Being called husband material is insulting to me. I don't want to be the boring guy you settle down with, I want to be the fun guy you screw around with. Guys who have changed themselves to this type, what advice can you give me?

theseoulplayer · 2021-06-11T05:23:19+00:00

I had issues with this before as well, but what I realized was that every time a girl was telling me I was husband material, she was telling me I cared too much about what she thought and I was too careful with my words. In essence, she told me I was censoring myself for her benefit, which is what a "good husband" would do.

Once I realized that this was as much of an insult as I felt it to be, I changed entirely. I stopped censoring myself. I would be unapologetically sexual, playful, brash, and cheeky... but never rude or gross. That's a tough distinction to explain here, but if you get it then you get it. I went full playboy for several years, which helped me build the confidence I needed to balance the two sides of myself well.

Now I walk a line between playboy and husband material, very playful and open, sexually charged but not full-on fuckboi. It tends to work very well with the types of girls I prefer because it mixes the two styles and leaves them confused about what I am and what they can do with me... meaning that I ultimately get to make the decision and she's comfortable with it no matter what.

You'll need to experiment to find what works best for your own style, but don't ever be afraid to try something new or drop what you've been doing before. Losing a girl because you tried something new is way better than losing all the girls because you stuck with what didn't work.

Lazlo25 · 2021-06-10T23:32:50+00:00

This was big for me in the past. The best advice I can give is to give yourself permission to be “that guy”. Like, the guy who’s unapologetically sexual, the guy who doesn’t take girls too seriously. I feel like “be yourself” is such bad advice, because if you’re not happy with your results, you’re missing something. So you don’t have to become a full on fuckboi, but try to adopt some of the mindsets and things they do that bring success.

I’m really not sure how severe your style or habit changes are that they get hate from your family, but as for me, I didn’t really change my habits majorly (other than in interactions with girls specifically) and I’ve always been into improving my style. I got a bit of mocking from my siblings when I stopped speaking so quickly and excitedly and slowed everything down, but after a while they just stopped caring.

At the end of the day, what really matters is becoming more unapologetically flirtatious and sexual with girls. However, the goal would be to work to make that an authentic part of your personality as well.

mph99999 · 2021-06-10T23:03:45+00:00

You said that it's about yout ego in the other comment, a big ego is expensive for your happiness if you have no awesome talents.
The fact that you're not the first choice has not anything to do with your personality, it has to do with your looks, voice, all the things that you have little control. Having a good personality is a plus, but our primal brains don't care about personality when thinking about sex.

You are young, work with the things you can control.

FuegoNegr0 · 2021-06-10T22:52:09+00:00

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Oh_Debussy · 2021-06-10T22:47:42+00:00

I'm kinda the same but I'm slowly learning to live with it. It's hard seeing my mates get girls and get done with them so quickly but I've come to realize that it's just who I am. I kinda get jealous when my friends tell me of their escapades like how do you guys do it? I read a lot of content on here but at the end of the day it's just not who I am to "play" girls. Maybe it's because I'm too honest with women and don't try to play them they see me as a safe option but I don't mind. I am who I am.

One day you'll meet someone who will make you feel like a player. Just keep doing you.

GracieFairmont86 · 2021-06-11T03:30:15+00:00

So many times I have gotten close to attractive women but couldn't seal the deal, and some would even tell me that it is because I am not expendable and they dont want me to feel disrespected when they go out and do their own thing. "You are boyfriend material, these guys I mess with are expendable."

Fuck that. I dont want to wait x amount of years for a woman to seek me for a relationship when she decides to call it quits on the plate spinning lifestyle, i want to be the plate that gets spun. I dont want to be husband material, I want to be the mistake the girl made the night before while some simp hoping to date her was wondering what she was up too.

I found that being an asshole doesn't work for me because it is against my genuine nature. I really didnt change how I treated the women, I just injected a sexual edge into my dialog, i reverse the frame and claim they cant get this even if they wanted it, then they magically want it, and I stopped asking about their conquests, showing I'm more secure in my skin. I still get the husband material stuff but the difference is now I can claim benefits with female friends.

fantasticallynobody · 2021-06-11T00:14:44+00:00

Dude, the thing that really attracts girls is just being yourself and saying fuck what anybody else thinks or says. Don't try to change who you are just to attract someone else, fit in, etc. Trust me, it will eventually make you internally unhappy because you are not being true to who you naturally are, or it will be noticeable that you're not genuine and it will come off the wrong way to the person your trying to act that way for in the first place.

The age your at can be difficult because you want to fit in and figure out who you are. Being honest with yourself and having that internal confidence of knowing what you want will be extremely attractive to quality people that will be there for you through your highs and lows, and it won't sacrifice your true character.

It may seem like those fuk boi's are having fun, but it is temporary and lacks sustenance. Those dudes become used up and hollow inside because they lived their lives for other shallow people.

Be you and the right one will eventually come along and it will be way more fulfilling than any one night stand that you had to pretend to be someone else for.

theselfreliantman · 2021-06-11T02:56:11+00:00

There are some good comments here but i'll add my .02 as I REALLY struggled with this.

It boils down to how accommodating your are of her feelings/mood/state.

That's it man. It's the 'criteria' that women subconsciously use to put guys into the 'reliable' box and 'fun' box.

Nice guys and boyfriends care deeply about what their lady is feeling and want to accommodate her. The bartender with tattoos she bangs does not really care about changing his behavior so she is more comfortable/happy/satisfied etc.

This is where most guys jump to the conclusion that they must be a narcissistic asshole in order to show that they aren't going to play into a girl's script. Not so my friend.

You don't need to 'play at masculinity', or fake a cocky vibe. You simply need to figure out what the hell you want out of life (and your experiences with women), and uncompromisingly go for that.

Masculine energy is direction. It's moving towards what you want without a ton of regard to opposition. Now of course there are exceptions (you can't steal, sexually assault etc. don't cancel me just yet!), but make your intentions known and don't waiver from them if you get a bad response from the girl.

The nice guy takes her out for a drink, makes sure to avoid confrontation in the conversation, and then hopes to escalate things later on. The dude you want to be, can still take her out, but he's going to grin at her and cheekily suggest that you two skip the fake pleasantries and just go back to your place.

*Note* in the abovce example 98% of girls will technically 'reject' a proposition like that. But you better believe the message of which type of guy you are is communicated... and if she just so happens to be looking for that guy, she'll get turned on.

2021-06-11T03:54:55+00:00

Fill your pockets with beans. That way, if you ever get in a situation where you need beans to have fun, you can save the day and look prepared while everyone else forgot their beans.

2021-06-11T06:24:05+00:00

Wrong women

RedLantern- · 2021-06-11T02:09:07+00:00

Anyone else who feels the same...dm me

Mob_Rules1994 · 2021-06-11T04:43:56+00:00

What's wrong with being both? Diversify your portfolio for a more robust resume

xxshidoshi · 2021-06-11T05:27:45+00:00

Ah I don’t know I could have pretty good fun with a guy who is husband material. I’ve probably only complimented one guy with that and he was the most amazing person I ever met. I’m sorry those girls did not want to go any further though it totally sucks :( not everyone is the same and hopefully you’ll find the right one.

Stop letting your family out you down, not all family wants to see you succeed and remember that. Be confident in yourself and dress in your style, ignore people who try and put you down and strive for yourself !!

sabanMiles11 · 2021-06-11T06:08:30+00:00

I got jacked and am pretty obnoxious about showing it off. Shirtless whenever possible. Dress douchey, though tbh, I always wanted to dress the way I do now but was worried about what people say. Cut off shirts, short shorts, baseball hats, obnoxious socks, Etc. Some girls call me a fuck boy or fratty thinking they are insulting me. They do not realize that it is quite literally the biggest compliment a man can get. I’m actually not a fuck boy, but the fact that in their head I am means that I’m not viewed as “husband” material

FuegoNegr0 · 2021-06-11T06:13:32+00:00

Be unapologetically flirtatious and have an abundance mindset, if you get rejected, you didn’t lose her. She lost you.

muff_marauder · 2021-06-11T06:17:18+00:00

Went from zero to hero in late high school... lived it up through H.S. senior year, all of college, and two years after college.

It takes an insane amount of work physically, psychologically, and after university, financially, to do what you do. That's why women want those types of men so bad.

But it's definitely not lonely at the top! You will be SHOCKED how often women through themselves at you... and how easy it is to get what you want. But never stick your dick in crazy or have kids or get married.

You need to watch all three seasons of the American reality show "Temptation Island". Be like David in season two... he's awesome.

Vangelis76 · 2021-06-11T06:26:05+00:00

Just imagine looking at the future version of yourself. What do you see? How is he better evolved and capable of being that guy who finds it so easy to attract women who are willing to sleep with you. That guy who makes his intentions clear from the beginning of the conversation.
You see, women are instantly turned on by guys who exude masculine energy. The nice guy who is attentive and supportive and is too keen on being that couch therapist for emotional support, gives off a more feminine trait or quality. That basically lands a guy in the friends zone. Women tend to get turned when you act like you're on a mission to attaining what you are after. So if no strings attached fun is what you are looking for, make that clear early on. That's being authentic. It's better get rejected than waste days talking as this nice guy and get friend zoned anyway.

More than anything, focus on attaining big goals. Your needs first! Don't compare your success with women vs friends or etc. Eat healthy, work out or do other activities that help you feel and look better. Women are into confident masculine high value guy. Humor can also go a long way.
At the end, nothing beats the power of real life experiences. The more you get yourself out there, the better you'll get at it. We learn tons from our mistakes. All successful high achieving people have failed many times before succeeding.

primallyours · 2021-06-11T06:35:25+00:00

I’d say stick to your guns but I also suspect you’re probably not being assertive enough in general, as evidenced by the last part of your post.

I used to get the same shit in my late teens/early twenties and was equally frustrated which is one of the main reasons I dated mostly older women (I’m an old soul to boot) during that time. One of ‘em told me my stock would rise as time went on cos that’s what women want once they figure shit out. It didn’t comfort me at the time but boy did it turn out to be true.

I still would’ve benefitted by being more bold and assertive at the time and that’s personal development issue which is a proactive thing. Shoot your shot from all the angles and find tune your proactive game and you’ll get enough play now and still have longevity.

maxwilliams11 · 2021-06-11T08:01:41+00:00

That means you’re ugly

33rdMidnight · 2021-06-11T11:16:09+00:00

More than advice This is a reminder to my self as well Play always the bad guy Be as alfa as posible and masculine Let them know with every word you say that if the let you fuck them you are going to blow their minds and the sex is going to be so hot Do it every second of the interaction dont hesitate Even if you think they are losing interest let them Make them feel that if they dont screw with you Youll be just find because THERE ARE OTHER WOMEN RIGHT NEXT WAITING TO BE BLOWN AWAY BY YOU And that is true I have found that when you show intestest but they are reluctant just let them know with a smile that you are not losing and even if you are losing her you just dont care Even if you are dying inside to be with her because she is the most perfect and gorgeous women youll never have a chance ever again to be with Outsite you have to act like you just dont care “So are we doing this or what Because I have places to be” Thats when they know you are the fuckboy they have been waiting for I have seen in their eyes that when I am walking away Thats when they really want to be with me Thing is sometimes you lose and that is find BECAUSE THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER WOMEN RIGHT NEXT…

siren6819 · 2021-06-10T22:51:19+00:00

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dweebken · 2021-06-11T06:13:41+00:00

I've been married for 43 years. It's never boring. If you let it get boring, there's something wrong with you.

Psydanks · 2021-06-11T07:21:06+00:00

Stop being a little bitch

Lazlo25 · 2021-06-10T23:06:52+00:00

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FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-06-11T05:57:27+00:00

That shit aint what you think. Pwoole who look like theyre having a good time all the time are struggling when no one is looking.

macroxela · 2021-06-11T07:11:15+00:00

For men at your age, it can be considered an insult. Most people of all genders your age just want something casual. However, if you're into older women, being 'husband material' will make you much more attractive to them. Know from personal experience.

wallynext · 2021-06-11T06:57:48+00:00

If being called husband material is insulting to you, you are insecure.

Interesting-Brief202 · 2021-06-11T01:43:39+00:00

My advice is go to the gym and limit your calories. If you can get dates but can't get action you are probably a cool guy with a good personality but you aren't HOT. Get HOT and you'll be good.

inchhighgal · 2021-06-11T06:40:07+00:00

You don't want to be the boring guy a woman can settle down with? Hun, women don't want to settle down with a boring guy. Women want to settle down with someone they can have fun with. Maybe you just need to get a different perspective

SamuraiRetainer · 2021-06-11T06:17:25+00:00

Lol 😂 you are just not hot enough bro, deal with it.

youKnowImRightBitch · 2021-06-11T06:34:02+00:00

Full creepy weirdo

DaNiiDuCkZ · 2021-06-11T08:41:18+00:00

So, you're saying. You wanna be the guy that girls use as a fuck toy? Honestly, not attractive. I've known guys who just want sex, will play the field, say what they have to say to get a girl into bed, and do you wanna know what those guys are left with? Nothing. I lived with a guy last year who was exactly like you, he wanted to be seen by the other guys in the house, (mainly my husband, who was once a playboy skank til he met me and I ruined him for life haha!) To be this real confident guy who had his pick of any girl, he could, in his words, "Land any babe" he wanted, he'd have multiple girls come through the house, each with their own obvious issues if they were hooking up with him, and it was just disgusting to see! Honestly, when you get to a certain age, (I am almost 35, I know what I'm talking about) girls want the boring guy, the guy that doesn't go out partying and bringing home sloppy drunk girls, the guy who will absolutely settle down, put a ring on it and commit. I really feel for you if this "I just wanna be the good time guy" is your mindset, because all it's going to amount to is you going home, alone, after yet another one night stand, wishing you could have a meaningful and deep conversation with someone. Honestly, I feel for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being told, "you are husband material", it's a compliment, whoever is telling you that actually sees you as a committed husband, not a philandering dickhead!

Neat_Current7411 · 2021-06-11T04:17:12+00:00

This guy just told what I wanted to .

bandsupjay · 2021-06-11T05:13:08+00:00

Make sure you arent spending any money on her or being nice to her g.

Dilpil01 · 2021-06-11T06:31:42+00:00

It's very simple, those girls view you as boring and just a friend at best. They are not interested in you because you didn't excite them on the date. Don't over think this, it's very simple.

You have to bring humor, excitement, confidence and flirtation to dates. Girls have to feel emotion and a buzz in the air when they are with you. You have to provide this, they won't do it for you. Any guy can be nice, being nice is easy, but it takes work and balls to become charming and authentic.

Xlaythe · 2021-06-11T06:50:56+00:00

You can accept yourself for the way you are, while also having the goal of changing/improving the things you can, and hanging onto/enhancing the positive qualities you already have. People on here talk a lot about working on yourself instead of chasing girls, which there is some truth to, but especially if its in regard to developing a legitimate sense/source of confidence. Also, humor is a ++. I remember some years ago reading some random dating advice thing that stressed humor - learn to be funny. Watch funny things, read books about humor, observe other people when they get laughs, practice it. That ended up being really good advice.

2021-06-11T07:49:24+00:00

Maybe you ahould just have sex withe girl when both drunk. Always works wonders lol

reckollection · 2021-06-11T08:02:12+00:00

I do drugs on the regular and still suffer with this problem, so there's that.

UnparliamentaryTea · 2021-06-11T08:55:44+00:00

I remembered once trying to explain to a friend why her saying something similar was insulting to me (she’d actually tried to phrase it as a compliment), and I realized something that is unspoken. She was talking about how all women want a “relationship guy,” but she was basing this purely on men she was already attracted to and whether they were more short or long-term focused with her. She was assuming that a woman would already be attracted to me, then would deepen her attraction as we grew closer. Women don’t want “husband material,” they want to deepen a relationship with a man they’re already wildly attracted to. They want someone who is attractive, takes no shit, and also likes them back. So yeah, if the woman already wants to hook up with you every night, of course being husband material will make her amenable to actually following through with that. But how do you get there?

I’m not too much older than you, but I think I’ve made the transition you’re describing relatively well, so here’s my advice. 1. Focus on yourself. You’re young and developing in life, and your sole focus should be on your own improvement. Go to the gym, pursue your career and personal development goals, pick up a hobby, whatever. You’re the main character, you should make sure your focus is on yourself and who you want to be. Learn what you want, what you don’t want, and what you’re interested in trying. Say yes to things you want and say hell no to things you don’t. Your time, your efforts, and your desires are all incredibly valuable, so advocate for yourself always and make sure they’re being appreciated. Your friends are telling you to accept yourself, which is a major component of success here as well, but part of true acceptance comes with having the desire to change as well. You will not change overnight (it takes time) and you shouldn’t wish to change everything about yourself. The peak performance version of you and me and everyone else is always going to be different, maintaining your authentic self while improving every day is a worthwhile balance to maintain. 2. Fake it till you make it. Might sound counterintuitive to the last point, but it’s true. Don’t fake a personality or maintain a facade you can’t back up, but think about where you’re going and the person you’re working towards becoming (and already are) and think of how you want to act, then act that way. If you want to be more assertive, start being more assertive right away. Hold your head high and with confidence. Women are attracted to men who know their purpose, who are assertive, and who are confident. Even if you’re inexperienced with women or have zero girls hitting you up, maintain your confidence and women will think you have girls falling over themselves to get to you. 3. Learn to have a genuine curiosity for life and people. Having a zest for life is magnetic. People absolutely love to be around someone who loves their life. Talk to people when you’re interested in something. Be kind and happy to those around you. Now that we’re getting out of COVID times it’ll be easier get out into the world and explore. You can strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere, and you’ll find that a surprising number of these people are excited to talk to you as well. I’m very introverted like you, but I’ve learned that as I get out and talk to people my shyness melts away and I get a lot more confident talking to anyone. When you ask people questions and want to learn more about them, you’ll find that a lot of people open up and will tell you a ton of different things. Same thing goes for women. 4. Be a good guy. Don’t be a pushover, but don’t be a total a-hole either. Having social proof is attractive. If a woman sees you and is intrigued by you and you have 50 people in the room ready to vouch for you, that is always going to help you. Be kind to people you meet and apply #3 here as well. Maintain a spine, you don’t owe everyone all of your time and favors, but try to avoid making enemies. It’s a really small world out there and you always want your first impression to be “hey you should meet jajanken900, he’s an awesome guy” rather than “avoid him like the plague”

Jilluminati1 · 2021-06-11T09:25:44+00:00

Don’t try to act different to get the girl man it’s not natural. The guys that don’t need the girl always get them. Trying to change that mentality will get results and make you happier in general.

2021-06-11T10:35:20+00:00

They’re teasing and mocking you when you begin to try new things because it’s a direct threat to their own sense of self worth and value. If they see you begin to change to improve yourself they won’t like it for that reason, because people don’t like change, they like comfort. As a wise man once said: nobody who did anything worthwhile didn’t have haters. They’re haters for a reason bro. The fact you had resistance should have been a sign that you’re on the right track, all you needed to do was have some balls and say F you, I’m not changing just because of your opinion. You can’t care what others thing mate, honestly. Do you and F what others think or say, it’s your life, enjoy it and do what you need to do to get by and be successful.

Hope that helps 🍻💪🏻

observenlearn1111 · 2021-06-11T11:27:19+00:00

Just pick one who said you're a husband material , ask her out to spend a day with you. Do all the crazy things you want to do. Start with a beer ; and don't be in her favour everytime. Do your own shit if you are confident about the thing you are doing , she'll start enjoying it. Deep down girls desire atleast once to be a see everything on a male perspective.

observenlearn1111 · 2021-06-11T11:29:08+00:00

We tend to smooth as a beginner to make her feel comfortable , but she don't want to be comforted she wants it bad.

Blue_Ducktape · 2021-06-11T11:41:58+00:00

I think it just depends how you present yourself and how the people around you recieve it, I had a girl tell me a couple months ago I reminded her of a camp counselor which I thought was pretty funny considering how I come off to most people. I've been talking to this girl recently though that tells me when I go into her work it's like an event for her coworkers that "mr.gorgeous" is here. I literally haven't changed a damn thing about myself though, sure I'm a good looking 24 year old but one of my eyes hardly works, my lead leg is destroyed from kickboxing and my other is riddled with arthritis so I got this sexy lil limp goin. It's been beaten to death in these dating subs but this shit really is just a numbers game for both guys and girls. Just keep rolling your dice until you're vibing with someone then just try to enjoy their company while you can.

2021-06-11T12:03:32+00:00

I only had to read three lines. Your building to much comfort and not enough arousal. Your husband material, I see you as a brother, let’s just be friends… need I go on.

Things you can change - What is your gym routine? - What is your body fat percentage? - Are you attractive 1 - 10 what would you rate yourself? - What hobbies do you have? (Real hobbies) - What Martial Art are you practising? - How much do you make? $$$

You want the girls to treat you like a hit fun guy, worth throwing caution to wind and risking social stigma and outcasting from her peer group for, ask yourself this first?

Are you worth it for her? Are you a hot dude, that’s super interesting, different from the crowd and worth the potential risk. If your not then why the hell should she, and if your not the guy, then what are you doing to change that.

As for your friends and family trying to shame you or stop you from changing, Be Authentic, Just be yourself, They should only love you for the Real You. More questions, Are any of those people living the life you want? Then why would you listen to them. Is your life giving you the results you want? Then why wouldn’t you change it. It’s your life and you need to give yourself the permission to take, get and have what you want.

Ask me how I know BROTHER, Ask me where I was five years ago. I didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-06-11T12:26:35+00:00

You have the right attitude. Being called a Nice Guy should be taken as a negative, although they likely weren’t trying to insult on purpose. They probably wanted to spare your feelings by saying you were husband material, even though they don’t see you in a sexual manner.

I would say in general you are probably acting more like an agreeable platonic friend, rather than someone who’s sexual and has their own opinions. You can do this without being an overbearing creep, you can express your desire for them in how you look at them, or light, playful touching in the appropriate moment (lightly touching their hands or arms, putting your hand lightly on their back while crossing the street). Lightly teasing them if an awkward moment arises (not the negging PUA shit)

Hopefully that helps some.

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