I want to get over female validation, but this whole “build a better life” shit is hard as fuck.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-04-09T15:32:16+00:00

There's nothing wrong with having a little quiet downtime. The point is to find a balance that achieves your long-term goals without burning yourself out. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

norwegiandoggo · 2022-04-09T14:14:12+00:00

If it feels exhausting it's possible that you're doing it for other people, not for yourself. It should start with you. What kind of life do YOU want? Don't do things because a book told you or because you think it will get you women. It seems like the reason for you doing MMA and getting friends is still a path for you to obtain female validation. You're not doing it for you. You're doing it for them.

Skadongle · 2022-04-09T20:11:26+00:00

I too went down the path of self improvement after reading Models, and while I did build a better life for myself than when I started, I never did it with the sole goal of getting female validation.

That said, is my life better now? Yes, 100%. Do I have more success with women than before? Not by a lot. But that's kind of the point that Models drives home, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I was needy as fuck a few years ago, and while noone is ever free from seeking validation (to an extent, it's literally built into our genetic code as social beings), I can say that I don't seek nor care for validation as much as before, by a long shot.

RedditTipiak · 2022-04-09T20:20:24+00:00

It's a matter of finding the proper activities.
You're right about video games, they exist mostly to kill time.
Respectfully and being aware I don't you, I would say that based on what I can read, your current issue is finding the proper activities and hobbies that hit the sweet spot affordable/makes me feel good regardless of seduction/useful for seduction.

This is the real game, this is the real quest. Finding a bunch of activities you do love to expand your zone of comfort and own internal validation.

So.... we could go over some basics from there... do you like to read and what? what do you do for a living? when not on video games, how do you invest your time? [no right or wrong answer]

invaderjif · 2022-04-09T16:21:19+00:00

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king_wizard_rob · 2022-04-09T20:06:45+00:00

1/2 // 1/2. Half productive for 2 hours, half fun for 2 hours. Rinse and repeat

epimpstyle · 2022-04-09T19:03:29+00:00

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But_its_not_this_day · 2022-04-09T23:09:08+00:00

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climaxingwalrus · 2022-04-09T19:37:01+00:00

Sounds like burnout. Either that or you dont have your routine down yet, usually takes a month to get into the flow of something. Doing all of those at once does sound exhausting.

focus_flow69 · 2022-04-09T23:11:56+00:00

Do mma cuz you want to, not because you think girls will like it. If you do anything in life solely because you think girls will like it, then you will always be disappoint when one of them doesn't.

If you pursue activities or interests that you genuinely like AND also overlaps with things women would tend to find attractive, that would be much better. This way if a girl doesn't care about it, you still enjoy it and do it for yourself so it doesn't matter.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-09T14:52:00+00:00

I think this is the wrong way to do it. Guys think they have to be these perfect divine beings with perfectly positive thoughts and perfect lives just to attract some bar skank. It's just another play on "I'm not good enough as I am" so this belief tricks you into thinking your life has to perfect in order for you to be good enough. The core issue is still "I'm not okay, I'm not enough, women won't love me for who I am". Then you see unemployed high drama dudes land hot girls and none of your build your life, be your best self mumbo jumbo makes any sense.

You really need to completely change your world view paradigm. In my world, I see men as being at the top. We call the shots, we choose, we are the true prize. That doesn't apply to everyone of course, but you can see on real life how alpha males are pursued and women will do anything to be wjth their alpha while hordes and hordes of betas have to scrape the bottom for any female attention.

What sets these guys apart? They believe they are the prize just for being men. That's right! Just for being men. Why? Think about why women need men. Protection, someone to tell them what to do, someone to meet their emotional needs, someone to lead them, someone to make decisions for them, someone they can take care of, someone they can please.

Women are here to please men. Period. You don't need to have a perfect life so you can please women and have them choose you. That's a beta strategy that barely works.

But what makes you an alpha male? Honestly, it's the ability to take charge. Start practicing making snap decisions. Be decisive. Don't waffle. If you are thinking of hanging out wjth friends, don't go into "should we go to Bar A, what do you guys want to do, feel like beer or cocktails???". Blah blah blah. Make a decision. Tell your group of friends - happy hour this Thursday at Bar Lotus. Bring your cute ass over.

If you and your girlfriend are hungry don't ask her what do you want to eat honey. Say "I feel like pizza, let's go to Sbarros". Don't ask women what they want to do, decide for them. The only question you should ask a woman is "what do you think?", because let's face it no guy cares about what women think. If you are interested in her, she will love you. But you need to make decisions. For everything. Take full responsibility.

What's the other thing that makes you an alpha? Respect. Being respected by others and never tolerating disrespect. If a woman treats you like a child (mothers you) or lik you are stupid, you need to call her out on it right away. Tell her next time she will be out of the door. Don't make empty threats you are not prepared to carry out. But if you don't teach her to respect you, she will walk all over you and you will feel like shit. Standing up for yourself, will earn your own self respect and you will feel great.

That's all women are liking for. Someone to take the lead and make decisions for them and someone they can respect/look up to.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-04-10T01:57:29+00:00

Keep putting in the work bro, 💪

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2022-04-10T13:31:24+00:00

Yeah its hard but once you get it and understand it, it becomes easier and life really does fall together

Y615 · 2022-04-09T16:00:41+00:00

See this is the main threshold point...do not give up now.

Just a few more days of grinding and that will put you into that mindset.You just came out of that loser mindset and seems like you're missing it.

Just go on for a week or two and you'll laugh at this post.

MisterGriever · 2022-04-09T18:06:52+00:00

Can I suggest just doing drugs instead of working so hard?

epimpstyle · 2022-04-09T21:51:55+00:00

From my point of view investing in yourself is a must but no exaggeration. Have a nice haircut, nice clothes (not expensive), smell good, be clean etc this is investing in yourself.

Going to the gym is perfect for your health, but starting MMA is useless, how sexy do you look with a hunted eye or broken lips/nose... MMA is to impress other guys, not the girls. Also, MMA might cause you a bunch of problems if you slap a weak guy and he falls down and broke his hand (don't even say about a broken head on the ground from a slap).

Do not exaggerate with anything and you are good, better focus on telling to ladies some interesting stories, and some nice jokes, make them laugh and they won't forget you (do not exaggerate with jokes otherwise you will become a clown).

Xlino1 · 2022-04-09T20:17:40+00:00

Hate to break it to you, but there is no turning back. With great power comes great responsibility, after all.

blackopsplayer5 · 2022-04-09T22:27:11+00:00

Hey i’m going to be honest it’s easier to be a pos slob and leech off attractive girls for societal validation while pushing them down your life would even be happier because it’s less work but be honest with yourself, you’ll always have that empty feeling that you’re not doing what you should that you were taught, like you’d be letting yourself down. If you’re reading this saying wtf i don’t feel that then fair enough you’re just not getting invited to my bday party. We’re renting a pony.

But on a serious note, life is supposed to be fun and enjoyable which is what you should be moving towards, enjoyable for the people around you who are good to you too.

2022-04-10T00:41:32+00:00

I personally cut out all the things that distract me from my work and good habits. I don’t bring my phone to college and study in a library than at home because I know the distraction is too much. Consistency is what actually makes a difference, even if you aren’t excellent every single time it beats not doing anything. Time on its own will make the change. Also, you’ll struggle to juggle many things at once; I’m going for my karate black belt, working out with bodybuilding and running, which is both going really well, but my A Levels are now struggling and I’m trying to do too much at once and it burns you out. Make sure not to do that if you can’t help it

Sandvicheater · 2022-04-10T01:56:13+00:00

There's only 3 people I need validation from. The guy who looks back at me in the mirror, God and my cat. I read models too but Mark Manson should've had a chapter about having a "you" day. A day where you're not adding construction materials to your "better life" per say (hitting the gym, getting more education, making more money, etc etc). Like a cheat day during a diet, you gotta have i don't feel like doing shit today and gonna chill.

great_account · 2022-04-10T02:16:31+00:00

Hey you can do both. I do both. Don't stress yourself. Do what feels right.

Drewsef916 · 2022-04-10T02:17:31+00:00

If it wasn't hard ..all the thirsty insecure chodes would not exist and it would just be confident guys with goals and ambition achieving the lifestyle they want.

So be thankful it's hard so that when you make the consistent effort and gain the discipline to do it and stick to it over time, you will stand out

parodg15 · 2022-04-10T02:29:40+00:00

Nothing wrong with a little balance.

StaticNocturne · 2022-04-10T03:17:37+00:00

Your not a hamster on a wheel, so only do what's sustainable.

Life's to be enjoyed, and setting all these conditions for enjoyment seems counterproductive

Self compassion involves being firm on yourself but kind enough as well

If you want to spend a weekend playing video games, why not?

2022-04-10T03:28:13+00:00

Keep working, bro. You can build abundance in all areas of life by simply putting your head down and continuing to work. Continuing to do the things that you mentioned you're doing. It's easy to find separation amongst men because a lot of men don't want the work.

StudentOfLife1992 · 2022-04-10T10:56:12+00:00

You actually think you are going to have a fulfilling life, having a successful career that you enjoy and meeting the woman of your life, by not doing anything and just playing video games?

JDCalifornia19 · 2022-04-11T00:54:11+00:00

Doesn’t have to be one or the other! Don’t push yourself too hard with new lifestyle changes, and remember that you’re in this for YOU. Big life chances take time, so make sure you enjoy the journey and make time for self care!

Machielove · 2022-04-11T16:54:10+00:00

Build better life shit?! So you don't want a better life which does not depend on girls validation for happiness? It makes you less needy and more interesting . Sure it isn't the only thing you should do anyway if you only want to get laid you will notice it will not make you fulfilled or even make you feel bad in the end think we all want one great girl woman who supports and is there for us love is what you want or reproduce, spread the genes. What this writer means is that rehearsed tricks might work in the short term they are still just a front like hiding your neediness.

Be like that guy at the beginning just having fun with his friends not caring what others think especially girls. Girls start to show interest if you like them casually asking them on a date going somewhere near where you live, a park or a field or something and if you like her enough they can tag along with what you were already going to do in your interesting life. So go do what you always wanted to do or become, make your life about you not about what girls want that is not all that important as long as they see your passionate about what your doing…

ace_qk · 2022-04-13T08:27:41+00:00

Fall in love with the grind

Title	I want to get over female validation, but this whole “build a better life” shit is hard as fuck.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	306
Comments	106
Date	April 9, 2022 2:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tztys9/i_want_to_get_over_female_validation_but_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-want-to-get-over-female-validation-but-this.1262524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1262524

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