What role did religion play in your divorce/marriage?

Par_then_Bar · 2024-02-01T02:09:00+00:00

My STBX was very religious. Bible studies every week. Church every Sunday. Met with a spiritual mentor every week. Introduced me to Jesus. We dedicated our children to Christ on Mother's day, and she was committing adultery a few weeks later.

DocumentOwn690 · 2024-01-31T15:14:20+00:00

I was raised in the church and was very enmeshed, bring taught that the way to live life as a Christian was to surrender your will in favor of God’s.

I didn’t start deconstructing this ideology and start to learn to think for myself and have my own thoughts and ideas until I was 23-24 years old and had been married for over 3 years. It should have been a red flag that I never had a concrete idea of why I loved my wife or wanted to marry her, aside from it’s what I felt I was supposed to do, part of God’s plan for my life.

When I started deconstructing at that point I realized I was unhappy in the relationship and wanted to end it, but because of enmeshments to my wife and poor coping skills on both of our parts, I’m still stuck in it. I’m now 32.

I’ve finally resolved to end the relationship this year. I’m working through a lot of things on my own, and working with a therapist to develop the necessary communication skills and confidence to follow through.

So to answer your question, I likely wouldn’t have gotten married if it wasn’t for religious brainwashing.

xjeeperx · 2024-01-31T01:02:40+00:00

I’ve since about age 11 I struggled with my faith in Christianity. My ex wife knew that, at some point she suddenly decided to join a church that was a different denomination than I grew up in. I went, but still had my struggles. I’m well versed in scripture, can’t remember the last time I went to a sermon that I hadn’t already heard the scripture from. But I can’t help but question the “pure goodness” of a god that would create man, knowing they would eat from the tree, and yet still punishing them with pain and sorrow to send his “son” or himself as a human to die for the same people that he was punishing if they believe in him and worship him so they can go to heaven to worship him forever. I just can’t fathom a being that “is love” and “pure good” and “all knowing” sending his “children” to burn in Hell for eternity. After living in pain, abuse, children experiencing cancer.

All that to say, we had a miscarriage about 2 years before the divorce and I pretty much just renounced religion entirely. She quit going to church after we divorced.

Wrong_Okra9736 · 2024-01-31T00:45:33+00:00

My ex wife was convinced that she was getting signs from God to divorce because of the random quotes she would scroll past on instagram and facebook

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-01-30T18:06:14+00:00

We were both Christians when we got married. From my perspective, my sbxw never truly wanted a husband. At least, she never really acted like it. She had to be in control of everything. If she didn't get her way she'd give me the silent treatment ... for weeks, months, and even over a year on a few occasions. She's extremely judgmental and critical, and I never felt I could please her. I never knew what was going to upset her, but I knew there would be a good chance, upon coming home from work, that she was going to be upset about something. Most of the time I was right. This caused a lot of arguments and a lot of hurtful words were exchanged over the years. We got into an argument in December 2017 (nothing out of the ordinary ... a very typical argument about something that, in the grand scheme of things, really should have been nothing more than a "That hurt my feelings" and an "I'm sorry" ... but, my wife rarely apologizes and often deflects). Anyway, she told me "I'm done with this roller-coaster". For the next 6 years she didn't speak to me unless it was logistics regarding the kids and zero physical touch. We'd still go to church every Sunday. I'd be sitting next to her and she'd be singing praise and worship songs. It made me sick. She helps in children's church. Goes to Bible studies. Everyone thinks she's "such a sweet woman of God". Oh, "out of the blue" (if you can really call it that), she filed for divorce in November 2023. For the past 6 years I've done everything I knew how to do to save our marriage (years of marriage counseling, individual counseling, weekend marriage retreats, marriage seminars at the church). She just quit on me. I have no idea how she can consider herself a Christain. Myself? I believe in God ... but we're not on speaking terms.

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-01-30T17:58:09+00:00

tl;dr I believe it was the primary contributing factor in our divorce.

My ex and I were both raised Pentecostals. After marriage, I investigated my beliefs over the next decade or so and I ended up becoming a non-believer. After that, I think it was more difficult for us to connect on the same level and to have mutual respect for each other's beliefs.

I read that evangelical/atheist marriages have about a 66% failure rate, so the cards were already stacked against us.

I'd hoped that things could work, and they did for another 10 years or so as we finished raising our kids, but it got more and more difficult over time and we grew further and further apart.

In the later years, she became extremely stubborn, as if agreeing she was wrong about anything would also somehow mean I was right about Christianity. I don't think she ever believed she was wrong about anything and she never apologized, no matter what the mistake. She believed she was always in the right and that God was always on her side.

The other issue was, in her eyes, I was "broken and deceived" and the only fix was for me to become Christian again. It's not fun living with a partner who sees you as "defective."

My ex believed that asking for divorce was Biblically wrong, but she found a loophole. She made it obvious she was no longer in love with me or wanted anything to do with me, thereby forcing me to ask (and apparently the Bible is cool with that).

Broken and defeated, I finally asked and she immediately agreed. She didn't cry, beg, or fight to stay together -- she clearly wanted out.

While it would've been nice to have a marriage that lasted "till death," I ended up with someone else that shares similar beliefs and I'm much happier. My ex is still single, but I hope she finds her own happiness.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-30T17:36:04+00:00

We had different religions, not at the start, but it evolved that way over time. It seemed to cause issues but it was truly just the lack of respect we had for each other as individuals. Our relationship was a one night stand that lasted 20 years. We were over before we even married.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-01-30T17:34:33+00:00

We stopped going to church.

She stopped honoring the vows she made before God.

We are now divorced.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-01-30T17:08:01+00:00

Only religion-related thing was that after divorce she dated two men at the same time, and one of them was her pastor’s son. He was kept for long-term relationship and introduced her to the family, while another dude stayed the night. Know this from my son who witnessed this.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-01-30T15:25:17+00:00

I am a Christian, fundamentalist in my beliefs. Somehow, she believed she was also. Somehow she believed in abusing me and my eldest. Somehow she believed that multiple affairs were ok. Somehow she arranged for all our Christian friends to turn against me, except two. Somehow she arranged for the church to shun me. Somehow she convinced Christian counsellors I was the problem. Somehow she believes her insanity should be excused.

On the other side: I found a good Christian woman, that bends over backwards for me, supports me, and asks little in return.

I think the bottom line is, that CINOs (Christians In Name Only) are the majority in the church. Real ones are few and far between. Christ mentioned this a lot, and so did his disciples.

berzerker5000 · 2024-01-30T14:03:20+00:00

We moved to Texas from California and she became a born again die-hard Christian, served on Sundays and Mondays, plus Bible study 2x week plus the recovering addicts program where she got in with a group of “batterered” divorced women who told her I was trash, plus did one on ones with a pastor who gave one kid a scholarship to counseling, then she conspired with said counselor to file a bogus CPS investigation on me. She would spend all her free time at home nose in the Bible, proselytizing to me and told me how me getting baptized and going on Sundays wasn’t enough, and God wants me to do better, then she would tell me how she talked to Jesus and He talked to her. Then she moved out and took the kids. 6 weeks later I got served. So yeah religion played a small part. I can’t go to church anymore because it’s given me PTSD. I want nothing to do with Church or church people who conscripted the love of my life into a cult and brainwashed her into leaving me. Before all this I was a Buddhist tbh. She was never religious. She was a hippy new age free thinker. The covid hit and she wanted so bad to leave California and follow Jesus. Had an ephiphany one day (nervous breakdown.) so we sold 1.3M house, left Cali. Worst financial decision of my life. But I am now in Florida and have the best job in my field so I’m making the best of it.

Cheb44 · 2024-01-30T14:01:25+00:00

Mine lost her faith and it shows in her values. I imagine this is subject that can go all sorts of ways since most women in this position pretty much use anything and everything as an excuse regardless of it being an actual excuse.

Dakeddit · 2024-01-30T13:31:18+00:00

Religion was a big factor in ending my marriage. I married a conservative christian, and things went to hell during covid. Kinda funny how her beliefs preach about the family unit, just to have her completely smash it.
And now I'm pretty sure she's using it to limit parenting time because I am not a believer.....if anything the relationship confirmed all my viewpoints on religion and has made me even more of an atheist.

SeminoleTom · 2024-01-30T11:32:16+00:00

We are both Christians. During the pandemic she went to the side of far right politics, believing a ton of very odd conspiracy theories- yea she was basically a QAnon follower. She will not admit it but it fits. So sad and fortunate…

Good_Dirt_9914 · 2024-01-30T10:34:08+00:00

For me, it's really bad . She found religion, a new group of religious friends used it to discredit me in front of my family and friends . So yeah ! Just to be clear, I am out of the 📦 thinker I.e not leaning to any religion.Hope that helps .

Title	What role did religion play in your divorce/marriage?
Author	Square_Department318
Upvotes	8
Comments	24
Date	January 30, 2024 9:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aekpd8/what_role_did_religion_play_in_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-role-did-religion-play-in-your.1244149 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244149

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