[India] my therapist just told me that cold approaches don't work in this society

Therocksays2020 · 2021-11-29T11:01:37+00:00

I’m not India but in general just telling a girl she is cute is not a great conversation starter. Build some rapport.

omanisherin · 2021-11-29T12:36:47+00:00

Also "You look cute" is some lazy game. Never lead with a compliment about a girls looks, you immediately give them the skeevies. Try asking a question about what's good on the menu or ask about something local that you are not sure about. Try to break the ice without alluding to her that you want to get in her pants.

CrayBear4364 · 2021-11-29T11:21:09+00:00

I’m an Indian girl and I think it depends on the individual and a lot of external factors like time of day, location, whether I’m alone, etc. But I’d definitely be more comfortable if you’d start on a more neutral level, hold a short conversation before you slip in compliments.

BluePsychosisDude2 · 2021-11-29T13:43:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Hooosreddit · 2021-11-29T12:07:06+00:00

So let me recap.

You work there and as an employee you comment on your customers cuteness?

That has nothing to do with being in India.

I don't know India but I do believe that getting to know someone you haven't met before is possible in every culture.

Complimenting someone with some dubious intention however is not likely to work.

SupremePlayer · 2021-11-29T12:27:51+00:00

Actually true. I'm from India and cold approach is not effective here. Social circle game is much better. Because women Don't talk to strangers and give numbers easily and we are conservative society. And climate of India political and socially doesn't support this method.

oceanstwelve · 2021-11-29T15:14:00+00:00

fellow indian guy here.

yeah that was stupid lol. it would have been a crazy story if it worked. annyway many fellow redditors have given good comments on the matter.

but yeah bottom line. cold approaches are nigh impossible in india. unless there is some genuine eye contact. or you and a girl have seen each other a couple of times in the same public space.

inner game works superb in india though. just having a presence of a guy that a girl would be genuinely interested in. and then making a neutral approach. any normal excuse to talk to. and you would be able to understand whether girl has any remote interest and continue from there.

ofcourse inner game is years in making and practically a lifestyle.

remember dont take it personally either. most of north india , rather whole india in general is fucked up because 80% of guys simply dont know how to behave with women even after befriending them and entering relationships, causing all women to practically live in constant self-defence.

i have some good extremely open minded and friendly female friends and even they would become frozen at cold approaches and put on their battle armor. sad truth ofcurrent india

willgo-waggins · 2021-11-29T15:57:34+00:00

Cold approaches almost never work that’s a myth. Getting laid a lot isn’t by approaching any woman you see it’s about having women give you the attention.

cheesekneesandpeas · 2021-11-29T13:39:51+00:00

I’m Indian American but I feel like walking up to a girl and saying she’s cute would be weird in any culture.

getting-harder · 2021-11-29T13:53:37+00:00

I'd strongly advise against forming opinions based on one interaction.

I'm from India and I've cold approached a couple of girls in 2018. Trust me, I've received the most positive responses from the ones who seemed the most out of my league. Ended up dating one of them as well.

You use the exact same line with the exact same tone on 5 more girls, and I guarantee you'll be surprised by the results.

magnateur · 2021-11-29T16:04:24+00:00

For women, at least from my females friends perspective, getting hit on by strangers is for the majority of the time unwanted. However getting hit on by someone you at least knownin some matter is taken more positively because they know you somewhat as a person and not just a something nice to look at. Cold approaches is just having interest in someone for how they look, and for most people they wont go out of a dare with someone they know nothing about.

Aquix · 2021-11-29T13:53:22+00:00

Don't take dating advice from women.
Cold approach and the principles of attraction work everywhere, including places like India.
Most therapists don't know shit about pickup, seduction, and mating strategies used by humans. Do you think material like what you might find in RSD is taught in any of their undergrad courses? Therapy is important, and you should keep doing that, but understand the limitations of the person you are getting advice from.

I'm speaking from experience, as I did cold approach in India while I lived there. It wasn't as easy as in other countries that I've lived in, but it was certainly beneficial (many successes) and is an untapped resource. Way less competition because most guys are terrified to do it.

Just use common sense and some caution while approaching (be wary of women walking around with their brothers/male family members as things can easily get violent there. There's always some risk involved (more so than in western countries) but so long as you are aware of your surroundings and understand how to take a "no", then you're gucci.

Girls aren't as scared of you as you might think. Does "continue your work" come across as something a scared person would say? Just remember this: girls want to fuck just as much as you do (maybe more). If they aren't attracted to you, they'll reject you. If your body language is good (you can watch some videos on how to stop/approach on the street for some examples), you don't have to be too worried about them getting scared - plus you can always relieve that tension by expressing your intent. They'll just ignore you or tell you to go away if they aren't interested, and that's fine. But you'll eventually find some that are attracted to you, and then you'll wonder why you didn't do all of this way earlier.

VDKay · 2021-11-29T14:01:55+00:00

Don't listen to advice from girls. They have good intention, but it won't help you. If you really need to take lessons from girls, see and analyze their actions instead
If your therapist is a girl and/or not specialized to deal with love-challenged men and efficient flirting, their advice could be equally worthless. They could help you with dealing with the emotional aftermath, but advice on the process itself could even have negative effect.
As others said, random compliments won't work on western girls either. You have to be unique, catch their eye and make them comfortable in order for this to work. There are 2 major fundamental forces at play when flirting with strangers: Attraction and Comfort. Only having one is not enough. You must have both. What is considered attractive or how you can make a girl comfortable could be mildly-to-moderatelly related with cultural norms, but the fundamentals are the same.

SupremePlayer · 2021-11-29T12:02:09+00:00

As an American girl who only hears/ reads about scary news regarding girls in India- maybe she was frightened by you or didn’t want your attention. I’ve read about girls getting gang raped for no reason or because they reject someone and maybe it’s just the American news that portrays India as dangerous for girls - but it’s her right to carry on with her day without unwanted advances.

ChutiyaChutney420 · 2021-11-29T12:54:35+00:00

I'm an Indian and bruh giving girls compliments as the only ice breaker obviously won't get you much far, maybe have a small conversation and end it with a compliment and decisive plan like a date if she's reciprocating well

SithLordJediMaster · 2021-11-29T16:05:39+00:00

Openers:
-"Hi" and smile.
-"I noticed you when I walked in and wanted to talk to you."
Closers:
- You:"What's your schedule like for the week?"
Her: Well I'm have work until XXXX time and school on this day."
You: You should join me for XXXX on this day.
-Its important that you say this line just like that. Tell her that your going somewhere
and she should JOIN you. This implies that you already had plans to go regardless of whether
she goes or not. This works much better than, "will you go out with me on Tuesday??" That's
the wussy way, your asking for her persmission.

taxthebigcorps · 2021-11-29T17:28:45+00:00

Indian woman here. Someone tried to do this to me in a metro station. I have barely ever been more alert because i was worried he will follow me. Please don't do this.

2021-11-29T18:42:48+00:00

As a person who has lived in india in the past and now lives in a first world country, approaching and flirting in india has to be way more subtle and you've gotta get to know the girl first. cold approaches really don;t work well unless you bougie, dressed bougie, smell good, and are beautiful in general. The less bougie population **will not** be open minded like that (with a probability of 99%). I know some random mf in the chat is gonna point out im a middle class person and i don't believe that and some other random bullshit, but the irony is that it **is** a fact that chivalry in the indian culture isn't as open as in the other first world countries and most people in general will look down on you as a slut so its better to build your social circle. its always better if you are introduced by friends or get to know each other at a party.

daddysgotanew · 2021-11-29T21:15:19+00:00

Nothing works if you’re ugly (90+ percent of men). If you don’t have women approaching you constantly to the the point where you would have to beat them off with a stick, you’re ugly. Sorry but that’s the truth

2021-11-29T16:28:42+00:00

Don’t listen to all these haters. I’m Indian but born and raised and live in America and most girls are very appreciative here if you open them directly with a compliment like “hey I know this is random but I just thought you were cute and wanted to come introduce myself to you.” As long as you aren’t creepy or aggressive. In fact I think it’s the best opener if you’re a beginner who’s new to picking up girls as a lot of times beginners don’t have the conversation skills and flirtation abilities to be successful with the indirect approach and it will often go nowhere or will get you friendzoned. When you open directly with a compliment, many times you will get the date with the girl just off your boldness and sticking out from the crowd, since most guys try to approach with some lame opinion openers or some other super indirect approach instead of just getting to the point.

lancer000 · 2021-11-29T11:28:22+00:00

I am from India and I can tell you that your therapist is wrong. It must've been something else that caused you to receive such a result.

the_bruce_wanye · 2021-11-29T13:32:10+00:00

(Indian)(M) advice: change your therapist, if he didn’t have any success in cold approaches it doesn’t me that it doesn’t work And I am not saying out of blue, I have success with cold approaches, and it works And yes as your therapist says “some” girls get sacred when you give them compliments, but then again there are a thousands of girls who give you a very good reaction

diegggs94 · 2021-11-29T14:52:15+00:00

I will say there’s a big issue of more men in India than women which can cause problems and the fact that India is still very patriarchal and has issues with violence against women. Can be said for many countries but it is an issue there for sure

sunkized · 2021-11-29T12:25:17+00:00

When men say it I roll my eye's. When it's women I feel flattered.

chet11 · 2021-11-29T13:16:24+00:00

Bruh, Indian culture revolves around arranged marriages and most of their minds are deep wired to think that way as well. At the end of the day, they know deep down that their parents gonna get em married off to someone. And cause of this mindset, the dating scene is outright trash in our country. No one has to put in any effort, both guys and girls. Cause they simply don't have to and all they got to do is sit inside their patents home. Girlfriend of 8 years left me to get married to a stranger as she can't go against her parents wishes. Lol. I stay away from Indian women as far away as possible now. Their priorities and mindset are completely distorted. I'd rather be by myself. But get in proximity with girls within known circles, make friends and that way you'll find women who're dtf.

memenil · 2021-11-29T13:26:42+00:00

Well from an Ind, 20M its all gonna shit if its completely random. Atleast You have to have a connection wid her friends or something else, you can't up a girl randomly in public unless you are in nightclub.

SuaveFuck · 2021-11-29T14:34:04+00:00

telling a girl shes cute is meaningless as telling her she's nice. it will only cater to her ego and wont make her engage anymore. try to say shit that will need a reply and that can start a conversation.

also it of course, in these weird times, might offend her or upset her.

although i really have no idea about india. i know your culture with the caste system is much stricter. but then again, fuck that therapist. cold approach does not work? well even if not, it HELPS you build the confidence! so fuck that clown!

edgynotemo · 2021-11-29T14:37:18+00:00

I'm an Indian girl. If I'm being honest, cold approaches would work only if you're very good looking and even then a direct compliment on looks would certainly creep me out. Outside of nightclubs, be very cautious with approaching girls and do it only if you're good at judging her comfort level (which I doubt you are, tbf).

If you absolutely MUST talk to her, try coming up with some excuse like needing her help for something and try making her laugh. Absolutely do not just go up to anyone and say something which could seem disturbing or confrontational.

Indian men have ruined public spaces for us. If you're constantly on high alert, even otherwise ordinary things would freak you out. Best of luck!

pokemonpokemonmario · 2021-11-29T13:06:51+00:00

Never compliment or validate women. You want them to feel like they have to qualify for your standards not the otherwise round or you will always be on the back foot.

GroundbreakingBus138 · 2021-11-29T11:11:51+00:00

Tell the therapist to fuck off

2021-11-29T13:21:18+00:00

It's less about what you say than how you say it - social intelligence, empathy, ability to understand situations and switch perspectives. The harder the conditions are (e.g. because of the culture) the more this is true.

Weridthoughts · 2021-11-29T19:21:51+00:00

Okay! I am an Indian girl so I think I can answer your question, It really depends on the settings but it is straight up creepy to me if someone says I am cute without saying hi, what's up, etc because I have to be aware about my surroundings every single time so that some random dude don't use the opportunity to harass me. Also, in India we have a school system where both of the gender usually don't get to have interaction because if a girl and a boy are friend they will have something more than it kind of mentality, because of this usually there are more girls group and boys group because of that it's just unknown how should a person in India should talk to another gender. Like if I like a guy and tell him you look hot, beautiful,etc he maybe straight up hate me,or judge me But the thing is IDK WHY ARE WE SUCH A CRAZY SOCIETY WHEN IT COMES TO DATING I MEAN there are 1.2 billions of us, so there is definitely something going on.

adventure_lsd · 2021-11-29T12:03:33+00:00

Your therapist is a dumb fuck. I pickup girls almost any time I want in India it’s just about the way you approach them. And let me destroy your myth that Girls in India are alert but disappointed too that a guy didn’t approach them and talked to her. Stop spending your hard earned money on some dumbass therapist and stop being a beta.

xiii--iiix · 2021-11-29T17:39:37+00:00

I’m a straight white cis male from the deep American south. I’ve spent a lot of time dealing with some awful men. The kind of “toxic masculinity” that people often mention. Seen every level of sexism just by virtue of where I live. But I have NEVER seen sexism and abuse towards women like I did in India. Never imagined it could get that bad.
If she’s not responding to you hitting on her…. It might be because she’s scared you might start hitting on her.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2021-11-29T12:45:01+00:00

If cold approach didn't work in India, India would not have such a large population. Your therapist is full of shit. You just got unlucky

GroundbreakingBus138 · 2021-11-29T11:11:02+00:00

Its a miserable sociopathic society......

Puzzleheaded-Job-936 · 2021-11-29T15:15:26+00:00

Ask him about what Mary Kay Multilevel marketing did in the country of India lol. Nothing but cold approaches and they built a MASSIVE brand.

But yah, you gotta be a little smoother than "you're cute" but it works.

LandscapeClear1630 · 2021-11-29T15:50:57+00:00

So, imagine Leonardo DiCaprio were seated next to her and would have said the exact same words you did to her.

What do you think her reaction would have been?

The problem was your approach, she was obvsiouly not attracted to you, and you didn't do anything to convey any attractive characteristics.

BlisteringSeafood · 2021-11-29T16:42:52+00:00

2021, don't start with you looked cute

willgo-waggins · 2021-11-29T17:27:35+00:00

You are in a society that still predominantly had arranged marriages.

So I would say since you are there and a part of that society, you should be able to see your own answer there. She is likely either already promised or afraid of a beating from her father.

giraffes_are_cool33 · 2021-11-29T17:31:47+00:00

Unlike what romance movies try to tell you, cold approaches are the worst. Indian or not Indian. I'm deeply creeped out by random comments and approaches from men that I don't know.

Raging-dragon10 · 2021-11-29T18:31:18+00:00

I have cold approached many Indian women in India. I agree its tough, at the end it's still numbers game. But sometimes cold approach works. Depends upon lots of factors: your looks, voice tone, language, accent, dress, location, time, girl, mood of the girl etc etc. The most important factors are good looks, confident body language. I repeat body language and eye contact are very important. I look good ( muscular physique), have good experience, game and confidence. Out of all my cold approaches, 90% of the women interacted well with me / good responses, few got scared, few gave their contact numbers. So yes cold approach works in India.

2021-11-29T19:01:22+00:00

Girls hear this shit all day every day. It’s not just India, my guy.

Awesomeliveroflife · 2021-11-29T19:11:40+00:00

Yeah because south Asian men have really ruined themselves watching false love stories and narratives in Bollywood movies and tv. Most of us don’t understand consent properly and also are hopeless romantics. like wtf would you do if an average looking girl came up to you and said you’re cute. be honest. Only if the girl was unbearably attractive then you’d say thanks and move forwards.

Build rapport and get hobbies, go to group hobbies, gym and stuff that will give the women an idea that you’re not a complete stranger in an uncontrolled environment.

Hariharan_VN · 2021-11-29T19:14:11+00:00

I'm Indian I would start Hey you look like someone I knew And started asking where she lived before This works most time

AbraxasM · 2021-11-29T19:35:19+00:00

Yes it is off putting.

NickKom97 · 2021-11-29T20:45:24+00:00

Look, in all honesty, it really depends man. First of all you need to have some eye contact going on and be able to read if someone is actually interested or not. Then you CAN open a cold approach kind of like that BUT you CANNOT stay there. For example, my way of doing cold approaches which actually surprisingly works is:

1) get some eye contact going on. If she doesn't look around and is only interested in her friends/work/book/etc then 9/10 times she does not want to meet someone in that particular situation. If she does, but she doesn't maintain even the slightest bit of eye contact with you, then she is either a) not into you or b) very shy and a cold approach will be overwhelming for her

2) IF you think she is actually interested, then you go for it. Walk up to her with appropriate body language, confident but don't look like an asshole who thinks he is the most badass ALphA MaLE on the planet.

3) Once you are near her, tell her something like "Hey, excuse me for interrupting you. Look,i really hate beating around the bush and stuff but i saw you from over there and i really like you. So i was wondering if you would like us to get to know each other a bit more"

4)If she is positive, then introduce yourself and start any kind of conversation you want really, from where you both live/are from to asking for information about the area,etc. DONT just say she is cute, appearance is waaay too shallow, by saying you like HER you mean you like her appearance but also her vibe/attitude/etc.

5) For the love of god don't stay for more than 5 minutes (unless you can set up an instant date right then and there, which is something i haven't managed myself yet.) After that, say something like "It was nice meeting you but i don't wanna distract you from insert what she was doing before and i should go back to my work/friends/whatever. Would you like to stay in contact so we could go out for a coffee or something one of these days?"

And that's it really. Straightforward and honest, does the job quite well if you are not really socially awkward and it works mostly with people who aren't way too shy, which for me personally is also a plus. What you need to understand is that you have to be interested in the person behind the appearance and not just treat them as an object for potential sex. If you think like that when you cold approach, women can very easily tell the difference. And that's why simply saying "you are cute" never works.

DISCLAIMER - I do not live in India and i would say i am a rather handsome guy just telling you my personal experience.

Cplpunishment03 · 2021-11-29T21:21:09+00:00

Wrong. Yea you will get some rejections but once you get over that its just a numbers game. The more you play the more you win

account_for_rel · 2021-11-29T22:00:11+00:00

"you're cute" wont work in US either. Talk about weather, what coffee they're drinking, what book they're reading etc. See the chemistry, if they're interested, they ll show it.

And granted, india is a more conservative society, so girls could be on the edge, relative to other societies. But worth a shot.

JureZidar · 2021-11-29T22:28:24+00:00

so meeting new people doesnt get you new girls haha wut

Title	[India] my therapist just told me that cold approaches don't work in this society
Author	nag1878
Upvotes	342
Comments	133
Date	November 29, 2021 10:50 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r4tato/india_my_therapist_just_told_me_that_cold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/india-my-therapist-just-told-me-that-cold.1271567 https://theredarchive.com/post/1271567

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