Pros and cons of life after divorce?

MandoRealtor · 2024-02-15T19:19:25+00:00

39m here. Separated in August of last year. It was a similar thing. After 12 years she decided she no longer wanted to be with me. I went on a few dates with someone I met online. Was a giant waste of time. A lot of people seem to rather take advantage of men than actually seek a relationship.

I ended up giving up on dating and then started hanging out with some I've known for 23 years. Now we're dating and it's been great. Id suggest staying away from online dating. It is a giant waste of time and money.

probebeta · 2024-02-14T22:21:54+00:00

Depending on the age of your children, it can be an adjustment. Child care was a bit of a big deal for me, mine was 4, but it seems to be getting easier the older he gets.

As far as dating, I met a lot of women. If you put in the work, look good, decent car, decent apartment, going to gym regularly to lift heavy stuff, making money, there is an abundance of women lining up to get your attention.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-02-14T17:39:48+00:00

As a dude in my late 30's with kids, it was a pretty big adjustment as I decided to take the buyout from the home's equity and start fresh. Once established into a routine with two young children, I can reflect that it's not the end of the world and there are some days I do enjoy the solitude and time for myself. It's tougher obviously having to parent two kids alone on my time but I can say my time with my kids is closer and higher quality. They have been a focus point and I would advise you make it priority #1 above all to establish consistency, quality and time for them. They will always remember the little things you did to make them feel loved.

Dating - It's been a mixed bag but not a disaster. Again, keeping in shape, showing you are put together and focused will elevate you even if you aren't a Brad Pitt type. I just approached it as a side activity and try to be genuine and filter women appropriately and overall, I have met some really great women although some things didn't make it a complete match. That's fine, that is what it is all about and it's great to feel wanted. It's easy to get down and feel rejected but I looked at it as part of the process and now I don't take it personally, just move on to the next one. I'm not looking for the one, to get married, whatever, it's just an opportunity to spend some time with another person. I will say, mid to late 30's ladies can be ALOT of fun and the extra curricular activities can be fun, they don't want to mess around anymore. It's certainly made post marriage time MUCH more fun.

Jbr74 · 2024-02-14T17:13:33+00:00

I've been divorced nearly 5 years now, here is my comprehensive list of cons:

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Intimacy4u · 2024-02-14T12:15:46+00:00

‘It would hopefully be an Amicable drama free situation’

🥴😆😂🤣😂🤣 Best joke heard today.

BrickWallDoge · 2024-02-14T06:13:40+00:00

Dating is so awful right now. Just focus on being happy

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-14T04:02:05+00:00

Bottom line, people and kids survive the divorce. You never stay for the sake of the kids and you deserve happiness without her if it needs to be. Figure it out and make a move! All the rest of you questions will answer themselves.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-02-14T02:40:59+00:00

I've never known a divorce to have a net positive impact on kids except when there is serious mental or physical abuse. So it's all about mitigation, adjustment and building the best you can for them.

shell_shocked_today · 2024-02-14T00:09:04+00:00

2 weeks into separation. Custody of 2 teenage girls. Some mental health challenges (adbandonment feelings, etc.)

Dating - not even thinking about it yet.
Freedom - fabulous.
House is more peaceful
House is cleaner
House is more organized
Better sleep

Cons:

Housework falls on me
Umm.. that's about it....

whiskey_piker · 2024-02-13T23:13:28+00:00

Fallen out of love? What are you doing to fix it or is it even able to be fixed? Are you attractive, do you take care of yourself, are you fun, are you leading her?

Many of us choose the wrong person to get married to in the first place. Norf, as you get some ears under your mouth and realize this is not the person I wanna be with, there’s no fixing that and staying one thing you are in fact, doing is training your child, the ideal relationship to have. So, if you don’t like your relationship, then don’t train your child to have the same relationship

All of your other questions are irrelevant. Make the first decision which is: is this the person? Is this the marriage that you want to have for the rest of your life? If it isn’t today, can it be changed and is there a desire for it to change? if you don’t this person with this marriage, then choose divorce and wait until you are in the stage of your life to answer questions about dating and all that other stuff. Everyone deserves happiness and plenty of attractive fish out there that is a fact.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-02-13T22:20:16+00:00

Even sleeping on a Walmart air mattress in one bedroom of a room-by-room townhouse in an outer suburb has been far better than sleeping on the couch in the well-located house I own with my wife, once she turned demon. The tension and her attacks and unpredictability and acts of sabotage made life unbearable.

Now, my space is smaller but it is mine. I answer to no one as to how I utilize my time (or do whatever I wish, or nothing). Female, uh, companionship is plentiful and high quality, and more importantly, it is the ladies who seek it from me (details another day. I can see the skeptical looks from here).

gorillavstiger · 2024-02-13T21:55:59+00:00

The main pro is not sharing a life and household with someone that you don't love anymore. To me. That was a massive drain on my emotions, even being around her was frustrating.

The con is you're stepping into a life you don't know, one that won't be easy though depending on how painful you're current life is may be necessary

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-02-13T21:43:52+00:00

Pros. I don’t live in that house trapped in the past. Or hear her constant nagging

Cons. Dating. It’s horrendous. I’m not compromising on my expectations since I’m fit. Apparently I need to be a 10/10 even when talking to 6–7s.

stacksmasher · 2024-02-13T20:21:05+00:00

Went back to school and was much more careful with relationships after. I was poor when I got divorced, if I had gone thru it 10 years later it would have been much more devastating.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES!

jimsmythee · 2024-02-13T19:39:38+00:00

I was married to a toxic, non-function pill popping addict. First 5 were great. Then the final 5 were terrible.

Pro- the freedom. I could spend time with my kids without her to ruin it. My kids are happy having 2 households - Mommy's home and daddy's house. I could sleep again. No ER visits for pills. I could sleep with women again. I can go on vacations again. There's money in the bank.

Con? Not many. She got half of my 401k, but I didn't have to pay alimony.

One_Cartographer_465 · 2024-02-13T19:13:41+00:00

To your question: Freedom is great, I can't express how great. Dating post divorce, meh, I feel like, women, I can deal with them if a good one comes along, or I am just as happy if none do because there is that possibility each day to look forward to a good one showing up. Also I make my own decisions.

To the amicable divorce comment, trust me start off treating it as if it is NOT. It is easier to start off protecting yourself and relaxing once into the process than it is to try and regain ground when she starts off full bore. I have experience, 4 divorces, 3 were going to be amicable, none were, but I had protected myself.

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2024-02-13T18:58:31+00:00

Good luck brother.... Praying it is amicable and works out for you!! Mid 50's here - not wanting to get back into the dating thing, but realize it is most likely in my somewhat near future. At this point in my life - I'm unwilling to compromise on my standards and what I expect to give and receive from my partner. Will definitely take whatever time I need for myself to reconnect with family and friends and to "redefine" myself through exercise, therapy and life experience!!! No rush at all... It isn't a crime to be selfish and want happiness!!!!

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-02-13T18:38:56+00:00

I'm six years post-divorce. My relationship with my S17 and S13 are better now than they were pre-divorce. Kids are more resilient than you think.

And if you really thought you'd have an amicable drama-free divorce, you wouldn't be here. Everyone thinks they are some kind of unicorn that can settle their divorce sitting across the kitchen table. That lasts until their spouse starts making outrageous demands.

Title	Pros and cons of life after divorce?
Author	ascii4trouble
Upvotes	25
Comments	37
Date	February 13, 2024 6:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aq0kpd/pros_and_cons_of_life_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/pros-and-cons-of-life-after-divorce.1245320 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245320

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