Went to the beach alone. I’m tired of doing things alone.

Therocksays2020 · 2022-07-03T19:56:02+00:00

You start by having conversations with women on a daily basis. The cute cashier, the librarian, the girl at the gym. Comfort with women comes with exposure.

Once interacting with women doesn’t feel out of the ordinary you will become better at it. Does that make sense?

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-07-03T22:01:57+00:00

You need to be aware that this is all a game. As such anything a woman says to you that could break you should not be taken seriously.

Because they are just testing you. They want to see your character. They wanna know whether you are truly self-accepting, confident and are strong, or whether you are weak, insecure and do not accept yourself.

As such, when you understand that the girls are just waiting for a reaction then you just need to switch the mentality and realise that it’s all about playing.

Her: “Dude you are so ugly”

You: I know you are but what am i”

Her: You are not my type”

You: “Good that way we can be friends without fear of you harassing me”

Her: “Are you seriously hitting on a girl like me?

You: Hell yeah I am!”

Her: “Get lost”

You: “In your fantasies?”

Her: Dude you are such a weirdo”

You: “Thanks, you are kinda fine too”

Her: “It wasn’t meant to be a compliment”

You: “The way your look at me is the biggest compliment you could make”

Her: I’m just looking at you with disgust”

You: “Sorry, but you have me confused with your ex”

This is an extreme example of the worst things that she could say to humiliate you when rejecting you.

This extreme thing would most likely never happen, but if it does you just have to be ready because they are all predictable things she would say.

If you are ready you can save your dignity, and can even cause her to admire you because of how witty you are. Most girls won’t be quick enough to say so many nasty things and you will easily come on top.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-03T20:29:03+00:00

There literally is no more excuses for you . You have to start facing your fear . Sorry man it’s only way . Be brave man.

AngeloMacon · 2022-07-03T20:45:53+00:00

You're 33, so you have some self awareness at this point. Are you socially awkward or just shy?

TechnoGeek423 · 2022-07-03T23:49:06+00:00

My girlfriend and I went to the Kenny Chesney concert last week. I thought to myself, I want to be like him. How could I sellout a 60,000 person stadium and rock the place for 2 1/2 hours?

I researched and found he’s 54 and been doing this since the 80s if not even longer. You have to start where you’re at. Approaching is not just talking to the girls you find to be a 10/10.

Here is one little exercise you can do to help. If you’re ever in an elevator with a stranger, ALWAYS say something. Anything. It doesn’t have to be a meaningful convo. Just say something.

This will give you good practice for when you want to talk to the honeys. Baby steps. Not 0-200 MPH in 3 s.

dark_helmt8 · 2022-07-03T22:26:38+00:00

Cold approaching women who are strangers is not the answer, don’t listen to this sub. It will not make you friendships. 95% of the time it will come across as creepy even if you’re moderately attractive.

You need jobs, interests, or pastimes that give you long-exposure and FaceTime to women or people in general to develop rapport and friendship with them.

dark_helmt8 · 2022-07-03T22:55:43+00:00

I'll offer an alternative view point. Why should anyone talk to you? Do you deserve it? Are you active in your community in some way helping people or are you living your life for yourself?

I'm asking not to shame but to reorient. Often times, men focus on what's in front of them - looks, money, weight, height, social media etc, which isnt wrong, it's just a small part of the picture. Every one of us can take some time to make the world a little bit better through our community - prof. org, religious org, city/county, some kind of volunteer work or leadership that is self less.

Now that doesn't mean there's no alterior motive, but it does mean making service of some kind part of your life. As a personal example, about 8 years ago now I founded a professional network on fb and li, and 25,000 members later, Im a leader in my community. I help people everyday, free of charge. It's a coincidence that I only invite beautiful, accomplished women in their twenties and thirties to join, who coincidentally became my dating pool. Since day 1 it raised my profile in my community and I havent wanted for a date in years, all because I help people.

Im not saying this is the only answer, just one of many that might help. Good luck!

may-begin-now · 2022-07-03T20:02:18+00:00

The one thing I know for sure is " You will 100% fail anything you don't do" so if you never take a chance ,dear friend, you will never enjoy the reward. I know it's scary to let people in sometimes but it's how we find the ones for us . Be brave don't lose hope you can do this . Others have and you can too . Stand strong good sir ,yours is coming soon.

Mr_ambitiouz · 2022-07-03T20:10:46+00:00

How about you frequent places where you can meet people who have the same mindset as you then go with them to places Being alone is OK unless you're feeling lonley! Beware of fear, it can stop you from getting anything that you dream of

The_Jukabo · 2022-07-03T20:53:43+00:00

Just say hi, you’re likely overthinking it. You’ll be amazed how far you can get with a hi and starting a basic conversation.

HaikusfromBuddha · 2022-07-04T00:31:03+00:00

Sounds like you have to start talking to people in general. For some reason you think you deserve a womens attention when it looks like just getting any attention is what you struggle with. Also the way you noticed how fit, thin, and “better” other people are suggests you are none of those things.

I’d recommend working on yourself, work out, get a new hair cut, get a new wardrobe before hand. You need a confidence boost. It will also help your mental to feel good about yourself before thinking other people would want to be around you.

If you yourself don’t see yourself in a positive light, why would others?

baddog992 · 2022-07-04T02:31:52+00:00

I would start by read Intimate connections by David Burns. Its an older book but its my bible when it comes to getting dates and being attractive to the opposite sex. Look up some videos on youtube on how to get women attracted to you.

It does take some work but its well worth it. Stuff that seems awkward will soon become second nature. I find myself flirting with women now without even thinking about it and I was shy virgin at the age of 20 something. Until I read Intimate Connections. That book changed my thinking and life. I would write more but it takes a book length to cover it. My advice read and do or watch and do.

MBMBlackMantis · 2022-07-04T04:48:43+00:00

bro.... I want you to talk to women and just fail for the first few months. Don't try to be a creep, but hold a conversation where you end it saying "well nice to meet you, have a nice day." do this to at least 5 women you think you'd want to touch their no-no spot. Also, speak to other women you don't find attractive in how his they look, how the weather is, how the water here tastes less like lead. Last, talk to a group of guys on something sports, outdoors, steak, or beer. I want you to fail MISERABLY.
Research sports, cooking, anything that interests you. Learn dirty jokes and bad jokes. Say the same crap to everyone. Just start talking. After a few months of this, come back to this post and tell me how you're doing. I got you, bro

jbowman12 · 2022-07-04T13:41:22+00:00

Do you have friends that you could invite? Male or female? If not, maybe you could get involved in a club where you do things you enjoy. Meet some people with common interests. Invite them to go places with you so you don't feel so alone. There could be the potential to meet friends of friends or it may not feel so intimidating to cold approach if you have some friends to migrate back to if things don't go well.

Just some thoughts. I do agree that going out of your way to have more conversations will benefit you though. Start by making small talk and let it progress naturally from there.

sneezen · 2022-07-03T20:13:21+00:00

elder player here in my 30's. 1st of all what cuntry u in? makes massive difference. some cuntries have impossible women like Germany 4 example. 2nd of all go to a less crowded beach maybe u will meet ladies who are alone that wanted to chill alone. 3rd; never approach unless she is 100% alone (dyor why) 4th point; u r gettin older and behind d curve regards women. step it up

2022-07-03T23:38:31+00:00

First step I would suggest: consult a therapist if you can, it helps.
Second, approach women.

Less_Rush1169 · 2022-07-04T02:47:51+00:00

You won't ever get that life. Even if you win the lottery tomorrow. To get that life it would require changing every aspect of what makes up you. I'm at the same crossroads and I refuse to sell out and be somebody I'm not.

makethisperv · 2022-07-04T05:04:35+00:00

Look for Todd v dating in YouTube, it's a professional

burncushlikewood · 2022-07-04T01:05:42+00:00

You gotta make friends man! Approach people be pushy and try and build a social circle, I did this in high school and I have really good friends man, but I lost them due to some shit going down, but we'll be linking up real soon

no_spoon · 2022-07-04T02:36:21+00:00

Let your interests drive you. Get excited about your own life. Then start sharing that excitement with others. It’s really that easy. I’d forget whatever seduction “tactics” you learn and start with the foundation.

2022-07-04T04:49:06+00:00

I've never played the guitar but I would like to be an expert guitarist... Though I am good at guitar hero. It just isn't the same with a real guitar.... This comment wasn't about guitars 😉

buttpants_r_r · 2022-07-04T05:07:10+00:00

Dating life needs to be an extension of your social life. Do not put 'women' first, I would instead recommend finding meaningfully.friendshups and then follow the path from there. That's what seems to be working for me at least.

2022-07-04T05:16:06+00:00

every single person in existence exists because a man said hello to a woman. you can do it too. they are not going to break you. just remember sometimes people have to take a shit or are talking to their friend or are attached or whatever, its not even about you. Strangers on the street are not going to be thrilled to talk to you in the first 10 seconds, stop expecting that

failing that, join a social club. i am also frustrated with talking to strange women, its like cold calling someone, very random odds. But you join the social club or hobby, for example volleyball or windsurfing or archery or whatever. Ideally there is a place you can hang out, like a club house. You go for the game, you hang out. People meet you too. Low stakes, you can see them again next week without asking for their phone number. then you make some friends, maybe some female friends, those women vouch for you as not a fucking predator, the circle expands

i just had a sexyyyyy dance with a friend's wife. obviously nothing is going to happen, but damn she was hot and it was worth it just to have a woman nearby smiling at me wiggling. If a woman feels safe enough to dance with you, thats good. next time she will bring her friend maybe and i will date her ?

tldr: the only way to get friends and women is to be in places where friends and women meet. Everyone of those groups met somewhere, work, school, choir practice who knows

ShameAffectionate15 · 2022-07-04T05:31:54+00:00

join latin dancing. I did and I found a community as a result. So many people you can meet when you get good and even on the process of getting good.

MrBlack__ · 2022-07-04T05:50:33+00:00

Get a job in a bar, you’ll be alright

nuyets · 2022-07-04T06:17:53+00:00

Make friends with confidence for the approaching. They are able to "share" that confidence with you in that moments.

But you need to remember: you are special, you are unique, you are important. Don't feel bad.

montanalombardy · 2022-07-04T06:33:33+00:00

Bro Inalso got my first experience woth women later in life. I am still learning, not an expert, but I have some advice.

First of all, build a social circle. You need to find a hobby group and go there every week without excuse. You gotta see the same damn people week after week for like 10-20-30 weeks. Amd talk to them. That's how you make friends and build a circle.

And also read basically every material you can find on social skills and how to build confidence and self esteem. Do a bunch of self reflection.

Moon_whisper · 2022-07-04T07:41:07+00:00

If you are looking for a LTR, try to find women that share similar interests/hobbies as you. Compatibility vs. Chemistry. Compatibility is more important for long term relationships. Chemistry is important to a degree, but it fizzles fast in relationship terms. Compatibility is more bonding, less drama/conflicts and can lead to better chemistry over time. Don't be afraid to do online dating app, but make sure your profile pics showcase your interests. Sure, it may get less hits than some, but it will get the right kind of hits from women you have a much higher chance of developing a long term relationship with.

SeanBatemanJr · 2022-07-04T07:53:19+00:00

I would recommend doing some direct openers on girls you find attractive who are alone (or in groups of two) during the day (the best places they can be found at are coffee shops). It’s hard at first but will massively help with emotions you feel long-term. It will create a good psychological base to build upon. A lot of guys spend years not going direct and feel sad and unconfident because of it (I myself did it — thankfully long time ago). It’s a start, but it will help immensely.

TheDom1992 · 2022-07-04T08:09:19+00:00

You say you’ve never approached women but then say you want a “sex life again” I don’t get it??

Krouser1522 · 2022-07-04T09:10:49+00:00

You can just say what chat already told you to say which is decent advice and you can also address your anxiety directly by making it into a conversation opener..now it’s not the best opener by any means but it has one distinct advantage by its very genuine about what you are actually going through. Just go up to someone you want to talk to and say “hi I’m a bit shy talking to random people so my friend told me to go up to 5 strangers a day and try to brighten their day and hopefully put a smile on their face so here I am I’m John by the way it’s nice to meet you. So what do you think of that advice to get comfortable talking to people? Would you do anything differently?”

Now you are having a genuine conversation and you asked them their opinion on a topic now you can just transition the conversation to something else and you can give them a compliment that can apply to anyone just say “hey you know i really like talking to you..you have a very warm and friendly vibe about you and you’re easy to talk to and I think the advice you gave was pretty solid(in regards asking the question about “do you think my friend gave good advice and what would you do differently?”)..or just give a nice compliment about something else eventually you will just get better at general conversation. But instead of trying to rattle your brain on what to say specifically just make what your weakness is into a conversation starter and roll with it until you can just go up to people and start conversations about any topics and be spontaneous and improvise what to say on the fly.

KarlMalowned · 2022-07-04T09:19:40+00:00

/r/attractiveman

2022-07-04T09:54:15+00:00

Hey man, I’ll say one of the best tips I can give is to set one simple, effective, and confidence-boosting goal — maintain eye contact with every woman you talk to. Not only is it a sign of confidence, it boosts confidence.

Relevant-Spinach294 · 2022-07-04T09:57:18+00:00

Live alone die alone we all gonna go thru it separate together my friend 🫠

noFortuneMachine · 2022-07-04T10:04:06+00:00

First of all I wondered - and I hope it's not rude, I am just curious - don't you have any friends to hang out with? It sounds like you are just lonely in general. Maybe you just need some company by (male?) friends to begin with? Any hobbies which lets you meet people?

You say you feel intimidated by women. My advice (36f) would be: try to see them as "men" then, i.e. approach them as humans! I am working in a male dominated field. I have male friends, and hence it's very important to me that men and women can interact friendly. For many men it seems the thought about sex just blocks that, and I think this is where you are missing out on a lot of great people.

I can understand that what you are looking for is more than friendship. But maybe you should start with "demystifying" women. We don't bite, we just want to be treated as fellow humans.

All the best! ♡

Key_Huckleberry_8932 · 2022-07-04T10:35:36+00:00

Strike up a convo everywhere you go doesn't matter if it's a grocery store clerk or a chick in the gym be friendly and casual don't overly flirt just talk about whatever is interesting or make a joke at something you both just saw. You gotta have friends even if it's a small group of them plan something together like a guys night every week. Alone is fine too but for confidence a few buds always help

Mr_Wasteed · 2022-07-04T11:41:30+00:00

I am still not there but few things helped me has been the book "Models" in this aspect. There was some video about "fearless dating with Mark Manson" that explained some of the concepts from the book. Anyways, the book goes a little in depth at first, presenting the reality and checking our viewpoint. Secondly, there are few steps, exercises that are reasonable and helps you just build yourself better in the long run which are extremely helpful. Note: This is not like a pick up artist course (i was never attracted to those as i am also 33 and I am looking for a more stable thing) . This is more like a self help book first, making sure your views/goals/systems are correct and aligned, then some baby step exercises to become a better person that is attractive. The concepts of this book has also helped me in professional setting in terms of being honest, vulnerable, etc. I would say, at the very least, check out introduction or some videos/reviews on the book if it seems helpful to you. There are some reviews/summary videos on youtube on the book.

2022-07-04T13:57:03+00:00

Lower your standards first and slowly raise them

celestial-kitty2 · 2022-07-04T15:50:02+00:00

I’d recommend starting with making friends first. You’ll be codependent asf in any relationship you join because they’re your source of “life value.” Also, Personal development is huge, you’re probably intimidated for a reason, like having little to offer women outside of your body and “love”. How old are you?

2022-07-04T16:21:16+00:00

All men need to womanize. It is part of becoming a fully developed functional male.

Womanizing helps you realize women are really not that complicated in the end and that your happiness cannot come from them.

For a period of over 12 years, I have had four girlfriends. We traveled the world together, lived together and we met each other families. While single, I slept with many girls from different backgrounds and personalities. I would say over 30 women since I lost my virginity.

What I have learned.

Dating is expensive and time-consuming: The more girls are into you, the more they want your attention and time. They rely on you to entertain them, listen to them, and give them love. This consumes valuable time you could use to develop yourself and chase your dreams.
Women are addicted to love, and don't know how to get it: most women, especially beautiful women, go through life in easy mode getting free attention and stuff because of their looks. Eventually, they find guys who demand more than sex in exchange for the love they want, and they don't know how to give more than sex. You have to teach them how to be loveable.
Sex is just sex: Sex is a small part of the relationship, but it is the glue that keeps it together. You need intimacy and contact, but it is insufficient to have a deep connection with somebody. What makes a deep connection is a lining of values and interests.

Enjoy talking to them and discovering yourself through them. At least for me, in the end, I rediscovered that even if I don't have a woman I am never alone, I always have my best friend with me: myself.

ExplanationDazzling1 · 2022-07-04T17:27:30+00:00

Yesterday I didn’t spend time with anyone during the 4th of July weekend. I spent it pretty much alone and had a great time. I live with my mom so that’s why I said pretty much alone. I cleaned the house, did chores and went thrift shopping alone for some work clothes. I’m in my late 20s and I can relate to you. And it seems like I spend most of my days alone especially, after work. My biggest advice to the both of us is to find a hobby you like and enjoy! I rode my bike near the beach and listened to music. And I had a great time! Sure there are days when I wish I had someone to ride bikes with me and enjoy soaking up the beautiful summer hot sun playing some volleyball! But because it’s a hobby I enjoy doing, I don’t mind doing it by myself. Also I tried meetup groups and they are not that effective for me. So I’m pretty much in the same boat. My advice for the both of us is to get out of our heads and put ourselves out there more! Do you have any free time after work? Maybe you can join a beach volleyball active team? I don’t have much time after work to do anything so I got a gym membership that has yoga and bike meetups at the gym. Connect with people. Don’t be afraid to say hello, introduce yourself and start a conversation. I went to a bar alone by myself and I met this guy there that was also alone. He came up to me and asked was I alone and I said yes and he said maybe we can dance together. Come to find out we both were gay and enjoyed the night together! And I also got to dance with other people and connect! Try to find bars or social groups that aren’t very clicked up. I wish there could be more single meetups. So I haven’t used meetup groups in a long time but with the advice many people have given you I would go to a few meetup groups. So many groups are 30+! Maybe you can meet people from those groups share your common hobbies and interests and hang out outside of the meetups and create new hobbies of your own! You’re not alone on this because I feel it too 🤗

PitchTop7453 · 2022-07-04T18:36:25+00:00

Bro I'm 26 and in the same boat. I'm lonely af. I always get the "I have a boyfriend" line so I have a feeling I won't ever find a girl. I always see people happy together but I just feel like I'll be judged and singled out immediately if I try talking to them. This life is very harsh and I don't know how to live with myself anymore. I've tried to pursue some hobbies but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I've been reading more books lately to learn about new things I can potentially discuss with people. Don't give up man. We're in this together.

Title	Went to the beach alone. I’m tired of doing things alone.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	194
Comments	102
Date	July 3, 2022 7:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vqpkb5/went_to_the_beach_alone_im_tired_of_doing_things/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/went-to-the-beach-alone-im-tired-of-doing-things.1255418 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255418

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