - oh gee a perfect stranger wants to be Santa to my kids! wheee

He may be doing it deliberately. But he may also be doing it out of genuine desire to get along with kids. who knows run a background check on him see if he's a sex offender

ViolentTakeByForce · 2023-10-29T11:36:59+00:00

The best thing you can hope is your ex gets with someone who cares about your kid(s).

You have no idea how many times the alternative happens.

TheRealDrWan · 2023-10-29T11:03:59+00:00

Get over it.

Hope your kid enjoys the things that he’s gifting them.

richreason1983 · 2023-10-29T10:54:51+00:00

I get where you're coming from but 4 years is a while and he's not trying to be their new dad he is just showing he cares. If one of my GFs bought gifts for my kids my ex wouldn't care and if she does eventually have a bf and he buys that's not my business even if it makes me feel a smidge jealous I am an adult and I can't be weird about it. Sorry man it sucks but now you just gotta suck it up and accept this is how it is.

Rare-Ad-3542 · 2023-10-29T10:29:37+00:00

Also… try not to be bitter. Just because it didn’t work out between you guys it doesn’t mean it won’t rightfully work out between them.. be happy bro! She found someone that is nice to your kids

Rare-Ad-3542 · 2023-10-29T10:28:09+00:00

At least he is caring enough to show that he loves and accepts them and that all you can wish for in the new partner of your ex spouse.

heartless_monk · 2023-10-29T09:22:36+00:00

nothing you can really do mate.

as long as the toys are age appropriate, and nothing else is going on, i’d just embrace it, and hope this is the last guy that your ex brings around the children.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-10-29T09:15:26+00:00

(Which is why I don’t have children) You Do - now deal with it like an Adult.

Ok_Addendum1791 · 2023-10-29T07:44:33+00:00

Why are you worried about some guy buying your kids toys you haven't been with her for 4 years man grow the fuck up get used to it there will be a guy around your kids for longer than you were with them I'm sure . So do you have a new gf or ? What if she buys them toys is your ex wife supposed to flip out on you 4 years divorced

dpch · 2023-10-29T07:14:36+00:00

Out of your hands, sorry dude. Nothing to act on, now if he was hurting them that would be different.

Title	New boyfriend of my ex buys toys for my kids, how am I to react?
Author	Artemiyyyy
Upvotes	7
Comments	50
Date	October 29, 2023 6:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17ix7qn/new_boyfriend_of_my_ex_buys_toys_for_my_kids_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-boyfriend-of-my-ex-buys-toys-for-my-kids-how.1236704 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236704

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