Why are men not entitled to rest and recovery?

gabriel-kornilov · 2023-12-05T15:12:10+00:00

You are, my man, your wife very own plow horse. And if you don't stand up for yourself, right now, she will run you to the ground. With society's blessing.

Sit her down calmly then politely but firmly tell ~~the whip masta~~ her to back the fuck off. Chances are she probably won't unfortunately because you have failed her numerous shit tests and let an overbearing toxic behaviour slide for way too long. It is now the norm in her mind.

The steep price to pay when one wants "to be a nice guy" and "do the right thing".

lostatlifecoach · 2023-12-05T17:00:58+00:00

When my wife does the fine whatever thing I take her at her word. You should do that.

Also I'm probably a good bit older than you. There is a reason old men hunt, fish, golf instead of Xbox. It gets you out of the house when they be like that.

Then again I had a son so when was hunting, fishing, throwing a ball around he was with me and she was home alone.

The longer you take it the harder it will be to change.

mfarazk · 2023-12-05T15:43:36+00:00

Im on the same boat as you. I heard this person on youtube women only respect the men who doesnt allow them to manipulate them. Its an uphill battle which needs to be repeated time and again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfVH7rE\_rF0

ButWhatOfGlen · 2023-12-05T15:26:23+00:00

Um, not to be harsh but you need to stand the fuck up and quit putting up with that shit. Simple as that. You can explain it gently but firmly, if you don't want her to go banshee on you, but you need to lay down the law in your home.

VivaIlSesso · 2023-12-05T15:22:32+00:00

I really don't understand why men seek marriage these days

Emotional_Map_3567 · 2023-12-05T16:12:56+00:00

In conclusion, I’m taking my day off. I’ll do the dishes later if I feel that I’m up to it, if not they’ll wait until tomorrow. I have some beers in the fridge calling my name and my Xbox is begging to be played. I might even take a nap. When she comes home and gets irritated I’ll explain to her that it was my day off and I needed to rest, and I’ll let that snowball into a deeper conversation about my boundaries and the fact she needs to chill tf out and relax herself every now and again. Wish me luck gents.

MattR9590 · 2023-12-05T16:22:47+00:00

Just another provider workhorse. I’ve seen it happen to so many men including my own father.

TenuousOgre · 2023-12-05T15:13:13+00:00

You are entitled. Time to set a boundary snd expectation. I assume you have some standard chores you split with wife. Beyond those you need to explain that you need mental and physical down time, which means you'll prioritize stuff. Everything is not urgent. And some of it doesn't much matter long time, it's just busy work.

EasternQuestion5250 · 2023-12-05T18:56:40+00:00

Looks like you just don’t have the balls to discipline your wife and tell her to back the fuck off because if you had you wouldn’t have come out on Reddit and asked strangers for their opinion

randomthoughts1050 · 2023-12-05T17:31:30+00:00

I will give you a slightly different perspective as an American.

Work/life balance in the USA sucks. Typically, vacation is 2-3 weeks, perhaps 1 more week with 10 years. Germany is 6 weeks right out of university. (Took a pay cut, but well worth it.)

You are getting run ragged by work & your wife.

Doubt, you will change your work lifestyle, but you might want to take a pause and see if there is something you can do to reduce that stress. They won't care if you burn out, other than the inconvenience you caused them to find a replacement.

So, that means you need to look at what you can change at home. Truth be told, I have never had a girlfriend who looked at video gaming as a hobby, even the one that I met via online gaming. For me, that's not a hill worth dying upon, so I took up other hobbies. A buddy owned a bar, so I joined his bar leagues and bowled and shot pool. Got me out of the house once or twice a week.

Apotheosis29 · 2023-12-05T17:44:33+00:00

I had an ex like that, I can't stand people who expect me to drop everything so I can do the they they want "right now".

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Another way is to try a psychological approach. Put in on her to make a decision.

Hi honey, I know we've been having some fights about XYZ. I love you a lot, and would love for us to get along like we do when _____, neither one of us is happy when we're fighting and you are the most important thing in my life. (blah blah blah, mushy mushy mushy)

Since we both work, what do you think is a fair amount of time for *US\* to relax, watch TV, decompress, etc. after work? How much 'work" should we do after work. This puts her in a box, she either has to give time to both of you equally or she basically has to admit its OK for her to chill but not for you to chill.

If you can come to agreement there, do the same thing for days off, etc.

When she forgets again, remind her that she made the decision and you are still within the allotted time you agreed upon.

knight_call1986 · 2023-12-05T18:05:48+00:00

I was where you were man. It almost killed me. Ended up in the hospital for weeks because my body literally was shutting down from all the work, stress and lack of sleep.

You have to take time for you bro. All your wife can do is be mad and get over it. But how can you even be there for your daughter if you work yourself into an early grave.

Let her know what it is. If she doesn't like it then she can go. But you can't pour from an empty cup. The issue is that she probably has been trying you for a while now and you have been letting it slide. You have to take care of yourself, and taking a mental break and getting proper sleep is a part of it.

Basically you need to recalibrate your relationship. Its not working at it's best as things are currently now. So have the difficult discussion and make sure to stand firm, regardless of how she acts or tries to make things. I mean would you let a grown man or anyone else who isn't your wife treat you in such a way? If not then why let her?

Get your rest bro. You earned it and you owe it to yourself to take care.

Kir141 · 2023-12-05T15:20:38+00:00

Bro, haven’t you been told “don’t complain, women have it much worse”? A woman is using you as a slave, so you must work as long as you can.Why do you love a woman who doesn't respect you as a person? You need to change the rules in your house, good luck with that.

Isair81 · 2023-12-05T17:33:52+00:00

Sounds like this is something you ought to discuss with your wife.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2023-12-05T17:35:08+00:00

Marriage was hard. I enjoyed it, but wary of going back, as I know women like to say they get nothing from marriage, at least for young white middle class southern US metro marriages, it’s overwhelmingly on the husband

slashangel2 · 2023-12-05T19:45:00+00:00

That's the life of a slave. i am sorry for you.

Chama-HUH · 2023-12-05T15:48:35+00:00

You should get your financial affairs in order, then tell her how you feel but be firm with it, I don’t expect your wife to change; once that happens you need to sit and think about if you want to be in this relationship. That’s why you need to be prepared to leave. This isn’t the 1950’s you don’t need to stay in hopeless marriages.

Saerain · 2023-12-05T18:44:44+00:00

I think in most of these cases, the lesser-earning spouse feels both insecure about their contribution and disconnected from the other, and then worries that the more burdened spouse's unwinding is avoidant of them, exacerbating that feeling of drifting apart, and it's all just very badly coped with. Bad enough with stay-at-homes but even worse with dual incomes because of each person's disconnection from the home.

Witnessed it vividly in my parents, and found myself facing these feelings in a completely gender-swapped pattern with my wife. It took so much to keep reminding myself it wasn't rational... I may have developed too much sympathy for it, I don't know.

Dry-Pianist1853 · 2023-12-05T19:44:09+00:00

The price of being a Yes man is you're always being told "No" lmao

Entire_Committee1891 · 2023-12-05T16:45:04+00:00

Why did you even get married ? women are not worth anything these days. They will ruin your health.

Bophaedes · 2023-12-05T18:21:25+00:00

You literally are allowed to rest. By allowing her to dictate your choring or housework, you make yourself the plow horse. You can tell them no, I will get to it when I get to it.

“Oh but I’ll get the cold shoulder or the silent treatment!” I mean this seriously and I am not trying to be callous but who fucking cares? You get your time off and get to relax. It also introduces a segue into discussing expectations of each other. If she’d leave you over standing up for yourself then you’re doing yourself a favor anyway.

Obviously, Don’t be lazy and contribute to the household but you reap what you sow. If you don’t put your foot down, why do you expect to be given respite?

mepo5696 · 2023-12-05T18:39:39+00:00

It’s what we have allowed. That’s why so many from previous generations set it up to where more domestic duties are given to the wife. They didn’t dictate when she got things done, just that they were done. So, if she wanted to nap after he was gone and had breakfast she could. I have set it up that way. Now, her health declined and so things have shifted due to children, but from the beginning and for the first 4 years of our marriage, she would get up before me to make my lunch and breakfast, made sure the clothes were out for me and then she would lay back down, get up while I’m still at work and clean and prepare dinner. When I got home we ate and she gave me some time to “unwind” set it up, make the changes now.

Vegetable-Visual-767 · 2023-12-05T20:09:16+00:00

Sorry bud, but you got the wrong wife. I have played Cyberpunk 2077 for like 30 hours past week and my wife is still chill. Although we don't have kids.

You need to stand up for yourself.

Elterchet · 2023-12-05T20:18:15+00:00

Since slaves are supposed to make as much profit as possible.

A_Confused_Moose · 2023-12-05T20:45:25+00:00

Buddy this is not the place to come for non biased relationship advice. Most of the people here have been burned by a women and harbour biases. This is a place to further talk about men’s rights being trampled by the justice system.

SgtSplacker · 2023-12-05T16:47:51+00:00

This is where society puts us. You are only worth your work like a draft horse. And like an old horse that cant work to be abandoned when he is no longer useful. Set a time man. Make Sunday mornings your me time and enforce it.

FOSyay · 2023-12-05T16:25:43+00:00

It's FINE do what you want"

You should reply with "Fuck yeah I will, and I will continue so every day of my life."

SolutionBig179 · 2023-12-05T17:00:11+00:00

Because men are treated like pawns in a rich man's world and equally sacrificed as such

elebrin · 2023-12-05T15:55:01+00:00

During her time not working, what is she doing?

Most likely if she is doing chores and you are on the couch she is feeling some resentment. Next time it happens, ask her "OK, what are you doing right now?" then let her answer. Then ask her, "OK, what needs to be done yet?" and again let her answer. Finally, you can ask her "Does this need to be done immediately, or can it be done some other time?"

People get so easily caught up into useless busywork. Cleaning/housework can easily turn into that. If you are going to flip the cat litter after dinner, then there is less need to scoop it at lunch - or maybe just scoop one box rather than all of them. Same goes with cooking: you can ask, "Do we really need all that?" Especially with things like Christmas cookies or seasonal redecorating. None of it is necessary. If you aren't going to be home over the holidays there is no reason to put up a tree or any of that. My wife gets SO stressed about making the Christmas cookies that we shouldn't even be eating anyways. We can save ourselves the stress and have a little more unstructured free time if we just don't bother with some chores.

Once you get her convinced that she doesn't need to do a particular thing, you can get her to chill by being concerned. "I think you need to do some relaxing - you worked all day, you deserve to sit down. Here, let's take a look at hobby X for a half hour, we can have the baby in the carrier behind us and keep the volume down. Baby can see us having fun together and that will be good for both baby AND us."

Getting people out of the unproductive busywork mode can be challenging.

wwwhistler · 2023-12-05T16:34:18+00:00

because if he is doing nothing....then he is not actively doing something for HER.

they must be the focus of the lives of everyone around them. if you are NOT focused on them....you are NOT doing your job.

MRA-automatron-2kb · 2023-12-05T17:56:22+00:00

I'm retired and women get angry at me for not having a full time job, like I'm supposed to work till I'm 100 years old and not do things for myself.

Niemamsily90 · 2023-12-05T17:18:45+00:00

I would want my bf work less and have less money( his not rich) and see him relaxed. I told him that already. I hate that everything ia about the money.

Developing_Human33 · 2023-12-05T18:27:56+00:00

Most husbands are on the plantation. Literally. Plow horses. I will never be some females plow horse. Women are clueless about what real backbreaking work is. Marriage has to be one of the most foolish things a man can do.

AllGearedUp · 2023-12-05T18:29:37+00:00

This drove me insane growing up. I lived in very average suburbs where most moms stayed at home. Average husbands commute was 1 hour each way to the city with traffic. After kids were school age, the moms basically sat around with each other drinking wine. It does not take anywhere near the work to maintain a house with school aged kids as it does to work full time to support a whole family. The god damn audacity to ask my dad to rake up the yard, power wash the driveway, etc. do it yourself if you want it, or work a job so you can hire it out.

Doesn't necessarily have anything to do with gender, just fairness and empathy.

_shes_got_the_jack_ · 2023-12-05T16:01:02+00:00

My two cents on boundaries, adapted from another post I can't remember. Boundaries are what is important to you that you can defend. Boundaries encompass the areas of your life saying “this is my stuff here”. By “my stuff here”, I mean that this is stuff that is important to you and that you have the power and means to defend. If you can’t defend the boundary, you don’t have one, simple as that. If you complain about it, but don’t defend the boundary, you don’t have one, again simple as that. In a boundary you are taking action, and taking control over the only thing you really can, yourself.

An example of a boundary you can’t defend: “My spouse must respect me”. Why should they? Because, as this is written, you give them ALL the power over the boundary. They get to choose to adhere to it or not. Examples of a boundary you can defend: “If my spouse is disrespectful, I’ll leave until they have calmed down."

There seems to be this fundamental misunderstanding of boundaries. Our boundaries are for us to respect. Since we respect them so much, we defend them. Our spouse only understands boundaries because we defend them. If we don’t defend them, they think we don’t respect the boundary, so they trample it, often without knowing. Ultimately it is your responsibility, not that of your spouse, to have strong boundaries because the boundary is about you, not them.

Enforce your boundaries, don't feel bad for making time for yourself because you need it. Don't ask her if you can take time, take it at a time when you know it will not interfere with anything else and do so confidently and unapologetically. You are only in 'trouble' with your wife if you believe you are in trouble.

omegaphallic · 2023-12-05T17:10:08+00:00

Feminism trains alot of women to be ingrateful and demanding.

TeddyMGTOW · 2023-12-05T17:11:52+00:00

Setting boundaries with women is like fighting a hundred year war..

cruisinforasnoozinn · 2023-12-05T16:25:56+00:00

If she's not constantly busy, why should you be? Seems like a serious lack of self awareness there, if you already help out with the house and the child. If she's the primary parent, maybe that's where its stemming from for her? Lots of couples have misunderstandings about this labour split. Full time parenting and full time jobs are difficult to compare because they are both incredibly emotionally demanding.

It sounds like you've talked about it already with no prevail, but it could be worth making a point to have an ears-open discussion on both ends.

Kaineslist · 2023-12-05T18:07:34+00:00

Just a suggestion, but you might need to find a counselor for this. It sounds like she's not gonna be the type who's open to direct communication.

Of course, finding a marriage counselor who won't automatically take one side is gonna be tough. So you might be better off finding a counselor that you can talk to for yourself first.. because honestly, I don't know any modern man who couldn't do with a therapist to talk to about stress, anxiety, and depression. And then after you've gotten some help for your own anger about this slave driver -- and trust me, I'm not saying you're wrong to be angry... but anger is only giving you headaches and acid reflux, it isn't doing her any damage --

Then bring her in to see the therapist with you. By then the therapist is in sync with your pains and ready to help you have that conversation with your wife -- without letting it turn into WWIII.

ConflictedRebl · 2023-12-05T20:13:28+00:00

Every relationship is supposed to be a partnership. Your marriage and each other’s longevity should always be a priority for both of you. It sounds like she needs to be reminded.

I suggest immediate counseling. She needs someone other than you to let her know what her role is in your marriage.

hottake_toothache · 2023-12-05T17:24:17+00:00

People don't care about men.

MRA-automatron-2kb · 2023-12-05T17:55:02+00:00

I saw this on the TV program Island of Brian. I kept thinking that poor Brian was going to drop dead from the constant work Sarah Baeumler kept pushing him to do. It got worse when he renovated the house in Florida and she wanted him to build her an office at the same time.

DamnIWastedTime · 2023-12-05T17:44:16+00:00

Wrong attitude and approach in my opinion. You're not entitled to anything, you have to make it happen. Take the time and do what you need to and if you're not liked by the end of.... That's OK! Respect is more important than being liked. Again just my opinion.

Quicksilver · 2023-12-05T18:51:36+00:00

So you have tried talking repeatedly. Have your tried something of a closed door option. A place where you can go and do as you please and if they door is closed she doesn't come in. Maybe if she just doesn't see you it could help. A motorcycle is kind of like that. People talk about "freedom" it gives you. It doesn't. It gives you an excuse. "I'm going riding", and you are gone for as long as you like where you like. It's an excuse for yourself too. The closed door can be like that. If that sort of thing doesn't work then you are left with accepting it long term or considering that maybe your long term is over.

LONEWOLFF150 · 2023-12-05T18:56:59+00:00

Because modern women have lost their capacity to be nurturing and to be able to love unconditionally.

Rutibex · 2023-12-05T19:21:22+00:00

your gonna have to tell her to chill out and just endure her moods until she gets used to you asserting yourself

SlowCash · 2023-12-05T19:31:51+00:00

Just do what you need to do, as long as it's loving and healthy. You are in charge of your actions and emotions, so stop being reactive. Be proactive with your love, your needs, and your heath. It is very easy to give when you spirit is full. The rest will simply fall in line because you are leading through example.

Good luck.

bluehorserunning · 2023-12-05T19:56:46+00:00

Have you asked her about this? It’s not fair to never get to rest and unwind. Not in the context of ‘right now,’ but in the context of ‘in general, I never get to rest. I’m existentially tired.’

MapleWatch · 2023-12-05T20:32:24+00:00

Your wife sounds quite a lot like my ex wife. Look up some articles for signs you are married to a Narcissist. Gender neutral ones, preferably.

My quality of life improved dramatically after the ex moved out.

jarmbur · 2023-12-05T20:55:40+00:00

My ex was the same way. I left her and I'm so much happier now.

COL_D · 2023-12-05T21:06:52+00:00

Buy a book called “ Boundary’s”. Read it where she sees you reading it. Learn to use what you learned and suggest that maybe she could learn something from said book as its a great self help book. Good luck man, my now ex thing was we always had to go do something on the weekends. Not simple at home or in town, had to be somewhere else. She was try to keep up with her horrible friends that she no longer talks too

RektFreak · 2023-12-05T21:09:06+00:00

I use to think this way. Now, I still help but I don't feel bad doing what I want. I have spent my 3 days off doing nothing but playing games and watching movies. I don't feel bad at all. She can get mad all she wants. The last weekend I just had was spent cutting drywall to fit new exhaust fans in the bathrooms. I will feel 0 guilt this weekend when I don't do shit except go shopping with my wife, which we both like to go out and do together.

RescueFrog47 · 2023-12-05T21:10:12+00:00

It reminds me of what my mother said to my then future wife ... If he has time to lean he has time to clean.

I feel for you brother.

SARW89 · 2023-12-05T21:18:24+00:00

You need to have hard boundaries. I would leave her high and dry for two weeks. Tell her you need to think about the relationship and if this is what you want. The only leverage a man has is the ability to leave. You are the prize my man. Act like it.

finlefree · 2023-12-05T21:27:32+00:00

Dude, not to be rude, but you need to seriously grow a pair of balls! If your wife is waking you up at 6am telling you to do the dishes, why the hell are you even worried about her being mad? I would have already told her she better NEVER even for a second consider waking you up at 6am to do dishes. That is absolutely ridiculous. You need to be a man and put your damn foot down and if she gets pissed, then let her be pissed.

Personally, I wouldn't do anything else for at least a week. As soon as I get home from work I would be playing Xbox. Let her see what it's like when you don't do anything for her. Maybe then she would appreciate it when you do. Regardless, you need to seriously sit her down has and let her know that that is unacceptable. You work, pay the bills, and help with household chores. But you are not going to be told when to do them and CERTAINLY not going to be woken up at 6 am on your damn day off to do dishes. If she needs them done at 6 am then she can do them herself. But she isn't your mother and she has no business doing shit like that. And for that matter, if she only works part time and the majority of that is sitting on her ass, then she should be doing the damn dishes herself, anyway! And that has nothing to do with misogyny. That has to do with fair division of household duties. Since you work full time and you work a lot harder than she does and since you pay all the bills (which means the money she makes is just for her) then she should be doing the majority of household chores.

I don't understand what is wrong with men today that they would even entertain that kind of bullshit for a second from their wives. She is your wife, your partner. Not your mother or your boss. You don't have to do what she tells you to do. Especially if you know that you already fairly contribute to the running of your household.

And when it comes to her being mad. Let her. If she says "fine do what you want" your response should be "that's exactly what I'm going to do. The same way you do what you want. I'm a grown man. I work hard, I pay the bills, and I contribute to the household chores. I'm entitled to shit and relax when I've worked all day without being expected to come home and work me ass for you. These are things you can and should be doing. So if it needs to be done now, then do it. Otherwise, I'll get to it when I'm ready to do it. Not when you're ready for me to. And if you're going to be pissy about it, be pissy somewhere else because I don't want to hear it or see it "

da_trealest · 2023-12-05T21:30:50+00:00

Sounds like you have a white American wife

titanicboi1 · 2023-12-05T22:30:21+00:00

Bruh slavery ended on December 18, 1865

Title	Why are men not entitled to rest and recovery?
Author	Emotional_Map_3567
Upvotes	252
Comments	139
Date	December 5, 2023 3:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/18bdttj/why_are_men_not_entitled_to_rest_and_recovery/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-are-men-not-entitled-to-rest-and-recovery.1240113 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240113

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