Do looks matter?

This is probably my favorite question to see debated on pickup forums. The answer is that looks play a role, but are not necessary and are only rarely sufficient. Understanding the role of looks is pretty simple, about as challenging as figuring out the role of the Thief in Settlers of Catan. Yet, whenever the topic is brought up, without fail there will be people insisting that their unqualified answer of “Yes” or “No” is right. The intensity with which people cling to their monosyllabic answer, and how reliably such zealots show up really makes me worry about the future of the community.

I guess by “favorite question” I really mean the one most likely to result in gray matter smeared across my wall. So, “least favorite question” is what I’m going for there. Either way, here goes…

Neither Necessary Nor Sufficient

Average looking guys can get laid. Ugly guys can get laid. They can get good looking women, not just other similar genetic mishaps. Is it more difficult? Of course. You need a stronger personality and a lot of work on your outer game skills. You’ll also need to open a lot more sets and really play the numbers game. It can be done though, and no, you don’t have to be rich to make up for being ugly …though it doesn’t hurt.

Contrariwise, it’s easier for good looking guys. But, a shitty personality and crippling AA will turn even a really good looking guy into a seduction sideshow.

All this comes with the caveat that a lot depends on the girl. If a girl is extremely shallow, an average looking guy might never have a chance. Numbers game. Don’t waste time wondering “I’m really ugly, how do I get this one girl who only cares about looks?” Forget her, move on.

Face vs. Body vs. Style

Your looks comprise a lot of different concepts which combine to create an entire package. When it comes to the face, there’s not a lot you can do. It’s the one you were born with, and while you can make some minor changes, they’re really more style differences (see below).

[Edit: As pointed out in a comment, you can improve your face through exercise. Lose weight and the fat will come off your face, build muscle and your face will gain a more muscular appearance. Also, drink more water, this will improve your skin and hair quality. The Mayo Clinic says the typical male needs about 3 liters of liquid a day, plus whatever you lose through exercise.]

As for your body, there’s no excuse not to work on it. You know the saying, “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.” Same goes for guys, at least when it comes to your body. And as much as we like to pretend that men are the shallow gender, I’ve never seen guys go crazy for a nice rack the same way women will freak out over six pack abs. Guys will stare, get their buddies to look, and then maybe save it in the spank bank. Women will throw a spontaneous ticker tape parade.

When it comes to style, you need to be congruent to your personality. There are a lot of things that can work. Preppy works for some people, some guys look great in business attire, others can go grungy, or gothy, or hipster. What really makes the difference is being distinctive and good execution. And being “unique” is not the same as distinctive or good execution; it’s often a cop-out people use for having a shitty personal style. Not that you can’t have a unique look that’s great, just that uniqueness doesn’t guarantee that you look good.

I can’t really go much more in to style; it’s a topic that has its own industry. But, I will say that no matter what direction you go in, you always need clothes that fit. And your clothes always fit better when you’re in shape.

Also, hygiene. Do it.

Adjusting Your Game if You’re Ugly

Girls are very conscious about when they’re being judged, and a girl’s friends will judge her for getting with an unattractive guy. So, if you’re not good looking, you’ll need to put in an extra effort to win over her friends.

You need to demonstrate some quality that will allow her to justify getting with you to her friends. She might not ever actually explain it to them, but it’s a concern that’s going to be in the back of her head.

This is essentially her Anti-Slut Defense. You’ve probably heard that there’s a double standard when it comes to have a lot of sexual partners; guys with a lot are studs, while girls with a lot are sluts. That’s false. It’s actually the identity of your partners. A guy who sleeps with a pen of warpigs is a slut; a girl who’s nailed every Hollywood actor playing a sexy vampire or werewolf is a stud. A key that can open any lock is a great key; a lock that can be opened by any key is a terrible lock.

The apparent double standard comes from the presumption that women are attractive and men are not, thus women who sleep around are likely sleeping with a bunch of unattractive partners, and are presumed sluts.

If her friends perceive you as unattractive, then your target will fear being labeled a slut. You need to get them to change their opinion. Once they perceive you as attractive, her ASD will be lessened, or disappear entirely.

Alternatively, you need to work on isolation; get her away from the judgment of her friends. Odds of pulling her from the club that night are going to be low, so you should isolate, #close, and then set up a Day 2.

Also, we tend to change how we perceive people based on whether or not we like them. If you really hate someone, every minor physical flaw will be a hilarious disaster to you. If you like them, you’ll forgive their flaws, and some of them will even become positive traits. Goofy ears on someone you hate are a target of derision, but on a girl you like they become cute. If a girl likes your personality, she will overlook your negative traits and focus on the positive ones.

Adjusting Your Game if You’re Really Good Looking

For the Ryan Goslings of the world, pickup theory can sometimes be 180 degrees off from what you should be doing.

The traditional AFC advice we get from our mothers is to compliment her, buy her flowers, take her out to a nice meal, and supplicate like hell. PUA theory comes along and tells us that these things will just make you look like a chump and she’s going home with the guy who pulled her hair, stole her drink, and asked her if she had any good looking friends he could bang.

But, all that crap your mom told you actually does work if you’re really good looking. Pickup theory works when the girl starts with the assumption that you’re a low value loser she needs to get rid of ASAP. If you’re Prince Charming though, what will work is treating her like a princess.

On the other hand, if Ryan Gosling opens a girl with a neg, he’s going to seem like a complete asshole with some sort of insecurity problems. If you’re a good looking guy and finding this stuff isn’t working for you, try pulling a complete 180.

ONS vs Relationships

Men and women have different views on looks when it comes to length of relationships. These are pretty broad generalizations, and there are tons of counterexamples, but the trends are more or less true. Men will have a one night stand with just about anything, but apply higher standards for forming relationships. Women work the opposite way. For a somewhat prudish woman to have a one night stand, or to have sex on a first date, the guy needs to very attractive. For a relationship though, the role of looks is lessened and she’ll pay more attention to other factors. So, if you’re not very good looking, take things a bit slower. Looks are a feature that is conveyed instantaneously, while personality takes some time. Don’t be afraid to escalate slower. Does this mean you should never try to pull a girl from the club the night you met her? No. If that’s what you really want, then go for it. But, you’ll find more success playing the game rather than fighting it.

Last Word on Looks

Even if you think looks are just a very small part of the equation, why would you not work on improving them?

And even if you are irreparably ugly, are you going to let that mean you won’t ever approach a girl? Having a tougher road ahead of you is no reason not to start walking.

Other Billy Guides: Approaching, Approach Anxiety, Kissing the Girl, and Neg Hits, Text Game