Had a "bad" night last night. Came home and wrote this in my journal. Finally answers the question of, "why, after years of doing this, am I not getting results?"

——

If you really want something, you have to do what’s necessary to get it.

What do you really want, and do you really want it? Sometimes we tell ourselves we want something, but we’re actually afraid of what we want. Then we get frustrated at not getting what we want, without realizing we don’t want it in the first place.

So what DO you want? Do you REALLY want what you think you want? Don’t picture it as fantasy, picture it as if you had it directly in front of you. Do you WANT that?

A lot of times we find we are afraid of what we think we want.

Once you’ve really looked at what you want, you can decide if you still want it. If you do, you need to take actionable steps to get there. If you fear it, you’ll be unable to take the steps necessary to reach it.

Do I really want hot girls?

I do but I’m afraid of it.

Why?

I’m afraid to escalate – I’m afraid something will happen.

I’m more afraid that something will happen than I am of rejection.

Why are you afraid?

Because I don’t want to have anxiety.

Which is causing me anxiety. I’m in a no-win loop. It gives me anxiety to get hot girls, and it gives me anxiety to not have them. That’s why I’ve never been in a meaningful relationship before.

I’m not willing to take it to the next level. Cause it’s HARD.

But I can do it.

Prove it.

Okay. I love it when I’m myself. And it’s fear preventing that. It’s making a wall between me and myself. And the fear is what’s causing the anxiety and problems in the first place. Fear is not real. Fear is not a reality.

———————— Myself

  ———————— me (w/fear)  Just ask yourself if you want it. And if you want it, then get it. If you don’t want it, why are you causing yourself pain over it? It only makes sense to embrace something you want 100%. Put your best effort forward, no half-assing it due to fear.