Social life based completely on drinking. How to quit?

ghlibisk · 2013-12-27T14:31:45+00:00

Switch to beer. I find it incredibly hard to black out drinking just beer in a given night; the sheer physics of forcing that much liquid into my gullet prevents it from happening.

CrJenkins14 · 2013-12-27T15:36:49+00:00

I agree with everything that's been said as far as changing your lifestyle, etc. You may very well have a problem.

But on the other hand, it is possible to continue drinking without blacking out. It has to do with a lot of factors. When I was a freshman in college I had my own house. This led to a large social circle too. Fraternity parties and weekday keggers led to many blackouts. I was young, I was excited. I was high on life and so were all of my friends.

I never got a DUI, never got robbed, or anything. But I knew that, deep down, I was making a fool of myself. When you're the life of the party and you know kids in every one of your classes, life is good. But I knew it wasn't actually anything worth being proud of, so I slowed down.

Fast forward to 23-year old me and I don't get blackout drunk very easily. I can remember names, hold conversations with women, and have a great time at family and work functions without anybody looking twice.

My point is that a lot of it was maturity and not letting myself get out of control. Ever been to a concert, ball game or something naturally exciting? Have you ever gotten drunk at these events much quicker? It happens more often than you think.

andzie · 2013-12-27T13:56:01+00:00

I was in the exact same position and decided to quit drinkning. All you have to do is to avoid/reduce amount of parties where drinking is the only activity unless you physically require alcohol in your system (in which case you should consult a specialist). Gotta say that in my case quitting wasn't the best decision I've ever made because my social circle definitely got smaller, but on the other hand why would you need a friend that only has drinking in common with you.

All things considered I'd simply recommend you to drink less. For example, instead of taking shots get a long drink. It will help you break the ice but in the same time you won't get wasted.

PoliteWombat · 2013-12-27T14:35:29+00:00

If your social circle is comprised of other people who only enjoy each other's company when drinking, maybe it's time to move on?

stillcole · 2013-12-27T16:47:50+00:00

I know exactly what you mean . For awhile I was noticing that my entire social scene was revolving around alcohol. Bored? Hang with a friends to drink at a bar or with a 12 pack.

Weekend? Either go to a party or a bar and drink.

After class or work? go to the bar for happy hour.

Date with a girl? Meet up for drinks.

It's really easy these days to find yourself in that situation, especially in your 20s.

You gotta realize though that the fun you are having is NOT coming from the alcohol. The fun you are having comes from merely socializing. Alcohol just happens to be getting consumed so from a such young age you are making a strong association between drinking and fun. After that, it seems almost impossible to have the same fun without drinking but it is not impossible.

I will say though, this is how many alcoholics get started so be careful. However, knowing this I haven't stopped completely but just pumped the brakes.

When you go out, make a conscious effort to reduce the amount you drink. Don't shotgun that beer with your friends before going to the bar. Slow down your rate of drinking, drink only one or two beers an hour instead of 3-4.

Hell, if I feel like I am teetering on black out drunk, I will fill up my beer bottle with water and sip on that. No one can tell and hell, it satisfies the urge to drink.

AVOID SHOTS. This was easy to do for me. Hell they are expensive and get you blacked out in no time. Yeah they are fun to take with everybody but fuck they are expensive which leads me to my next point.

Once you start drinking less you will notice that your weekends and social life will be significantly less expensive. I used to rack up 50-60 dollar bar tabs every night on the weekends, but woulden't spend 10 on dinner during the week. Didn't really make sense now that I think about it.

Now I am older and drink less. I enjoy going out and actually having good conversations with people and remembering what was said. I remember people I met and their names and don't feel like crap in the mornings(well usually). Having a whole Saturday or Sunday to go out and get sht done or exercise is as fun as having a fun night out.

TL:DR You don't actually need to be drunk to have fun. Get in the habit of slowing down. Good luck sir

awareness1111 · 2013-12-27T17:22:25+00:00

I've got a few years on OP, and I sympathize.

That said, stop drinking. Separate yourself from the pack of idiots you may/may not hang out with. You being sober allows you to be in control, present and capable.

Being drunk just makes you drunk.

It will not get better, only worse. Make a change now.

sluz · 2013-12-27T19:00:09+00:00

One of my old drinking buddies didn't drink.

We went to bars and clubs all the time and sometimes I noticed he wasn't drinking but I figured the rent was due or he was short on cash or whatever but I was totally unaware that he was NEVER drinking until after about two years.

First of all... He never talked about the fact that he didn't drink. He wasn't a Mormon or anything like that. He was a "Straight Edge" punk and liked to go out and party but not drink.

I would buy him a beer sometimes but he had a way of thanking me and happily turning it down by suggesting that one of our other friends needed it more than he did.

He also did a lot of dancing so he didn't want a beverage in his hand all the time. He typically had something to drink in his hand when not dancing but I never paid much attention to what he was drinking or not drinking.

Also - We were always flat broke but he always seemed to have extra cash for things like new clothes, concert tickets, electronics and sporting goods, etc.

I don't drink anymore either. Similar problems as you describe. I decided that it might be more fun and a LOT cheaper to show up and not drink. I was right! It is more fun.

I also work in advertising. This helped me understand how we've all been brainwashed from an early age to think beer makes us more fun, attractive etc, etc. It's all bullshit.

Brainwashing example: When I was about 16; my friends and I got a case of Budweiser. It tasted like shit. It was the nastiest thing I've ever tasted. It was a real struggle to swallow. Not just me but all of us were having a really hard time with it. You could see it on our faces...

But we were so brainwashed with a lifetime of advertising that we all pretended that it was the most refreshing and delicious thing ever. ??? Maybe you remember a similar experience?

It took quite a while for me to get to the point where I could drink nasty beer like Coors and Bud. I spent years pretending that I liked it. I eventually found beer that I do enjoy drinking but still... Why would I fake something like that for so long unless I was somewhat brainwashed by advertising?

I still drink on rare occasions but not when I go out and absolutely never with people at work.

I've found that I just enjoy myself more when I'm not drinking. That's the real reason why I quit.

I also never talk about it. I typically make up an excuse about needing to drive if someone puts me on the spot and I typically have some sort of beverage in my hand already so nobody really notices.

MFLBsniffer · 2013-12-27T13:30:28+00:00

http://www.aa.org

RedErin · 2013-12-27T14:23:27+00:00

It's hard, but you can do it dude. You don't need that stuff.

bkamm1989 · 2013-12-27T15:46:35+00:00

I've been going through a similar situation. Just graduated from Wisconsin, we may be known for our drinking. But now that I'm older I don't want to get wasted. I want to have a fun night. So here's what I've been doing. This is really helpful if you have a friend to do it with. I have my roommate, and I'm sure there is someone in your social circle that wants to continue to have fun with out the massive hangovers. Go out with your social group but rather than having the goal to get wasted replace it with a different goal for the evening. This does not have to be the same goal every evening. Sometimes I have the goal to have as much fun as possible with whomever I'm talking to. Sometimes I like to act really wild/crazy (at the right venue). I will often get asked "wow you must be really wasted," to which I replay "nope just like to have fun." I always have the goal to make solid eye contact and to smile at as many people as I can. Here's the big goal, meet as many new people as I can.

If you feel awkward without a drink, grab a water. If someone asks you about it tell them you're the DD or better yet tell them you're having a blast with out the booze.

TL;DR replace the goal of getting drunk with other more social goals.

surfinfan21 · 2013-12-27T15:56:45+00:00

/r/stopdrinking has some great resources. I stopped drinking for 6 months last year. Went to a couple AA meetings. I started drinking again but it's totally different. I don't think I have black outed for over a year. My hangovers are not nearly as bad. And I don't drink as often. I also recently discovered the word moderation.

Forty_Six_and_Two · 2013-12-27T17:20:48+00:00

Here's how I did it.

I got involved with some nighttime activities that weren't centered around alcohol. Specifically, I started playing poker at people's homes who organized very low stakes tournaments. I met very cool people there who told me about their board game nights. At board game night, I got invited to play in a city basketball league. I'm horrible at basketball, and probably lost my team more than a few games, but at a game I got invited to try skiing at one dude's property. While skiing, I met a guy who had tons of money and no social skills. I am a very outgoing person, and for whatever reason this guy buddied up to me, and 2 weeks later he's flying me to Macau, China to teach him how to play poker.

TL;DR: You just put yourself out there, and certain people will gravitate toward you. Alcohol is a great catalyst while we're young, but I feel that we need it less and less as we become older and more interesting.

ace_trees · 2013-12-28T01:06:41+00:00

I was in the same position as you about half a year ago and honestly was starting to think I was an alcoholic. It was my Junior year in college and I would drink literally every single night with maybe one day off simply because I was way to hungover to do anything. What I found out was it was my friend group that needed to change, not me. And you sound the same way. You wan't to stop. You no longer have fun drinking alcohol, you black out every time you drink, you feel like you can't do anything fun without drinking. You know that the best thing for you would be to stop abusing alcohol but you are afraid that if/when you stop, things won't be as fun, you won't be as social, and things will get awkward.

If your friend circle is based on drinking, and your social activities revolve around drinking, it is time to change how you hang out with those people. If you want to stop, it will be impossible with your friends surrounding you pressuring you to drink. I mean, you used to be a tank, you used to be so fun while drinking, you used to have fun while drinking. This is your image to your friends and if you try to change, they will hassle you about it when you try to stop.

If your friend group is like mine, they drink to distract themselves from the stress of day to day life. Drinking makes everything feel fine, it makes you social, it makes you fun. But during my junior year, I started to realize how fucking retarded everybody acted when drunk. And I realized, I was one of those people. I was the person that would stand in the middle of the street dancing in front of cars; I was the person that would try to instigate random fights; I was the douchebag who thought girls should worship me and acted accordingly. When drunk, it seemed okay. When sober, I would shake my head at those people and sigh thinking, 'what is wrong with our society'. Every time I would go out drinking, everything would be the same - I would be fun, aggressive, outgoing, and alpha as fuck, on the outside - and yet on the inside, I was feeling disappointed, unfulfilled, and empty. Drinking wasn't fun anymore.

Back to changing your social circle. Now, I understand that you like your friends. And I don't mean completely abandon them. What I did was hang out with each one of them individually during the day. And I would never invite them to my place or go over to their place because I knew that that would end up with us drinking. I would invite them to get coffee or lunch. Sometimes, they would ask me why I didn't want to just hangout instead and drink and I would say that I only have an hour our two free because I had to 'work' or 'meet-up with other people'. They are your friends, they still wan't to see you. But this enabled me to shift from being that 'kid that always got drunk' to 'that kid that has a life and is always busy so he can only get coffee'. They can't judge you for needing to do shit. And you also felt better about your day to day life. If you have a large social circle, you can meet one friend for coffee in the morning, another for lunch, another for dinner, another to study, another to watch a movie, etc. All of a sudden, you feel more social than you were before - not less.

Slowly, as things began to shift, I started hanging out with my entire group of friends at their place like I used to, but I didn't drink. Or if I did, it was only a couple shots/beers. They would laugh and reminisce about when I used to drink hard, and it was all fun and games. They still got super trashed, and I didn't. If they pressured me, I said I had to work in the morning or had to get things done the next day.

And believe it or not, if you truly don't have as much fun drinking now, you will feel damn good about yourself when you go out and don't drink as much (or at all). You will learn to value the upper hand that sobriety gives you in the party scene. You will see all the bros that get super trashed and pass out on the couch and laugh. You will see attractive guys hooking up with fugly girls because they are super drunk and shake your head. The way you socialize and will be on point, your memories will be crisp and clear, you will be able to talk and get your point across much better, your game will be less sloppy. You will start to realize that you can have fun while not drinking, even when at social events and parties.

It takes some willpower to change, but believe me, it is worth it. I am so much happier now, still have all the same friends (and have made new ones), am able to enjoy doing social activities that don't involve drinking, and am even able to attend parties and bars while controlling my alcohol consumption. It feels great. If I can do it, you can do it. The first step is realizing your problem and admitting to yourself that you need to change. That is the hardest part, and you have already done it.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Ventura · 2013-12-27T16:51:47+00:00

In the same boat, but I also go and do clubs too, motorcycles, archery, T'ai chi etc.

You don't need to have just one social circle. I have 2 or 3 outside of my main group of friends.

Migitmafia · 2013-12-27T17:37:37+00:00

I was the same way. When I started to get tired of it, I also felt like I didn't know how to have fun. Finally there was a night where I was the sober driver. The whole time we were at this party I was sober, and damn.. it was embarrassing to watch my friends act like total idiots. It finally came to me that I was acting just as embarrassing, so I stopped GETTING DRUNK at parties. Once you learn to casually drink a beer or two things will get better. Hang in there buddy :)

mccannatron · 2013-12-27T18:02:07+00:00

Drink coca cola when you are at a party. Seriously.

That way it looks like you are drinking a rum and coke but really you are sober the whole time.

Works for me and I found much of the anxiety is just needing to drink something when people are around me at a party, not necessarily drinking alcohol.

isisishtar · 2013-12-27T19:53:11+00:00

Old habits change when replaced by new ones. Decide what you want your new life to look like, then build habits that support it.

Example: you're sour on drinking because it wrecks your life and makes you feel like crap. Tired of that noise, you decide you want a life where you feel better. Replace the urge to grab a drink with walking or running (or whatever you want in your life). Repeat that process until the whole drinking thing is weeks, months and years ago.

Key thing is to REPLACE the habit, then to make the new habit stronger than the old one. It takes time and effort, but that's how it's done.

EmptyWake · 2013-12-29T04:41:51+00:00

This is my life...

thelittletramp · 2013-12-27T15:17:03+00:00

Bring a soda with you to the party.

nuferasgurd · 2013-12-27T16:24:12+00:00

This isn't a seduction problem. This sounds like an alcohol addiction. I would advise talking to someone who deals with this professionally

trowavo · 2013-12-27T14:33:24+00:00

hate to tell you this op but you might need to change your environment. cause now that it's habit, it's like fighting an up hill battle. best way is to find new activities or friends. it's gona be pretty hard to change, im not gona lie. but you can do it if you want it bad enough and willing to put in the work.

joshsway · 2013-12-27T14:44:58+00:00

Why is it not possible to drink in moderation?

Twisted_Jesus · 2013-12-27T15:57:39+00:00

Dude you might be an alcoholic, I would think about getting some help. Then again you are 20 years old it could very well be a maturity think. People around that age typically love to get fucked up. Put some effort into cutting back and if you find that you just can't over the next year or so, then get help.

redonrust · 2013-12-27T16:04:13+00:00

I would say number one thing is to work on some interests and activities that don't involve drinking. Don't spend as much time in situations where you would be tempted to drink. Throw in some counseling if you need help getting there.

AliceA · 2013-12-27T16:20:12+00:00

I went through this. What I did was I quit. I left ALL my social life behind and sat at home wondering what do people who don't drink do? It was difficult BUT I had put myself through such pain coming to the decision that I NEVER relapsed and it has been many years and some real life trials where you'd think I'd go back to it but no, I never thought of it!

Many people need different things but I just berated myself and hated it so much that when I walked away I was able to give up everything. Slowly I pieced a life back together but I stay away from alcohol..it is not my friend.

Good luck in whatever way you do this.

vinniedamac · 2013-12-27T16:37:57+00:00

I'm the opposite, I hate drinking and feel like I miss a lot of social opportunities because I don't drink.

jdepps113 · 2013-12-27T16:51:53+00:00

If you black out all the time, you already have a serious drinking problem. I say it's time to stop drinking. Go hang out anyway; or don't, if you can't. But just don't drink at all for a period of time, just to be able to do so.

Go back to drinking moderately after you have proven you can go without any alcohol for an extended period of time. I'd set a bar of six months with no alcohol and then you're allowed to go back and drink socially.

Nobody said it's easy, but it's really simple. You just decide to do it, then you do it. The trick is to have the will and if you feel like you're going to break down and drink, it's time to leave.

Good luck; you need it. If you don't pull back from where you are now, you're looking at a lifetime of alcoholism. Seriously, to be blacking out whenever you drink at age 20 is just a really, really big issue that you should not overlook for another minute.

fenexj · 2013-12-27T16:52:42+00:00

Drink glasses of water between each alcoholic beverage. That or quit drinking, quitting will improve your life more it sounds like.

SupaZT · 2013-12-27T16:57:19+00:00

I have no social life. Live and let learn

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-12-27T18:30:03+00:00

"If not now, when?" Eckhart Tolle. I've been sober for a few months now for those same reasons. If you want to quit, you just quit. Everything else will sort itself out as it comes along in the now.

navillus12 · 2013-12-27T18:56:15+00:00

It seems like you have an addiction to alcohol, as I did. This is obvious given your claim that "I don't even know how to have fun without drinking, I feel uncomfortable unless I drink. I can't enjoy myself at a party unless I'm drinking". Even though your addiction MAY not be a physical one, it is most definitely a psychological dependence. You need to figure out the roots of your addiction and take care of that. I had both a psychological and physical addiction to alcohol. Due to the physical addiction, I had to go to rehab so I could detox in a safe environment (alcohol withdrawal is one of, if not the, most dangerous withdrawals you can have). Psychologically, I was dependent of alcohol because I was using it as a crutch for my social anxiety. I feel it may be the same case for you based on your post. Recently, I have been able to start drinking at a social level. This means having 2 glasses of wine, (maybe 4 depending on the night) and I have more fun than before and have much more control over my actions; ultimately resulting in higher seduction success rates ;) You need to take a brake from drinking. Learn to love yourself for who you are and you'll gain an immense amount of confidence (even more than when you drank). You'll be capable of attracting higher quality women and improve your overall quality of life. It's no easy task at all, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It is well worth it, my friend!

palmettome · 2013-12-27T23:31:54+00:00

some friends I had to cut out completely because I just didn't enjoy their company and they weren't interested in any other form of entertainment. But I did end up making great friends that i can easily suggest hiking, getting outside and taking trips to new cities. If they aren't interested in your other invitations or suggestions it may be time to meet new people. Good luck!

tzamora · 2013-12-28T02:21:39+00:00

Mi friend what you have is an adiction.your brain since 16 has learned that the only way to rock a party is beign drunk. I know exactly the solution to remove any adiction in life: another adiction.

Search for real good quality adictions, not junkie drugs, but heathy adictions, like playing a sport or beign great in something and that the people tell you that you are great. Fuck even being in love is just as adictive as heroine.

In other topic i dont know what you drink but the dark rums have zero hangovers effect in me. Maybe that could help.

If everything else fails just remember: the only nice drug in this life is weed. After that lsd is not dangerous but you are exposed to be hit by a car or throw yourself to a roof cause you dont have any idea of what are you doing. Forget any other kind of drug ... Keep destroying your liver while young but forget drugs that destroy your life.

Not_A_Player_Nope · 2013-12-28T05:29:49+00:00

I had a similar situation. My solution was just to stop drinking entirely, but keep going out with people. I thought at first that everybody would be judging me if I didn't have a beer in my hand, but it turned out that nobody really cared that much. When people did ask me why I wasn't doing it, I just told them, "It's an experiment," or "I decided to try something new." That was usually enough.

If your social circle is extremely big on drinking pressure, it can be kind of a difficult thing to do, though, I'm sure. I've definitely known people that make drinking out to be the best thing to happen since sliced bread. But honestly, those people come of as kind of an ass if they give you a hard time.

Or you can try being the DD. It's social proof, and it makes your friends think you're awesome. You definitely get invited to tons of stuff that way, even though you're not drinking.

gaelicdarkwater · 2013-12-28T10:11:20+00:00

First you need to find something you enjoy that doesn't involve alcohol. Join a group and make new friends. As you grow older most of your older friends will cut back on the drinking as well. It just gets old. Try getting some of them interested and involved in activities that don't mix well with booze. Take rock climbing. Rock climbing sober is a lot of fun, especially in a group. Rock climbing drunk, not as much. Someone is going to get hurt.

2013-12-28T14:29:33+00:00

Do something with your life so that you can't drink because of it.

A job where you start at 9am? Can't drink the night before.

Lift weights. Drinking kills your progress, so another incentive to kick it.

Start saving for something, so you have reasons not to piss all your money away.

Have hobbies. Not all are filled with binge drinkers, some might have social gatherings/meetups.

IceCream_Social · 2013-12-28T15:58:10+00:00

I had a similar scenario except my vice of choice was cannabis. I acknowledge that there are some pretty big differences between smoking and drinking but I think our core problems were really similar. I had a group of friends who I would hang out with all the time, but the majority of our time spent together was spent getting stoned. Yeah we would go to parties and shows and shit but I was high as a kite my first two years in college. I remember showing up to several events entirely too stoned to interact with people and just feeling a loser the next day for not talking to anyone or whatever.

Right around when I turned 20 I decided it was time for some sort of change. I was worried that since all me and my friends would do together was get stoned that I'd lose them, but lo and behold a lot of the people in my friend group had the same kind of epiphany as I did.

My advice is start trying to drink less and control yourself. Say no to that round of jagerbombs and opt to stop drinking at 2-3 beers or whatever your tipping point is (I find once I have four drinks my ability to restrain my drinking is pretty much gone so I try not to even make it that far).

You'll probably start to notice a few of your friends are getting tired of drinking too. I promise you won't be the only person in your social circle trying to cut back on the booze.

2013-12-27T18:02:13+00:00

Ditch your friends and find new ones that makes you feel good.

SamGill · 2013-12-27T23:49:14+00:00

i never started. alcohol has very few benefits, and all of those are "fake". just tee-total that's really the only way. it will be a constant battle forever and there are no easy solutions.

asad16 · 2013-12-27T17:27:35+00:00

Change your environment. It's the only solution.

sharkfest473 · 2013-12-27T20:13:32+00:00

Doesn't sound like you are mature enough to be drinking. There's a reason you should be at least 21.

Title	Social life based completely on drinking. How to quit?
Author	nesvarbu
Upvotes	97
Comments	97
Date	December 27, 2013 12:24 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1tsxih/social_life_based_completely_on_drinking_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/social-life-based-completely-on-drinking-how-to.1363604 https://theredarchive.com/post/1363604

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