I can't cold approach. I hate it, and sarging for hours just brings my depression to the surface. Seddit, what are some tips for building a big social circle and mastering social circle game?

PUAgrey · 2016-02-28T15:57:42+00:00

Listen to these talks by David Wygant. Helped me out loads

http://www.mediafire.com/?aperi484rb1f56b http://www.mediafire.com/?qju9iwmqkawc6cr

apollo_ape · 2016-02-28T17:28:23+00:00

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JulioNor · 2016-02-28T18:09:59+00:00

Take a bootcamp, or pay somebody who will push you into approaches.

It's like overthinking to jump into the cold water. You can't solve a problem on the same level where it appeared. So you can think about inner game as much as you want, but as long as you don't approach (even by going out 5 years there must be just some girls who found you natural attractive) there aren't a lot of things which will help you. Not approaching -> more long term fear -> more inner game issues -> more fear of approaching ->... Everytime you give yourself the short relief to not approach your longterm fear wins. It's like people who fell of the horse or had a car accident, the longer you wait the more fear will builds up. Also our brain has a natural tendency to believe things are harder if we procrastinate on those things, otherwise we would simply do it, isn't it? Even tho it is really easy.

Like a child who falls down, won't say "well,... Walking ain't for me" don't worry about any result.

My advice on this point: - take a bootcamp with a coach you resonate with and pushes you - focus on your action and babystep: ask for the time / direction, really start small. - try out meditation to be more calm. Vipassana would be killer, but this thing is hard. - DONT BE HARD ON YOURSELF. This just burns your energy and you will be even more depressed when you don't take action. Wha you do right now is the best you can do. so accept it. If you didn't approach, don't worry it was the best you can do. angels only walk on clouds because they take themselves so lightly.
- other babysteps: just walk down the street and send mentally other girls compiments why you like them, this will give you another charisma especially when you one day interact with them. + just compliment a girl and go on walking, WITHOUT needing anything from her and just giving.

i'm not sure how deep your inner issues are, but because I don't know you: therapy is a way as all the others mentioned.

I hope you can apply some of those. I started for myself as a hardcase back than, took me 3 months to even approach one girl.

ZZPiranhaZZ · 2016-02-28T17:04:30+00:00

If you cant do cold approach then don't expect to have a large social circle either. Everything goes hand in hand, master your inner game first and then master cold approach. It seems as if you're just accepting your inner game issues as bad - work on it. You cant expect to ignore a fundamental aspect of the whole thing and then expect to get better at it. Keep trying, and figure out what you're not doing right. Also, check out rsdfreetour and rsdtyler on youtube, great videos for inner game.

thabakersman · 2016-02-28T17:37:31+00:00

Compliment! That's the best cold approach for anyone. Everyone loves to hear something positive about themselves.

Gab_the_Great · 2016-02-28T16:05:15+00:00

“If you can't, you must. If you must, you can.”

You can do cold approach game. Everybody can.

JulioNor · 2016-02-28T18:09:59+00:00

Take a bootcamp, or pay somebody who will push you into approaches.

It's like overthinking to jump into the cold water. You can't solve a problem on the same level where it appeared. So you can think about inner game as much as you want, but as long as you don't approach (even by going out 5 years there must be just some girls who found you natural attractive) there aren't a lot of things which will help you. Not approaching -> more long term fear -> more inner game issues -> more fear of approaching ->... Everytime you give yourself the short relief to not approach your longterm fear wins. It's like people who fell of the horse or had a car accident, the longer you wait the more fear will builds up. Also our brain has a natural tendency to believe things are harder if we procrastinate on those things, otherwise we would simply do it, isn't it? Even tho it is really easy.

Like a child who falls down, won't say "well,... Walking ain't for me" don't worry about any result.

My advice on this point: - take a bootcamp with a coach you resonate with and pushes you - focus on your action and babystep: ask for the time / direction, really start small. - try out meditation to be more calm. Vipassana would be killer, but this thing is hard. - DONT BE HARD ON YOURSELF. This just burns your energy and you will be even more depressed when you don't take action. Wha you do right now is the best you can do. so accept it. If you didn't approach, don't worry it was the best you can do. angels only walk on clouds because they take themselves so lightly.
- other babysteps: just walk down the street and send mentally other girls compiments why you like them, this will give you another charisma especially when you one day interact with them. + just compliment a girl and go on walking, WITHOUT needing anything from her and just giving.

i'm not sure how deep your inner issues are, but because I don't know you: therapy is a way as all the others mentioned.

I hope you can apply some of those. I started for myself as a hardcase back than, took me 3 months to even approach one girl.

kynka · 2016-03-03T04:44:50+00:00

For me backpacking the world was the anwser, then im going to start uni soon and since i am in such a good emotional state now im sure ill make a good social circle, maybe you can do something similar, it is really social living at hostles and you meet a lot of people. Also books like how to win friends and influense people is a good read and will make you very likable.

CanIHaveSomeGum · 2016-02-28T18:00:35+00:00

Sounds like you need to work on self-esteem first.

DaygameCoach · 2016-02-28T18:01:04+00:00

Generally you would cold approach to build your social circle. :) That is actually how DC's largest event (it puts on mostly dating events) company started -- the president built his list opening in bars. Club promoters do that at well.

You can try internet game. Or Speeddating and other social events (maybe meetup?).

But really, you probably need to deal with your hate, depression, and inner game issues since they may get in your way even in social game.

iamthesage · 2016-02-28T18:29:30+00:00

Your brain believes in proof rather than promises. The reason you are feeling this way is because you haven't got positive references. The more you do cold approaches, the more success experiences you will get. So the short answer is to keep doing more of it. Don't stop.
Lower your expectations. Maybe you are aiming for a date or number for each child approach. Be happy with small wins. Celebrate each thing. Even just saying hi to a girl. Slowly build on that. Eventually you will reach a point where you will get the numbers and dates.
It's a numbers game. Trust me it is. Guys spend hours swiping on tinder and messaging girls endlessly to get dates on tinder. So they are OK with the numbers game on tinder, but they are not OK with numbers game in real life. That's fucked up, right? So keep approaching more.

You will get better. Don't fucking quit..

txroller · 2016-02-28T18:29:32+00:00

heh I always sucked at cold approach. Dating sites were way easier for me.

locotx · 2016-02-28T19:07:29+00:00

Not giving a fuck . . .serious . . I know this sounds crazy but why should you care about what anyone thinks of you until you know they are worth of you caring about them? Cold approach is just a game where if it works cool, if not cool.

Conspera · 2016-02-28T19:40:15+00:00

Find your sticking points and work on those. For example, one of my biggest sticking points is my voice. It's hard for me to project my voice in a loud environment and it can be faint even in a quiet atmosphere. My body language also is not the best due to bad posture from youth, but I have tried to avoid putting my hands in my pockets and crossing my arms, and I generally appear more confident. Smile when you go out -- that way, even if you aren't having fun at least you appear like you are and more than likely your body language will feed into your emotions and make you feel happy and like you are having fun.

fromdario · 2016-02-28T20:04:37+00:00

Have you tried self hypnosis? Ie guided meditation? It's worked wonders for a few people I know.

frescosplash · 2016-02-28T20:49:11+00:00

what you're saying is "i'm not ever going to get laid in the capacity that I want to and I've accepted that fact. What are some easier ways to get laid to a lesser extent that won't be so scary?"

If you have depression or no inner game then you'll never be a fun guy. I suggest meditation and self help books and don't stop cold approaching.

Edit I saw that you do meditate but if you're still having this issue then you're not doing it correctly. Pick up "the power of now" by eckhart tolle and start there

DirkDieGurke · 2016-02-28T21:38:19+00:00

You're probably trying to hard and putting too much pressure on yourself. It gives off a sense of neediness. Work on the things that make you feel better as a person. If it means working out, getting new clothes, learning new skills, whatever. Once you feel worthy, women will feel you are worthy. Like somebody said, get to the point where you don't give a fuck. It works wonders.

omnomberries · 2016-02-28T23:11:12+00:00

Do activities in public, find community events, join Meetups, just be around people as much as you can.

delux_bg · 2016-02-28T23:50:17+00:00

Depression can be a real bitch and you should start treating that first, instead of jumping straight away into conversations with strangers. Baby steps.

A book that may help you about your overall fear is "The Flinch", just google it, its free.

Hayden9955 · 2016-02-29T02:40:12+00:00

Get that shit out of your head. Go to a social activity (church, yoga class, sport league, etc) every night of the week. Talk to everyone, smile, don't gossip, try to get everyone's number, be positive and invite them to do stuff. You'll end up getting rejected a ton, but that's just how it goes. It's all about numbers. The more you put yourself out there, the closer you get to your goal.

CalmTiger · 2016-02-29T07:52:24+00:00

If you can't cold approach then you can't make new friends. They are the same thing, except that we usually apply cold approaches to the opposite gender.

Wolfwoodd · 2016-02-29T16:21:05+00:00

Learn to social dance: swing, blues, salsa, whatever. Dancers love dancers and there is no quicker way to develop a large social circle and busy social calender. You will also meet a lot of physically fit women along the way.

CrushHazard · 2016-02-29T18:17:03+00:00

First off, congrats on choosing what I and many others consider the best path.

Don't worry about necessarily being a fun guy. Just start making male friends and talking to them about whatever. Gravitate towards the guys that seem to have a more fluid social life rather than a fixed small group of friends. Watch and learn. You will eventually get it.

The5er2 · 2016-02-29T18:56:55+00:00

Generally it goes social hobbies then friends then women.

Basically you have to be popular in several places. Mayeb they are meetups, work out classes, or even a bar.

Becoming a popular guy is usually not to hard. It is usually hard at first but if your group/place is something that you genuinely love and enjoy. The enjoyment of that activity place will help you stay conisistent, along with a good number of friends.

As far as making friends you kinda need to make cold approaches. Its best to do this on the first day at least with the organizer, bartender, or whatevs... Its best if you can come with another person the first time, especially if that someone is a girl.

In general with people it is better to be memorable then nice. So don;t be afraid to be weird or inappropriate. Don't be clingy or talk about too many negative things in your life. Take a genuine interest in people and if it is something like working out or other fitness type of activity like running, take an interest in their goals.

slapchop_wookie · 2016-03-01T07:21:06+00:00

Hey man, I would be your wing if you are in Vancouver :)

BlazeXIII · 2016-03-01T17:33:10+00:00

Baby steps for you. There are Co-ed sports teams. Even with the regular sports teams, some of these teams have house parties where there are mixed groups guys and girls at the venue. Martial arts, being consistent and intentional with really being a part of that craft. Become a practicing member. It could even be at a fitness club/gym. Intentional, and Consistent. It will take time but people will begin to recognize you, and you will recognize the regulars. From there you can break the ice, and introduce by for example, being humble and asking them for advice on what to eat, or what exercises have helped them out. Take it from there. Take care of your F-Quintrinity: (Healthy) Food, Fitness, Finances, Family, & Friends. Read personal development books, by Darren Hardy, John C Maxwell, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Jack Canfield. Fun guy, learn to dance Salsa, and Bachata, take an improv class at Second City. Be patient, it will take time. 1. Join a physical activity membership. 2. Take care of your F-Quintrinity. 3. Read personal development books. 4. Learn Salsa, & Bachata at a dance studio. 5. Take improv. Go do it!

Redditor243 · 2016-03-02T01:05:26+00:00

I feel the SAME way bro. Cold approach isn't for everyone. At my campus I observe which guys know the hottest girls then ask them to introduce me to them.

Spilledmychips · 2016-02-28T18:35:33+00:00

Make a lot of money

-oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo- · 2016-02-28T16:29:23+00:00

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-oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo- · 2016-02-28T17:13:09+00:00

Work on your depression. How can you expect other people to love you if you don't love yourself?

The relationship you have with you is the most important relationship you will ever have.

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