Friends become unavailable?

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-02-01T01:15:56+00:00

I'm here because as soon as it was over all our friends bailed on me.was astounding how quickly no would of be answer me. People I've done serious shit for.

Khancap123 · 2024-01-31T14:43:05+00:00

No one knows how to deal with this stuff and you'll find friends fall away when your in the middle of it.

To be fair we get fairly annoying during divorce. These are valid feelings but the conversation is almost always about the divorce and that gets exhausting for everyone.

black65Cutlass · 2024-01-31T14:17:20+00:00

I have some close female friends that were good to talk to. I also recommend therapy, it helps.

I was disappointed that my male friends didn't or wouldn't step up when I needed them. Especially one that leaned on me during and after his own divorce, that kind of stung. I guess they show you how important you are in their lives one way or another. I have stopped contacting some of my "friends" because of it.

krazykanuck · 2024-01-30T23:33:20+00:00

Not exactly, but I have noticed my needs sometimes outweigh their capacity. I.e they have other obligations and I don’t anymore lol.

Efficient_Olive8251 · 2024-01-30T22:36:42+00:00

I’ve got one good friend who’s my sounding board. He’s in the same situation I was but he’ll never be the one to pull the plug. Other than that it’s a bit lonely, but better than the alternative.

MysteriousLevel526 · 2024-01-30T22:33:15+00:00

I had a few friends but none could understand the immense pain I was in. I felt completely alone and abandoned. They were there just not in the way I needed them.

Capable_Luck_2817 · 2024-01-30T22:25:01+00:00

Aside from my siblings, a cousin, and maybe one friend—everyone has avoided me like the plague. My old friend group will watch stories I post on social media, but they will not reach out to express condolences or support. I’ve come to the realization that they are all drama goblins that love to gossip but are ultimately worthless as friends.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-30T21:22:32+00:00

Definitely. When I noticed ‘wrong’ things in my l marriage l, I see it even more in my friends marriage.

One of them since also get divorced

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-30T21:09:27+00:00

I don't consider myself an introvert, I get on with people quite well and don't mind being in large groups. But I was raised an only child, living in a rural area so I've always been accustomed to being alone. Consider whether you really need someone to talk to. I mean fellowship is great...like always...but I don't think it's a requirement. If you can arrest your destructive thought patterns (mind movies and shit like that) don't be afraid to set with yourself.

I tried therapy after a year of reflection...I liked my therapist but she even said she didn't really have anything to offer me bc I had perspective on what happened/what it means/where to go now. If you struggle with those things, talk to someone for sure. If you just feel lost, don't be afraid to lean into that fear...experience it, face it.

But seriously, if you have any doubts about whether you are in danger of doing something stupid, by all means reach out. You can't reason your way out of cycling thoughts that won't stop.

asambique · 2024-01-30T20:34:28+00:00

My friends have been incredibly supportive and listened to me in the hard times. Offering places to crash, and checking in regularly with me.

One is currently engaged to be married (still not phased by what I've told him lol)

Another actually reached out to me as he believes his own marriage may be going the same way. As I was 'slightly further along" I was able to support him somewhat with what he is dealing with.

2 are single and nowhere near anything resembling a relationship.

I guess we are all younger (36 ish) and I'm not calling on guys deep into marriage/family life.

I've just reached out to anyone who listened tbh, I've found a lot of support I never knew existed.

Bluerednaz · 2024-01-30T20:17:23+00:00

Lucky for me, I was a hermit when I was married so no friends to speak of

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-30T20:08:45+00:00

Yes when you describe how your wife is mistreating you 8/10 guys will naturally compare it to the same way their marriage is going. It’s just unpleasant, don’t take it personally.

My solution was pick up golf and make new friends. They won’t care that you’re divorced.

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-30T19:26:00+00:00

Therapy. You may have to go through a couple of therapists before you find one that's a good fit, but a good one can make all the difference in the world in how you treat yourself and how you process the breakup.

Title	Friends become unavailable?
Author	Chrissim7174
Upvotes	10
Comments	32
Date	January 30, 2024 7:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aewpug/friends_become_unavailable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/friends-become-unavailable.1244180 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244180

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